The Life of Bon: Reasons BYU hates me

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Reasons BYU hates me

Yah, it's true. BYU totally hates me.

BYU hates me because I never return my library books on time. Like ever. It's just annoying to have to remember to bring them back by a certain date... especially when I am not done reading the book by that date. I don't have much of an excuse because you can recheck them out on line... but the catch is if you miss the date, they won't let you recheck the book out online. And once the book is overdue, you might as well just make it really overdue and hand it in whenever the heck is convenient for you. I realized that BYU hates me when the librarian chick rolled her eyes at me and told me I had a $16.00 fine. "Well, can't you waive it?" I asked her. I know they can. They're supposed to. I used to have a BYU librarian friend and she told me they pretty much have to waive the fine. "No, we really can't..." "Well, I know you can because they always do. If you don't want to waive it, you don't have to but I'll just come tomorrow and ask the guy working tomorrow to waive it." "Uh, yah... I guess I could waive it but it's a pretty big fine. Why didn't you just bring it back on time?" "I forgot. I'm in the thick of finals. I couldn't get around to it. Can you just waive it?" And so she waived it and hated me. I can hear the conversation in her head, "Dumb girl thinks she's above the BYU library rules and I am only encouraging her by waiving this fine, but what can I do?"

They hate me because I don't buy their text books from the BYU bookstore. What books I absolutely have to buy, I buy online. As much as possible I just don't do the readings for my classes. When I have to do the reading, I go to the bookstore and just read the textbook there. They usually tell me to stop after a few minutes. So I take the book downstairs where they don't care and read it there. When I'm done reading, I return the book. And the bookstore makes no money.

They hate me because I've been here for four years and I only pay half my tuition. I'm sure they would love to figure out a way to not pay me to be here each semester, but a good GPA is hard to argue with, so as much as they hate it, they have to pay me.

They hate me because I left to go to BYU Hawaii for a semester and then demanded I be let in, and be let back into my major. Then I left to Argentina for a year and a half, and I demanded to be let back in, and to be let back into my major. And as much as they would have liked to have denied me, they couldn't. It's rules. They have to follow them.

They hate me because I sleep on their couches shamelessly, I use their computers on campus, and I get mad at them if their computers don't correctly save my homework. I wear pajamas to classes, (come on, who gets dressed for eight o'clock classes?) and I haven't once joined one of their clubs. I don't vote for BYUSA president and I don't support anyone or anything on campus.

Lucky for them, they're getting rid of me in a year.


  1. Stickin' it to the man 1986-2009.

    Keep up the good work.

  2. haha your are too funny! I can't believe you talked the librarian into waiving your late fees. oh wait, yes i can.. that is completely something you would do! congrats on making it through the semester-- just one year left! yay!!!