BYU students, a Scrooge, and a caramel apple

Tonight I stopped on my way home at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.  Have you ever gotten a caramel apple from there?  I wouldn't recommend it.  Because if you get one caramel apple there you will be a slave for the rest of your life and always be forced to buy $6 apples against your will because you simply cannot resist them.  FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.  But if you do go, get the caramel apple pie apple.  It is to die for.  Tell them Bon Bon sent you and you will get... jack crap.  Got you there didn't I?  One day I will be famous enough to demand chocolate stores to give discounts to everybody to see, but that day is not yet here.

ANYWAY...both Hubs and I are completely addicted to these apple pie apples, and unfortunately neither of us make enough money to support a $6 apple addiction, so as you can imagine it has become quite the conundrum for us.  I do everything I can to avoid Riverwoods mall for the exact reason that I know I will be sucked in to the store and forced to give away my life savings for a few apples.

Tonight was a night where I just couldn't resist.  I was dead tired and after a million Christmas errands (more details on those tomorrow) all I wanted was a little innocent apple to comfort me at the end of my day.  So I pulled on over, promised myself it would be no longer than three minutes, (it was already 7:30 and I hadn't been home since 6:00 am) and ran on in to the chocolate store.

Death.  The small chocolate factory was filled to the brim with people.  Not just people.  Students.  Not just students.  BYU students.  Not just BYU students.  BYU FHE students.  And I had my second BYU student experience in three days.  That is two experiences too many for a three day span.

You see, I wasn't in nearly as good a mood as I was on Saturday night.  I wasn't flaunting bright red lipstick, on a hot date with Hubs after a relaxing day off.  Instead, I was at the end of errands on an endless Monday and I hadn't seen Hubs since I kissed him goodbye at 6:00 am when he rolled over in the bed and mumbled something that sounded like "Princess Ariel."  I don't ask questions when it's that early.

So no, I was not really in the mood for hordes of BYU students.  The line was at least 12 people long and there were 33 people all together in the shop.  Yes, I counted.  I watched intently the people around me.  It didn't take long for me to figure out that most of these people weren't even there to buy chocolate, but mostly to get out of the cold, and to get free samples.  Unlucky for them, the girls working had discovered their aim, and had hid all the free samples behind the counter.

I stared at the students with disdain as they bumped shoulders with me.  "Oh my gosh, are you sure there are free samples?  I LOVE CHOCOLATE!" I heard a girl scream.  They laughed, they giggled, they flirted with each other, the whole loud obnoxious group of them.

Open. Close. Open. Close.  Students entered.  Students left.  Cold entered.  Cold stayed.

"Doth my nose deceive me, or is this really a store filled with the sweet aroma of chocolate?"  I turned around to see another Zoobie zealously entering the store.  And I shot that person a look of death.  Annoying comments like that are only funny when I'm in a good mood.  When I'm in a bad mood, they make me want to do things to them so bad it'd make you puke if I told you. (Kidding, mom!)

"Excuse me, we are in front of you," I turned around to see a pimply man/boy, "We were here before you, you slipped in front of us." 
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know," I replied.  Because I really didn't. 
He and six other people got in front of me.
I think it was a trick.
Ten minutes and sixty door closings and openings later, it was time for the group in front of me to order.  "What can I get for you?" said the girl behind the counter.
"Let's see... does anyone know what they want?" the boy asked his group of six.  They all shook their heads.
I felt like jumping in front of them in line and screaming, "I do!  I know what I want!  I want a caramel apple pie apple and then I want to get the hell out of this store!"
But I didn't say that, mom.  Because I'm a good girl.
Instead I waited impatiently and cursed them in my head.

The group ordered six small hot chocolates.  I continued to spy on them because when I am alone in line, it happens to be the thing I do best.

"Oh, look!  I think she is cutting up an apple in the back for a free sample!  I want a free sample of an apple so bad!"  One of the girls cried excitedly.  The lady in the back cut the apple in the bag and gave it to a paying customer, dashing the young girl's hopes to shreds.  This group was really not coping well with the lack of free samples.

Do you find it amusing that I, the queen of free, the queen of coupons, and the queen of discounts was annoyed at a couple of kids wanting something for free?  I was.  I was very annoyed.  I wanted to scream, "Just buy a dang apple!  They are really quite affordable!  Only six dollars for one apple!"

FINALLY.  It was my turn.  "One caramel apple pie apple." I said confidently and hurriedly. 
"Okay, would you like that... Whoa whoa whoa!  What are you guys doing?"  The girl at the counter was distracted by something going on in front of me.  I turned to see the six in the group reaching over the counter and grabbing cut up apples.
"Uh...we're just grabbing samples..."
"You can't just grab stuff on our side of the counter!"
"Oh... we thought they were free..."

"They're not ready to be passed out yet!"  The girl was at her wits end.

And that's when I realized.  I had been wrong on Saturday when I looked at the BYU students with envy at their frivolous and seemingly responsibility-less lives.

Sometimes it's good to grow up.



Is it worth the $6 and the twenty minute wait in line?
No it's not.
But I'm a slave.
And slaves don't get to choose if they buy it or not.





Back to BYU

WARNING:  THIS POST HAS NO ORGANIZATION WHATSOEVER.  NADA. ZERO.  ZILCH.  If this were one of my student's papers, I would give them a zero for organizaiton and tell them to learn how to organize their thoughts before they insult me with such material again.  You have been warned.  Read at your own risk.

This weekend Hubs and I did a little FBI work.

You see, Hubs belongs to a comedy club at UVU called Laughing Matters.  This weekend, BYU's comedy club, and sorta-kinda-rival, Divine Comedy, was performing.  We decided to head on over, check out the competition, and possibly cause bodily harm to the cast members if we deemed it so necessary.

I wore bright red lipstick to prove a point to those zoobies.  Yes, I may be a BYU alum, but I'm no prude!  I like to stand out in a crowd of righteous smarties, and if red lipstick is the way I have to do it, then so be it.  Believe me, that lipstick was red.  RED AS SIN.

Our "spying" was disappointingly uneventful.  There was nothing for us to get riled up about, and we noticed only one thing that Divine Comedy does better than Laughing Matters.  D.C. had millions upon millions of glowsticks falling from the ceiling. THE CEILING, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Does it get any cooler than that? Hubs and I were sitting front and center, and therefore were being constantly barraged by dozens of glowsticks. I kept about two and then spent the rest of my night chucking the glowsticks to the back of the auditorium. I may have hit some people in the face and that may have been my goal.  Don't judge.

That ended up being the extent of our spying.  Kind of a let down, I know.

While I was on BYU campus, however, I did notice a few other things. 

First things first:  We saw this guy.

In case you don't know who this guy is, he is in essentially every Mormon movie ever made.  He is also the Qwestar spokesman.  He also does not look this good in real life.  He is chubbier and less groomed.  Someone had to say it.  Still, it was exciting to see him because anytime you see someone who is practically famous it is exciting.

Now, for my observations.  Observation #1:
The line for the show was looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong and weaved throughout the entire building.  That's zoobies for you.  Showing up two hours early for a little clean comedy.  There were people camped out all over the place- playing cards, playing guitars, playing each other.  On my way to the bathroom, I saw a boy and girl with their Book of Mormon in Spanish, reading out loud to each other.  I was shocked, confused- didn't know where I was.  What world had I suddenly warped into?  Then I remembered.  I was at BYU.

Observation #2:  They started the show with a prayer.  A PRAYER!  I thought about yelling out, "Excuse me, what about separation of church and state around here?!" and then I remembered that BYU is a church school and they can do whatever they please.

Observation #3  I was shocked that everyone looked so...young.  I no longer felt like I was part of them, but rather that I was an outsider.  I felt like I do when I'm at Copper Hills... that everybody else is a student and that I am a teacher.  I had a fleeting moment of sadness and nostalgia as I watched the college students laugh and flirt and have fun, and realized that this was not a part of my life anymore.  That I did not belong to that group.  BYU is no longer an active part of my life, but rather a piece of my distant past.

Which led to my Observation #4 which is:

Sometimes it is hard to grow up.

Now, before you go feeling too bad for me, let me just tell you that I am about to go pop some popcorn, curl up with Hubs, and watch Kourtney and Kim take New York.  Isn't he the greatest?

Fumble

A one act play

Starring: Jake Heaps

Cast
Bonnie: Full time English teacher, Mormon, married to Hubs, 25 years old
Hubs: Aspiring actor, full time student, Mormon, married to Bonnie, 23 years old
Bishop: In charge of church proceedings
Jake Heaps: Local college football celebrity. Has come under some heat lately for one of the most embarrassing fumbles in BYU history. (Please see the 20 second clip below for more info…Heaps is #9)

As the curtain opens, a typical Mormon church building is seen. Inside the sacrament hall, the pews are filling up with young couples in suits and dresses, apparently a ward full of newlyweds. On the stand are a man and a woman, looking to be early to mid twenties. The woman, Bonnie, is wearing a purple scoop neck blouse with a black satin skirt and unusually tall, shiny high heels.  Some might argue that they look like shoes for a witch.  The man, Hubs, married to Bonnie, is wearing a suit and tie. He is sporting a moustache, unusual for his generation and age group, yes, but sexy nonetheless. (Yes, Hubs is really sporting a stache!) Both Bonnie and Hubs appear a little nervous, but happy. They both look stunning in their church attire.

Bishop: We will now turn the time over to a new couple who will be speaking on hard work and learning. They have just moved in to the ward, and we are so excited to have them with us. Okay, Bonnie, the time is yours…

Jake Heaps sneaks quietly into the back of the cultural hall and sits down, unnannounced.  He wants to remain unnoticed. Neither Bonnie nor Hubs sees his arrival. They are apparently too focused on their upcoming talks to pay attention to who is coming and going

Bonnie: Thank you, Bish! I am so excited to have this opportunity to speak because unlike most people I really love public speaking (this is totally true. It’s like an adrenanline rush for me to speak in front of a huge group of people)...

Bonnie gives a truly enlightening talk... all listening are spiritually enlightened, emotionally enlightened, mentally enlightened, and yes, even physically enlightened. Upon finishing her talk she sits down, smiles, and feels good about her effort. Hubs stands up and takes his place at the podium.

Hubs: I’m also excited to be here… want to clear some things up that Bon said… yada yada yada… (talks for about ten minutes)… that is why it is important to be learned in all fields. I am a theatre major, but I should still know at least something about football.  Imagine if someone asked me about the BYU/Utah game last week and all I could say is “the football players are so big!” No. I have to be more educated than that. I should know the key words for football. For example, a word I would have needed to know for that game in particular would have been the word fumble.

(There is muffled laughter and groans from the overwhelmingly BYU-student-audience.)

Hubs: No? Still too sensitive? Ok, I guess I’ll have to give it another week before we can all joke about that one, huh?

Hubs resumes his talk, quickly recovering from any offending remarks he may have given. Or so he thinks. Unbeknownst to him, Jake Heaps, still sitting in the back, stands up and quietly leaves the cultural hall, never to return to church.

Curtain closes.

And that, my friends, is a true story.

Isn’t Hubs the greatest?