The Life of Bon: April 2010

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My harshest critics

Two weeks ago I finished up my student teaching and bid adieu to the 15, 16, and 17 year olds who have been rocking my world the past three months. Strangely, it was harder than I thought to say goodbye to 200 high school punks. Before I left, all students had to fill out an evaluation. Although some of the comments the students put I really did take seriously, most of them were just absolutely hilarious. Here are some of the highlights, taken word for word, followed by my own commentary, italicized and in parenthesis:

Things you liked most about this teacher:
“She doesn’t make us think super deep about stuff that can’t be deep.” (HAHA! Is this a compliment or does it reflect poorly on my teaching meaning I didn’t make them stretch?)
“I love that she talks really loud.” (First time anybody has ever liked that about me)
“Pretty much everything has gone well except for the reading because I hate it more than anything.”
“She’s not just a boring fun-hating teacher.”
“We learned a lot, not only about English, but about Bonnie’s life. Like the fact that her names is Bonnie and she works at Sizzler and she’s a good prankster.” (Once those rugrats figured out my name they tried to use it as much as possible)
“Probably the most fun I’ve ever had” (EVER? Oh geez, I hope not.)
“The way she drinks her water.” (Yah, some of the things they said are just plain creepy.)
“She is always so happy and always has the cutest clothes!” (Man, these kids really know what counts, don’t they?)
“I loved the whole year! PARTY AT SIZZLER!” (
“This teacher is attractive.” (…that’s all they said….oh, ninth graders.)
“I like that it was cool. I mean it wasn’t boring. She kept it cool because when I get bored I just lose focus. But it was cool.” (Wow… so profound)
“She’s friggin hilarious.”
“She is nice… brownie points for her, I always like kind teachers.”
“Ms. Blackbird gives everyone a chance to speak in class.” (HA! Ms. Blackbird… oh so much that I said that didn’t enter into their heads.)
“She laughs at our jokes.”
“She’s got attitude and she knows how to handle talkers.”
“Finally, a student teacher who doesn’t have a problem with telling students to shut up! I really love this class (when she’s in a good mood, haha :))”

Things you would like to see this teacher do differently:
“Make specific homework assignments. We need exact numbers of things, not just “I don’t know.” (Oops. Stupid kids always wanted to know EXACTLY how many paragraphs exactly how many sentences to write. Just write you idiots.)
“Sometimes she wore squeaky shoes.” (They really couldn’t get over the fact that I have a pair of squeaky shoes)
“I would have liked her to not have assigned homework.”
“Nufin. She ballin. Nuff said.” (HAHA! And I call my student teaching experience in ENGLISH a success?)
“Well she smells like a horse. Her shoes squeak but… APRIL FOOLS! She’s cool. Even though Aquafina is better than Arrowhead and she drinks arrowhead and she’d be cooler if she’d accept our friend requests on facebook.” (I had them write the evaluations on April Fools… looking back it was not my best idea.)
“Don’t wear squeaky shoes… and I like your hair.” (Umm… Thank you?)
“She says like way too much. Reminds me of a teenage girl.”
“She could have made a fun spelling unit.”
“When kids goofed off, it was, I think, like, a little hard for Ms. Blackburn to stay in control.” (First, notice the excessive units of commas. Secondly, I love the way the student phrased it… hard for me to stay in control. Can’t you just picture me freaking out and throwing my high heels at the students?)
1. “Do 50 pullups in succession
2. Work me in call of Duty
3. Paint the Mona Lisa
4. Give me more extra credit” (I knew exactly what student wrote this evaluation… he was always begging for extra credit.)
“Less stupid books and no essays.” (YES SIR! No more reading and no more writing in an English class. Your wish is my command)

Man, I'm going to miss them.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

No purchase necessary.

About a month ago, McDonald's made what I viewed as a terrible mistake. They printed a coupon in the BYU newspaper, "The Daily Universe." One free smoothie. No purchase necessary. No. Purchase. Necessary.

My little sister called to inform me of the good news and suggested that we meet up at... Hmmm... Lets say McDonalds... later on in the day. I agreed. My sis kifed dozens of newspapers from that day so we could have an endless supply of free smoothies. I let my roommate know, who was still on campus, and she loaded up as well on the newspapers. Between the three of us, we probably had 50 smoothie coupons. Yes. We win.

Now here's the deal... McDonalds was making a huge mistake. Stupid fast food restuarant. They don't know jack crap about marketing. You can't print a coupon with NO PURCHASE NECESSARY and expect to make any money. What idiots. BYU students, especially me and my smart little friends, were going to give them a run for their money, use and abuse the system, and make McDonalds regret ever having printed that dumb coupon. Every day. Free smoothie. And after the coupons run out, if you think we're going to pay full price for one of those little smoothies, you've got another thing coming for you, McDonald's. We aren't. We won't. Ever. Pay full price.

So we met up at McDonalds later that day as planned. And here's the deal. Even though I didn't HAVE to buy anything to use the coupon, once inside the restaurant I really really wanted French fries. And I figured since I wasn't paying for the smoothie, paying for French fries wasn't going to hurt me, right?

Three weeks ago, my sister wanted to hang out. And of all the places to get together, where do you think we chose? McDonalds, of course, to use the free coupons. Only she was hungry for real food. So she bought a burger and a wrap.

Last week I convinced a group of four or five to go to get free smoothies, my treat with the surplus of coupons I have. Well, they were out of smoothies. But we were all in the mood now for something delicious. So we all bought ice cream cones.

Three days ago me and my friend rolled into Mickey D's for some smoothies. I discovered I didn't have the coupons with me. So we couldn't get smoothies. Only we were now already craving something. And we were already at McDonalds. So even though its not my favorite place to eat, we were already we might as well get something to eat, right? And we blew money on food from McDonalds.

And that's when I came to the realization. McDonalds got the best of me. I did not take advantage of them, i did not use and abuse, I did not rape, pillage, and destroy the system like I had planned. No. McDonalds had used and abused ME!!! Not once did I plan on spending money at that freaking restaurant. Not once did I ever really even want to eat McDonalds food. But I did. Every time. Even with that stupid "No purchase necessary" printed so clearly to see on every coupon.

Fine, McDonald's. You win. You always do.