Today was the first day of school at Jordan High.
And for the first time in my life I am not going back to school.
Not as a student in Price Utah, not as a college student at BYU, not as a high school teacher at Jordan High.
Eight years of teaching high school English.
Today is my first day of not being a high school English teacher.
I did not find a cute outfit to wear on my first day. I did not write objectives on the board. I did not assign the first chapter of Lord the the Flies for homework. I did not pass out disclosures and try in vain to convince students that yes, I really will take their cell phones if they have them out during class. I did not frantically study seating charts and try to memorize names, did not reward myself with a large diet coke from Sonic on my way home.
In another world I would have done all that. A world I have lived in my whole life. Now it's a new world, I guess.
In my new world I woke up to June asking me to watch show. I was lying at the foot of the bed because it's the only place where I can get cool (directly under the ceiling fan) and now that I sleep in the king sized bed alone I guess it doesn't much matter if I'm at the top or at the foot, frontways or sideways, upside down or backwards. The bed can be slept in however I please.
In my new world my mom came over in the morning to help me mop my floors, clean out the fridge, take care of kids, figure out why the garbage disposal isn't running. This is at my request. I finally worked up the courage to say mom can you come over every single week and help me keep everything together (physically and emotionally) and can you do this for the foreseeable future, possibly months until I feel strong again? And she said yes of course, I'll be there.
In my new world I dropped my four year old off at preschool, put the one year old for down a nap, and then ventured to the basement to fulfill jewelry orders. Orders for a business I have built myself from the ground up. Work that I am so grateful for and that is flexible and makes a good wage to provide financially for me and my babies but that admittedly does not light up my soul the way that memorizing seating charts and passing out disclosures and assigning chapter one of Lord of the Flies does.
How did I get from where I was to where I am?
In my new world I met Greg at Maverick, switched car seats and babies, and drove off alone, back the way I came. In my new world I went to the mall by myself to engage in retail therapy and left filling empty and assaulted by mall smells. In my new world I drove to the temple and took a nap in the car and then went inside in search of rest from the chaos chaos chaos in my mind.
In my new world I drove thru In-N-Out, devoured a burger in the car, came home, trudged back down to my basement, worked on more orders, felt grateful, felt sad, felt relieved, felt heavy, felt alone, felt loved.
What a world.
And for the first time in my life I am not going back to school.
Not as a student in Price Utah, not as a college student at BYU, not as a high school teacher at Jordan High.
Eight years of teaching high school English.
Today is my first day of not being a high school English teacher.
I did not find a cute outfit to wear on my first day. I did not write objectives on the board. I did not assign the first chapter of Lord the the Flies for homework. I did not pass out disclosures and try in vain to convince students that yes, I really will take their cell phones if they have them out during class. I did not frantically study seating charts and try to memorize names, did not reward myself with a large diet coke from Sonic on my way home.
In another world I would have done all that. A world I have lived in my whole life. Now it's a new world, I guess.
In my new world I woke up to June asking me to watch show. I was lying at the foot of the bed because it's the only place where I can get cool (directly under the ceiling fan) and now that I sleep in the king sized bed alone I guess it doesn't much matter if I'm at the top or at the foot, frontways or sideways, upside down or backwards. The bed can be slept in however I please.
In my new world my mom came over in the morning to help me mop my floors, clean out the fridge, take care of kids, figure out why the garbage disposal isn't running. This is at my request. I finally worked up the courage to say mom can you come over every single week and help me keep everything together (physically and emotionally) and can you do this for the foreseeable future, possibly months until I feel strong again? And she said yes of course, I'll be there.
In my new world I dropped my four year old off at preschool, put the one year old for down a nap, and then ventured to the basement to fulfill jewelry orders. Orders for a business I have built myself from the ground up. Work that I am so grateful for and that is flexible and makes a good wage to provide financially for me and my babies but that admittedly does not light up my soul the way that memorizing seating charts and passing out disclosures and assigning chapter one of Lord of the Flies does.
How did I get from where I was to where I am?
In my new world I met Greg at Maverick, switched car seats and babies, and drove off alone, back the way I came. In my new world I went to the mall by myself to engage in retail therapy and left filling empty and assaulted by mall smells. In my new world I drove to the temple and took a nap in the car and then went inside in search of rest from the chaos chaos chaos in my mind.
In my new world I drove thru In-N-Out, devoured a burger in the car, came home, trudged back down to my basement, worked on more orders, felt grateful, felt sad, felt relieved, felt heavy, felt alone, felt loved.
What a world.
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