The Life of Bon: Stupid questions

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Stupid questions


I would like to have a word with whoever first started telling people there are no stupid questions. He has given my students the perfect excuse to immediately spit out whatever question might be running through their pretty little head without even a moment's thought. Instead of pondering the question and determining if they actually already know the answer, they shoot their hand up and wait for someone else (AKA me) to figure out the answer for them. I feel like they're saying in their little minds, "Maybe I shouldn't ask this question, I could figure it out on my own with just a little thought, but naw, like they always say, there are no stupid questions!" And up goes the hand.

Of course there are stupid questions! And now, thanks to some unknown individual, I have a plethora of students constantly badgering me with ridiculous, dumb, obvious, and yes, even stupid questions.

Some recent stupid questions:

Student: "Teacher? What do we do if we can't find what page we're on?"
My reply: "Uh... find the page you're on..."

Student, immediately after having received a test I passed out a final test: "Is this test going to go on our grade?"
My reply: "Of course not. Why would I put a final test on your grade?"

Student: "I left my homework at home and can't hand it in until tomorrow. Does that mean it's going to be late?"
My reply: "Nope. When you hand your work in a day late, I actually count it as early."

Student, six weeks after school has been in session: "What time does school let out?"
My reply: "Five o'clock."

Student:  "If I'm late do I get a tardy?"
My reply:  "No, I reward students who come to class late."

Student:  "Do we answer both of these questions for this essay?"
My reply:  "Read what is written.  See that first sentence?  Where it says "Answer one of the following questions"?
Student:  "So we only answer one of them?"

Student, referring to a 40-something-year-old male teacher who has walked into the room: "Is that your husband?"
My reply: "Yes.  I am married to Mr. Johnson.  Which is why my last name changed to something totally different last year."

Student: "Do you wish you got paid more money?"
My reply: "No, I think the amount of money I get paid is very fair for the amount of work I do."

Student:  "Did we do anything in class yesterday?"
My reply:  "Nope.  We all just sat here and stared at each other."

Student:  "When you were in high school were computers invented yet?"
My reply:  "I went to high school seven years ago."
Student:  "So were they invented yet?"
My reply:  "No, not yet.  The world was a very primitive place seven years ago. I had to use a type writer for all my assignments.  Cars weren't invented either so I had to walk to school.  In the snow.  Uphill.  Barefoot.  Because shoes also were not yet invented."

(*they say that sarcasm has no place in the classroom. My reply is that neither do stupid questions.*)





11 comments:

  1. I'm obsessed with your hilarious-ness.

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  2. You, my dear, are an amazing writer. Best laughs I've had in a while....

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  3. lol i love the "did we do anything yesterday" or "did i miss anything yesterday?" .. nope. the world just stopped turning bc you weren't here.

    have you seen this tumblr: it's hilarrr

    http://teacherthoughtbubble.tumblr.com/

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  4. This. Is. The. Best. Blog. Post. Ever. Written.

    Sometimes I worry I worry about reacting to strongly about some things. BUt this is truly too awesome for words.

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  5. Came here from Erin's blog, saw that you love Taylor and I've been reading everything on your blog for entirely too long and I should really get dressed now! Honest teacher blogs? Amazing! I teach ESL in Slovenia right now but I was a German teacher before. I just wanted to let you know I really love your blog :)

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  6. Love these! Thanks for the smile.

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  7. Wow...I love this! I could never work with high school students because I would strangle them...that's why I'm sticking with elementary, they are still (sort of) cute and innocent.

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  8. I love this! I teach high school math and have heard these questions and more. Great post!

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  9. I teach 10th graders and I feel like I answer SO MANY of these types of questions all the time. Your sense of humor sounds very similar to my sarcastic replies :-)

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  10. Hahahaa!! I love reading your blog. I also teach English to High Schoolers. Some of the things that come out of their mouths...wow!

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