Some recent stupid questions:
Student: "Teacher? What do we do if we can't find what page we're on?"
My reply: "Uh... find the page you're on..."
Student, immediately after having received a test I passed out a final test: "Is this test going to go on our grade?"
My reply: "Of course not. Why would I put a final test on your grade?"
Student: "I left my homework at home and can't hand it in until tomorrow. Does that mean it's going to be late?"
My reply: "Nope. When you hand your work in a day late, I actually count it as early."
Student, six weeks after school has been in session: "What time does school let out?"
My reply: "Five o'clock."
Student: "If I'm late do I get a tardy?"
My reply: "No, I reward students who come to class late."
Student: "Do we answer both of these questions for this essay?"
My reply: "Read what is written. See that first sentence? Where it says "Answer one of the following questions"?
Student: "So we only answer one of them?"
Student, referring to a 40-something-year-old male teacher who has walked into the room: "Is that your husband?"
My reply: "Yes. I am married to Mr. Johnson. Which is why my last name changed to something totally different last year."
Student: "Do you wish you got paid more money?"
My reply: "No, I think the amount of money I get paid is very fair for the amount of work I do."
Student: "Did we do anything in class yesterday?"
My reply: "Nope. We all just sat here and stared at each other."
Student: "When you were in high school were computers invented yet?"
My reply: "I went to high school seven years ago."
Student: "So were they invented yet?"
My reply: "No, not yet. The world was a very primitive place seven years ago. I had to use a type writer for all my assignments. Cars weren't invented either so I had to walk to school. In the snow. Uphill. Barefoot. Because shoes also were not yet invented."
(*they say that sarcasm has no place in the classroom. My reply is that neither do stupid questions.*)