I might be wrong about the man. I thought Kim was the man. Kim is the overweight forty year old woman who has worked at the restuarant for nine years. She has been helping me with any questions I have. All day today Kim kept telling me what to do and how to do it and wouldn't shut up about how it had to be done this certain way. I was becoming so frustrating and in my head was planning all sorts of ways to stick it to her. "Want me to show you a trick how to put all the lids on the kids' jellos really fast?" Kim asked me. And then I realized. Kim is not the man. She is not even close to the man- she just works for him. She has been slaving away for the man her entire life and she doesn't even know it. I am jealous of Kim because she is so content working at the same restaurant for nine years and she does everything exactly how it is supposed to be and never questions. She doesn't even know the man exists, and even if she did, she wouldn't care. She likes the man. She is not an over-analyzer and she simply doesn't care if someone tells her to wash the lemons twice. She doesn't doubt, she just does what she is told. I wonder if I wouldn't be so much happier in life if, like Kim, I just accepted the man and stopped spending my life trying to stick it to him. I have become an incredible ham in the restaurant. I say the cheesiest, lamest things to people. What's worse, I use the same lines over and over. Any time a cute old couple orders the exact same thing I say with a big smile, "Well you are just two peas in a pod, aren't you!" and they laugh and think it's nice and tell me that they've been married for two hundred years. I can't help using the same line over and over again because I always get such a reaction from it. And I always mean it when I say the whole peas in a pod thing- it is cute how old people just sort of mold into one another and always order the same thing. But in any case, I just wish I could stop saying that dumb cheesy line and think of a new one.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
I have one main purpose in life. It is to stick it to the man. I hate the man. He is ruining everything. The man has given me $110 worth of parking tickets this week. I don't understand why he has such retarded parking laws, so to stick it to him, I am not going to pay the tickets. I don't know what will happen if I don't pay them, but I figure worst case scenario is I will get sent to jail for a couple nights. A couple days in jail never hurt nobody. The man is everywhere. I noticed him at work today. He told me that I have to wash the lemons, even if they have already been washed, and that I have to leave the money on top of the cash register until the transaction is complete. If I understood the man's rules maybe I wouldn't hate him so bad. The problem is that the man is constantly telling me what to do, how to do it, but never why I am doing it. When the man is not looking I don't wash the lemons and I put the money in my cash register immediately. I also sneak sips of diet pepsi from him. My hope is that if I stick it to the man enough times I will eventually be able to get him off my back for good.