six month appointment:
weight: 12 lbs 7.5 oz
length: 25.4 in
weight percentile: 5%
length percentile: 29%
***
four month appointment:
weight: 10 lbs 5.5 oz
length: 23.25 in
weight percentile: 1%
length percentile: 6%
***
two month appointment:
weight: 8 lbs 5 oz
length 21.25 in
weight percentile: 1%
***
two week appointment
weight: 5 lbs 15 oz
length: 20.5 in
weight percentile: 1%
***
One thing I never ever suspected about having kids is how terrifyingly fast it goes. I guess I thought that once I started having kids I was going to be stuck at home with them for the rest of my life, and now I'm trying to figure out how I make this stage last as long as possible. How has June already been alive half a year? This cannot be! I just barely had her! How dare she already know how to hold her head up and smile and laugh and hold onto objects all by herself? It's absurd! And terribly rude! She's supposed to be a newborn, with no idea how to do anything without my help. Yesterday I put away a box of June's newborn clothes, and I had to try my hardest to not cry as I folded up every little pair of pants, every miniature onesie. Her little premie outfits especially did me in. How was it that my baby was ever small and why does she have to change so fast?
This week someone I follow on instagram described watching your children grow as "heartbreaking". (Also, how sad is it that I am getting my words of wisdom from instagram? Note to self: Put down the phone. Pick up a book.) I have felt kinda bummed with every pound June has gained, but couldn't quite figure out exactly what I was feeling or why. Until I saw that word to describe it. Heartbreaking. Heartbreaking when June grows an inch or starts eating rice cereal or grows out of her 3 month jammies. Because why does it have to go so fast? And because you can't go back to a stage once it's over. And how does anybody ever have more than one kid without their heart being broken to pieces a million times over?
I hope I am not sounding incredibly ungrateful. Of course I am so happy when June progresses the way she is supposed to. I am grateful beyond measure for a healthy, happy baby.
But why can't she stay my healthy, happy baby forever?
Last night June was sitting on Greg's lap and he was reading her the Shel Silverstein book that we got her for Christmas. And, gosh, she was just so darn attentive. She stared and stared as he read her poems- like she understood them all and knew exactly what was going on. I couldn't help but look at her and look at him and wonder how long she will be able to sit on his lap for. Because I can remember sitting on my own daddy's lap. I'd climb up there and he'd read me the Sunday comics, and I don't remember any of the comics but I remember feeling loved and protected. But I can't sit on his lap anymore and one day June won't be able to sit on her daddy's lap anymore. And, gosh, my heart is just so heavy with happiness and heartache and gratitude and grief all at the same time.
I think a lot about what heaven might be like.
Maybe it's my babies never growing up?
Reading books with the bug last night.
A picture I found on my phone of me and two week old June.
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