Did you ever wonder about my honeymoon? Did you ever stand there, while making dinner, mixing onion in with that ground beef, and let your thoughts run away with you? Did you ever start pondering, "How was Bon Bon's honeymoon? What did she do?" Did you ever wonder how long my honeymoon was? Or where we went? I'm sure you have. It's a normal thing to wonder, folks.
Today you're in luck because I am going to fill you in on the gory honeymoon details. Hold on to your seats, gals, this is going to be good!
(Interesting side note- we forgot to take our camera on our honeymoon. I therefore paid a completely outrageous price for a disposable camera at Catalina Island. Twenty four poor quality pictures are all the evidence that we have of our honeymoon. The pictures that you see below are actually pictures of the pictures from the disposable camera (you still with me?) so let me just tell you that they are not the best quality pictures you have ever seen. They just might be the cutest, though.)
The honeymoon week was my favorite week of all time. Yes, there were the normal reasons- a week off of work, a complete escape from reality, no one calling me, spending 24/7 with Hubs after months of self control. But it is also my favorite for another reason... because it ended up being nothing like we thought it would be. AKA everything that could have went wrong did. This was not our fault, however. This was the fault of the travel agent, Larry. You see, Hubs decided to go with a travel agent because Larry was an old acquaintance of Hubs' and Hubs figured, "I've got enough hooplah to worry about with this crazy woman and her engagement frenzy, so I'll let someone else worry about the honeymoon." And he did.
Problem is that Larry had a few tricks up his sleeve. We were supposed to go on a seven day cruise. Five days before the wedding, I was in the middle of teaching a creative writing class and my phone started vibrating off the hook in the my desk. My students always know when my phone vibrates because as one of them so eloquently stated, it sounds like "a robot farting." I chose to ignore it, but it kept vibrating and vibrating and vibrating. But people, you can't ignore a robot fart forever so eventually I had to answer.
On the other line was an absolute panicked Hubs. "Bonnie! Larry called! Our cruise has been cancelled! We have no honeymoon!" (Later I realized the cruise has most likely not been "cancelled" but that Larry had never booked us on the cruise to begin with) I tried to reassure Hubs and finally after a lot of frenzied phone calls and a lunch period spent on the phone and NOT eating my tuna fish sandwich, we had figured out another option. Larry could get us a 4 day cruise. We would stay in a hotel in L.A. the first day. We would get a refund for the downgraded cruise. Everything was going to be okay.
From that point on there were problems, problems, and more problems with the honeymoon. We got married on a Saturday and stayed at a hotel in Salt Lake. Our plane left for California the next morning at 7 am. On daylight savings... Making it feel like it was actually 6 am. Now I don't know if you've ever been married, but the last thing you want to do the morning after is drag yourself out of bed at 4:30 am. All the way to the airport, I elaborately plotted ways I could kill him.
Once we were at our hotel in L.A., Hubs noticed a charge from his bank account. Apparently, Larry was using Hubs' account to pay for the hotel instead of using the extra money from our downgraded cruise.
The real kicker was when we got to our cruise cabin. There was no queen bed, no ocean view like we had originally bought and planned for. Instead there were two twin beds. One on top of the other. Bunk beds. For our honeymoon.
Que romantico!
We spent the honeymoon trying to share one twin bed, and I guess it was romantic and cute in its own way, even if I did get many an elbow to the face. When we look back on it now I say, "How did we ever share a twin bed?"
Hubs reply: "We were in love"
"We're still in love now!"
"Yah, but then we were in twin bed love."
I guess the man is right. We were in twin bed love, and maybe that's the only way we could have survived it.
At this point in the ballgame, all Hubs and I could do was laugh. "That Larry! He sure did get the best of us!" When you're in love and you're on your honeymoon I guess anything can go wrong and you'll be happy. From then on, everything that went wrong we blamed on Larry.
"Oh man, we're late for dinner! This is Larry's fault!"
"Hubs, you're feeling sick? Larry, I am so sick of you screwing everything up for us!"
"We just got ripped off by a Mexican selling fake vanilla? Larry, you will pay for this!"
And somehow, the trend has continued on throughout our marriage... even a year and a half after the big honeymoon, we still try to blame everything on Larry.
I forgot to do the dishes? It was Larry.
Hubs didn't call to tell me he'd be late for dinner? It was Larry.
I got another speeding ticket? It was Larry.
And that my friends, is the secret to a successful marriage. Have a scapegoat.
(And P.S.... six months later we finally got the $600+ back that Larry owed us, thanks to the help of my lawyer brother. Sometimes you just gotta be persistent!)
Today you're in luck because I am going to fill you in on the gory honeymoon details. Hold on to your seats, gals, this is going to be good!
(Interesting side note- we forgot to take our camera on our honeymoon. I therefore paid a completely outrageous price for a disposable camera at Catalina Island. Twenty four poor quality pictures are all the evidence that we have of our honeymoon. The pictures that you see below are actually pictures of the pictures from the disposable camera (you still with me?) so let me just tell you that they are not the best quality pictures you have ever seen. They just might be the cutest, though.)
The honeymoon week was my favorite week of all time. Yes, there were the normal reasons- a week off of work, a complete escape from reality, no one calling me, spending 24/7 with Hubs after months of self control. But it is also my favorite for another reason... because it ended up being nothing like we thought it would be. AKA everything that could have went wrong did. This was not our fault, however. This was the fault of the travel agent, Larry. You see, Hubs decided to go with a travel agent because Larry was an old acquaintance of Hubs' and Hubs figured, "I've got enough hooplah to worry about with this crazy woman and her engagement frenzy, so I'll let someone else worry about the honeymoon." And he did.
Problem is that Larry had a few tricks up his sleeve. We were supposed to go on a seven day cruise. Five days before the wedding, I was in the middle of teaching a creative writing class and my phone started vibrating off the hook in the my desk. My students always know when my phone vibrates because as one of them so eloquently stated, it sounds like "a robot farting." I chose to ignore it, but it kept vibrating and vibrating and vibrating. But people, you can't ignore a robot fart forever so eventually I had to answer.
On the other line was an absolute panicked Hubs. "Bonnie! Larry called! Our cruise has been cancelled! We have no honeymoon!" (Later I realized the cruise has most likely not been "cancelled" but that Larry had never booked us on the cruise to begin with) I tried to reassure Hubs and finally after a lot of frenzied phone calls and a lunch period spent on the phone and NOT eating my tuna fish sandwich, we had figured out another option. Larry could get us a 4 day cruise. We would stay in a hotel in L.A. the first day. We would get a refund for the downgraded cruise. Everything was going to be okay.
From that point on there were problems, problems, and more problems with the honeymoon. We got married on a Saturday and stayed at a hotel in Salt Lake. Our plane left for California the next morning at 7 am. On daylight savings... Making it feel like it was actually 6 am. Now I don't know if you've ever been married, but the last thing you want to do the morning after is drag yourself out of bed at 4:30 am. All the way to the airport, I elaborately plotted ways I could kill him.
Once we were at our hotel in L.A., Hubs noticed a charge from his bank account. Apparently, Larry was using Hubs' account to pay for the hotel instead of using the extra money from our downgraded cruise.
The real kicker was when we got to our cruise cabin. There was no queen bed, no ocean view like we had originally bought and planned for. Instead there were two twin beds. One on top of the other. Bunk beds. For our honeymoon.
Que romantico!
We spent the honeymoon trying to share one twin bed, and I guess it was romantic and cute in its own way, even if I did get many an elbow to the face. When we look back on it now I say, "How did we ever share a twin bed?"
Hubs reply: "We were in love"
"We're still in love now!"
"Yah, but then we were in twin bed love."
I guess the man is right. We were in twin bed love, and maybe that's the only way we could have survived it.
At this point in the ballgame, all Hubs and I could do was laugh. "That Larry! He sure did get the best of us!" When you're in love and you're on your honeymoon I guess anything can go wrong and you'll be happy. From then on, everything that went wrong we blamed on Larry.
"Oh man, we're late for dinner! This is Larry's fault!"
"Hubs, you're feeling sick? Larry, I am so sick of you screwing everything up for us!"
"We just got ripped off by a Mexican selling fake vanilla? Larry, you will pay for this!"
And somehow, the trend has continued on throughout our marriage... even a year and a half after the big honeymoon, we still try to blame everything on Larry.
I forgot to do the dishes? It was Larry.
Hubs didn't call to tell me he'd be late for dinner? It was Larry.
I got another speeding ticket? It was Larry.
And that my friends, is the secret to a successful marriage. Have a scapegoat.
(And P.S.... six months later we finally got the $600+ back that Larry owed us, thanks to the help of my lawyer brother. Sometimes you just gotta be persistent!)
