tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post4344428895917365602..comments2023-10-31T04:33:30.335-06:00Comments on The Life of Bon: Oh, baby, baby!bonbonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13580532603443802313noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-78343845076642153252013-11-05T20:09:53.757-07:002013-11-05T20:09:53.757-07:00I agree with every single one of these points. I h...I agree with every single one of these points. I have been married for almost three years, and I find it absolutely infuriating that everyone in my life is pressuring me to have a baby. I'm 28, not 40. I don't see what the rush is, and I also don't understand when it became acceptable to push your own agenda on people just because you see it as the right time for them. I want to do so many things still, and I feel that no one thinks that I need to achieve anything else other than to become a mother. <br /><br />When I was younger, I assumed I would want to have kids at 27. I got married at 25, and I thought 2 years seemed like just the right amount of time to be alone and then start having them before you get "too old." Now I'm 28, and I feel that each year my desire to have a child has gone down to the point that I can't even determine a perfect time. I would be doing my husband and a child a disservice to have one right now. I think it's actually less selfish to not have a child that you're not in a position to take care of (which I am not right now, I started a new job a few months ago and am in no financial position to take care of a baby). But more importantly, I just... don't want one right now. I don't know why we have to make excuses for ourselves just so people won't think that we're bitches. Because I get the stink eye whenever I respond to people that I'm just not interested. Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18246744615993310932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-11818777935195345952012-11-29T16:23:00.489-07:002012-11-29T16:23:00.489-07:00interesting topic. maybe she is selfish, and maybe...interesting topic. maybe she is selfish, and maybe you are too. but, that is fine. i don't think anyone should ever, ever have kids before they are ready just because their spouse {or their mama or whoever} is ready. kids are beyond full time ... and all that other stuff you listed. don't feel guilty ... you'll know when it's time ... i went back and forth and back and forth ... and then, when i was ready, i was very ready SHUG IN BOOTS {Beth}https://www.blogger.com/profile/11343681777867476569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-87411794783308203702012-11-28T13:03:37.542-07:002012-11-28T13:03:37.542-07:00About 6 months after my husband and I got married,...About 6 months after my husband and I got married, we had a friend tell us to our face that we were selfish because we hadn't tried to have a baby. At the time, I was only 25, he was only 27, and we had JUST bought our first house. Oh, and this person KNEW I had fertility issues, so I'm not sure why she even went there. <br /><br />Suffice it to say, I was livid about it. For a long time, I was in the "no kids" club because I had fertility issues. We figured we would get pregnant if it was meant to be and if it was in His plan, which coincidentally, was 8 years after we had gotten married. <br /><br />You are NOT selfish for not wanting to have kids just yet. Clearly you have put a lot of thoughts into reasons why you're not ready and that's ok. What is selfish is when someone has a baby because they are "supposed to" as the next step, or because they are trying to fill in a void in their life. <br /><br />That being said, now that I am a mom, I will admit, it offers some challenges, but many of those challenges (like waking up in the middle of the night, etc) are far outweighed by the love you experience when you have a child. That love you feel when you hold your child is something that is so amazing and is hard to put into words. YOu will feel a love that is so strong and your heart will swell. <br /><br />I am not sure how old you are, but I am guessing you are WAY younger than me (i'm 35) and I JUST had a baby last year when I was 34- and I'm glad he came at that stage in my life- we were more financially stable, I knew what I wanted out of life, and I'm far more confident in myself than I was 10 years ago when I got married. <br /><br />So don't rush to have a baby, do it when you are ready, and poop on those rude people who try to tell you things like you are selfish if you don't have one now.<br />Andiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02985102922053973445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-49287888305085977472012-11-28T07:09:31.235-07:002012-11-28T07:09:31.235-07:00I think it's funny that all the fuss about how... I think it's funny that all the fuss about how this list is not right comes from mothers. In my opinion, a lot of this list is correct, and I know because I am a Mom. It's the CHOOSING if this list will effect you, I think that's the main difference. Deep down inside lots of this list is true and mothers will tend to cover up just because they don't want to admit to themselves that having kids costs so much socially, mentally, emotionally, physically that sometimes it makes their lives look pathetic. However, deep down inside the unbelievable joy that comes with having kids makes up all the difference. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-9639914161377569322012-11-28T05:44:51.970-07:002012-11-28T05:44:51.970-07:00OMG thanks so much for posting this!!! I've be...OMG thanks so much for posting this!!! I've been married 5 yrs, am almost 32,and thought sure I would have 2+ kids by now. But....the bug to have them just hasn't bitten yet. My husband wants them so badly and so kids may soon be in my future but I think about this issue a lot. I'm totally content with life as-is. Why mess it up?damicommhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04309834229943915147noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-31813166090617149582012-11-27T18:28:24.182-07:002012-11-27T18:28:24.182-07:00Don't feel that you are selfish for not wantin...Don't feel that you are selfish for not wanting kids yet. It just means that you guys are not ready. I know that in Utah people start having kids super early but you have to stay true to yourself and your family. The desire will eventually come but until then just love life! Chelseahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16257563765606768664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-82423104135481857232012-11-27T12:42:03.549-07:002012-11-27T12:42:03.549-07:00I don't think your selfish for not having kids...I don't think your selfish for not having kids until you are sure about what you want. BUT, I am a little, tiny bit hurt by the post. Kinda reminds me how "non parents" think of my "parenting" life.<br /><br />I have a very full life, full of friends, time with my husband, time for myself, travelling, and my own identity. I do understand your fear, since you don't really know what it'll be like, but my life rocks. Yes, I have kids and a few sacrifices have been made, but you make it work and you figure out a whole new way of living. It's different, sure, but in a lot of ways it's better. Not worse.Just Another Mummy Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06746771790862399920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-8534993783560437542012-11-25T20:12:32.734-07:002012-11-25T20:12:32.734-07:00HI! I didn't take the time to read through al...HI! I didn't take the time to read through all the other comments, so I don't know if someone said this already...but that list you wrote? All choices. NOT things that every mother gives up. If you don't want to spend all day inside, take the baby out. go for a ride. lay on a blanket. go to the park. Choose to make your relationship with your hubs even better. Life is what you make it. Truthfully, it is hard in the beginning. Really hard. And then it gets awesome. Freakin' awesome. Get a babysitter. Put 'em to bed early and read for hours. work out. order pizza. it's just one more lovely thing to kiss good night.The Shaw Shackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04853381533153663490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-78460613750398432572012-11-25T11:39:02.345-07:002012-11-25T11:39:02.345-07:00You guys should wait. I promise the desire will co...You guys should wait. I promise the desire will come. Don't keep fretting about it. You're still super young. 26. In Utah terms I guess that's not "that young", but honestly you are. If you're not ready now and have no desire, definitely wait. Having a kid is HARD work and you definitely sacrifice A LOT of what you used to do. Bonnie, you also have the choice to work. Just because you have a kid doesn't mean that you have to stay at home. You strike me as the type, similar to myself, that needs an outlet. I think you would go crazy staying at home. I'm' going back to work and I'm actually really excited. I love Emery with all my heart but it can be very monotonous, and unfulfilling staying at home. That may sound "selfish" but it's just the truth. If you have no desire then you won't suddenly be ecstatic staying at home with a baby. so wait. there's nothing wrong with that! If you were 35, that'd be a different story. Just my thoughts, but I think we are similar in a lot of ways and I think i've struggled with similar thoughts and feelings. You guys will figure it out on your own terms and time frame. Don't let the Utah county pressure get to you. Don't feel like you're selfish because you're 26 and don't have kids yet! You're so young! Love ya.Ashley Blackburnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13289504748376183130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-66309828274782710532012-11-25T09:01:14.929-07:002012-11-25T09:01:14.929-07:00This list is exactly why I keep putting off having...This list is exactly why I keep putting off having kids!! I totally agree- it's definitely something to think about before just jumping into it.<br /><br />http://mylifebeingrenewed.blogspot.com/melindapollardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17457154883148954888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-18267584104372644562012-11-24T14:41:12.369-07:002012-11-24T14:41:12.369-07:00Hi Bonnie :D First I want to tell you that your bl...Hi Bonnie :D First I want to tell you that your blog is brillant! I've really enjoyed reading your post, and I admire your writting style. Next I'd like for you to know you are not alone. I wll be 33 in January and I am still not ready for any babies. Times are scary out there, and I do belive having kids changes everything in your world. So never feel like you have to bend, each person is unique, and maybe your doing your "maternal" duties by teaching other people's kids. :) The village that it takes to raise a child..well your apart of that village. I'm happy we stumbled across one another, and I look forward to following your Blog. Have a wonderful weekend! Xo Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11957415777562581524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-71108990497168540362012-11-24T12:05:28.109-07:002012-11-24T12:05:28.109-07:00First of all, let me start by saying that everyone...First of all, let me start by saying that everyone has weaknesses and fears and they are not all the same. We should all be thankful that they are different. And it is no one's place to judge. But I do have a few thoughts I suppose I wanted to share. As I was reading through your list, I had several thoughts come into my mind. A question first, do you already do/have all of those things all at once? Most likely no, unless you are super woman. Do you always have time for reading? Do you always have time for hanging out with friends? Do you always have time to hang out with your husband? Do you always have time or money for cute clothes? Can you always do everything? Most of our life is composed of juggling several responsibilities and interests. You never have it all, all the time. The same is with Motherhood. I have 2 kids. 2 1/2 and 1 1/2. They are 10 1/2 months apart. I read 25 books this past summer. I make crafty stuff all the time, because that is my creative outlet. When you have other mom friends, you find one who likes to be more active and it is really fun doing things together. There is not a rule that you have to be excited to have a kid to know that you are ready to have kids. Having your own kids is completely different than babysitting someone else's or having nieces or nephews. As for getting boring, there are a lot of fun activities to do that adults do not care about but because you have kids that get so excited about it, it becomes so much fun for you! Lastly, It really comes down to faith and Ether 12:27. Do you believe it? Can faith change something? What do you have to do for that to happen? Does it just come because you have hope? Or do you have to work? And one more thing, trust me-your husband will not ignore you when you have kids ;) I hope that doesn't come off as too preachy...maybe it did. It is much easier in person. .Chrissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05491389670481264514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-48223773501098746292012-11-24T06:04:13.012-07:002012-11-24T06:04:13.012-07:00I would agree with most of the worries on your lis...I would agree with most of the worries on your list. I have one daughter who is 2 and 3/4 yrs old. I have been a SAHM since she was born. There are days we don't eave the house and that I am bored and that I am too strict and too loose! However, we travel a great deal with our daughter so travel is not only possible but really good fun with a little person in tow. We were together for nearly 6 years before we had our daughter and it was no easy road conceiving her but it isn't all sunshine and roses even when the child is greatly loved and wanted. However, if you go in with your eyes open it is so much fun. Some days are crappy and some days are wonderful and really that is life with or without kids.Claire Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12657778540760045412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-20670633124903754252012-11-23T21:06:59.367-07:002012-11-23T21:06:59.367-07:00I don't think it is selfish at all. My hubby a...I don't think it is selfish at all. My hubby and I have talked about this same subject many times. I want to be ready to have children and know they will have a good home. I don't want to just start having children because everyone else is. I figure when and if the time is right, God will tell us. That time might be a week from now or a few years from now, but if it is meant to be I will have kids some day. <br /><br />By the way, now you've got me wanting to talk about this topic on my blog. Mind if I link to your post?Holly @ Hello Audrey Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14357699304659487594noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-26111632021236302302012-11-23T17:07:29.464-07:002012-11-23T17:07:29.464-07:00I just had a baby three months ago, and I struggle...I just had a baby three months ago, and I struggled with many of the same things you do. I'm a woman who needs time alone to recharge, and I was so afraid that having children would rob me of me of <i>me</i>, that I would lose myself completely. <br /><br />Certainly my life has changed, but I've still been able to find time for myself and for my husband. And in my case, caring for my babe is not like caring for other children. (I was never huge on babysitting as a teen). My heart changed when we had a baby, and while I still have to make time for those more personal and relationship priorities, our baby has slipped into our existing lives very easily.<br /><br />You're not selfish for struggling with these thoughts and feelings. Not at all. Sometimes I still struggle with them, but I've realized (after three <i>whole</i> months of motherhood) that to find the right balance, I have to take initiative and make priorities, go with the flow and accept a different—and so often, wonderful—normal.Charlottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16096609209172158941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-42711119518204239352012-11-23T08:34:17.073-07:002012-11-23T08:34:17.073-07:00I feel the exact same way. And you know what? I do...I feel the exact same way. And you know what? I don't think you're selfish. Right at this moment, you DON'T have children...so why should you feel guilty or selfish for not worrying or wanting something you don't have anyway? Does that make sense? You and your husband are young, and I still feel like you just got married! So take your time. Live your life. And if the yearning for a baby comes, deal with it in the futue, with your hubs. Don't let other people make you feel guilty.Taylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06097840015845452273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-51957300057927475212012-11-22T19:31:17.396-07:002012-11-22T19:31:17.396-07:00Great post! Loved it! I have one and one on the ...Great post! Loved it! I have one and one on the way and most of your fears have been realities of mine at one point or another. But those realities are not there all the time. Yes, there are days when I have been bored and she has driven me crazy. But the sweet smile and cuddles I get somehow make up for it. I do have to make a point to make time for myself. I get out of the house every day- even if it is just to Starbucks or Target or the park, or the gym, or a run or whatever- SOMETHING. Mom's morning out programs can be a lifesaver {worth the money}. The relationship with the hubs is different- not bad, but different. We have to make more of an effort to spend time together- its not impossible and it is not bad. It is just a bit more of a challenge than it was before the baby. I will say it has been amazing to watch the husband as a daddy. I see a completely different side of him that makes me love him in a deeper and different way- and vise versa. I would not trade that for anything. I don't get as many cute clothes- but doesn't bother me as much as I thought because there are other things that bring me joy now that I didn't have before. Did I know that was how it would be before she was born? No, but it happened. Our first baby was planned- but was I ready? Not really. I don't think you ever can be completely ready because honestly nothing prepares you. I'm not saying get pregnant tomorrow, but if you don't ever feel completely "ready" I think that is normal. I'm just going to address a couple more- I did get my body back after my first. I worked hard for it, but it was worth it for my sanity. Will it come back after #2? Who knows. I hope so. Vacations are going to be different for us for awhile- at least until kids are older. Part of me misses the old vacations, but it is fun to watch the baby explore and have fun now too. This is not a well written stream of consciousness, but it is some of my thoughts as they have come. You are not selfish and you have very realistic thoughts and fears. Good questions to think about before you decide to take the plunge (if you ever choose to or find yourself in a "surprise" pregnancy)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03704402496108345825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-51168860503295805092012-11-22T18:07:03.828-07:002012-11-22T18:07:03.828-07:00I hate to admit that everything on your "list...I hate to admit that everything on your "list" is a valid frustration that I have legitimately felt at some point in motherhood. You are pretty right on. I've learned that having children is not roses- it's super hard work and takes a lot of personal sacrifice. It's easy to describe the tough parts about being a parent, but not very easy to convey all of the "wonderful" that counteracts the negative. It's there though, and obviously keeps people coming back for more.<br /><br />My husband and I were married for 5 years before we were able to do In-Vitro to finally get a baby, and talk about the guilt I felt when I finally had my daughter and STILL found ways to complained about being a mom. <br /><br />It's hard for us younger LDS women who had careers first and know what it's like to have gratification outside of the home. A lot of LDS girls get married very young and have kids very young, and so they don't know much different. (No disrespect to those who have done it that way, fo realz.) I yearn for an outlet outside of stay at home motherhood all the time, and I realize that I may need to work a little bit always, for my own sanity.<br /><br />This sounds depressing. What I mean to say is that parenting is seriously a sacrifice and it's not all cute and cuddly and easy. It's tough. But somehow, someway, our Heavenly Father makes it beautiful and incredibly worth it. Looking back, I am so grateful for the time my husband and I had, but I would never, ever choose to go back to my days without kids. It's totally radical. How's that for contradiction? :)<br /><br />Nycolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01442861742816500394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-8484700427314973122012-11-22T10:37:40.587-07:002012-11-22T10:37:40.587-07:00There is a time for everything in life. I feel th...There is a time for everything in life. I feel that you'll know when that time is and you will desire to have kids. Lindsey Nielsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16307223981528974213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-50613195708103128142012-11-21T21:27:58.790-07:002012-11-21T21:27:58.790-07:00My husband is 5 years older than me and wanted kid...My husband is 5 years older than me and wanted kids right away. I was scared. I am the youngest, and I was not ready to give up my spot of being loved and spoiled and cared for to someone I had to do all those things for. I honestly have no clue when or how it changed. But it did. For me, 6 months (ish) after we were married, I felt ready. Excited. That fear of being selfish went away, not totally. And it is still something I fight for. It is something I strive for. <br />I feel like a lot of women I meet "live for there kids" so I say, and it bothers me. Kids don't make your life, they add to it. So when I blog, I am trying to show that life doesn't end when you have kids. Yes, my daughter has totally changed my life and has a HUGE influence in it, and I talk a lot about her. But one day, I want her to leave the nest and shape her own life- and I don't want to collapse because she is gone. So I work really hard to keep building my own person, while trying my best to be a mom. <br />My dreams have changed too. But they ALWAYS have. They changed when I got married. I used to dream of marrying a polynesian. Well, my husband is definitely white. So my dreams changed. Now I dream of owning lots of land. One day we are dreaming about him getting his PhD in Ireland, the next we are talking about how to effectively prepare for the zombie apocalypse, and then we move onto talking about saving for our daughters mission. I still dream about traveling, but I don't think it got harder now that I have a daughter. Life doesn't end with kids, it really doesn't. <br />They are a part of you, and they make you a better person- that is how you were designed to be (if you want to get all reigious-y), and a GREAT perk of being married, or living near family, is BABYSITTERS. Ya. We don't live near family, so my husband does good at letting me sleep in. Taking her to the park so I can read, take a bath, get my hair done, whatever. But really, just know that life goes on, and it get's better with kids. You chose your husband, and you like yourself- so what would be BETTER, than the two of you smushed together?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10281467789644588528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-90882116486819951642012-11-21T21:03:03.365-07:002012-11-21T21:03:03.365-07:00it is not selfish to not be sure if you want child...it is not selfish to not be sure if you want children yet. i love my daughter dearly but being a sahm drives me crazy sometimes. i say, travel first, do all the things you dreamed of doing, and save some money, cause we didn't and are paying for it now. Tracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10461407022452937516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-44138025258841544902012-11-21T17:45:33.753-07:002012-11-21T17:45:33.753-07:00I don't think it is selfish - I think it is sm...I don't think it is selfish - I think it is smart. I think there are many people in this world that have kids before they are ready, and the kids are the ones who end up paying the price for that. Having a baby is wonderful - but it can be many of the things you list - you have to work to have time for yourself, your husband, to read, to keep you identity, etc. Even with having two stepchildren, I was very hesitant to have a baby and how it would change things for us. But, I have to say, nothing will change you like becoming a mom - it's hard but so amazing, I feel like there aren't even enough words to describe it. But everyone has to decide for themselves what and when is right for them! There's nothing wrong with wanting things for yourself first.Samantha @ 24 to 30https://www.blogger.com/profile/17657627369870728739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-57673667332802913102012-11-21T13:00:29.413-07:002012-11-21T13:00:29.413-07:00Awesome post. Knowing what you want or don't ...Awesome post. Knowing what you want or don't want is never selfish!! Nicole @ Pencil Skirts and Noodle Necklaceshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02216003782039779761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-68832996824400507632012-11-21T12:51:40.604-07:002012-11-21T12:51:40.604-07:00All of your concerns are valid ones and every woma...All of your concerns are valid ones and every woman goes through it. It's a transition and you aren't told how much it changes your life.<br /><br />However, you are in control you can make sure you keep your identity. See your friends, and make new ones. <br /><br />When you are ready for a baby have one don't let the fear decide because the regret of waiting too long can be just as devastating. Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09174054566090481792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22472965.post-76178530332807330692012-11-21T11:11:56.289-07:002012-11-21T11:11:56.289-07:00I am just like you Bonnie! I feel the same way and...I am just like you Bonnie! I feel the same way and have always sort of struggled with thinking maybe I'm just not looking forward to kids because I'm too selfish. Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14830014353590256892noreply@blogger.com