The Life of Bon: Teenagers say the darndest things

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Teenagers say the darndest things



I once heard someone say about teaching teenagers, "One minute they shock you with how brilliant they are and the next minute they shock you with how dumb they are."  Ain't that the truth.  My students are constantly amazing me by their level of maturity, their insight, their intelligence only to amaze me in the next moment by their absolute stupidity.

Here are some of the dumbest things my students have said lately: 

When I took her cell phone away for using it in an inappropriate time during class, a student had to write me an apology note to get it back.  The note read: "Sorry I was on my phone during class today. The reason is because I was texting Chandler and telling him why I put glitter and tampons and streamers and googly eyes on his car."  I'd hate to be Chandler.

Another student's apology note:  "Sorry for being on my phone.  I was texting my dad and letting him know where he could find the shovel.  I'm the only one in the family who knows where the shovel is."  Because no, that's not weird.

Another apology note from a student:  "I em sorry for haveing my phone out."  AM.  THE CORRECT SPELLING IS AM.

Listing sources on a research paper:  "Source #1:  Google  Source #2:  My imagination."  I don't know which is worse, the fact that he thinks google in and of itself counts as a source or that he thinks his imagination does.

Closing paragraph on a paper about the treatment of women in The Crucible:  "I am talking about this because I'm fed up with girls.  At this rate they get no rights.  No one is acting like Rosa Parks."  I suppose women in the 1600s are supposed to know to follow the example of Rosa Parks?

Another essay on treatment of women in The Crucible:  "I don't know, I was gone for when we read most of the book and I guessed on most of the test, so there is no way in hell I will be able to write this."  At least he didn't make me read an essay full of b.s.

A third essay on the treatment of women in The Crucible: (You can tell they really hit this one out of the park.)  "Nobody in the book treats the prostitutes very good.  The prostitutes have no respect for themselves and don't aspire to anything.  They are always stirring up trouble."  What prostitutes?!?!  Did we read the same play?

Student, when I ask him why he always talks so much in class when I'm trying to teach: "I just feel like I have so much to share with the world and so little time to share it in."  He was dead serious.

The students were allowed to choose topics for their research papers.  This student chose the topic of sex and violence in video games.  His opening line:  "I know damn well you don't want an STD."

Me:  "Alright students, for your prompt today I want you to tell me all about your moms."
Student yells out:  "My mom's a b****!"
Okay then...

In a discussion on The Crucible, about if the students agree with John Proctor's decision to die for telling the truth:
Student:  "I'm not going to lie... I would lie."

"Wait, is Harvard an actual school?"  Said by a seventeen year old student.  SEVENTEEN.'

A student writing in his journal:  "Jermerl entry #1."  JERMERL?!?  That doesn't even sound a little bit like journal.

A student, answering a prompt on what he did over his summer:  "This summer I made out with a girl in the walk in freezer at work.  Please don't tell my mom.  I'd like to keep that job. (For obvious reasons)."

Another student, answering the same prompt:  "This summer I got fired from my job at Arby's.  They fired me because I didn't show up to work."  Oh, so that's how that works?

And that's a wrap!  Stay tuned for the next edition- there is no end to the nuggets of wisdom that come flying out of their mouths.

44 comments:

  1. Just like my junior high version of Students Write the Darndest Things! We should do a link up next time!
    Love these!

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  2. Bahahahahaha, these were SO good!!! I was laughing hysterically, the best one is the walk in freezer!

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  3. I laughed aloud on this one (and really, how often do you actually find yourself laughing audibly while reading blogs?)! I used to substitute teach prior to joining the military, and I totally relate to your reaction to the student who referred to prostitutes in The Crucible.

    I was long term subbing for high school history once, and was showing the classes Schindler's List. At the end of the week, I asked each class if they had questions or something they'd like to share about the film. One student raised his hand and said, "I didn't know Hitler was like that." It took me a second to realize that he was actually referring to Schindler (as Hitler did not make a single appearance in the film). So, for an entire week, this kid's mind was getting blown as he thought Hitler was actually a popular lady's man who ACTUALLY HELPED THE JEWS affected in the Holocaust. I mean... what?

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  4. PLEASE make this a linkup. I'm so in!

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  5. My lit teacher from high school used to help us out on the school paper. His contribution was a monthly section full of ridiculous answers people had written on his tests. It was an absolute hit with EVERYONE and I still laugh out loud when I read back my old copies! xx

    Little Miss Katy | UK Lifestyle & Fashion

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  6. Thanks for the good laugh!

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  7. hahaha the things high schoolers say always amuse me. One of our kids the other night was telling the team how he's running about 5 minutes faster now as a senior than his freshman year and said "you can't coach that; that's talent".

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  8. I laughed out loud at these!

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  9. I love these posts!! They are so hilarious!

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  10. Oh the clever children.. :D I love High School Students!

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  11. Yup, sounds an awful lot like the students I taught!

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  12. I actually laughed out loud at jermerl. I may have pictured your student as the ermahgerd meme girl.

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  13. Jermerl! LOL! One thing I can for all of them is that they are very honest!

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  14. Hahaha obviously the student making out in the freezer doesn't know about your soft spot for kissing. But seriously, making out in a freezer doesn't really sound like any sort of fun at all.

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  15. Hahaha this is fantastic..I think the prostitutes one is my favorite.

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  16. I wish I had the guts to start one of my papers with "I know damn well you don't want an STD." I guess he paid attention when he was taught how to grab an audience with your first sentence! Hahaha.

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  17. hahaha This makes me wish that I would have become a teacher. Hilarious! My sister-in-law also teachers teenagers. I'm consistently surprised by how many can't handle spelling of simple words and how many are in their own little clueless world. I don't think I was ever like that, but if I was I blame the hormones.

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  18. This just made my day. So excellent.

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  19. "For obvious reasons!" was my favorite! lol That is too funny!

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  20. haha! this is the best! I just want to think that I was a little better when I was the age. I sure hope so.. calling your mom a b**.. good heavens!

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  21. This literally had me lol-ing at work. Had to share with my coworkers. Thank you thank you thank you for brightening our morning.

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  22. Oh my gosh, I was laughing so hard at these. How do you not bust out laughing when you hear these things in the classroom?

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  23. This is great! The prostitution remark had me pausing to remember if there were prostitutes in the book or not. I don't recall any though :)

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  24. I love these! Please continue to share them. I especially like the comments about the prositutes in The Crucible.

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  25. Ahhhhahahaha. I love teenagers. Just kidding they're annoying.

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  26. These are hilarious! Keep them coming!

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  27. Oh I loved this. So much. I can't wait to read more! Thanks for sharing!

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  28. Oh man, I have to say, these make me feel pretty good about my embarrassing 10th grade journals. Maybe that Harvard-bound kid was confusing it with Hogwarts. haha.

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  29. Oh my word who would admit some of these things to their teacher?!?

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  30. Oh man, those were funny! Sadly I can picture my 13 year old son saying a few of them- especially the kid who said he had so much to share with the world. My kid is the talker in class and I can just see him saying that to a teacher.

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  31. These are my absolutely favorite posts. Jermerl?? I guess it's better than Aslan.

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  32. Hahahaha. Thanks for making me laugh during a long workday....

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  33. haha, I love when you do this post! :) Thanks for the laughs

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  34. Hahaha DYING - I want this to be read out loud a la Celebrities Reading Mean Tweets About Them

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  35. Ah, from the mouths of babes. It's actually their moments of stupidity that sometimes make me love teaching even more. When teenagers act like morons, I think, "hey, their frontal lobes aren't fully developed. It's cool." When adults act like morons, I rage. My students will be writing about The Crucible soon; I hope I get some gems like those. Minus the jermerl thing. A previous student of mine sent this Buzzfeed article to me; I feel like you'll appreciate it as much as I did: http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/crimes-committed-against-the-english-language#336m77e

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  36. Wait, Harvard is just a fictional school from "Legally Blonde," right? JOKING.


    This roundup is hilarious, and scary.

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  37. This is HYSTERICAL. "WHAT PROSTITUTES?!?!"

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  38. The Crucible has always been one of my favorites. Makes me cry and realize why my English teachers's loved me so much.

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  39. I love your blog for many reasons, but this post is definitely near the top of the list!!

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  40. This is great! I was literally laughing out loud at it! I can't wait for the next one!

    Kristin
    Crumbs & Curls

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  41. These are some of my very favorite posts! I can only imagine how frustrating it might get day-to-day, but I love reading about it. Ah, youth.

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  42. Hahaha, this is the best!!

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  43. This actually had me laugh out loud - the Google /imagination source is amazing but I think the prostitutes comment is the best because I remember that book and how those two topics are very different!

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