From the mouth of my father in law.

It's time you folks around here met my father in law.  His name is Gary and he's truly one of a kind.  He takes the crazy, inappropriate stuff that you think in your head and says it out loud like it's nothing.

Greg's in the middle with his brother, Brett on the left and Gary, more commonly known as Gare-dog. on the right.

At our wedding, Gary gave a speech that will forever live in infamy.  The gist of the speech was this:  Greg is truly a blessing to him because it was very hard to conceive Greg.  Gary then went into great deal (in front of 300 guests) of all of the different techniques he and his wife used to try to get pregnant with Greg.  The memory is so fuzzy to me now but I will always remember this line, "My doctor was trying things on me I've never even done with my wife!"  I'm pretty sure that from that point on it was shocking enough that I just blocked it entirely.  Toward the end of the speech he whipped out a jock strap, proclaiming that his years of playing softball and wearing a cup is what led his reproductive process to not function exactly as it should...

You know, the type of romantic, sentimental stuff that you just love to hear at weddings.

My family is very very very very conservative.  Naturally, we were horrified.

You can tell from the fire in his eyes that he's a wily little devil, can't you?
And here we see the jock strap that will never be forgotten....

And our reactions:

Me, Greg, and Greg's mom, Becky.  Notice that I have mastered the totally neutral, "I'm cool" face.  Inside I was freaking out.

That's just the tip of the iceberg.

After we had been married a few weeks we were all eating dinner: Greg and me, Becky and Gary, and Greg's brother and his wife- Brett and Kylee.  Gary stopped the conversation and declared, "Guys it's so great that we can have Bonnie here with us now.  This is our first time all together!"  It was an odd thing to say because I had spent plenty of time with Greg's family before we got married.  Dinner was the norm for the six of us.

 Brett and Greg started heckling Gary a bit, making fun of his unusual way of showing tenderness,
"Yah, because we've never had dinner with Bonnie before!"
"Guys, I'd like you meet my new wife, Bonnie." Greg added,  "I know none of you have met her yet, but she's great."
"Stop it!" yelled Gary.
"What I meant to say is... is.....  no one here is a virgin anymore!"

My felt my face turn deep red.  Us Mormons wait for sex until we're married which is awesome in so many ways, but also awful in that everyone and their dog pretty much knows the exact hour that you will be losing your virginity.

There was silence for a moment until Brett chimed in,
"Congrats Bonnie!  You are no longer a virgin and as such, we welcome you to the family."

And it goes on.  Tonight Gary and Becky came over for dinner.  We showed them around the new apartment, it's only one bedroom, so you know- it wasn't going to take too long.  "This is the living room..." I said.

"Where's the bedroom?" interrupted Gary.  "I need to see where all the love making occurs."

Again deep red.

At dinner, Greg said that he hadn't been feeling very well.
"Well, what is it?" Gary prodded.
"I don't know... something's going with my stomach."
"Like what?  Diarrhea?" Gary insisted for details.
"Yah... I guess there's some of that."
"Well, sheesh.  Nothing new to me!  I've got that every day!  Join the club, buddy!" and he took a bit gulp of his Dr. Pepper and continued eating away.

I hope you are all as lucky as I am to have a Gary in your life.  It's good for the heart and soul to have someone in your life saying craziness whenever they get the chance.