The Life of Bon: September 2011

Friday, September 30, 2011

All in a day's commute

I live in the heart of Provo.  I work in the heart of West Jordan.  The difference between the two is a matter of 50 minutes.  I don't exactly love the drive, especially in the morning, when I have to leave my house at 6:10 a.m. to be at school on time.  Hubs is always still warm in bed, snuggled up in my down comforter, and I look at him and sigh, "Oh to be 23 again and not have class until 10".

And then I kiss him goodbye and walk out the door and begin my commute.

People often ask me what I do during my almost-an-hour commute.  The question verbatim actually is "Oh my gosh.  How do you do that every day?" 

Well, if you must know, I shall tell you... this was my commute today... a very typical drive.

6:21  Enter the car.  I am 11 minutes late.  That means I will have to drive extra fast today.
6:22  Switch the radio to 97.1 ZHT.  I am quite entertained by this morning talk show.  Dare I say that I even look forward to it each day? Today they are talking about the rumor that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are getting a divorce.  This makes me sad because I think divorce for anyone is awful, even if they are filthy millionaires.
6:23  I hit my first red light.
6:23  I run my first red light.  (Hey if it's pitch dark and there's not a soul in sight and you're the only one sitting at a light, I say go for it!  No one's getting any younger around here.)
6:24  I hit my second red light.
6:24  I run my second red light.
6:26 I hit my third red light.  This one's at a busy intersection, so no running it.  I pour my instant breakfast into the milk and mix it up while waiting at the light. 
6:27  I look for my cell phone to answer a text from last night.
6:29  I get on the freeway.  It's busy for this early, and a diesel is right where I'm trying to merge on.
6:32  I change the radio station because it's commericals now.  I switch to 1050 am.  They play oldies music, and I like it because it reminds me of the music I used to listen to while driving with my dad.  They are playing the song "Knock Three Times."
6:40  Back to 97.1.  They are announcing a big Halloween party they are throwing.  Hmmm.  Maybe I'll talk Hubs into making an appearance with me.
6:41  My current favorite song comes on, the one that has the line "I might have a little bit too much to drink tonight.  And I might take you home and make you feel alright."  Not that I regularly engage in drinking and picking up random people at clubs, as the song suggests.  Only occasionally.
6:43  I notice the man in the car next to me is talking on his cell phone, and I wonder who in the world he could be talking to at this hour.  I also notice it doesn't look like he showered or got dressed this morning.
6:45  Commercials on every radio station so I listen to my book on CD for a few minutes.  It's a biography on Shakespeare.  So I'm a nerd.  So sue me.  The CD is talking about how The Globe Theatre used to do bear baiting where they would put a bear up against a bunch of dogs and see who died first.  Apparently the ultimate form of entertainment was putting a chimpanzee on a horse and make them go against the dogs- the chimpanzee hanging on for dear life on the bucking horse while the dogs attacked them was all the rage. People in the 1500s- they disgust me.
6:49  I exit the freeway and get onto Bangerter heading westbound.
6:50  I hit the red light right off of Bangerter.  I start putting on my make up.  (Please.  There is no way in H-word that I am going to get up ten minutes earlier every day to put my makeup on at home when the car works just as nice!)  Foundation is on before the light turns green.
6:52  I check to see if the commercials are over.  They are.  97.1 is talking about the X factor with Simon Cowell.  Apparently, they haven't gotten as good of ratings as they had hoped from the show.  I could have told you that.  Simon's mean. 
6:54  The minivan in front of me is going crazy.  He is switching lanes every thirty seconds, but not speeding up to get around anyone.  Just switching, confusing the heck out of anyone behind him.
6:56  Next stop light.  I manage bronzer and blush.
6:59  I finish my instant breakfast.
7:03  An unexpected phone call from my mom.  She has just woken up and wanted to catch me before I started teaching.  She is wondering about getting tickets for Hubs' play, Othello.  I give her needed information and we arrange a time we can go together.  I like talking to my mom in the morning.  Makes me feel like I'm still just a kid headed off to school. 
7:05  Red light.  Eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss.  (It's an extra long red light, you know how it is waiting for an arrow.)
7:06  The sun is starting to come up and it's finally getting a little light.  Driving in the light is uber-million times better than driving in the dark.
7:08  97.1 is playing back some of the audio from the court case that is going on right now against Michael Jackson's doctor.  I don't know how they got audio of Michael when he was all drugged up, but he sounds stoned.  (This radio station should be paying me to advertise for them!) *ahem, ZHT, take note please*
7:09  I roll into CHHS parking lot, nine minutes late.  Not good, but definitely not the latest I've ever shown up for work.  I pull up alongside Mrs. Smith, who is just getting out of her car.  We always arrive at the exact same time.  I suspect she might be stalking me. 

And that, my friends, is exactly how I do it every day!

Go ahead and give me around of applause if you want.

If Hubs had any idea I drove like this he would kill me.  Lucky for me, he never reads this blog.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

So sorry, Mr. President

My junior classes have been reading the book Tuesdays with Morrie, a story of a man who finds out he is dying.  Before we started the book I had the students get together in groups and write on a poster everything they would do if they knew they were going to die in the next six months.  Some students were serious about the assignment (spend time with friends and family, say sorry to anyone I may have offended, etc.) while others were not-so-serious (steal a car and drive all across America picking up hitch-hikers, act in a movie with Leonardo Dicaprio, eat an In-n-out hamburger every day for lunch).  The posters looked good enough, I skimmed over them and said to my student aide, "Aide!  Tape these posters in the hall so everyone can see how hard we've been a-working in here!" 

And that was that.

Yesterday I was sitting at my desk in between classes.  You know, just dinking around, surfing the net while the little ruffians wandered their way into my classroom.  "Teacher, may I have a word with you in the hallway?"  The sterness of the voice made me jump.  It was the Vice Principal of the school.  In my classroom.  Watching me scroll around on Etsy.

I obediently followed VP out into the hallway.  I could quickly tell that the situation was one of utmost gravity.
"Teacher.  I have to talk to you about something quite serious."
"We can not have anybody making any death threats to the president at this school.  It is strictly prohibited."
"Ok..."  I thought quickly to the last time time I threatened to kill Obama.  Nothing came to mind.
"I hope you understand."
"Um... yah, actually... I don't.  I have never threatened Obama.  In fact, I couldn't possibly care less about the guy."
"The school received a report of a death threat.  On these posters in the hallway, the students have indicated that they are planning to kill the president."  VP directed my eyes to a comment written on one of the giant posters hanging in the hall.

It read: "If I found out I was going to die from a terminal disease, I'd shoot the president."
I turned red immediately.  Kids these days.  They'll write anything if you let them. 

"Oh, wow.  I'm sorry.  I didn't notice that."
"It's okay.  Just take it down.  You were reported this morning, so I had to come down myself to investigate, and I found the claims against you to be true."
Whoa whoa whoa.  Now this was starting to sound like some kind of a criminal case.  I was reported?  What does that even mean?  Somebody really thought that I've been down here in this corner of the school, plotting with my students to kill Mr. Prez?
"I'm sorry VP."
"It's okay, Teacher.  You just need to be aware that those threats are inappropriate, and the posters need to be taken down immediately.  This kind of behavior should not be encouraged."  Which surprised me, because I always had thought it was okay to encourage assassination.
"Okay no problem.  I'll take them down right now."
VP started walking away and I stared at the posters in bewliderment, trying to figure out what students had written that, how it had gotten past me, and what teacher cared enough to read the poster and then "report" me.
"Oh and Teacher?"  VP turned around.
"You'll also need to take the poster down with the threat to Justin Beiber."
"Justin Beiber?"
"Yes.  It is not okay for your students to write they are going to slap him across the face."

And with that, VP was gone, marching down the hallways to maintain the perfect order that exists within these four walls.

Once he was out of sight, I studied the posters carefully.  Upon further examination I discovered I had actually been let off easy.  In reality there were three threats to the president, (don't ask me why they all suddenly want to kill the poor man.  You know how it is with16 year olds- one person says something and the whole lot of them jump on the bandwagon.) two threats to Justin Beiber, and one disillsioned student wrote that he planned to "knock up Selena Gomez" before he kicked the bucket.

Welp, looks like I'll be reading my students' work a little more closely from here on out.  Those kids, they'll pull a fast one on you if you're not careful.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A good wife

Lookie, lookie!  I can be a good Mormon wife too!  I can re-decorate and re-paint and be craftsy and cutesty and twirley.

This is our apartment before hand...

and this is our apartment after...

Pretty nifty, eh?  I welcome any comments about the new look.  Unless, of course, you don't like it.  In that case, I would appreciate it if you keep the comments to yourself... 

Most people haven't.  Kept the comments to themselves, I mean.  For example, Hubs' brother walked into our apartment and declared "Good golly, what happened to the walls?" 

Also, Carlos at Wal-mart was not too complimentary about my choice of colors. (**The names of any Wal-mart employee mentioned in my blog have not been changed to protect their identity.  Come on, why would I protect em?**)  

"What do you think about this color for painting my living room walls?" I asked Carlos, even though my mind was already made up and nobody, not even Carlos, could talk me out of retro-seventies-green.  I was just trying to make conversation, really.
"I think you should go with something a little more neutral" he replied in a very thick Mexican accent.  Which surprised me.  I thought Carlos would be more supportive of my choice given that every Mexican house I have ever been has been painted this exact shade of green.
"Yah... you know... like a color that can go with a lot of other colors.  I don't think there is very much that can go with this shade of green."
At this point, I was quite defensive of my choice.  What does a person like Carlos know about a thing like painting?  "Yah, but I like it.  It's bright. Fun. As long as it doesn't give you a headache when you walk into the room."
"I think it would give me a headache when I walked into the room."

Wow!  Wal-mart employees these days, they've sure got a lot of sass!  Between him and Joel you'd think they were trying to teach me some kind of lesson on how to live my life!
"Can you just mix the paint?"  Who asked Carlos anyway?

I went on home and painted with a fury rarely seen this side of the Mississippi.  I wanted those walls to look like a masterpiece, and I wanted to surprise Hubs when he came home from rehearsel.  I enlisted the help of CrazyA, who was mostly surprised at how sloppy I was doing the whole thing.  "Don't you want the walls to look nice?" she questioned.  "Yes," I admitted, "but mostly I want to be done in an hour."  Time, afterall,  is always my number one motivator.

We painted, we painted quickly, we painted sloppily, and we painted passionately. 

One hour later (I stuck to my time limit!) I wasn't too pleased with the results.  It just looked sort of... weird?  This could be due to the fact that we painted as fast as we could.  Another reason, I reluctantly admitted, could be the color choice.  Dang it.  Carlos was right.

Hubs came home and checked it out and said it looked fine and what was for dinner?  I fed him and asked him, "Yah, but what about all the pictures of us on the wall?  Do they look weird?"
"Yah, they do," he replied. 
Well he's not a liar, I guess I gotta give him that much.
"Yah, I need to work on that, but do you like the color of the walls?"
"Yah.  It's cool.  I feel like I live inside an avocado."
Hmmm... not exactly the review I was looking for, but I'll take it!

Let's face it- I'm completely helpless when it comes to decorating/cooking/sewing/taking care of children/anything that has to do with being a good wife or mother. (Ah, I'll never forget good old S. who broke up with me because I didn't like kids enough. Thank goodness I found Hubs!)  I do have a very low tolerance for bad smells, so maybe I'll make up for my wifey-ness ineptitude by becoming the fastest dang diaper changer in the world.  You gotta have a goal, people.
(P.S.  If you read this blog I request that you become a follower.  I'm not exactly sure why.  Or what it does.  It's just that google told me to do it, and I rarely disobey google as I realize they are on their way to world domination.  When google is in charge of this planet, I surely don't want to be on their list of people who once disobeyed them.  The link is on the top right of this page.  You just click the thing that says "follow."   Thanks!  Or,  as my buddy from Wal-mart would say, Gracias!)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Tragedy strikes at Wal-mart

Lately I have become pretty proud of myself for being quite the, dare I say, THRIFTY, shopper?  I get a coupon in one hand, double it because it's Tuesday, price match everything at Wal-mart, and boom, I'm saving $20 to $30 bucks a week on groceries. Yes, ma'am that's me, Extreme Couponing, here I come.  I often excitedly relate my triumphs at the grocery store to Hubs.  He is less interested in coupons than I am, but he tries to humor me. "That's great, hon, I'm glad you got my lunchables, fruit gushers, and Dr. Pepper much cheaper this week than you did last week."  Yes, that is what Hubs eats.

Back to Wal-mart.  I venture over once a week, and try to make it snappy.  No more than an hour.  In and out, thank you very much.  Set the stopwatch, and let's begin.  Some people say their husbands go shopping with them, but in my case it has been a lone journey from day one.  It's Hubs least favorite chore, and I don't trust him with the whole price matching thing anyway, so we're both happy that I go alone every week.  Ice cream, bread, milk, gushers, soda, celery (ok fine I never buy celery), check register and we're out of here.  However, due to my recent obsession with price matching, the cash regiester part of the whole shopping extravaganza has become quite the ordeal.

Yes, I am that woman in line.  The woman who has a different price for everything.  Who insists that the checker rang up something wrong.  The one who takes forever to just pay and get out of there.  I am she. She is me. She and I are one.

Last night, Wal-mart was a-hopping.  I don't know what it is about Wally's on a Monday night in Orem, but I couldn't move that cart anywhere.  I was surrounded by single FHEers, Polynesian groups of women with huge binders full of coupons, (and let me tell you, those women could certainly teach me a thing or two about saving a buck!) screaming babies, (my constant plea to Hubs: "please tell me we don't have to get pregnant yet" to which he sweetly responds "No, Bon, we don't have to have kids until we want to.  Stop stressing."  And I do.  Until my next trip to Wal-mart.) and women with their doting husbands pushing the carts for them.  I was shoving my way through them all, making it quick, grabbing my food, working hard to beat my last week's grocery store time.  (If you make it a race, somehow it all becomes a lot more fun.  That is competitive Bon speaking again)  (And, WHOA, talk about excessive parantheses in this paragraph!  If this were one of my students' papers, I would certainly tell them to cut back! on the dang parantheses!)  I was in line after only having spent 38 minutes in Wal-mart.  Not bad, Bon, not bad.

Unfortunately, due to the surge in population at Wal-mart last night, I waited in line for 17 minutes.  This sometimes happens during your grocery store race, and when it does, you just have to accept that you lost that week, hope for better lines next week, pick out a trashy celebrity magazine from the aisle, and enjoy your 17 minutes of peace to indulge in reading you would never get to enjoy if it weren't for long grocery store lines.  So I did just that.  After a quick 17 minutes, it was my turn at the register.  I organized the groceries so that all the normal priced ones went first (Makes it easier on the grocers you know, I'm looking out for everyone!), I was so proud of myself for how professional I was being about the whole thing. 

Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  "Oh, that one's price matched.  That milk is only $1.75."  Cashier Joel types in new price. Disgruntled customer behind me sighs.  "The Capri Suns are $1.50 each" Joel types in new price.  I can tell the crowd behind me is getting antsy, but I waited patiently, so can they!  Plus, don't they care that I'm saving $20 here? 

"The avocadoes are .88 each" Joel does his thing.  And so forth. And so forth.  Approximately 7 minutes later, we are done. (Not a bad time, FYI)  "$43 dollars is your total" informs Joel. 
"Oh, I've got some coupons."
Joel raises his eyebrows.  "Great."
Beep. Beep. Beep. "Your new total is $38"  I dig around for my wallet thinking all the while, 38+17+7= 62 minutes... a little over an hour spent at Wal-mart.  Disgusting.  Digging around thinking, "Next week I will have to choose a better time to come.  Maybe right after school instead of 8:00 at night," Digging around thinking, "I wonder if Hubs is done with his rehearsel" Digging. Digging. 



And that's when it suddenly became all too clear. 

I'd left my wallet... home.

I could feel my face turning red.  The cheeks were hot.  Burning hot.  And flushed.  I suddenly felt weak.  I needed to sit down.  I looked around.  The people behind me were none too patient.  Joel looked bugged.  Or bored.  Or amused.  It's hard to tell with Wal-mart cashiers these days. 

"You'renevergoingtobelievewhathappenedIleftmywalletathomeIamsoembarrassed" I spewed out all at once, just like that.  
Joel didn't seem too phased. "You can just go get it and come back and pay." 
"But I live fifteen minutes away... it would take me half an hour to get back here to pay for these." 
"Well, what do you want me to do, ma'am?"

And that, I suppose, was the question.  What did I want him to do?  Babies were screaming behind me, impatient mothers were rolling their eyes, Joel wasn't going to let this conversation continue much longer, "I'll put your basket right here and if you come back to get it, it'll be here for the next hour and you can just pay on this register we'll have everything saved."
"Even everything that I price matched?"
"Yes, ma'am, although I don't know that that should be your primary concern right now."
Wow.  Touche, Joel.  And I shuffled out of the store.

These were the thoughts going on in my head at that exact moment at 9:12 last night, leaving Wal-mart, grocery-less, knowing I had to come right back: "Who goes grocery shopping without a wallet?  Are you 70?  You go to a store to  buy something, you take money to buy the thing with.  How do you forget that?  Now you have to drive all the way back.  And you spent 2+ hours in the car a day, and now you just made an extra 30 minutes of driving for yourself.  You're an idiot"

I drove home, grabbed the wallet, (just hanging out on the kitchen table, cool as can be) and hurried back.  32 minutes of driving to get back to Wal-mart. 

Groceries were still there. 

Joel was not.

Instead, David was there.

"Uh, hi David... these are my groceries in this basket here... Joel rang them up for me.  I had to run home to grab my wallet.  But I"m here to pay now.  You know, like a good, honest, society-contributing adult."

David checked around on his register.  Made some phone calls.  Typed a bunch of buttons.  No record of the transaction anywhere.  Which meant.... get back in line. Wait.  The trashy magazines no longer posessed the allure they had earlier in the evening.  Hubs was texting "Where are you?  I'm home."  Nine minutes waiting in line.  Eight minutes to redo the price matching (Oh you better believe after all this hassle I was not about to pay full price for a dang thing.  It's hard being this stubborn sometimes, it really is.)

At this point my ice cream was completely melted.  Coming-out-the-sides-melted.  But even I have a little bit too much pride to ask them for a different carton.  So I just wheeled it away with me and the rest of my precious groceries.  Fifteen minutes driving back to the apartment, and finally, I was home. (38+17+7+32+9+8+15=126 minutes)  Two hours. Six minutes. Grocery shopping.

I collapsed on the couch, demanding Hubs put all the damn groceries away and don't ask. (So sorry, mom, if you ever read this blog. Which I know you don't)  He did it, and did it without saying a word or complaining.  I watched him, ready to pounce when he whined about having melted ice cream, as he pulled out the disgusting, soggy carton.  But he just put it away silently.  And when I was finally ready to admit to him what had happened- that I am an idiot and left my wallet at home, Hubs just laughed and said, "Thanks, Bon.  You're the best for always doing the grocery shopping.  I love you so much."

It almost made me feel better. 


Monday, September 26, 2011


A one act play
Starring: Jake Heaps

Bonnie: Full time English teacher, Mormon, married to Hubs, 25 years old
Hubs: Aspiring actor, full time student, Mormon, married to Bonnie, 23 years old
Bishop: In charge of church proceedings
Jake Heaps: Local college football celebrity. Has come under some heat lately for one of the most embarrassing fumbles in BYU history. (Please see the 20 second clip below for more info…Heaps is #9)

As the curtain opens, a typical Mormon church building is seen. Inside the sacrament hall, the pews are filling up with young couples in suits and dresses, apparently a ward full of newlyweds. On the stand are a man and a woman, looking to be early to mid twenties. The woman, Bonnie, is wearing a purple scoop neck blouse with a black satin skirt and unusually tall, shiny high heels.  Some might argue that they look like shoes for a witch.  The man, Hubs, married to Bonnie, is wearing a suit and tie. He is sporting a moustache, unusual for his generation and age group, yes, but sexy nonetheless. (Yes, Hubs is really sporting a stache!) Both Bonnie and Hubs appear a little nervous, but happy. They both look stunning in their church attire.

Bishop: We will now turn the time over to a new couple who will be speaking on hard work and learning. They have just moved in to the ward, and we are so excited to have them with us. Okay, Bonnie, the time is yours…

Jake Heaps sneaks quietly into the back of the cultural hall and sits down, unnannounced.  He wants to remain unnoticed. Neither Bonnie nor Hubs sees his arrival. They are apparently too focused on their upcoming talks to pay attention to who is coming and going

Bonnie: Thank you, Bish! I am so excited to have this opportunity to speak because unlike most people I really love public speaking (this is totally true. It’s like an adrenanline rush for me to speak in front of a huge group of people)...

Bonnie gives a truly enlightening talk... all listening are spiritually enlightened, emotionally enlightened, mentally enlightened, and yes, even physically enlightened. Upon finishing her talk she sits down, smiles, and feels good about her effort. Hubs stands up and takes his place at the podium.

Hubs: I’m also excited to be here… want to clear some things up that Bon said… yada yada yada… (talks for about ten minutes)… that is why it is important to be learned in all fields. I am a theatre major, but I should still know at least something about football.  Imagine if someone asked me about the BYU/Utah game last week and all I could say is “the football players are so big!” No. I have to be more educated than that. I should know the key words for football. For example, a word I would have needed to know for that game in particular would have been the word fumble.

(There is muffled laughter and groans from the overwhelmingly BYU-student-audience.)

Hubs: No? Still too sensitive? Ok, I guess I’ll have to give it another week before we can all joke about that one, huh?

Hubs resumes his talk, quickly recovering from any offending remarks he may have given. Or so he thinks. Unbeknownst to him, Jake Heaps, still sitting in the back, stands up and quietly leaves the cultural hall, never to return to church.

Curtain closes.

And that, my friends, is a true story.

Isn’t Hubs the greatest?

Friday, September 23, 2011

To nook or not to nook?

Yah, yah, yah, I'm always the last to jump on that stinking techonolgy bandwagon, but so what?  Sometimes I just like things the way they are.  Don't fix something that's not broke.  That's why when the nook and kindle first made their appearance and people were snatching 'em up like hotcakes, I just sat back and relaxed, paperback in hand. No. Thank. You.  An avid reader like myself had no interest in such a gadget.  I love books.  Why would I want my book to suddenly morph into a computer when
I love smelling books,
I love holding books,
I love taking bubble baths with books,
I love browsing through books,
I love writing all over my books,
I love skipping around in books,
I love folding the pages of my books to mark a page I like,
I love borrowing books,
I love falling asleep with books,
I love collecting books,
I love the way books look on a bookshelf,
I love having books in my home,
I love the covers of books?

That's what I've been telling myself for the last three years, anyway.  Lately, though, I am wondering if my decision to faithfully stand by my printed books always and forever is really the best decision.  It all started one day last spring when I came home from work to find a hyped up Hubs.  Today is the day!  I'm buying a nook, Bon!  And you can't stop me!  I've got the money in my bank account and I'm going to Barnes and Noble right now to buy one whether you like it or not!  You can come with me if you want, but that's what I'm doing!  (Hubs often makes decision like this- rashly and with a frenzy of excitement, and half scared that I will not allow him to do so).  So, we trekked on down to B&N and I casually sipped on my Italian cream soda and pretended not to care that Hubs was soon to be the proud owner of the book of all books.  I liked my tangible books and I did not want a nook.

And I didn't change my mind when I saw that Hubs could have any book in the world at his disposal within a few minutes.  And I didn't change my mind when I saw that Hubs could have the complete works of Shakespeare completely free whenever he wanted to tap into it.  And I didn't change my mind when I saw that Hubs had a back light on that dang nook and could read in the dark and didn't have to deal with any lamps or getting up to turn the light off.  And I didn't change my mind when Hubs asked me if I wanted a nook for my birthday and I said no, no, no, I like my books the way they are, thank you very much, and don't ask again!

And I didn't change my mind when we studied abroad and I stuffed my bag full of thick books and lugged the heavy thing all  over Europe while Hubs toted only a his precious little nook.  And I didn't change my mind when my best friend (heretofore known as CrazyA) let me borrow her nook and I realized I could read and surf the web on it.  And I didn't change my mind when I took CrazyA's nook to an oh-so-boring meeting and read oh-so-discreetly through the whole thing.

Okay... I might've changed my mind.  Just a little.

But then there was the time on a train where Hubs couldn't read a thing because his nook ran out of batteries and and so he stared listlessly into the aisle while I enjoyed my book.  So maybe I didn't change my mind. 

It's just that..... I don't know!   I'm stuck.  So so so so stuck.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Just a lil grammar mistake...

Yesterday right before school got out, our principal came on the intercom:

"Attention students!  We have an urgent announcement!
A red backpack has been stoled!
It has very important files in it, and we need it to be returned immediately.
I repeat, A red backpack has been stoled!"

Maybe if he had only said it once, my class and I would have been more forgiving of the error.  But he didn't.  And we weren't. We had a good, hearty laugh and collectively decided that our school was doomed.

But what else can you expect from a boy born and raised in Scipio?

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

My apologies, fall

I've always hated fall.  When I was a little girl my dad would say that it was his favorite season and I would stare back at him in shock.  Crazy old guy.  Doesn't have a clue in the world.  How could his favorite season be fall?  It means winter is coming!  It means school!  It means summer is as far away from us as it possibly can be! 

It's just... let's do I describe my love for summer?  It has always been... Intense.  Passionate.  Overbeating.  Bordering on obsessive.

When other girls scribbled "I love Brad" in their notebooks, I scribbled "I love summer."  And it is due to this fierce loyalty to June, July, and August that I saw anything that followed it as an immediate threat.  Something that was never to be encouraged or enjoyed, rather it was to be loathed and detested.

Summer was swimming and vacations and no school and sun tans and sleeping in and it was everything I loved.  Fall was an end to all of those things and the beginning of school and homework and early mornings and shorter days and cold weather.  Each year with the first changing leaves, I would grieve.  This marks the real end of the summer.  Even the trees know it now.

For three years in a row, I went as far as to skip out on fall completely.  In 2006, I fled to Hawaii for the fall and in both 2007 and 2008 I was in Argentina.  I didn't want to deal with the mourning process of losing summer again.  Instead, I ran away from fall to places of eternal summer and endless sunshine.

This year I realize an apology is in order. So, fall, here it is..... (you better enjoy it, you're only getting this once!)

I'm sorry. 

You see, I know now that I have long underestimated fall.  It is beautiful.  Suddenly I realize that gone are the 100 degree plus days, sitting in front of the fan trying to get cool, with an air conditioner that doesn't come close to doing the trick.  Gone are the sweltering cars.  Gone are the merciless sunburns. Instead the weather is in the low 80s, still warm and pleasant, and yet a far cry from the miserable levels of heat inflicted upon me in the summer.

Gone is the crazy panic of summer, the chaos, the urgency.  Fall has settled in as a much more simple, relaxed season.  Comfortable with itself.  Summer is insecure and has this constant need to please everyone, whereas fall makes no excuses and says simply "This is it. Enjoy it if you want."  If the seasons were entertrainers, summer would be up there, center stage, juggling, dancing, singing, trying with all her might to get your undivided attention.  While fall would be in the background just playing a pretty song on the piano, not really caring if you notice or not.

This September has been a sweet, dare I say, sublime, month.  I don't think there's been even an hour of bad weather, and the days continue to be long and inviting.  I can wear short sleeves or long sleeves, pants or a skirt, fall doesn't care.  He invites all of my clothes.  Fall is summer without it's edge.  Without it's harshness.  Without it's demandingness. 

I've missed out on the beauty of 25 falls because I was too distracted grieving the passing of summer.  I'll always love summer and its craziness and spontaneity.  But now I love fall just as much.  And maybe more.  Say it's a change of heart.  Say it's a part of growing up.  But from here on out I'm a-welcoming fall with open arms.

(But to winter I say, my feelings haven't changed a bit, and I will always hate you.)

Hubs and me on our fall getaway to St. George

A fall evening drive to Wal-mart for groceries yielded this beauty.  Not bad, fall, not bad.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I love

Tuesday happens to be my least favorite day of the week.  So to pick me up and remind me why my life is awesome, I have compiled the following lists of loves...

I couldn't resist putting these happy little kids on the post.  If they don't make you smile, you don't have a heart.

1.  Getting on the freeway, stepping on the gas, feeling the car accelerate beneath me and hearing it go VROOM.

2.  Trashy reality TV shows: Lamar and Khloe, America's next top model, 16 & Pregnant, The Bachelor, Sister Wives, I love them all! (With the exception of Jersey Shore... that one doesn't do it for me.)

3.  Reading.

4.  When it's raining so hard I can hear it coming down on the roof, and I don't have to go anywhere all day so I can just wrap up in a blanket, cuddle with Hubs, and enjoy the bad weather.

5.  Conan O'Brien.  So witty.  So funny.

6.  Overhearing ridiculous conversations in the hallways of CHHS.  Two of the most recent ones:

"I thought Osama Bin Laden and Sadaam Hussein were the same person.
That's why I was way confused last year when they said Bin Laden died.
I was like, "didn't he die like five years ago?"

Girl #1: "I never can remember which comes first, March or April."
Girl #2: "I'm pretty sure it's April."
Girl #1: "Are you sure?  I thought it was March."
Girl #2: "No.  I'm not sure."

7.  Shrimp tacos and diet coke.

8.  Writing.

9.  When I get ready to go out somewhere with Hubs and I come out of the bathroom and Hubs stops and looks at me and says, "Wow.  You look pretty."

10.  My job.

11.  Any dessert with cream cheese on it.

12.  Parties.

13.  Staying up late.

14.  Going to bed knowing I don't have to set an alarm and it makes absolutely no difference when I wake up in the morning.

15.  Hubs' pouty face. He makes the pouty face when he wants something.  He slaps a big frown on his face, scrunches up his forehead, and casts his eyes way way down. He looks just like a sad, they-done-me-wrong little boy and I find it completely irresistible. I made the mistake of telling him how I melt every time he makes the face and now he uses it to his advantage to get whatever he wants from me. If my kids make this face, I'm a gonner.

16.  When the trash is taken out and the dishwasher is unloaded.

17.  Payday

18.  Going on vacations/trips/getaways/ living an unroutined life for a few days.

19.  Winning

20.  Discovering little gems like the one below.  I found it through a blog and am now obsessed with this music video and song.  Just watch it for 30 seconds and if you're not compeltely enamored with it by the end of the 30 seconds you can send me an angry email demanding your time back. 

But you'll love it.  I promise. (Please pay special attention to the dance moves at 2:09 and 3:04... ish... They're amazing.)


Monday, September 19, 2011

I hate

1.  Talking a lot of trash before a big game and then watching in dismay as my team gets obliterated.  (What could I be talking about?  A 54-10 spanking for my Alma mater... more of the horrific details can be seen here )

2.  Three lanes of traffic- three cars going the exact same speed.  No one passes, no one speeds up, no one slows down, they all just stay neck and neck with each other, not allowing anyone else to pass.  (I really hate it when they are three diesels hogging up the lanes.)
3.  Pretzels, walnuts, and spicy food.

4.  Getting unexpected/ undeserved fees from internet companies, cable companies, banks, etc, and then having to haggle on the phone for an hour to get the ten dollar charge taken off.  No, it's not worth an hour of my time to argue with these people, but it is worth my pride.  I won't let people walk all over me and sneakily slide my money out from my bank account while I'm looking away, dang it!

5.  The alarm clock.  Everything about it.  The look of it, the sound of it, everything it represents, the mere fact that it exists.

6.  Having the color dull on a bright, beautiful blouse because I was stupid enough to wash it with my jeans.

7.  Getting too competitive in games and taking all the fun out of it.  For detailed information on how I unfailingly do this, see here.

8.  Not seeing Hubs all week because of crazy rehearsal times and complete opposite schedules- AKA all last week.

9.  Long meetings where information is inefficiently given and the same thing is said over and over in different ways and yet somehow everyone still leaves the meeting confused (kind of like the meeting I am in right now!)

10.  The way my car smells kind of gross all the time due to the large amount of time I spend eating in it, drinking in it, putting makeup on in it, lugging stuff around in it, other doing other daily living activities in it.

11.  Peeking through the cracks in the bathroom stalls to try to find an empty one and making sustained eye contact with someone sitting on the toilet.  Then having to wait in a stall until I am sure they are out of the bathroom so I won't have to see them again.

12.  Seeing a friend or aquaintance and staring them down to get their attention, and when we finally make eye contact I realize it was not the friend or acquaintance I thought it was, but rather, a complete stranger.

13.  Making eye contact with people in cars as I pass them.

14.  Basically.... any accidental eye contact.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Toilet talk

No, this picture is not from the actual incident described below.  I could lose my job for that people!

Copper Hills has not yet been kind enough to provide the teachers with a faculty bathroom on the bottom floor.  Which means when I gotta go in the middle of class, I've got two options: A) Trek across the school and up the stairs to enjoy the privacy of the only faculty bathroom while all hell breaks loose in my unattended classroom or B) slip out when my students don't notice, use the public/student bathroom around the corner, and make it quick. 

In my one year and one month here at CHHS, I have yet to choose option A. 

Today I was once again faced with that choice.  I once again chose option B.  I got the class started on some work, snuck out of the room, and rushed to the bathroom.  Upon entering, I noticed three girls just a-gabbing away, doing their makeup (At this point you may have two questions.  1. Why weren't these girls in class?  2. Why were these girls doing their makeup at noon?  Unfortunately, I do not have the answer to either question.)  I brushed past them, into the stall. 

Oh, but wait. Wait.  These girls weren't just talking, I quickly discovered.  They were talking dirty.  Crazy gross naughty inappropriate talk. 

I was shocked. 

Okay...I was a little shocked. 

Okay... fine... I wasn't shocked at all. 
(I work full time at a high school,  for crying out loud, I expect this kind of behavior out of the students.  Will my mom be disappointed in me if I said I wasn't even phased? )

I was finishing up when suddenly the dirty talk came to a screeching halt, to be replaced with frantic whispers.  I didn't know why.  Nor did I care. I exited the stall, washed my hands, and noticed that the girls were in what appeared to be a chicken frenzy- chucking opened mascara bottles and cheap red lipstick into their backpacks and flapping out of the bathroom. (And if you don't believe that high school girls can flap, believe-you-me, they can!)

At this point, I was done with my bathroom business, so I followed them out.  Apparently, in their complete panic mode, they failed to notice I was right behind them.  This is what I overheard: 

"...... oh my gosh that was a teacher???......... but she's like four feet tall......... thought she was a student..........oh my gosh is she going to report us to the vice principal?............I thought she would never leave, she was in there for like seven minutes!!!...........  so embarrassing........ do you think she even knew what we were talking about though?.............. are you sure it was a teacher?...........If they call my mom I'm screwed......what a perv! she just stayed in there to listen us.........."

(To whom it may concern: my acutal height is 5'4 1/2, I had a whole can of diet coke which is why I was in there for longer than normal, but it wasn't a whole seven minutes, yes, I did know what they were talking about, and no, I am not a perv.)

At this point, I was bored with their worryings about me overhearing the conversation.  Plus, they were walking too slow, and I needed to get back to my classroom, so I passed them. 

Conversation: Abrupt halt
Atmosphere: Extremely awkward
Tension: You could cut it with a knife 

Upon returning to my classroom and finding my class surprisngly well behaved, I sat down to ponder the incident for a moment.  After considerable reflection, I decided that when faced with my bathroom-during-class-choice it might be time to start going with option A- the private faculty bathroom.


I think I'll stick with option B.

I like to keep those high schoolers on their toes, after all.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Tell me how you really feel

I recently graded the students' first writing assignment of the year.  The prompt was to tell me what the purpose of reading and writing is in the world, why it's important, what their past experiences with writing have been, etc.  I got some real gems out of the kids.  Here are a few of my favorites: 

    No, he is not really one of my students.  Yes, I wish he was. 
  • "Language Arts makes me feel many ways. I feel that Language arts is boring, it makes me want to fall asleep, I feel like it’s never going to end."
  • "Writing to me is also like cheerios. They might both be good for you but they both are boring and plain. Both Cheerios and writing are for old people. Writing and cheerios taste the same just like paper and cardboard."
  • "It wasn’t easy coming up with our language. People making things like silent letters; come on who thinks of that?"
  • "When I think about American Literature some things come to mind. Like how the Native Americans got screwed."
  • "I think we should do away with writing altogether."

I got to say, though, I agree with the kid about the silent letters.  Those things are tricky little devils!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

six months, suckers!

Alright, since no one else wished it to us, I'll have to do it myself...

(okay, okay, I admit it, our official six months was two days ago, on Sep. 12.  But I'm hoping that if I post 
today I can fool you all into thinking I didn't miss the real date ...)

Me and Hubs have now been married for six months.  HOLLER HOLLER HOLLER!  That is quite the feat, my friends.  I mean, it's not very many people who can live together for six whole months without either killing each other or getting divorced. People! That's 180 days we're talking about here!  We have truly stood the test of time.

Alright, I admit it, we've got nothing.  Pretty much every married person out there has been married longer than we have.  And knows way more about marriage.  And is way better at it.  And could sure teach us a thing or two.  But still... I'm darn right proud of our six months together. 

So I figured in celebration of our six months together I would write down my six favorite moments of our marriage.  So now... in no particular order... and without further ado...

1.  Moving into our first apartment and discovering the hot water lasted no longer than a minute, we had to move the dishwasher and hook it up with a hose to get it to work, and that the apartment had very very thin walls. (I'll let your imaginations carry you the rest of the way on that one.)

2.  Moving out of our first apartment.

3.  Seeing Hubs at Heathrow airport after ten days spent apart.  It was the longest we'd ever gone without each other.  As soon as I saw him I dropped everything in my hands because I suddenly had butterflies in my tummy.  That's how excited/nervous/pumped/anxious/twitterpated I was to see him.  You really only see this kind of passion in the animal kingdom.

4.  Coming home from work one summer night to find Hubs... without his shirt on.... sweating profusely in an 85 degree apartment... energetically practicing his juggling...  You don't find many like this one!

5.  Chasing/ getting chased by Hubs around the house.  It involves a lot of fake fast running, pretending to catch each other and the escape again, flirting, laughing, and if we're lucky it even includes falling.  Try it some time.  I think you'll like it.

6.  And let's face it, number six is not fit for me to share with all you perverts out there.

I am leaving you now with our wedding video to officially end this six month anniversary celebration.  Hubs' friend, Eric Phillips, did it for us, the little genius.  (Notice I look all tan and blonde in this video.  I no longer look like that.  I am now sporting mousy brown hair and pale white skin.  Also I'm obsessed with doing smaller lettering.  I can't get enough of the effect!)

If the video doesn't turn up on the blog (I've got a sneaky suspicion it won't) you can click here to go to the link on youtube.  

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Take that, United!

I spent a good amount of time this morning writing a "strongly worded" letter to United Airlines.  I'm hoping for $2000 in travel vouchers.  Think I'll get it?

Where be my suitcase in this plethora of luggage???

To the Customer Relations at United Airlines,
I am writing to let you know of some recent frustrations I had while flying Continental/ United Airlines.  On July 26-27, I flew from Chicago to London (Continental flight 6070).  When I arrived at Heathrow, my bag had not arrived with me.  The gentleman working at the baggage claim quickly made some phone calls and determined that my bag was in Chicago where I had had a layover.  He assured me that the bag would arrive later that night or the next day since there are multiple flights that come in from the O’Hare airport each day.  I left him with a contact number and an address, and he gave me a number with which to contact him with any questions.
Up to this point I was patient with the error, as I realized that these things do happen, especially when you are handling what must be thousands of customers a day.  However, what upset me was the treatment that I received from this point on.  To start with, I was offered no kit of toiletries- no complimentary toothbrush or deodorant to tide me over until my bag arrived.  Instead, I was booted out the door, left to spend my own money to buy these things for what was the airline’s mistake.  After spending $1400 on one of your flights, I would think you would make more of an effort to accommodate me after your mistake.
My second frustration was that I was travelling with a large group of students, and we were supposed to be leaving to Paris for five days on July 29.  The bag did not arrive that day, July 27, nor the next day, July 28, as we were told it would.  Countless times I tried calling the number that the gentleman had left me, but I reached an answering machine every time I called, regardless of the time of day.  I called at what seemed to me the most normal business hours (ten o’clock on a Thursday), but to no avail.  I left countless messages with a number to reach me at to please, PLEASE just let me know the status of my bag.  I didn’t even mind so much that the bag still hadn’t arrived as much as the fact that I could not get a hold of a single person to even tell me where the bag was!  The absolute lack of communication was completely aggravating.  What service department never answers their phone, but instead leaves an answering machine to deal with any phone calls that might be unpleasant?!   Instead, the entire group was left debating if we should go on to Paris without the bag or if it was worth it to make the whole group change their travel plans and wait a day in hopes it would arrive the next morning.  I did not feel comfortable leaving for five days without a bag, nor did I want to be left behind alone in an unknown city to wait for a bag while the rest of the group went on.
We tried everything to reach the baggage claim, calling Heathrow directly, looking at United’s website and following the directions to baggage claim, making phone call after phone call to United’s baggage claim.  I spent the majority of my first day on vacation just trying to get someone to talk to me about my bag.  Finally, late that night, after not a single word from United, the group decided to just go on with our plans to leave for Paris the next morning.  We left early in the morning on July 29, and my bag still had not arrived.  By this point, I had been wearing the same underwear and clothes for three days, and despite being on a very strict travelling budget, was forced to spend more money out of pocket to buy a few  things to wear because your airline had not successfully brought my bag to London nor had offered me a stitch of compensation for the hassle.
In Paris, the entire group was greatly inconvenienced because of the bag.  Many of the other women in the group had to let me borrow pieces from their wardrobe, but that left them with fewer clean clothes and several of them had to go multiple days in a row wearing the same dirty, sweaty shirts.  When we returned to London five days later, my bag had been dropped off in my absence.  While I was extremely relieved and grateful to see that my belongings had arrived safely, I was frustrated that there still was no communication with the baggage claim.  They left no explanation for the delayed bag, no apology for the inconvenience; it was simply a dropped off bag, as if no one could have cared less for the trouble I had endured for the last six days.
I wanted this incident to be brought to your attention.  While I do understand that baggage does get lost when dealing with multiple flights, I just could not believe the utter lack of communication with the baggage claim, and the complete disregard for any trouble the incident had caused me.  I was surprised and disappointed that absolutely no compensation in any form had been offered to me to help ease the inconvenience.  If this is how United Airlines typically does business, I certainly will not be a returning customer.

Friday, September 09, 2011

The darndest things

I'm starting a Shakespeare unit with my sophomores.  I decided to test the waters to see how much they know about the old man.  He's the greatest playwright of all time, they've got to know something about the guy, right?

Ah, he's a handsom fella, ain't he?


Me: "When was Shakespeare born, you guys?  Who knows or thinks they have a rough estimate?"
Kid #1: 1210!
Me:  No... you're off by a few hundred years there....
Kid #2:  1943! 
Me:  1943?!?!?!  You think Shakespeare was born during World War II?
Kid #2: That's not what I said.
Me: World War II was in 1943...
Kid #2:  Oh, I didn't know that...

Time to shift gears, I quickly realized.  I thought they would at least have a slight idea that he born around 1500 or 1600 but I was just so depressed that one kid guessed 300 years too early, and another guessed 400 years too late that I gave up and told them the answer (1564, for those of you who are wondering)  With an optimistic heart still in place, I decided to move on to plays that he has written.

Me:  What are some of Shakespeare's most famous plays?
Kid #3:  I know! I know!
Me:  What?
#3: (Looking as if he thinks he is absolutely brilliant) You're going to be so impressed that I know this- Romeo and Juliet!!!!
Me:  Good job.  You got the most famous piece of literature of all time. Must have been hard for you pull that one out.  Anyone know any others?  Maybe some that aren’t quite as well known?
Kid #4:  The one with the two cities?
Me: two cities?
#4:  Yah… I think it’s like A Tale of Two Cities or something
Me: (thinking the kid is an idiot, but not wanting to hurt his feelings) Well, that’s by Charles Dickens.... and it was written about 300 years after Shakespeare lived.... but they are both from England, so, good job, you got that part right… anyone else?
Kid #5:  I know I know!
Me: (Hoping and begging that this kid is going to redeem his class) Yes?
#5: That one with the little guy with the magic powers..
Me: (My mind is racing… could the guy be Puck?...Oh my gosh, I've got a genius admist the class!  Not only does he know about Puck, but he also has correctly identified the play we will be studying next!!!)  Midsummer Night’s Dream?
#5:  (As if it is a ludicrous suggestions) No!!!  Who's ever heard of that?...  The one where the guy can spin the princess’s hair into gold.
Me:  Gold!?!? (thinking, thinking, the only thing I've ever read where a guy can spin hair into gold is....)  Rumpelstiltsken?!?!?
#5:  Yah!  That one!!!!

And that's when I just started laughing.  What else could I do?  You can only seek brilliance for so long before you realize the quest is futile.  These poor kids, they ain't got a clue in the world.  In thier books, Shakespeare is just some weirdo guy from World War II who wrote Rumpelstiltsken.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Comeptitive much

Let’s see… Saturday off of school, Sunday off of school, Monday off of school… That’s a three day weekend my friends! You better believe that after only five days back teaching I was already desperate for a little time off. Hubby’s friends invited him to San Jorge (St. George, for those of you who don’t speak Spanish) for the loooooong weekend. A hellish commute home from school Friday afternoon, and we were off!

It took three days of fun and games to discover I’ve got a problem.

I am ridiculously, out of this world, extremely competitive.

For a long time I thought it was a positive trait of mine. I mean, no one wants to play a game with someone who couldn’t care less if they win or lose, right? And I’m passionate. I care. I really care. Sometimes more than anything else in this world.

This weekend I came to the sudden realization that whatever control I once had on my competitiveness (Is that a word? If not, what is the noun form of competitive? Oh, English Language, you have so many holes) had gone out the window. The realization came in the following sequence…

1. We played hours upon hours of mafia. I understand that game was popular in the sixth grade, but somehow a group of twelve 20-something-year-olds managed to absolutely feast on the game. Hubby suggested the game on Friday night, everyone seemed okay with it, and it’s like we just never stopped. Every night about 11 we would start the game and go into the wee hours of the morning, stopping anywhere between 2 and 4 am. Saturday night while playing, Hubby turned to me and said, “Oh my gosh, I think Bon might be the mafia.” Well, I wasn’t the mafia. And for some reason I was incredibly offended that Hubby suspected me. So I did the most logical, sane thing to do, and freaked out. “What?!” I demanded. “You are the WORST at this game! It’s not me! I can’t believe you don’t know me better to know that I am telling the truth right now! I would think you could read me better!” Wow. Hubby was offended. I was embarrassed. We were both in such rotten moods, that we just left the group early and went to bed (…early being 2 am…) And all the fun was gone from the game...

2. Hours that weren’t spent detecting pretend mafia members were spent doing a little a-bump-set-spiking. After trying out and getting cut from the volleyball team both eighth and ninth grade, I am still somehow incredibly devoted and committed to that game. Unfortunately the love is unrequited. Vball will never love me nearly as much as I love him. I want so badly to just dominate that sport. And yet, I feel like I have maxed out at my ultimate skill level, and I am still just barely mediocre. Hubby is always nice enough to let me be on his team; the only problem is he thinks I am alot better at Vball than I am. Meaning that he expects a lot out of me. And when I miss the ball (…and sometimes even miss it multiple times in a row…) he is frustrated. And he tries to give me pointers. And sometimes I take the pointers the wrong way…(I mean, come on, people who suck at vball are going to be extra sensitive when others criticize their vball skills) and then snap at him…which is what happened this weekend. The conversation went something like this:

Hubby: stop running up to get the ball. Just stay in your spot because you’re not where you need to be when I pass it to you.
Bon: I’m just running up to grab the ball when I’m supposed to get the first hit!! You’re supposed to get second!! (Imagine a very upset, frustrated short brunette yelling this with all the passion in her little heart)
H: Whoa, calm down. I’m not yelling at anyone. I’m just saying to stay in your spot.
B: How am I supposed to stay in my spot when there are only four of us?!?! We’re all running like crazy!!!!! (Once again, imagine me yelling…fiercely….)

And then all the fun was gone from the game…

That's me, middle center.  You know I look intense.
3. At this point I knew my competitive drive might be on… well, overdrive… (Get it? Admit it, it’s brilliant) But the real icing on the cake came Monday night. Back from San Jorge, and on our last eve before we had to head back to work and school, we decided to invite over Hubby’s brother and brother’s wife to play a little Settlers of Catan. We debated between playing the game and watching a movie, but I always beg for a game over a movie, and I promised to behave.

You should know a few things about Settlers. The game is extremely competitive. It has some kind of evil power to it. It can make people do bad things. It can make you wish awful catashtrophes upon those you most care about in the world. About halfway through the game, Hubby came out of nowhere and blocked my two roads that I had built in preparation to build a settlement. I had all the exact cards in my hand, just waiting for my turn. I was bugged, but tried to be a good sport about it and just brush it off. 
Five minutes later, on a completely different part of the board, Hubby pulled the same move, coming out of nowhere and blocking me exactly where I was about to build a settlement. Once again I had the exact cards in my hand, and was just waiting for Hubby’s turn to be over so that I could build it. The worst part was that I TRADED with Hubby to give him the cards he needed to build those dang roads. And then he used it to once again block me off.

Now, if you never played Settlers, you probably think this isn’t a big deal.

It is.

And so, once again, I did the most logical, sane thing, and freaked out. “You son of a b****!” I cursed, emphasizing each word with a fiery passion. (I’m so sorry mom if you ever read this blog which I know you don’t)  I'm not a cusser.  And yet, somehow, that was the first word that came to my mind.

And then all the fun was gone from that game...

Hubby was shocked at my sudden outburst.  And hurt. (I haven't met anyone, afterall, who gets pleasure out of being called an S.O.B.)  And I felt awful.  Awful.  Who calls their husband that, no matter how competitive the game is?

It is now very clear to me that my competitiveness isn't anything positive.  But I've given up trying to control the temper.  It is way too freaking hard.  It lashes out so quickly and unexpectedly- as if it is a different part of me.  Instead I am going to take the easier road, and just not play any more games.  I am converting me and Hubby to a life of staring at the tube instead.  How mad can you get at someone when you're watching a movie, right?

Thursday, September 01, 2011


I like to think I’m pretty hip… but I have enough self awareness to realize that probably ain’t so. As far as bandwagons go, I’m just about always the last one jumping on. I was sitting in church the other day, a little bored, and decided to send my hubby a spicy message. I whipped out my flip phone and started texting away. The girl next to me looked over and whispered in complete seriousness, “So… do you not know how to use a smart phone…. or are you trying to make a statement by holding out with the flipper….?” I was shocked. I didn’t even realize I was that behind. Obviously I have noticed that the….uh… current trend… has been to have a little cooler phone than mine, but I didn’t realize it was to the point where people would comment on my bandwagon tardiness.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, either. I was real stubborn about the whole CD thing. Convinced that the ipod craze was going to fade away into oblivion, I just kept lugging my CD case around. I finally caved six months after my mission (about four years after the general public hopped on) I called my lil sis to let her know of my ipod decision and she replied, “YOU are getting an ipod?! Everything I know about the world is changing.” (The one exception is facebook. I joined in 2004- that’s right- 2004! I was driving that bandwagon!)

So… in an attempt to stop being the last passenger aboard the old wagon, I am secretly enlisting the help of my students. They might not be the brightest when it comes to writing killer thesis statements, but believe me, they’ve got the technology thing down pat. My latest obsession is the meaning of the tic tac toe sign. You know the one. #What does that mean??? I’ve seen it everywhere. Why does it exist? What is its purpose in our society??? I tried to slyly ask some students for more info without giving away that I had no clue what it meant. I got my only semi-informational response by a girl who hasn’t said a word all year “It’s a hashtag,” she explained with a look of pure boredom, “You use it when you don’t want to speak in complete sentences.”

Hmmm… this is kind of weird… but I think I I’ll give it a try…

Am I doing it right? #confused
I am craving some ice cream…. #pistachio with chocolate and cherry pieces
I need to run to the bathroom. #holding it
Gotta plan two lessons for tomorrow and have no idea what to teach. #ready for weekend
I sent my aid to do an errand and he never came back today. #truant, sucka!