The Life of Bon: The terror of bad breath

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The terror of bad breath

My first experience with bad breath was in fourth grade. I was on the bus sitting next to Nicole Willey- a freckled faced pug nosed girl with glasses. She was telling me excitedly about who knows what. I couldn't pay attention because she had terrible breath. I can still smell it today. She was breathing so heavily and sitting so close to me and all I could think of was "When can I get off this bus??? Nicole- your breath REEKS!!!" I'll probably remember that day for the rest of my life. It has triggered an intense fear that runs to my very bones. I hate bad breath.

I noticed my manager with bad breath the other day. This guy must have had just awful breath because I was in no way shape or form standing close to him. He was telling me how much silverware to roll and I could smell that breath so strong. Don't people realize when they have bad breath? Is it so hard to detect? I can taste when I have bad breath, why can't others? And most importantly- why can't they stop breathing all over me when their breath reeks of onions, sewage, poop, vomit and boogers?

I avoid people with bad breath like the plague. As soon as I notice someone with it, I stop talking to them. If ignoring them is not a possibility, I cover my nose and mouth discreetly and stand as far away as possible. I am terrified of getting stuck in a small enclosed space with a bad breather. Even worse is the thought of kissing someone with bad breath. Luckily it hasn't happened yet, but I am sure that when it does I will absolutely just puke in the other person's mouth.


  1. Your manager was telling you how many silverware rolls to make? Does that mean he found out about your new "faster" method? 'Cause that would be bad. Anyway, I'll try to carry more mints with me from now on if that helps :)

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