I once heard someone say about teaching teenagers, "One minute they shock you with how brilliant they are and the next minute they shock you with how dumb they are." Ain't that the truth. My students are constantly amazing me by their level of maturity, their insight, their intelligence only to amaze me in the next moment by their absolute stupidity.
Here are some of the dumbest things my students have said lately:
When I took her cell phone away for using it in an inappropriate time during class, a student had to write me an apology note to get it back. The note read: "Sorry I was on my phone during class today. The reason is because I was texting Chandler and telling him why I put glitter and tampons and streamers and googly eyes on his car." I'd hate to be Chandler.
Another student's apology note: "Sorry for being on my phone. I was texting my dad and letting him know where he could find the shovel. I'm the only one in the family who knows where the shovel is." Because no, that's not weird.
Another apology note from a student: "I em sorry for haveing my phone out." AM. THE CORRECT SPELLING IS AM.
Listing sources on a research paper: "Source #1: Google Source #2: My imagination." I don't know which is worse, the fact that he thinks google in and of itself counts as a source or that he thinks his imagination does.
Closing paragraph on a paper about the treatment of women in The Crucible: "I am talking about this because I'm fed up with girls. At this rate they get no rights. No one is acting like Rosa Parks." I suppose women in the 1600s are supposed to know to follow the example of Rosa Parks?
Another essay on treatment of women in The Crucible: "I don't know, I was gone for when we read most of the book and I guessed on most of the test, so there is no way in hell I will be able to write this." At least he didn't make me read an essay full of b.s.
A third essay on the treatment of women in The Crucible: (You can tell they really hit this one out of the park.) "Nobody in the book treats the prostitutes very good. The prostitutes have no respect for themselves and don't aspire to anything. They are always stirring up trouble." What prostitutes?!?! Did we read the same play?
Student, when I ask him why he always talks so much in class when I'm trying to teach: "I just feel like I have so much to share with the world and so little time to share it in." He was dead serious.
The students were allowed to choose topics for their research papers. This student chose the topic of sex and violence in video games. His opening line: "I know damn well you don't want an STD."
Me: "Alright students, for your prompt today I want you to tell me all about your moms."
Student yells out: "My mom's a b****!"
In a discussion on The Crucible, about if the students agree with John Proctor's decision to die for telling the truth:
Student: "I'm not going to lie... I would lie."
"Wait, is Harvard an actual school?" Said by a seventeen year old student. SEVENTEEN.'
A student writing in his journal: "Jermerl entry #1." JERMERL?!? That doesn't even sound a little bit like journal.
A student, answering a prompt on what he did over his summer: "This summer I made out with a girl in the walk in freezer at work. Please don't tell my mom. I'd like to keep that job. (For obvious reasons)."
Another student, answering the same prompt: "This summer I got fired from my job at Arby's. They fired me because I didn't show up to work." Oh, so that's how that works?
And that's a wrap! Stay tuned for the next edition- there is no end to the nuggets of wisdom that come flying out of their mouths.