The Life of Bon: FACT: It has been way too long since we have talked about Bachelorette.

Monday, June 27, 2016

FACT: It has been way too long since we have talked about Bachelorette.

I think we can all agree that the biggest tragedy of me missing lots of blogging time has been the disappearance of The Bachelorette posts.  Don't pretend like you come here for anything substantial or meaningful- it's all about that reality tv juice!

I have not been writing about The Bachelorette the last three weeks, but you'd be a fool if you think I haven't been watching it.  Monday night Bachelorette is what I liiiiiiiive for!

I'm three episodes behind in writing and there's no way I can recap all three episodes, nor is there any way you would still be interested in those.  So I'll do a quick run down of some of my thoughts in hopes that we are all briefed and ready to go for tomorrow.  This week will be the return of regular Bachelor recaps.  Or so I hope!


#1:  I mean, I don't exactly expect wholesome entertainment when I watch this show but what was going on with the group sex talk date a couple weeks ago?!  I consider myself pretty open about stuff like this, and I was absolutely mortified.  I like how Jojo kind of tried to explain herself, "I think it's really important that a man be comfortable talking about sex..."  Yes, but that is sooooo not what you are asking of them here, Jojo.  Which brings me to a question I long have about this show, WHO CHOOSES THE DATES?  How much say does the Bachelorette or Bachelor actually have?  Someone out there must know this answer.

#2:  Of course the above date is where the fist really started to hit the wall (see what I did there?) with Chad.  No one really buys that Evan shoved him (or do we?) but it's pretty clear that Chad grabbed the shirt and tore it... blah blah blah feels like high school.  Don't get me wrong, I looooove the drama but Evan drives me CRAAAAAAAZY.  I think he is the weasleyist little contestant and how in the world he has snuck by this long on the show is a mystery to us all.  I was so happy when she finally sent him home- not a minute too soon!  (And not after he asked Chad again and again for a new shirt.  Give it up Evan!  You're going to have to foot the bill of your own new $8 Target v-neck!)

#3:  Perhaps contrary to popular opinion, I was super sad to see Chad go.  The man is scary as all get out, but I actually kind of felt bad for him in a lot of moments.  Obviously his strategy for dealing with conflict needs some work, but the men in the house really all did gang up on him.  Him whistling through the forest and walking back to the house AFTER he got sent home from his date- that was a first!  I have watched exorbitant amounts of Bachelor/Bachelorette and I've never seen that one before.  Now that he's gone we're all going to be bored.  BOO.

#4:  Jojo's date with Luke was everything I hoped it would be.  I have loved Luke since the very beginning and he is my pick for the winner.  If Jojo has half a brain (to steal a line from my good friend, Chad) she will choose him.  Of course, half of me hopes she doesn't choose him so that he can be our next Bachelor.

#5:  I know a lot of you like Jordan and I have heard a lot of people say the think/ hope he will win.  PLEASE, JOJO, NO!  After several weeks of watching him I finally figured out what I don't like about him.  He reminds me of a student I had a few years ago who was the slipperiest, slimiest snake in the grass you've ever met.  My student was good looking and charming and knew all the right things to say and you could just tell he was used to getting his way all the time.  I always felt like I was being manipulated by him and lied to.  Like I was just a pawn in his larger game of high school domination.  I hated this feeling and this student drove me crazy!  He has lived a lifetime of entitlement and getting exactly what he wanted and it drove me crazy that I was just one of the many people to fall to his manipulations.  This is exactly who I feel about Jordan!  Something about him seems off to me and I just don't trust him.  He's way to shmoozy.  Don't like him!  Can't like him!  And if she chooses him, it will end in heartbreak, mark my words!  Please see the red flags, Jojo!

#6:  I kind of feel like Jojo got a bad crop of boys.  Anybody else?  Obviously I love Luke and I think James Taylor is about as sweet as they come, but the rest of them feel fake and manipulative to me.  I think Derek (who is moody and jealous) was right when he called out the Mean Girls clique.  I don't care much for Robbie or Chase and I CAN'T STAND ALEX.  He has such a weird complex where he has to call everyone out for the stupidest things.  Why did he care that Jojo gave Derek the rose and said she wanted to "reassure Derek"?  The way Alex and Chase grilled Derek on that afterward was so uncomfortable to me.  I could never spend any kind of significant time with someone like Alex.  That guy is a mean little bully who just jumps from victim to victim to compensate for his own feelings of inadequacy.  I see through you, Alex!

#7:  Daniel finally left us this past week.  He and Evan are the two great mysteries to me- how they managed to stay on as long as they did is truly baffling.  I think Daniel may have had the greatest exit interview I have ever seen on Bachelor or Bachelorette:  " She's obviously going for personality.  And my personality is sh*t.  She's obviously not going for body."  HAHAHA.

#8.  Vinny really grew on me and I was sad to see him go.  I mean, I think it was pretty clear the producers had Jojo keep him around so he could give all the men haircuts, but that guy had some great one liners.  As Greg said, "Vinny.  The things he says make a lot of sense.  The clothes he wears don't."

#9:  I didn't super buy the sidestory with the magazine and Jojo's ex.  It kind of felt like a slow drama week after Chad went home so the producers so coyly said, "Hey, guys, have you seen this magazine....?"  Meh.

#10:  Robby is the first one to say "I love you" to Jojo.  Go Robby!  Right now I really like Robby but we saw previews that there is some kind of ish going on with a girlfriend back home, so I don't know how much more we will see of him.  I hope the girlfriend rumors turn out to be bogus because she deserves some quality guys.

Okay, I think I have officially rattled off everything in my brain Bachelorette related.  Tell me:

#1:  WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN? (No spoilers please!)

P.S.  I was chosen to be part of this campaign and I'm so excited.  It's the product we use in our house more than any other in the world so, well, it's a great fit!  One day the product I use more than anything else will be designer shoes, but not today!

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