Careless driver

"You're a rotten driver. Either you ought to be more careful or you oughtn't to drive at all."
-Great Gatsby

I've been home from my mission for two years.

In that time I have paid for:
Four speeding tickets (totalling $610)
Two tickets for running stop signs ($180)
One handicapped parking ticket ($100)
Countless BYU parking violations (Which, let's just be honest with ourselves... I haven't paid any of those...)
One tow ($130)
Two boots ($100)
Two traffic school sessions ($50 a pop)
One plea and abeyance deal that my brother worked out for me ($50)

Do the math, my friends. It's over a thousand bucks on poor driving and parking habits. That's not to mention the $1200 a year I have to pay for my premium car insurance (Hey! It ain't cheap to insure a careless driver like myself!)

I thought I would learn to drive safer after my last bout of tickets (this was in April when I got two speeding tickets within a thirty minute time period), but I've realized now that for me to stop driving like an idiot is both unrealistic and hopeless. (My fiance's hurtful-yet-true analysis of my driving: "You're reckless, you don't pay attention to what's going on around you, and you drive too fast.") So, instead of figuring out how to avoid getting pulled over, my latest goal is to figure out how to avoid getting the ticket once I've already been pulled over.

Unfortunately, my record is 0 for 6 in getting pulled over and not getting a ticket. I don't know what it is about me that ticks cops off, but the second they see the short blonde in the black car, it's like their minds are made up that they're going to give me that ticket and teach me a lesson, goshdangit! I have watched other people skillfully avoid getting tickets, but I can't seem to master the art. Or even have mild success with the art. My brother's been pulled over six times in a short period of time. He's gotten ONE ticket. I've been pulled over six times in a short period of time. I've gotten SIX tickets.

Here are some strategies I have used. They have each failed.
-Crying. The cop seemed more impatient and annoyed than sympathetic. I later heard on the radio that men just totally shut off when women start crying and that it literally turns them off. Hmmm.... probably won't try that one again.
-Saying yes sir, no sir, yes sir. You know, the whole super respectful thing. He didn't seem phased at all.
- Having the car window down, the enginge turned off, my license and registration ready, hands on the steering wheel. I think me being this ready for the pull over just made the cop think that I've been pulled over one too many times... meaning I'm getting pulled over and still not fixing my bad driving habits. And the obvious solution to that is to give me a ticket, right?
- Saying I have a sick friend/ super emergency. Although he appeared somewhat understanding, the cop still nailed me with the ticket. And then I felt crazy guilty for lying.
- Being very humble and compliant. "Yes, officer, I know I was speeding. Yes, I know it was wrong. Yes, I deserve to be pulled over. I'm very sorry. It's fine. Give me the ticket. I understand." Again... the cop was totally unphased by my complete and utter humility.
- Joking around with the cop. I got a laugh out of him. I also got the ticket.

I'm open to some new suggestions....

My Dirty Little Secret

I live too far away from campus to walk. Bus passes are $120 and that's too much money to pay for just one semester. And it's pretty much a universally known fact that parking on campus is insane so how do I manage to get to school every day? No, not hitchiking- my days at BYU Hawaii are long past.

I park in faculty parking.

No one has noticed.

I've been parking there for over a month.

No tickets.

It started back the first week of school. I was late for class and looking desperately for a spot in the undergraduate parking. No spots. Anywhere. Class was starting. I was frustrated and late and didn't want to look anymore. So I zipped on up to "A" lot, parked my car in a spot where I knew I wasn't supposed to, and mentally accepted the fact that I would have a $30 parking ticket that would someday have to be paid if I want a diploma. Imagine my surprise when eight hours later, there was no ticket on the car. I thought it odd, even creepy... but decided to just try parking there the next day and continue to push my luck.

And the luck keeps on pushing. Some 30+ days later, still no ticket. I don't even look for a ticket anymore when I go out to my car. I've just accepted the fact that A) My car somehow has faculty registration so when the police parking dudes come around my car scans in as faculty or B) No one checks that lot (which is ridiculous because BYU are such Nazis about fining anyone who parks inappropriately) or C) The BYU parking dude recognizes my car on me and has a crush on me so is cutting me a break or D) I actually get a ticket every day, but someone who hates me takes that ticket so that I don't realize I'm being fined and keep parking there. Maybe by the end of the semester I will have 75 $30 parking tickets. Yikes. Over $2000. That's as much as tuition. Just to park.

Whatever the reason, I continue to live it up. I can come and go to campus whenever I please. I run home for a quick lunch or to grab something that I forgot. I go to lunch with friends and then two hours later that beloved faculty parking spot is still wide open for me. No more having to stay on campus for eight+ hours because I have a good spot and if I leave in the middle of the day someone else will get the parking spot. The doors it has opened are endless.