The Life of Bon: 2009

Monday, November 16, 2009

Monday, Monday

I love Mondays because......

1. Easy crossword. Rock my world. I always finish the Monday crossword. BY MYSELF!
2. I have my volleyball class. And I love volleyball.

That's about it as for good things about Mondays...
Now I guess we just once again start the process of waiting for the weekend.

In other news, I got a parking ticket. I'm sure many of you will be satisfied to know I finally got what was coming to me. It happened on Friday- November 13. I am still amazed as to how I went two and a half months without getting a ticket. If you are wondering if I am currently parked in faculty parking... I am. I'm going to keep taking the risk, even though they pegged me once. I think they only ticket on Fridays. I'll keep you updated. Since I know it's a huge concern to you and all.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009


Have you ever noticed how a lot of times people will just start saying a word that has been around for years but not used that often? And then people are suddenly going nuts and inserting that word in every sentence possible? It happened with the word random. Nobody ever used that word and then one day people would use it for everything- even when the word didn't apply: "I just got a random phone call from my mom" Uh... why was that random? She calls you every day.

Anyway, the most recent trend in words is.... Epic. It makes me crazy. Everytime I hear the word/read the word/think about the word it makes me want to put a gun to my head. I just don't understand why all of a sudden the entire world is using this word to describe EVERYTHING. The definition of epic is "very imposing or impressive, surpassing the ordinary or of heroic proportions". So wouldn't this mean that the more people use this word, the less significance the word actually has? Because if it means that it surpasses the ordinary... and we begin to use it for quite ordinary things, well then it's not epic at all.

I can't figure out exactly when this trend started. For the last nine months I've been blaming any new trend or anything at all that has happened in the media or in our culture on our mission. So obviously when everyone started using epic, I tried to say "wow, I must have been on my mission when the whole country started using epic like it was their job" But then I realized that the first six months that I was home from my mission nobody was using that dang word at all... so it must be a more recent affair...

I'll cite to you some examples:
In a review on Adam Lambert's new music video: the just-premiered video is an epic and explosive affair.
In the same review: I can only imagine how epic it will seem when it runs in multiplexes before Michael Jackson's This Is It...
(really guys, really? You're going to use this "impressive and grandiose" word twice in the same review?
A girl commenting on that video: it's not epic, it's biblical.
(Uh, you're retarded. Don't compare Adam Lambert to the bible. Ever.)
An invite on my facebook page: EPIC BONFIRE.
(Wow, that 21 year old boy off his mish must have just figured out what epic means and now he thinks he can use it to describe the dinky fire he and his friends are going to have in the back of his apartment complex?)
An article in the Daily Universal: the new agenda should be pretty epic.
(PRETTY EPIC? PRETTY EPIC? Isn't that an oxymoron? Don't use as strong an adjective as epic with a word that is meant to subtract the significance of the adjective)
My friend last night on the couch: We should do a road trip. That would be epic.
(Yes, it might be fun, but if you say epic one time during that road trip I'm going to run you over and leave you to die on the side of the road)

My advice to anyone who finds themselves using this word: It's okay to use it, just sparingly. Epic cannot describe every event in the world. Just because you just found out what the word means doesn't mean you can use it more than once a minute.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

My Dirty Little Secret

I live too far away from campus to walk. Bus passes are $120 and that's too much money to pay for just one semester. And it's pretty much a universally known fact that parking on campus is insane so how do I manage to get to school every day? No, not hitchiking- my days at BYU Hawaii are long past.

I park in faculty parking.

No one has noticed.

I've been parking there for over a month.

No tickets.

It started back the first week of school. I was late for class and looking desperately for a spot in the undergraduate parking. No spots. Anywhere. Class was starting. I was frustrated and late and didn't want to look anymore. So I zipped on up to "A" lot, parked my car in a spot where I knew I wasn't supposed to, and mentally accepted the fact that I would have a $30 parking ticket that would someday have to be paid if I want a diploma. Imagine my surprise when eight hours later, there was no ticket on the car. I thought it odd, even creepy... but decided to just try parking there the next day and continue to push my luck.

And the luck keeps on pushing. Some 30+ days later, still no ticket. I don't even look for a ticket anymore when I go out to my car. I've just accepted the fact that A) My car somehow has faculty registration so when the police parking dudes come around my car scans in as faculty or B) No one checks that lot (which is ridiculous because BYU are such Nazis about fining anyone who parks inappropriately) or C) The BYU parking dude recognizes my car on me and has a crush on me so is cutting me a break or D) I actually get a ticket every day, but someone who hates me takes that ticket so that I don't realize I'm being fined and keep parking there. Maybe by the end of the semester I will have 75 $30 parking tickets. Yikes. Over $2000. That's as much as tuition. Just to park.

Whatever the reason, I continue to live it up. I can come and go to campus whenever I please. I run home for a quick lunch or to grab something that I forgot. I go to lunch with friends and then two hours later that beloved faculty parking spot is still wide open for me. No more having to stay on campus for eight+ hours because I have a good spot and if I leave in the middle of the day someone else will get the parking spot. The doors it has opened are endless.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Toe crisis

I feel like I should have a welcome back party for myself. Of course, I think that every time I post on my blog. I enjoy doing it, and yet somehow it is hard for me to be consistent.

For some reason I never feel like posting about anything significant. So I've decided all just continue positing about the minuscule and unimportant happenings in my life. Can your toes keep growing? Today I looked down at my foot. I was sitting in a rather boring class and the subject material had long ceased to hold my attention. I wiggled my toes around, looked at the sore on the top of my right foot and scratched my heel. Then I noticed. My second toe is longer than my big toe! I know this isn't that unusual; tons of people have longer second toes. But here's the thing, I have always prided myself in the fact that my toes are perfect. Each toe is the appropriate length. Each progressively shorter than the one before. So one day I distractedly look down and notice that my second toe has grown longer than my big toe? How does that happen to someone?!?

In other news I'm still mad about a parking ticket I got over a week ago. It was for parking in handicapped parking in Wal-mart. I'm not handicapped. They figured it out. One hundred dollars.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Reasons BYU hates me

Yah, it's true. BYU totally hates me.

BYU hates me because I never return my library books on time. Like ever. It's just annoying to have to remember to bring them back by a certain date... especially when I am not done reading the book by that date. I don't have much of an excuse because you can recheck them out on line... but the catch is if you miss the date, they won't let you recheck the book out online. And once the book is overdue, you might as well just make it really overdue and hand it in whenever the heck is convenient for you. I realized that BYU hates me when the librarian chick rolled her eyes at me and told me I had a $16.00 fine. "Well, can't you waive it?" I asked her. I know they can. They're supposed to. I used to have a BYU librarian friend and she told me they pretty much have to waive the fine. "No, we really can't..." "Well, I know you can because they always do. If you don't want to waive it, you don't have to but I'll just come tomorrow and ask the guy working tomorrow to waive it." "Uh, yah... I guess I could waive it but it's a pretty big fine. Why didn't you just bring it back on time?" "I forgot. I'm in the thick of finals. I couldn't get around to it. Can you just waive it?" And so she waived it and hated me. I can hear the conversation in her head, "Dumb girl thinks she's above the BYU library rules and I am only encouraging her by waiving this fine, but what can I do?"

They hate me because I don't buy their text books from the BYU bookstore. What books I absolutely have to buy, I buy online. As much as possible I just don't do the readings for my classes. When I have to do the reading, I go to the bookstore and just read the textbook there. They usually tell me to stop after a few minutes. So I take the book downstairs where they don't care and read it there. When I'm done reading, I return the book. And the bookstore makes no money.

They hate me because I've been here for four years and I only pay half my tuition. I'm sure they would love to figure out a way to not pay me to be here each semester, but a good GPA is hard to argue with, so as much as they hate it, they have to pay me.

They hate me because I left to go to BYU Hawaii for a semester and then demanded I be let in, and be let back into my major. Then I left to Argentina for a year and a half, and I demanded to be let back in, and to be let back into my major. And as much as they would have liked to have denied me, they couldn't. It's rules. They have to follow them.

They hate me because I sleep on their couches shamelessly, I use their computers on campus, and I get mad at them if their computers don't correctly save my homework. I wear pajamas to classes, (come on, who gets dressed for eight o'clock classes?) and I haven't once joined one of their clubs. I don't vote for BYUSA president and I don't support anyone or anything on campus.

Lucky for them, they're getting rid of me in a year.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Tell them what they want to hear

I've become pretty good at telling people exactly what they want to hear. Take M for example. He is my general manager at the restaurant. I used to hate his guts. Now I just tell him exactly what he wants to hear and we get along swimmingly.

Example: Last night a corny couple came into the restaurant. I was supposed to be off the floor- the night was almost over. Well, these two bimbos wandered over into my section and so I had to serve them. The lady was nice as all get out. She kept smiling and telling me how beautiful I was. Obviously, I immediately liked her- she was telling me what I wanted to hear. So I told her what she wanted to hear... how great it is to have them in the restuarant, how sweet they are, how I wish they would come back soon.

Next, the corny couple went on and on about how this resturant is so much better than other restuarants they have been to of the same chain. Whatever, they are all the same, but if these peeps want to think one resturant is better than the exact same restaurant in a different city, don't argue with them. Just let them think what they want. Anyway, I gave the credit of our "off the hook restaurant" to M. "He drives a tight ship," I confided in them, as if it were some great secret (I was practically speaking in a whisper). "He doesn't take any slack from anyone. If the shrimp are in the oil 20 seconds too long or 20 seconds too little, he throws all the shrimp away and the cook gets the ax. He demands perfection." And you know... I went on. Shooting the bull. Talking about how great M is even though I secretly kind of hate him. He's a moron, after all. I told him once, but he didn't like that very much. All morons hate it when you call them morons.

Well, what do you know, M happened to be walking by at that exact time and I called him over, "M! This couple is dying to meet you! They want to know why this restaurant is the best they've ever been to. I told them it's thanks to you. You keep us all in line." M hates me, but I think in that instant he almost loved me. He was beaming from here to the moon. And so he started talking to the corny couple. And I escaped so I could go do my sidework and get the heck home.

Results of my telling people what they want to hear instead of the truth: the couple left a healthy tip. When I tipped out to M that night he thanked me for being a great server and said he looked forward to seeing me tomorrow night. Right. Apparently you just tell him what he wants to hear- you know- "M drives a tight ship!" and life gets a whole lot easier.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

It's official

This blog is now three years old. I guess I am making it official now. by making it official I have told somebody that I have it. before noboyd knew. it was like a secret blog. Secret and pointless. Actually, that's not true, my friend H knew about it. She was the only one who ever commented on anything. Now I have officially told my other friend, Ak. After coming back from my excursion in Argy I figure dout pretty dang quick that a lot of people have blogs. So I wanted one. But I already have one. So i guess now it's time to make this blog active. As in I actively post and follow other people's blogs, you know the whole blog deal.

But is it okay if I do this? My roommate C told me I can't do it. She says blogs are only for married people and that single people with blogs are weird. Well, I've always known I am weird, so I guess it's nothing new there.

I feel like I should have some kind of blog party to celebrate this. You know when gay people come out of the closet? Like they've been gay for years, but they finally come out with it and everything? I feel that way about this blog. i've been blogging for awhile, but I am finally coming out with it. now everybody is going to read it and probably discover that I actually have nothing interesting to say at all. I've seen some blogs with pics on them. i can't even imagine how to do that. I'm just going to stick with the simple blogs. Technology is really too advanced for me these days.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Apples in the library

What do you think the library people would do if they knew that right now, at this very moment, at 4:40 in the afternoon on Tuesday, January 20, 2009, I was eating an apple? You know that eating is very strictly prohibited in the library. They might even kick me out of the library. but do you know what? the girl sitting next to me is eating lettuce and frosted flakes. i think that's about the weirdest combination I have ever seen, but she is korean, so maybe in korean they just eat what they feel like. I wonder if she knows the rule about no food in the library. I'm sure she does. but if she doesn't I sure as heck wasn't a very good example to her because I just finished eating my apple.

But who even made that rule? Who is the person that owns this library that made the rule that I can't eat in here? Whose rule is it? that rule doesn't even belong to a person, it belongs to the insitution. It belongs to the man. And then when the nineteen year old student who is getting paid 7 dollars an hour to work for the library tells me to put the apple away, I respond, "Says who?"
"Says the library."
"Not says what, says WHO."
"The people from the library."
"yah, but who made that rule? The person who made that rule is long dead so is his rule still in effect even though he no longer exists? Does the rule have a longer life than the person who made it? Because it seems to me that all rules die with the person who made them"

That's what I would say, anyway, if the nineteen year old chick came to get mad at me for eating an apple. Turns out no one even noticed.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Water temperature

I went on sabbatical. I dont even know if I spelled that right, but I guess on an informal blog nobody in the world cares. I don't even know if anybody in the world will read this. I went to Argentina for 18 months. That is a long time. That is long enough to have 2 babies. But I didn't. I'm still baby-less. And I think I will be for several more years... mostly because my best friend came over last night and told me all about childbirth and how much her body hurts now that she gave birth four weeks ago. So I'm pretty happy with childless Bon.

The sabbatical was nice but now I dont fit into where I once belonged. And there are a lot of things I dont understand. For example, why is the water always exactly the temperature that I want? I can turn the knob exxactly to the temp that would be perfect for me. In the shower, in the sink, even when I am washing dishes. That is bizarre to me. In Argentina it just came out one temperature, and the temperature of the water depended on the temperature outside. If its hot outside, the water's hot. If it's cold outside, the water's cold. Simple enough. I wonder how they do it with the knob so that it comes out just like I want it.

Some things change and some things never do. I noticed there are still a lot of BYU prudes on BYU campus and I kind of want to stick it to them, but then I decide I dont want to because they are probably insecure and unhappy and nervous so then I just feel bad and decide to be nice. I dont knwo if I am as witty or clever as a writer as I once was. Well, as well as I thought I was, anyway. Who knows if I am really as great as I think I am. There is a tall white guy in a suit down here in this computer lab and I wonder why he's all dressed up. I also wonder why he's white. Everyone here is white. That's weird too. Where I came from I was the only white person and now I am just one of many many many in a group of endless white people.