Can I call you friends? I mean I don't really know all of you. I know some people, but there are a lot of people who read this blog who I don't even have a clue that they are reading. It absolutely blows my mind that there are people who read this blog whom I've never met who live in states I've never been to with children whom I'm don't even know their names. Hello to all of you. Please. Tell me what state you live in and your kids' names in the comments. Maybe then I'll feel like I know you a little better?
Today I don't feel like much writing a bunch of nonsense. Sometimes I do feel like writing nonsense and that's okay. Sometimes I like to write about how to clean your house really fast and where to buy the best jeans and how to discreetly nurse in public. I mean, that's all really important stuff, trust me, I know, but it's all kind of just nonsense too, you know? The best kind of nonsense, but still nonsense nonetheless. Also nonetheless is one of my favorite words.
The truth is I kind of want to get my writing out tonight so I can get my reading in. My family is doing a Book of Mormon challenge where we are trying to read the book in 60 days. It's about 10 pages a day and that's super doable, but also super hard. I know a lot of you who read this blog aren't Mormon and I know a lot of you aren't religious, but I think we can all agree that it's good to slow down and read things that somehow speak to our spirit and meditate on the things that are most important to us. I have really enjoyed reading the Book of Mormon during these hot summer days and have had some personal questions answered. I have felt a calm and a happiness in my life that I didn't even realize was missing. I feel grateful for that.
I am also really excited about finishing Wild tonight. I did my book review on the blog last night, but the truth is I still have about 30 pages to finish. I thought about rushing through them last night so that I could write my post, but I was enjoying the book too much so I decided to save them instead. Sometimes when I really like a book I try to go slower and slower as it ends. To really savor those last few pages because it fills my soul and speaks to me in a certain way that I need at a certain time and can't quite bear it to be over yet. I mentioned yesterday, but I was very surprised by how much I enjoyed this book. I felt a lot of strength and a lot of hope from the author.
I am also excited about starting The Girl on the Train which is waiting for me on my night stand as soon as I finish Wild. And then it's on to August's book club selection All the Light We Cannot See. For non-fiction I've been reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking in hopes of better understanding my husband and his introverting ways. It's a great time to be a reader. It's always a great time to be a reader.
If you can't tell, I have been feeling very introspective and maybe a little sad and reflective the past few days. July does that to me. It's the July blues. Greg makes fun of me, but I'm certain it's a thing. Have you felt it too? A sluggish, heat stricken, do we really have to continue on with summer feeling? I don't fully understand it because I LOVE summer and I don't even have to work in the summer and why in the world am I not 100% happy every single day in the summer? I don't know. That's why I call it the blues.
I've been trying to use my July blues time to study and reflect and better understand myself and my husband and my God and my role in the universe and you know- all those big questions. Here's the thing, whenever I get feeling kind of depressed or confused it usually means I'm not taking enough time to myself. I am an extrovert so I am constantly seeking the company of others, but it is important to feed the quiet Bonnie too. I didn't know that about myself until the past year. That I need time totally to myself- to go on walks with my dog and listen to Norah Jones and read books and write in my journal and study and reflect and let my mind kind of set me back on track a little. A few nights this week Greg has been gone and I've been by myself. I've put my little June bug to bed and then enjoyed four hours of total aloneness that has been necessary for me in a way that is very surprising to me.
Last night Greg and I stayed up past 2 am having one of those big talks about the big things... the mysteries of the universe, why we are the way that we are, what our wants and fears and needs and dreams are. How we can be better spouses and lovers and partners... and not just that, but how we can be better people overall- how we can give to our family, to the world... what our future will look like and how we can sustain real and lasting happiness. It was vulnerable and raw, and I felt so close to him and so grateful for our relationship. I have mentioned before on this blog- Greg and I are two very very different people. But we are both totally committed to our marriage and to our Junebug and I will never regret marrying my sensitive, theater-loving redhead. Our decision to partner up in life has stretched me, taught me, opened me up, made me a better person than I'd ever be on my own. I have grown (and grown up) so much in our marriage. Some of that growing has been painful, but it has been lovely, too, the result of two people trying to make a very important relationship work. Sometimes I wish that Greg and I were more alike, that I could be married to my twin and then there wouldn't ever be any struggle. But I'm grateful for the struggle, that Greg is willing to do it with me. The sacrifice and the work that goes into our marriage makes it sweeter to me- the amount we are willing to give for each other because we know that it is worth it.
And now I'm crying.
Good night and happy weekend to all.