Flow Flow Flow

Iguazu Falls, Argentina.  Circa 2010.  And what does circa mean anyway....?

I've been trying hard to recognize and enjoy my moments of flow.  I love this chart here that describes flow as "a state in which it feels like time stand still... you're so focused on what you're doing that you become one with your task.  Nothing is distracting or competing for your focus."

I think of it as a moment when you are so totally involved in what you are doing that it's impossible to think of anything else.  You are completely wrapped up in that moment and are able to be 100% present.  You look around and all you want is that exact moment right there.

The funny thing about flow is that if you are trying to have it, you have a lot more of it.  Say what?!?  The more I focus on enjoying the moments that came to me and bask in it, the more I realize how many of those moments I have.

MY FLOW:

- Stepping outside during my lunch break one beautiful day last week.  I took my lunch, my diet coke, and my book.  I sat on the lawn next to my classroom for thirty minutes and just let that sun come down on me while I read my book uninterrupted.  I wanted nothing else in life.

-Driving home from a Blogger Roundtable last week.  I felt so lucky to know such incredible women and to have blogging as a way to cultivate lasting relationships.  There are so many fabulous people out there to meet. (Aubrey recapped it here.)  I drove home with the windows down and the music blasting and the night was so perfect.  Almost a Perks of Being a Wallflower "We were infinite" moment.  Almost.

- Playing Ticket to Ride with my mom and Greg last night- just the three of us.  It's my mom's favorite game so if we have a few minutes on Sunday night I like to play it with her.  We chatted for a long time before we even set the board up and I felt so totally blessed to be next to people I care so much about.  It was one of those subtle moments of peace and tranquility and all things wonderful in this life.

- I took 112 students to see The Great Gatsby today.  Greg came along for the ride.  My favorite scene in the book is when Nick arranges a meeting between Daisy and Gatsby and Gatsby is a freaking ball of nerves waiting for Daisy to come over.  The scene in the book is hilarious, and I was delighted the movie followed the text so closely.  When Gatsby runs around the house and knocks on the door my students filled the theater with their laughter, and we all reveled in the moment together because we understood the colossal importance of that moment. (Because boy, did we study that book!)  I sat there, surrounded by my favorite students and thought how incredibly blessed I have been to teach those tikes the past three years.

- Friday night I treated myself to a pedicure and had the nicest girl who did my toes up all nice and pretty.  I sat back, let her massage those feet, and focused on nothing else but that exact moment.  (Secret:  If you constantly tell your pedi girl what a great masseuse she is she will massage you much longer and much better than normal.)

When were your moments of flow this week?  Don't have any?  Make a conscious effort to "flow" and I can bet you will be surprised with how often flow comes to you..  Do you think you can have five flow moments a week?  Write them down when they come to you, and I guarantee you will be shocked at the sheer magnitude of your flow.

I am done being mini buddha now.

Over and out.

Blogging frustrations and other life turmoils

Blouse: c/o Chicnova// Leggings: c/o Chicnova// Shoes: Target

I am totally loving these leggings from Chicnova.  I pretty much live in leggings whenever possible, so the fact that these are stylish and hip and can be worn out has got me totally won over. (Although note to self: wear a longer blouse with these leggings!  My thighs ain't what they used to be!)  The blouse is perfect when I want to feel a little bit dressed up, but not over the top.  And because chicnova is totally awesome and my readers are totally awesome, they are giving one of you a $30 gift certificate to the store.  Enter at the bottom of the post if you know what's good for you.

Also, while we're on the topic can I talk about how much I DON'T like taking pictures of myself on the deck in the backyard?  I suppose it's time to invest in a tripod?  And then will I feel more or less stupid taking pictures of myself by myself?  I will once again ask the age old question... how do fashion bloggers do it?!?

Today I am feeling a bit frustrated with blogging if you want to know the truth. Elisabeth was "attending" Alt for Everyone this weekend, but couldn't make it to one class Friday afternoon.  (And when I say "make it" we all understand that this is a live online class where class participants watch from the comforts of their own couch, right?  Just to make sure we're all clear).  I said I'd go to a class she couldn't attend, since she was offering the free ticket, which is how I found myself buried in my down comforter staring at my computer at 5 pm on Friday afternoon.  The class was a  Q&A on using social media to promote your blog.

I know those classes are supposed to inspire you and  make you excited to take your blog to the next level and all that jazz.  Which is why it was kind of weird that the class mostly just made me want to quit blogging all together.  The ladies basically said that you can't make it in blogging unless you have a totally new and original idea to bring to the table.  If it's been done before, no one is going to want to listen.  They stressed the crap out of pinterest which overwhelmed me because pinterest overwhelms me.  They told us how careful we need to be about our boards and the image we are putting out.  Given that my pinterest boards are titled things like "Blogging crapola" and "Sometimes a woman is forced to clean" I'm pretty sure I know nothing about putting out the right image.

Furthermore, they said we should be pinning every single post that we do and that pinterest should be one of our top referral sites if not the number one referral site.  I never get traffic from pinterest.  Ever. I don't craft, I don't cook, I don't dress cute.  Does pinterest serve any other functions?  They also said that there are "professional pinners" out there, and if we can't dedicate the time to pinterest that we need to then we should hire somebody to do it for us.

Well I certainly ain't gonna hire nobody to pin for me.

And how would I pin every post even if I wanted to?  Let's see... I suppose this post would go on the "People getting frustrated" board and my Saturday post would go on the "hanging out with friends" board?  

What frustrated me the most, though, had nothing to do with pinterest or even social media.  One of the girls teaching the class said that a key mistake many bloggers make is writing too much on their blogs.  She claims we lose our audience if we write too much and the best blog posts are succinct in writing.  This set me over the edge.  Isn't this totally contradictory to the basics of blogging?  In its first days and months and years, wasn't blogging about writing?  Blogging was originally a medium to tell story.  The primary purpose of my blog is to tell my story and to me that is the beauty of blogging.  Storytelling.  To hear someone else's story, to connect on a human level, to have a story resonate inside of you.  The selling clothes and the blogging classes and the sponsorship crap... that's all secondary, right? Right?!?  (Please, tell me I'm right!)  Isn't the most basic purpose of blogging to tell our life stories?  And I suppose if I'm mistaken in this, I don't want to be much a part of blogging...

This is in no way an "I'm quitting" declaration.  Just a frustration.  Blogging has evolved so much, and I know that I must expect it to continue to do so.  But I  hope that in this blogging era it is still possible for a gal to have "blogging success" the old fashioned way... by telling some darn good stories.  No professional pinners necessary.

Chicnova giveaway entries below.  

Aren't I a weird one, claiming blogging pureness in one breath 

and giving you free stuff in the next?  

Not even I understand myself, people.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

A gaggle of kids

Aren't weekends the bomb?

They're perfect for lazing around and sleeping in and going swimming with your friends and their six kids.

Yep.  You heard right.  Six.  My good friends Kalista and Akasha have been in town the past week or so.  Akasha lives in California and Kalista lives in the Phillippines so naturally it was quite the big deal when they were here.  Akasha has three kids, Kalista has two, and my in town friend, Crazy A, has one.  I'm bringing up the rear with zero children to speak of and not even a half hearted attempt.  All in good time, friends, all in good time.

While at the pool I had to step back and look at those girlfriends of mine and all the kids they're toting around and think, "My!  When did we all become so grown up?!?"  I know it's cliche, but life is just so weird and so fast.  You turn your head for a second and everything changes.  I remember when Akasha got her first kiss, I remember when Crazy A brought home a couple of low lifes who had picked up on her at Chilis, I remember Kalista giggling all night at a sleep over at my cabin.  Just little girls themselves and now somehow they are all the mothers of their own little girls.

I'm trying hard to stop more often and enjoy the moments.  Because, my, how fast they go!

For your weekend reading:

+ I am bored with my hair and looking for a change.  This conglomeration of every hair do I've ever had is helping me decide.
+ Greg and I are trying to decide what to do for Memorial Day this weekend. I don't think anything can beat Last year.
+ The whole "treat others like you would like to be treated" definitely isn't true in a marriage!
+ One of my favorite posts to write was this one on feminism.  Are you a feminist?
+ Was so inspired this week reading Erin's speech that she gave at elevate conference.  There are some pretty incredible women out in the blogging world!

Ugly babies

The truth is I'm very scared of having ugly babies.  I see ugly babies all the time and I just know that the mom doesn't think they're ugly but everyone else thinks they are.  What if I have an ugly baby?  Will I even know that it's ugly?  Or will I be so in love that I think it's cute?  These are serious questions!

There is a very good possibility that Greg and I will have a baby that looks like this.  Greg is a redhead, you know.

Moving onward, I asked ya'll in this post what your secrets to life are and gosh!  I learned a lot!  With my secrets and your secrets combined I think we should have this whole life thing figured out.

Some of my favorites:

1.  Swim suit bottoms are perfectly acceptable as underwear if you have no quarters to do laundry... from Jen

2.  Nothing is truly achieved without an awkward conversation. So say it, bask in the weirdness, then celebrate the results later. Plus, having THAT talk always makes you feel better than avoiding it... from Amber

3.  Everyone has their confident undies--the undies that make them feel and look the best! So wear those on big days, or days you're nervous for, and things normally turn out a-ok... from Cai

4.  Trim, shape, tweeze, and fill in your eyebrows. If you don't know how to shape them, pay someone else to.  I never miss an opportunity to share this advice. People freakin' underestimate their eyebrows and it makes me a little bit crazy... from Jennie

5.  The more you talk the stupider you sound... Casie (I think I seriously need to learn this one.  I can't shut up!)

6.  The less time you spend in your house, the less you have to clean it. So get outside and play!... from Kimberly

Oh, you women are so wise!

Now... I'm so excited to have Catherine tearing up my blog today.  She might be the smartest blogger out there.  Homegirl's a lawyer.  And her husband's a dentist.  And her sister is Miss Alabama.  WOWZERS!  The girl is sweet as can be and beyond gorgeous.  None of that makeup and fake tan stuff- just pure, natural beauty.  I'm not jealous at all. Now make sure you show her some love!

Hi!! I'm Catherine and I blog at Bailey Dailies.

   

Hey Y'all!! 

 My blog is just like me--busy! I have a hard time saying "no" so I always feel like I'm juggling 1000 things at once, which keeps me on my toes! Bailey Dailies is mainly a life style blog that I started to chronicle my life with my husband after we were married (way back in 09-wow!).

Leaving our fantastic wedding reception. I didn't want the night to end!

At Bailey Dailies, you will find posts about the fun things were are up to, recipes, maybe an outfit or design post here or there, and lots of pictures of our pets--2 cats and 2 dogs!

 

Brownie Elizabeth and Stella Man (oops--he is a boy), my sweet kitties. They were born in my back yard during law school, and I just couldn't abandon them, even when they gave us all ring worm. Boo. They have clearly established the guest bedroom as "theirs". If you want to stay with me, I'm going to need some notice!!

 

My sweet little rescue Diva, Ruffles. She loves her momma and is great at snuggling! We say that she "Be-Ruffs" people because when she sits with you, you almost always fall asleep!

   

My sweet boy Sonny. He is a man's dog, in that he loves to run and swim and play and get dirty! He was actually a Christmas present to me from my husband for our first Christmas. He, like all of our other fur babies, is a rescue. Here he is enjoying the snow received earlier this year. See that amount of snow? It shut down our Southern city for the entire day! 

 In the fall, you will find lots of football game posts--we are HUGE Alabama football fans and we travel to all of the home games and several of the away games each year. Last year, we crossed "attending and watching the team WIN a National Championship game" off of our bucket list, as we spent my birthday weekend in Key West and Miami for the game.

   

ROLL TIDE! 

Can you tell I was up all night with the stomach virus in this picture? No? That's cause you do what you have to do when it is game day!!! 

 We really love to travel and try to as often as our schedules allow. We try to do one big trip each year, if possible! 

 

Last year we took a Mediterranean Cruise, which I HIGHLY recommend! Here we are in Eze, France. 

Don't you love the classy "Group 2" stickers we are wearing?

I am an attorney and I practice in a small firm with my father and my uncle. I am the 4th generation in our family to practice, and I am the first woman attorney in the family. I love my job because every day is different--sometimes I'm doing paper work, or in the office meeting with clients, or other times I'm in trial or working things out at the courthouse. I really feel honored that people hire me to help me during very difficult times in their lives and I do not take that responsibility lightly.

 

Here I am with my dad (blue suit, yellow tie next to me) and some other lawyers after we won a huge case last fall. 

I also co-host a Legally Blogging series--if you are a blogger and an attorney and you want to be part of the series, please email me! (catherinemccordbailey@gmail.com)

 I  am married to Forrest, my high school sweet heart. Adorable, right? What is even more adorable is that he surprised me while I was studying abroad one summer and proposed. He literally came out of nowhere in Greece and while I was standing there like an idiot asking him over and over why he was there, he asked me to marry him! Such a doll! I'm a very lucky girl--he is a wonderful husband!

 

Surprise!!

Thoughts from seeing this picture again: 

1). My husband still has that shirt--I always pick it out when he asks me what to wear. I guess this is why.

2). I need to be that tan again, like, now

Forrest is a dentist and he just opened his practice last week! We are SO excited--I could not be prouder of him if I tried! This is his dream come true and I am so happy to have been able to watch him achieve his goals. The practice opening has truly been a blessing this year.

 

Waiting room at Smith and Bailey dental. LOVE!! 

We actually are having a year full of blessings in our family that will make their way onto the blog. Forrest's brother got engaged and will be getting married soon, so I will have a new sister in law! My brother also graduated with his 3rd degree and works as an engineer--I really can't tell you what he does because that involves math and I avoid understanding math at all costs! Also, my sister was crowned Miss Alabama USA 2013 this year! Let me tell you, that has been one fun ride to follow! I can't wait to see her compete in the Miss USA pageant this June! You will watch and cheer for her, won't you?

   

Me and my sis after she won Miss Alabama. Miss USA, here we come!! 

 See! I told you we were blessed this year!!

I am so excited to be posting over here at Bonnie's blog! She has really helped me grow as a blogger this year and has given me so many good tips and pointers on blogging in general. One of my favorite things about blogging is the community. I have met so many sweet bloggers that are all helpful and encouraging. It's funny to say that I have "blogger friends" but it's true! My biggest piece of advice to any blogger out there is to reach out to other bloggers and pick their brains. See what has worked for them and take notes. When you have a blog, you get to do it YOUR way, but it is a great idea to take advice from those that have more experience. Reach out to other bloggers has really helped me grow my blog this year and I hope you will all grow along with me! You can follow me on GFC or Bloglovin, and also Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, Thanks, Bonnie, for letting me hang out!! 

A national crisis!!! AKA, What do I do if I don't have any pictures for my post?!?

Here's my question.

How do bloggers have enough pictures of themselves to put up on their blog every freaking day?  Do they all just take pictures all the day long and who can remember their camera all that time?!?  I know the  unspoken blogging rule is that every post must have pictures.  Well I'm out of pictures.  I could post a bunch of pictures of me wearing clothes on my deck.  Nope did that yesterday.  I could put some pictures of me and Greg looking all lovely.  You're all definitely sick of those pictures.  I could post a picture that has nothing to do with nothing.

Yah.  I guess I'll go with that.

These are pictures of me and Greg at Cafe Rio last week.  I felt like a true moron pulling out my camera to snatch a picture of my giant daddy burrito, but the thing is food so rarley looks that perfect or tastes that amazing so I was justified!  Kind of?  I still feel like an idiot, but whatevs.  You out of staters, next time you visit Utah hit me up and I will take you to a Cafe Rio, and you will spend the rest of your life thanking me and you'll probably make me the godmother of your first born son and leave me your golden BMW in your will because that is how much I have changed your life.

If you go to Cafe Rio without me (first off, RUDE!) get the sweet pork burrito.  It's unlike anything you've had on this earth  Rumor is they marinate the pork in coca cola and brown sugar for days.  THINK ABOUT IT!  Meat. Coke. Sugar. Could there be a better food combination?

Well now I want to change subjects but the thing is I don't have any pictures for my new subject.  Oh, blogging, why must you be so difficult?

Today I was passing out some short story books to my sophomores and I said, "Alright, folks, let's do a little Short Story 101.  What's a protagonist....?"  Yada, yada, yada.

The teaching went on like so until finally some blessed little soul raised her hand on the front row and said, "Uh... Mrs. Larsen?  There's no page 101..."

"What?"  I had no idea what she was talking about.

"You said Short story 101.  There's no page 101."

Light bulb.

"No.... what I meant by that is that it's the basics... you know... like a 101 class covers the very essentials of any course...."

Blank looks from 40 students.

"Mrs. Larsen, you're so weird!"  Said my sassiest boy student from the back with a quick wave of his hand.  All the kids laughed because seriously, what kind of a weirdo teacher says something like "Short story 101"?  She's obviously cray cray!

13 days left of school

No one's counting.

+This whole story reminds me of when Gail thought "whore's" meant "horse."

Ahhhhh, the innocence of man!  Or woman....?

+Are you reading Silver Linings Playbook yet?  Because you should be.  

Our blog book discussion is in two weeks, people!

23 Secrets of Life

Shirt: Very Jane Skirt: Forever 21 (Similar Here)  Shoes: Macy's  Necklace: StyleLately

Loving the geometric necklace from Style Lately... it's totally funky and goes with EVERYTHING.

And can I please get a round of applause for that last picture?  Self timer camera and it was my first attempt. Yes.  Be impressed.

It's taken me 26 long years on this earth to figure out that there's a couple things you can do that make your life so much easier.  It's like all I have to do are a few key things and, BAM, my life is easy.  It's pretty much common sense, yet half the world still hasn't caught on.  WHAT THE?  So I figured I'd share with you all....

23 SECRETS OF LIFE

1.  If you don't have time to take a shower, you can put on deodorant, spray some perfume and spray dry shampoo in your hair.  This can work for up to four days.  After that you're just gross.

2.  If you don't have time to wash your clothes, you can run a fabric softener sheet all over them.  VOILA!  Your clothes smell like they just came out of the dryer.

3.  When your house is clean you feel less stressed.

4.  Everybody has done something they are less than proud of.  Judge lightly.  Unless they keep doing it over and over and over.  Then you can judge however you feel like.

5.  Once you become an adult you can eat whatever you want and nobody gets mad at you, it's so great!  But your body feels like crap when you do that so do it sparingly.

6.  Remember people's birthdays.

7.  To be a good conversationalist (or a good friend!) ask questions.  (Loved Bella's post on this.)  Remember what people have told you (i.e. "I'm nervous for a test coming up) and ask them about it next time you see them.

8.  Ice cream fixes most problems.

9.  Talk slowly when you are in an argument.

10.  Don't make fun of people if they dance funny.  It's just rude.

11.  There will always be one cousin/aunt/co-worker/neighbor who offends you.  Start expecting it and you won't feel offended every time.  Or better yet, tell yourself everytime they say something rude you get to buy a new pair of shoes.  You'll start looking forward to the insults!

12.  Exercise can suck while you're doing it, but it feels good after.

13.  Nobody's life is really like the movies.

14.  Plans change.  That's okay.  Abandon that which no longer serves you.  Be willing to be flexible and see other paths than the one you originally planned on.

15.  If you can't remember somebody's name just ask them.  And then think about their name for seven seconds after they tell it to you.  You won't forget again.

16.  If you don't do the dishes tonight, they're still there tomorrow.  They don't do themselves.

17.  People like you if you like them.

18.  Everybody vomits at some point in their life.  It's to keep us humble and totally grossed out by the food that we eat.

19.  People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think.  (Stolen from The Happiness Project.)

20.  If you don't feel like cooking because you are stressed and overwhelmed, pizzas are only $10.

21.  If you don't take the garbage out it will smell.  Inevitably.

22.  Don't invest too much time, energy, and passion into things you have no absolutely no control over.  Like professional sports teams or how tall you are.

23.  When you feel totally lost with all the confusion and stress in your life, start making up the secrets of life to dish out to strangers and suddenly you will start to feel better.

WHAT'S YOUR LIFE SECRET?  The best life secrets will be highlighted on Friday's post with a link to your bloggy blog!

Jacked up

Dreaming of this while I cram for my exam.  I'm the only girl playing in this picture because I'm extreme and a little annoying like that. 

Some things in life are just messed up, you know?

I've been studying to take CTEL right?  Well, the questions on the practice test are just jacked.  The things make no sense whatsoever, and I consider myself a pretty educated, knowledgeable person.  Take this question for example:

The more differences there are between an English learner's primary language and English:

A.  The easier it will be for the student to learn English.

B.  The more positive transfer will inhibit learning.

C.  The less negative transfer will support learning.

D.  The more negative transfer will inhibit learning.

I had to read the answer choices b-d about four times to even figure out what the heck they were talking about.  I am totally getting the vibe that they want you to fail.  And anyone who wants you to fail has no business being in education if you want to know my opinion.

Oh, and there's something else pretty jacked up.

I bought this book online that was downloadable immediately.  It seemed a little gimmicky for my taste with all these crazy guarantees that you would pass the test and all that stuff.  Its main allure was that it was downloadable and accessible right that day, unlike my other book which won't be here until Wednesday or Thursday.  So I bought it.  But I'm starting to really doubt its validity.  This is the advice they give in the book:

If a sensation of panic begins, work with the fear and imagine the very worst!  Work through the entire scenario of not passing the test, failing the entire course, and dropping out of school, followed by not getting a job, and pushing a shopping cart through the dark alley where you'll live.  This will place things into perspective!

Is that not the worst idea you've ever heard?  And terribly, wildly depressing?  One thing for sure is the people who wrote this book need to get paid less.  And probably never have anything to do with education ever again.

Anyhoo, while I'm trying to study for the stupidest test ever (Yes!  I said it!  The whole thing is just a giant hoop that has no effect on someone's ability to be a good teacher.) Hollie is going to be telling you all about what it's like to live in California.  Maybe she's trying to warn me?  Make sure to check out Hollie's most recent post about minimalist living and being true to yourself as a writer and blogger.  I totally agree with what she says and I'm excited to see the direction her blog takes.  Go Holly!

---

Hi there! I'm Hollie from Hello Indigo. I'm a San Diegan lifestyle blogger who has been repeatedly been told I have a "weird sense of humor" and who might be approaching their late twenties while still watching ABC Family. Shout out to my newest Netflix addiction The Lying Game!  I promise to keep things completely random so don't be surprised if you see a recipe post followed by a post about my strange resemblance to the Hanson brothers.

Anyways, I thought it'd be fun to show you all just exactly what it means to live in lovely Southern California. Because who doesn't love to make fun of those California folk?

We dress like this when it's 55 degrees outside:

Actually it may have been 61 degrees outside.

We sit through this most days:

credit

At some point we ALL will say the words:

LIKE

TOTALLY

AWESOME

We treasure this:

credit

(Yes, this is food! It's called "Mexican." My heaven.)

We can't get away with being this pale:

 My feet may be sparkling they're so pale. I promise I'm not a vampire.

We complain on Facebook when it rains:

credit

In all seriousness though, we don't all act like the celebrities and reality stars you see on television that live in Hollywood. (Some of us actually call it Hollyweird.) San Diego is one of the most beautiful and laid back places this side of the Mississippi. Where else can you drive to the snow, the beach, the city, and the desert within two hours?  If you ever need any advice on where to stay, where to eat, or what to do I'm your gal!

---

Make sure to stop by and say hello to Hollie!  She's so totally fab!  (Am I speaking like a Californian yet, Hollie?)

My mother's daughter

My mom, my older sister, Mindy, and me.  

Why, no, we don't act alike at all- why do you ask?!?

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!

There is no doubt about it, I am my mother's daughter.  I came to the startling realization about a year ago that my mom and I are the exact same personality type.  Which explains why we can sometimes butt heads- it's hard to get along with yourself, you know!  Every time you try to trick yourself or get something you want from yourself, yourself knows exactly what you're up to!  Imagine the agony!

The truth is, I like being my mother's daughter.  I've picked up a lot of great things from her and I really like my personality type so turns out I'm grateful to my mom for passing it along to me!

THINGS I INHERITED FROM MY MOM:

+  A major sweet tooth.  My mom can't get enough candy.  She carries it in her car, in her purse, and stocks her cupboards with it.  I can't help but do the same.

+ An embarrassing driving record.  You want to know where I got my lead from?  Look to my madre.  She also taught me how to put make up on while driving.  It's a skill most people don't like me whipping out.

+ A need to party!  My mom loves crowds, she loves cooking for lots of people, and she loves hosting.  She's basically all about a party.  A couple of months ago we were hosting friends and I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to clean up, bake brownies, and make sure all supplies were ready. It dawned on me- I am my mom.

+ The belief that Purse= Carry the world with you.  Books,  sunblock, dayplanner, make up, floss, is there anything you can't fit into your purse?  Thanks to my mom I've learned to carry the world on my shoulder.  Oh, and of course the purse must always be loaded with snacks.  You never know when hunger strikes!

+ A desire to please.  My mom likes to make people happy.  And she likes to make people feel comfortable around her and in her home.  She wants people to like her.  I get all this from her.

+ A competitive edge.  I think I was in college when I realized how fiercely competitve my mom is.  I guess when I was a kid she had to be nice to us and let us win, but now that we're adults, she shows no mercy.  I was laughing pretty hard when a bunch of cousins were playing basketball at her home the other week.  "Oh come on!  You call that a shot?!?" She heckled from the sidelines.  That's my mom!

+ A Major shopping addiction.  Also returning addiction.  My mom is a fabulous shopper.  I am following in her footsteps, learning how to find great joy in buying things.  I am also learning the beauty of returns.  Buy something, get the spending rush, return a week later, feel like you made money.  I think my mom has probably spent more time returning merchandise in her life that most people have shopping.  (It was a year ago when I realized I had started doing this exact thing.)

+ The night owl syndrome. Nowadays I have to go to bed pretty early since my job starts so early, but still I don't go to bed nearly as early as I should.  This is thanks to my mom.  She'll stay up until 2 am working on projects, getting stuff done, etc.  She never wants to go to bed and somehow I do the exact same thing.

THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO INHERIT FROM MY MOM:

+Fabulous cooking.  I have no idea how my mom became a good cook since her own mom was notorious for mayonnaise and corn flake casseroles.  Somehow she figured it out, though.  As I become a wise, old woman I would like to be a better cook and use food as a way to make people feel welcome and comfortable in my home.

+ Natural ability with children.  My mom takes care of kids like its nobody's business.  Of course, she had eight of her own so she should know a thing or two about the drill.  But still, I am always amazed at how effortlessly she feeds, disciplines, entertains, etc. to the little ones.  She's got about 15 grandchildren by now and she is the totally dotes on them.

+ Selflessness.  I can say without hesitation that my mom is the most selfless person I know.  She volunteers to help missionaries learn to read, she does a weekly temple shift and serves all the women in the neighborhood like it's nothing.  She listens to everyone's problems, she makes huge pots of soup and takes them over to sick ladies in the neighborhood, moms who just had babies, anyone!  With all those grandchildren around my mom is constantly on babysitting duty and she manages it all without sweating a drop.  She takes care of every single person she can and always puts others before herself.  I hope to someday be half as selfless as she is.

Love you mom!

Other mom posts are

Here

Here

and

Here

11 days.

11 days.

That's totally enough time to cram for a test that covers 18 credit hours, right?!?  11 days and $300 and one gruesome 6 1/2 hour test.  I can totally handle this.

I'm trying hard to make time to study and put the necessary hours in, but to not let it control and ruin my life. I don't want to stop blogging because that brings a lot of joy to me.  I don't want to stop enjoying my last few weeks at Copper Hills.  I don't want to stop spending time with my family and friends.

This morning I woke up at 8 (unheard of for a Saturday!) to hit the books for a couple of hours before I spend a good chunk enjoying time with friends.  I've got a good friend from California and a good friend from Colorado in time.  Greg and I have also scheduled back massages for this afternoon.  Hey.  You gotta take care of yourselves, right?!?

If you find yourself with a quiet, relaxed weekend, then  read up! Lucky you!

+The last time I saw my bestie California friend, Akasha was here and before that here.
+This is definitely a stressful time of my life, but hey, at least I'm not engaged!
+Woke up dreaming about Argentina and the people there.  Oh, how I miss them!
+Giving this book to my friend, Amy, to read.  Such a fast read and one of my favorites to make you appreciate the human body.
+In my favorite blog post read all week, my blog bestie, Taylor, has coined the term "Blogger Shame Syndrome."  And yes, I totally have it. 

Trust

Right now I don't want to think about being a good writer or attracting an audience or making my sentences sound perfect. I just want to say what's on my heart and bare my little soul to the world wide web.

Yesterday I told you all about a major setback applying for jobs in California.  For a few hours there it looked like finding a job in California at all would be impossible without my EL endorsement.  I was to the point of tears and totally frustrated.  I came home and told Greg about it and he was every bit as frustrated as I was.  I think his frustration made my frustration worse.  It was like his frustration confirmed it- "Yes.  This is as bad as you think it is."  Were we going to have to give up?  Should we just quit this whole craziness now?

I was overwhelmed last night when I checked the comments on my "Setback" post a couple of hours after it went live.  So many nice people!  So many people who have never met me, don't know me, but will still take the time out of their lives to offer me advice or just tell me it will be okay.  I was kind of amazed with the blog world at that moment.  I know there are some major negatives to blogging, but this kindness and sense of community in the blog world makes up for it all.  I was so touched last night and this morning as the suggestions, the ideas, the emails, the "I can talk to a friend who knows a friend who's mom works for..." offers.  Thank you all.

I was also a bit floored when my teacher friend who originally told me the bad news came in to my classroom this morning.  "Don't give up!" she told me as I tried to rush students down to the library for their state testing.  "Don't be frustrated.  You'll be fine."  I suspect she had read my blog post from last night. Either that or my angst and tension over the situation was so strong she could sense it from her classroom down the hall.  She told me she's been in touch with an HR person at a school she used to work for in California.  I can possibly just take a test.  Study my brains out for a test and pay $300 to take a test, mind you.  But still.  The test is given four times a year.  The next test day is in a week.  After that it won't be given again until August.  So maybe it was a disguised blessing that I found out about all this hooplah yesterday?  Enough time to get that test taken in time to still get a job?

Sometimes I hear things or see things and I feel so hopeless and think the world is totally jacked and we're all going to burn in hell.  But days like today I am reassured of the goodness of the human spirit.  The desire to give, to help, to serve.

Today I was reading in my journal from three years ago and felt like I was being taught something from 23 year old Bonnie. I graduated from BYU in April of 2010 and was frantically searching for a job- much like now.  I hadn't yet met Greg, I didn't know where I would be living and I felt like my whole life was in limbo.  This is what I wrote:

April 11, 2010

My future is one great big question mark and it drives me crazy.  Sometimes I feel so anxious and nervous and who knows what is going to happen to me in the next few years, or even the next few months?  Every single aspect of my life is a question.  The only thing I am absolutely sure of is that I love the Lord and that He will take care of me if I'm faithful. And I guess when it comes down to it, that's all that matters. The Lord will take care of me. I really do know that.  

I finished up my student teaching since last time I wrote. The job market is so tough right now and who knows when/if I'll be able to find a job actually teaching English. I think that is why I feel like everything is a question mark... I have no idea where I'll be working, where I'll be living, what I'll be doing in 4 months. It's a little daunting, and I'm going to be honest, scary. I like having answers and I like knowing what's going to happen. With the economy so shaky like this, I guess everyone just feels a little insecure.

I guess if I'm being honest with myself, the other big question mark in my life life is boys. I'm so jealous of people who know right away who they want to marry or only have to date one or two guys. I never feel sure about anyone I'm dating and I guess that's how it's supposed to be because I wasn't supposed to marry any of those guys. But even when a really good guy does come along and he likes me and I like him... I just hold back. I like to keep some things to myself and I can be slow to trust. I always have my guard up.

It was interesting for me to reread this today and feel so many of those emotions described... insecurity, angst, job instability, nervousness.  It felt like I was watching a rerun of the past week.  (Except for the boy part...)

Then, in September, five months later, I wrote this:

September 13, 2010

I was just cleaning my bathroom and while I was there on my hands and knees, cleaning behind the toilet, I thought of how all the unsurities in my life have become sure and how all the stresses and worries and insecurities that I've had over the past six months have resolved themselves. I was remembering the journal entry I wrote in April where everything in my life was a question mark and I had no idea what was going to happen to me or where I was going to be a couple of months down the road.  A job, a place to live, and boys were all hard core stressing me out. I wrote that the only thing I was sure of was my commitment to the Lord and that he would take care of me.  That was five months ago and I was filled with angst, stress, and nervousness. But I trusted in God.  And now I think how everything I was so worried about has fallen into place.  I am starting my fourth week and Copper Hills and am happy and secure in my new job. I've moved in with Courtney who is totally awesome and a good friend to me. And I'm dating Greg- the most top notch, high quality guy I've dated in years and the first guy I can picture myself really really settling down with. And I feel so overwhelmed when I think of it all. How good God is. How much He loves me. How He takes care of me. How when I put everything in His hands that He just works it out. My life is being watched over, it is not accidental, and God is micromanaging my world. I am so filled with peace and contentment and calm. I think calm is the best way to describe it. I just feel so grateful and so overcome with love, and I guess most of all gratitude. It's just so amazing how everything turns out alright when we are keeping the commandments and putting God first in our lives. I feel like everything in my life is coming together, and even though I know that it might come apart again, the most important thing is that I know that it will come back together again. No matter how many times things come apart in my life, I have no doubt that God will put them back together again.

I can't help but be insanely grateful to 23 year old Bonnie who decided to write this all down when she was feeling good one afternoon.  Who would have thought it would help 26 year old Bonnie so much?  At the end of the day, I can only control so much and then the rest you have to put into God's hands. I really do know that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.  I almost feel like I am being ungrateful to God by worrying so much because it shows a lack of trust in His abilities.  He's never given me reason to doubt before.

I think Dee said it best in her comment she left yesterday:  "Trust your father.  Support your husband.  The rest will fall into place."

Amen, sister.

And again, thank you a million times for your kind words, advice, and buoying of spirits.  

It helps more than you know!

Oh, and FYI, no more of this serious crap on the blog, okay?.   

We're getting fun tomorrow, I promise!  

Clothes and food and shopping and making fun of my students fun, OH YAH!

Setback.

Hit a major roadblock today in the whole "We're picking up our lives and moving to another state" drama.  I have been beyond frustrated as I have applied for endless jobs and have heard nothing back.  Turns out there is a reason.  Every teacher in California must have his or her ESL endorsement- English as a Second Language, or as California likes to call it- the CLAD.  Every single teacher.  In my school now there are maybe three teachers out of a hundred that have this.  It simply is not a requirement.

My teacher friend called her teacher hiring friend in California to ask if I would maybe kind of sort of need this.  She replied with, "We don't even consider an applicant who doesn't have his or her CLAD."

So there it is.  The gaping hole in my resume.   Don't even consider.

And so now I begin the process of getting an ESL endorsement?  Which is 18 credit hours, takes at least eight weeks, and probably cost $500?  Meaning the soonest I could be done with it and in the process of getting hired is mid July?  Which makes the odds of finding a teaching job that late quite slim...

Sometimes you have these big dreams and exciting plans and wild adventures and then turns out there's a bunch of crap in the way of the big dreams and exciting plans and wild adventures.  I'm trying to keep my head up and stay positive, but I would be lying if I didn't say that this isn't totally discouraging to me.  I'm not ready to be done teaching.  I'm not ready to not be a teacher come September.  I don't want to give it up yet and I don't want to take a year break.  I want to teach.

Of course, there's the now pretty alluring option to beg my boss for my job back, move to a nice apartment in Salt Lake, and have Greg continue acting at the local theater and auditioning for film rolls here in Utah.  It isn't California, but it's not unemployment either.  \

I have to wonder, though, if we don't make the move now- the big jump to the land of sunshine- will we ever make it?  Or will just stay here- never quite daring to go for something so risky?  Are we looking for an excuse because we're afraid?

Sigh.  When did growing up get so complicated?

Please just tell me that everything is going to be fine.

By the numbers

TODAY

ACCORDING TO THE NUMBERS

Please notice my freakily large hands. 

3:33 pm The time right this minute.  
12  Times I thought about what it's going to be like when I have my very own little people to take care of.  It seems taking care of my siblings' kids and my bestie having a baby this week have got me temporarily insanely baby hungry.  Temporarily, my friends.
26  Times I heard the f word today.  I always hear the f word all day long becuase, hello, I work at a high school.  Today it was especially high, especially since I had a couple of students cussing each other out during class.  
87 Senior resumes graded.  And no.  You can't list your girlfriend as a reference.  Or your mom.
12 Ounces of diet coke I drank at lunch.  I'm cutting back!
9:56 am Time my mid morning hunger pain hit.  I always get hungry somewhere between 9:45 and 10:30 am.  The effects of waking up at 6 am.
2 Red arrows ran on the way to work.  I've stopped running red lights, but red arrows are my greatest weakness.  They shouldn't even exist.
60 Minutes I am going to play tennis with my little sister later.  We are about as evenly matched as you get and naturally that upsets me.  I must be the best!
11:00 pm What time I get to see Greg.  He has three shows in one day.  Holy that's a lot of lines.
3 Jobs I applied for in California.  I am doing my best to live by Rubin's advice in The Happiness Project:  "Make a list, do a little bit each day, and stay calm."
118 Pages I have read in The Happiness Project. There is not enough time in my day for reading. Must make more time to do nothing!
67 Degrees outside during lunch.  I ran off with my lunch and book and ate outside on the lawn all by myself.  It was beyond awesome.
2  Students that have severely tested my patience today and I have not snapped at them.  Two points for Bonnie!
4  Spoons in my desk drawer.  Don't ask.
5:47 am The time my alarm said when the first alarm went off
6:02  Time I got out of bed.  Thank the heavens for the snooze button.
6  Stacks of essays I had when this school day started.
3  Stacks of essays I have now.  BOO-YAH!
15  Reviews on Rotten Tomatoes for The Great Gatsby. 
9  Negative reviews on Rotten Tomatoes for The Great Gatsby.  I'm trying not to sulk.  Just when I got it approved from the principal to take my students to see the film, the negative reviews come up.  If they butcher my favorite book, so help me.
1  Great Gatsby review that made me laugh out loud:  "Well, you did it Baz Luhrmann. Even with an enormous budget and a camera that can fly around and do just about anything, you still made watching 'The Great Gatsby' just as boring as sitting through 8th period English."   -Jordan Hoffman
6 Number of times I tried to explain the difference between affect and effect to no avail.  I'm giving up!
45 minutes I'm about to soak in the tub. As soon as I finish this post!
1 free pizza I got from Papa Murphy's today for Teacher Appreciation Week

0 Cool stuff I got from my school for Teacher Appreciation week.  Seriously, Copper Hills.  Step up!  Even Papa Murphy's is putting you to shame.
14 seconds left of writing this post.

And I'm out.

Peace.

It's a Friday! Sort of.

Jacket:  Choies Wedges:  Target  T-shirt:  Victoria's Secret, Skirt:  Forever 21

(P.S.  I am seriously in love with this jacket.  As in, I can't get enough of it, want to wear it every single day kind of love.  I know that black typically isn't the go to color for spring but when you've got a hot motorcycle jacket this sexy, how can you not wear it every day?!?  Choies has got terrific selection and reasonable prices.  It might just be my best clothing selection of the year.  OF THE YEAR!)

Also.  Please ignore how awkward I look in fashion pictures.  It's about all I can do to figure out how to dress myself.

Moving onward.

Don't you just love May?!?  You know... like wake up every day with a light heart and a spring in your step and a desire to change the whole world kind of love?  You see, to a school teacher like myself, May is the Friday of the school year.  Nothing can go wrong on a Friday, right?  Even if you bomb a test or your boss rides you too hard or you get in fight with your husband, HECK!  It's Friday!  So imagine a whole month of Fridays... that is my May. Our school year has reached its figurative Friday and let me tell you what, those hoodlum rugrats and I are stoked!

Disclaimer:  I'm trying my best to not be sad.  Having a job I love is a blessing.  Leaving that job for new adventure is another blessing, not a sorrow.  I couldn't help it though, today, when I looked at my third period class full of seniors- trying so desperately to understand the complex grammar. I felt a wave of sadness.  Of missing.  Of pre-nostalgia.  (Don't know what that is?  Read up!)  It's hard to know that someday these faces that I see every other day for 90 minutes will not be a part of my life.  Some of these tikes I've had for three straight years, and boy, it is hard to let them go.

But that's not what this post is supposed to be about!  It's not a cry baby post!  It's a happy post!  Happy because it's Figurative Friday and because we LOVE us some Figurative Fridays!

School feels so much more lighthearted in May.  Today I was teaching the kids the difference between lay and lie and what do you know?  I taught it all wrong!  And then we all laughed and I said, "Guys!  I taught you guys the opposite way!  I've lost all my credibility!  Now you're never going to listen to a dang thing I say!" and we laughed some more and learned the right way.  There was no panic or stress or feeling of discomfort because we like each other and it's May and we all don't much mind trying to figure out some weird grammar concept even if the teacher screws it up.

(Extra credit:  Do any of you know the difference between lie and lay?  How about laid and lain?  NO CHEATING!)

And then after school I thought about taking papers home to grade, but I thought, "No!  It's Figurative Friday!  No more papers home!" and I walked out of the building right at 3:00 and drove home feeling care free and came home to a clean home and a kissy Greg and in one hour we will go on a date to Cafe Rio and a play and aren't figurative Fridays the best?!?

Yep.  I do believe I'm in love May.

(And I do believe this book is rubbing off of me.)

The Happiness Project: Book Review

Today wasn't supposed to be a book review day.  But it is.

So I hope you like books!

Last weekend I had to stop at the local bookstore (and by that I mean Barnes and Noble.  But doesn't it sound so much more quaint and romantic to say local bookstore?!?) to pick up a copy of Silver Linings Playbook which we are reading for the Bon's Book Club in May. (If you haven't picked your copy up yet, get on it!)  While I was there I got quite lost, as I always do in bookstores.  I wandered from book shelf to table to easy chair to book shelf.  Is there anything so magical as getting lost in a book store?  An hour later I realized I was 30 minutes late for an engagement party and was buried deep in several different books.  raced to get out of there, but the book I couldn't stand to leave behind was The Happiness Project.  I was on a strict "No spend April" but I justified it, as I always do for much wanted items, and before I knew it I was headed out of the bookstore with not one, but two books.

I told myself I had to read Silver Linings Playbook first because I have a deadline since we are discussing it May 30.  Confession:  I read only two pages before I was yearning for Happiness Project.  It's not that I didn't like Silver Linings... I was just so immersed with Happiness Project that I decided then and there I would have to finish it before I dared read anything else.

The author describes her project as this.  She's not depressed.  She's not unhappy.  She just realizes she could be happier.  According to studies, 50% of our happiness depends on genetics, 10-20% of our happiness depends on our life situations, and the other 30-40% of our happiness depends on our own attitudes about life.  Meaning we can, completely on our own, increase our happiness up to 40% if we make small changes in the way we live our life.

I have so many blessings and my life is filled to the brim with joy and peace.  So why do I get ornery?  Why do I snap at my little sister?  Why do I focus on stress and anxiety instead of the plethora of blessings that surround me?

Here are some specific things I would like to change about me:
1.  I get annoyed with people too easily.  I feel like if I were happier I would have more tolerance for people who are prone to get on my nerves.
2.  I complain too much.  I usually try to stop myself, but sometimes before I even realize what is happening I have been complaining for 30 straight minutes and I only feel worse for it.
3.  I let myself be overwhelmed by the negative, instead of focusing on the positive.  Why do we always seem to focus on the one thing in our life that is going wrong instead of allowing ourselves to enjoy the hundreds of things that are going right?

The concept of the book is fascinating.  The author decides to focus each month on a goal that is going to bring her more happiness.  I have gotten through only January and February, but it is seriously all I can do to not stop writing this post write now and bury myself in the book.  January she focuses on goals that will give her more energy- going to sleep earlier, exercising, decluttering the house, etc.  February she focuses on goals that will improve her marriage- showing more appreciation, quitting nagging, and fighting right.  I feel like I have learned so much from this book already and it makes me so much more aware of my mood and the attitude I am giving off to others.

Stuff I keep thinking about:
-I have fallen into the category of those people who are often less considerate of their spouses than other people.  I will make Greg wait instead of making other people wait.  I will complain more to Greg, be harsher on Greg, and get annoyed with Greg more than I will perfect strangers.  Interesting that I choose to treat Greg this way when I love him more than anyone in the world.  Time to switch this one around.

-"There is no love, only proofs of love."  Basically what this means is that if we aren't showing our love, then there is no evidence that the love is there.  We can't just assume people know we care about them, we have to constantly show it.  If we love someone we need to tell them, do acts of service for them, listen to them when they need it.  If I am not showing Greg (or others... this expands to all relationships in life) my love then there is no love.

- Stop expecting praise for my work or for Greg to suddenly want to help out with whatever I'm doing.  If I decide to clean out the closets it's because I'm doing it for me.  Not for Greg.  That way I don't feel resentful if he doesn't immediately praise me for how clean the closet is or volunteer his services.  Working out is for me.  Cooking healthy dinners is for me.  Blogging is for me.  It's okay if Greg doesn't do back flips when I do these things because they are not for him and if I realize I am doing all these things for me then I don't have to be frustrated with Greg for not helping out more with things that are entirely my decision.

-Don't postpone anything that can be done in less than a minute.  This helps with general clutter and cleanliness and keeping on top of all the little tasks we have to do.  Hanging up clothes, replacing the toilet paper, cleaning out a cereal bowl- those can all be done in less than a minute and so should be done immediately.

-"Make a list, do a little bit each day, stay calm."  I loved this line from the book because I feel like it especially pertains to my stage of life right now as I am frantically trying to apply for jobs in California, get my California certification, run a growing blog, and finish up a successful school year.  It's all about doing a bit every day and just staying calm.

I've rambled on long enough and I'm determined to get 7-8 hours a night of sleep so I'm signing off.  (According to the book "a bad night's sleep was one of the top two facts that upset people's daily moods... sleep deprivation impairs memory, weakens the immune system, slows metabolism, and might, some studies suggest, foster weight gain."  Wowzers!  I'm learning so much!)  I suspect I will be writing much more about this book as I'm only 62 pages and already I feel like it is life changing.  I encourage you to read it, if you haven't already and then tell me about it!  Maybe I'll have to choose it for a 2014 Bon's Book Club read because it really is phenomenal.

Have any of you read it?  What did you think?  Other similar books I should try out?  I've got a big portion of my summer set aside for nothing but reading! :)