The Winter of our Discontent

Since Christmas I have only been posting on this blog three times a week.

Thank you for that.  Thank you for allowing me to cut back, but for still checking in.

I was nervous when I decided to go down from five posts a week to three.  I knew that pageviews would drop.  I knew that my sponsorships would drop.  I knew it would make me less likely to work on campaigns that bring my family needed income.  Most of all, I was worried about you.  That you would drop.  That a community and audience that I worked so so hard to develop for three years would find something else to do.

But I had to do it.

The truth is that Greg and I took on way more than we could handle this year.  We were stupid.  Greg took a job at a high school which has been a tremendous blessing to us.  But a theater teaching job is so so much work.  Not only is he a first year teacher, which brings in and of itself a terrific amount of stress and worry, but he also was thrown into the job of director right from the beginning.  The second day of school, Greg held Les Mis tryouts and stayed after school until 5 or 6 (at least) every day until Thanksgiving week directing that play.  He rehearsed on Saturdays, too.  He is also responsible for the auditorium.  He has to get it ready for assemblies, for community groups who want to use it on, say, a Thursday night.  One weekend night about 7:00 we had to drive over to the school because the lights had been left on by a band that had performed there. The responsibility to turn them off fell to Greg. There was a torrential downpour and it was Friday night and I thought sheesh, what a life, heading to the school at 7 on Friday with a baby in tow to do one more extra job.

In November Greg decided to audition for a play that would be performing starting in January.  In retrospect, this was a terrible idea.  One of our worsts.  He got a good part.  He accepted the role.  Those rehearsals started in November and for two miserable weeks he was juggling teaching, directing, auditoriuming, and acting all at the same time.  Those two weeks are now a total blur of stress, fast food and diaper changes.

If I had stayed home full time and took care of all baby and home responsibilities we might have been able to manage Greg's crazy schedule.  But I went to work part time.  I also tried to keep a blog running with five or six posts a week.  I was crazy busy, even on my days home, and it felt like the most basic of things were falling to the wayside.  No one had been grocery shopping in over a week.  We forgot to take the garbage out onto the street.  Wet clothes had sat in the washer for three days.  I wasn't returning important emails.

In the middle of such chaos, we agreed to take a foreign exchange student into our home.  We are blessed to have Agathe in our home and in our lives.  But this amped the stress level.  How could it not?  We were adding another member to our family.

And then there was Maverick.  He was getting ignored and neglected.  I would go two or three days without taking him for a walk and then feel beyond guilty when I got mad at him for chewing up my chapstick out of pure boredom.  He couldn't win, that poor pup.

On top of ALL of that we have a new baby.  The best thing in our lives, no doubt.  But a baby needs time and patience and love from both parents.  Diaper changes, doctor's appointments, bedtime routine.  We couldn't keep up.

The first or second week of January, Greg and I were both at our wits' ends.  I almost had a nervous break down.  I begged my mom to go to lunch with me so I could unload all my stress on her.  Saying it out loud to her I felt kind of stupid, "Look at all the awesome things we have in our lives!  We're miserable!"  I was frustrated that I couldn't figure out why it wasn't working.  Everything we were doing was "good."  The baby was good, the job was good, Les Mis was good, taking in Agathe was good, my blog was good, our dog was good.  Then why did we feel so stressed and unhappy?  We had surrounded ourselves and our lives with so many, many good things!

The thing that I didn't realize throughout that process is that your plates can be too full with really really good things. It was just too much.  And it didn't matter how good these things were, we were making ourselves miserable trying to keep up with it all.  If I could go back in time six months I would have insisted that we say no to a few things to save our sanity, our marriage, the peace in our home.

I knew then that things had to change if we were going to live past this.  We had over committed ourselves and now we needed to find a way out of some commitments.  I looked and looked at our situation, but it felt like there was nothing I could do to ease the burdens.  No way to take out stress or chaos.  Greg nor I could quit our jobs.  Greg was in the middle of his show's run- you can't just decide you're done.  I love my blog and didn't want to quit that.  We certainly didn't want to say goodbye to Agathe.  June is the best thing that ever happened to us.  What to do?!?

The answer came a few days later when we came home from Sunday dinner at my mom's.  Maverick had eaten half a bar of chocolate, then diarrheaed all over the floor.  That night he cried and whined all through the wee hours of the morning, keeping us both up when we had to both be up at 6:00 am for work.  I knew it was our fault this had happened.  We hadn't given him enough attention.  I had left the diaper bag with the bar of chocolate on the floor.  We didn't blame poor Mavvy, we just knew that he was adding to our misery and stress.  So I made the ultimate call.  For now, we couldn't have a dog. Greg's parents agreed to take him until the chaos in our lives died down a bit.  He has been with them for a month.  We miss him every day, but a small amount of sanity has been regained.

The second thing I did was cut back on blogging.  Blogging is a source of income for my family, and the reality of it is that the money earned from blogging is no longer a little bonus for us; it is a needed contributor to our family income.  Furthermore, I had worked so hard to build this community and I genuinely enjoy blogging and coming to this space to share with you.  My blog was a good thing.  BUT it was making me unhappy.  So I axed my complicated sponsorship program and instead came up with something that was much easier and much less work for me.  (And, ideally, more effective for you.)  I made the decision to only require myself to write three times a week.  I knew it would have consequences, but I just had to cut back.  It was hard in some ways, but so ridiculously easy in others.

Saturday was Greg's last performance of Is He Dead?, ending a six week, four shows a week run.  He survived. I survived.  He's done.

The past week the weather in Utah has been beyond gorgeous- sixty degrees and sunny- an absolute rarity for Utah February weather.  I take it as a sign that we are out of the winter of our discontent.  Things have been getting easier and better for us.  After school Greg gets to come home and stay home now.  He is around to give his daughter a bath and put her to bed.  We can hang out with friends on the weekend.  We can see a movie together again.  This weekend we will leave the state for the first time since June's birth and show Agathe a good time in Las Vegas.  Our lives are regaining a sense of normalcy.

I feel like we're finally coming out of a fog.  Growing pains, I suppose?  In one vein it seems so ridiculous to tell you how hard it was when so many good things happened to us all at once.  But I would guess that we are not the only ones who have experienced this- who have felt stretched beyond what they could give.  Who have had everything they ever wanted (a home! a job! a baby!) and discovered that life is still hard.  That having it all on paper doesn't mean that you have it all

We have different goals than we did six months.  Now we are working on not making commitments, not trying new things, and not saying yes.  We've done a lot of that and for now we are going to say no to everything and just enjoy some time together.

We're also going to get our dog back.

TurboTax: How to Kick Butt on Your Taxes This Year

This post is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group® and TurboTax, but all my opinions are my own. #pmedia #TurboTaxACA http://my-disclosur.es/OBsstV

Yo!  It's tax season, fools!  You ready to get your file on?

Every year I file our taxes for our little family.  I also track our credit cards, map out a savings plan for us, put money in retirement, and pay all of our bills.  This is a chore I enjoy doing.  I think women should make a point of knowing how much money their family is bringing in and exactly how that money is going out.   Knowing all the details of our finances gives me security and peace.  I am proud that I am familiar with my family's budget, and that I am the one responsible for tasks like budgeting and filing taxes.  #likeagirl

This year for the first time ever, I am filing with TurboTax.  Before I always went to a free lab at BYU where a budding accountant would kindly file my taxes for me.  But there were a lot of inconveniences this way.  I had to travel to Provo.  If I forgot a document I had to schedule another time.  Sometimes the budding accountant didn't know what he was doing.  It took hours.

I still held off, though, on using TurboTax.  I thought that doing my taxes "on my own" was going to be way too complicated.  Yes, I can track my family's money, but I'm no financial whiz.  I'm an English teacher for crying out loud!

FINALLY my cousin's husband (Go Adam!) who is an accounting major convinced me last week that TurboTax is really the best way to go.  He assured me over and over that it is easy.

As soon as he left, I gathered all of our tax info that I'd been keeping in a special basket (tax basics 101:  KEEP ALL TAX STUFF TOGETHER) and got to work on my return.

It was so easy!  I was shocked!  Even with the new requirement for health care (WHAT?!) It was such a breeze.  Here!  I'll walk you through the process.

Step 1:  Get cozy.  Taxes are totally manageable, yes, but they do take a bit of time.  I loved that by doing my taxes at home with TurboTax I could wear my comfortable pjs and even enjoy some treats. I sure can't do that when I take my taxes in!

Step 2: Go to TurboTax.  You don't have to buy anything at the store.  (I always thought if I used TurboTax that I'd have to go buy one of those little kits at the store.  Nope!)  If you have a simple return you can file right at home for FREE through February 16th.  That's only four more days.  Chop chop!

Step 3:  Answer the questions they ask about your life.  Don't worry they're not tricky.  What do you do for a living?  Are you married?  etc.

Step 4:  Declare your health insurance status.  This year, for the first time ever, there is a requirement to declare your health insurance coverage when filing taxes. The Affordable Care Act (ACA) requires all Americans have health insurance coverage for 2014 or pay a penalty. (Say what?!)  This can be intimidating and overwhelming, but luckily, TurboTax makes it SO EASY.  I literally didn't even know that I had fulfilled this part- they just asked me one simple question about my insurance and it was over, just like that.  If you are insured through your work, all you do is check a box!

Here's how to declare your health insurance if you are:

Insured
Marketplace insured
Uninsured

Step Five:  Act fast!  February 15 is the last day to purchase health insurance through Healthcare.gov or a state marketplace to avoid a penalty on next year’s tax return. Do it now so you don't have to pay the penalty next year.

Step Six:  TREAT YO SELF!  Your taxes are done!  I like to treat myself for getting big, important things done.  And my treat almost always comes in the form of a, well, a treat!

Bachelor Recap: That's Why They Call it The Badlands!

Welp.  I had so much fun last week gossiping about Bachelor with all of you that I just couldn't resist doing another recap tonight.  I mean, there can never be too much Bachelor talk, right?

Let's see where did we leave off?  Ah, yes.  With Kelsey having a self induced panic attack on the floor the night of the rose ceremony.  She was seized with fear that she might be going home, and the panic attack was her new best move, second only, of course, to the dead husband card she played earlier in the day.  Lying on the floor, she requests that Chris comes to comfort her.  When he shows up, everything is better. Kelsey then has a revelation.

Kelsey rejoins the rest of her ladies, who are quickly growing weary of her shenanigans. She, once again, becomes the counselor to the group and explains to them everything that Chris is feeling and experiencing during this journey of love.  "The weight of the decision is really hard on him..." yada yada yada.  Ashley I. says what everyone is thinking when she asks to a camera man if there is paperwork proving her dead husband story.

There is a rose ceremony.  A girl who literally said two words over the series of six weeks (R.I.P. Sam) and the NBA dancer go home.  No surprises there.

Good news, girls!  You are now headed to the beautiful and exotic land of South Dakota!  Bachelor producers must be trying to save a buck- gone are the trips to Europe, Iceland, Hong Kong.  Instead it's Mount Rushmore for the win, and don't anyone complain about it!  At least we get to see Chris pose naked in an old timey bathtub.  That's almost as good as Belgium, right?

Becca gets the first one on one date of the week.  Becca is the only girl who (up to this point) has not kissed Chris.  Round of applause for Becca please.  Standing ovation?  No, okay, we're good.  Becca might be the most normal person to have ever graced the reality tv set of The Bachelor and to reward us, the producers give us exactly thirty seconds of their day date.  Thanks, Bach!

Let's check in on the girls at home and see if they can spruce up a bit for drama for us.  Yep!  They can!  Looks like Whitney and Carly have decided to confront Kelsey about her widow story/ panic attack act from last week.  Kelsey handles it the way anyone who is sincere and thoughtful would and tells them the truth about her so called "fakeness."

While then telling the camera something completely different.  The girls hate her because they're jealous!

Back on Becca and Chris's date everything appears to be totally normal.  They are sitting at a campfire, having a genuine conversation, flirting and laughing.  Chris, taking a lesson on eloquence from Kelsey, has some very articulate thoughts about the date.

A rose follows.  And a kiss.  Becca mentions the one thing I have always wondered about The Bachelor and that is that now her dad has to watch her kissing someone.  We feel your pain, Becca.  Thanks for being so freaking normal.

Group date time!  Britt, Kaitlyn, Jade, Megan, Carly, and Whitney are the lucky ladies to go on a special country western music date.  Britt apparently got the wrong memo and has dressed up for an 80s pop concert instead.

The girls write love songs for Chris.  Jade freaks out because she has no confidence and a member of the country band says it will definitely help her to run down the street in front of a camera.  I mean, if that doesn't loosen her up and make her forget about her self consciousness, I don't know what will anymore!  Disturbingly, the run seems to have helped her confidence a bit until she sees Britt and Chris locking lips right in front of everyone to see.  Bad call, Chris.  Bad call.

Chris sings first.  His song is truly horrific.

Then it's the girls' turn!  Britt is first up.  Chris looks at her like she is the moon and the stars.  The other girls each take their turns- Kaitlyn makes a crude reference to her genitals in her song, Carly invites Chris up onstage and sings right into his face (One upped!), and Jade, who thought she would surely die before successfully singing a song to the bachelor, somehow lived to tell the tale!  Chris declares he is smitten by all of them and we declare this day date a success!

Oh, but the night is going to get hairy.  Chris, in an unprecedented Bachelor move, steals his obvious favorite, Britt, away from the date for OVER AN HOUR to sneak into a concert.  I have thus far been a big Chris fan.  I don't think he's the smartest guy in the world, but he has always seemed genuine and kind, and I appreciate that in a person.  But this was not kind.  He was on a group date and he gave lots and lots of special attention to one girl while ignoring the rest of them.  Not nice, Chrissy boy.

SHOCKINGLY, the girls are upset when Chris returns an hour later with Britt- her lipstick smeared and the rose in her hand.  The tension is thick enough to cut with a knife, and Chris does his best to smooth over the situation.

ABORT.  ABORT.  QUICKLY, CHRIS.  ABORT.

And Chris leaves Britt to fend for herself in a pack of jealous and probably very drunk women.  They all start crying. LITERALLY everyone is crying.  Well, except Britt.  Great end to a great date!

The next day dawns, and Chris is headed out on the infamous two on one date.  You know the rules!  Two girls, one man.  By the end of the day one girl will be sent packing while the other girl wins the rose and Chris's undying love.  Our two candidates for the two on one are Ashley and Kelsey.  Oh Bachelor producers, you are too good!  I couldn't have planned this better if I had written the show myself.  You are forgiven for filming the show in South Dakota.

The date card says the girls will be going to the Badlands, to which Kelsey immediately starts cheering.  Ashley, though is confused.

The date start off with a chopper ride, one girl on either side of Chris.  They fly over Mount Rushmore and Kelsey takes this opportunity to tutor Chris and Ashley on presidential knowledge.  Or maybe she's showing off?  "Washington, Roosevelt, Jefferson, and Lincoln..."  Good job, Kelsey!  Here's a cookie!

For this two on one date The Bachelor producers have really out done themselves.  They've placed an awkward bed and some pillows flat in the middle of the Badlands.  Now have fun on your date, you three crazy love birds!

Ashley, who is appropriately dressed for ninja training, gets the first one on one time with Chris.  She makes out with him the same way my high school students make out in the hall- with mouth open as wide as possible.  After she gets her smoochy smooch in, she tells Chris point blank that Kelsey is fake and nobody in the house likes her.

Next is Kelsey's turn with Chris while Ashley hangs out by herself on the random bed in the middle of nowhere.  Chris, sweet naive innocent beautiful Chris, breaks girl code right away when he asks Kelsey if it's true that she's "fake in the house", like Ashley said.  Kelsey tries her best to recover, but is obviously reeling from being "thrown under the bus" and blames her behavior on the difference in maturity between the girls.  Chris seems to maybe buy it.

Kelsey leaves Chris to confront Ashley.  What follows may be the best scene in all of reality television?  Do I have an AMEN?

Kelsey sits down on the bed with Ashley.
Ashley ignores Kelsey.
Kelsey glares at Ashley until Ashley looks over.

Ladies and gentleman, this is how you glare.
And ladies and gentleman, this is how you pretend like you have no idea what's going on.

Let's get a close up on that glare, shall we?

Ashley finally looks over for a quarter of a second and Kelsey pounces.  "I know what you did!"  Ashley does her best to play dumb.  "What did I do?"  For the record, Ashley would do very well in a high school setting- she is excellent in avoiding any kind of confrontation and acting like she's oblivious.  Congrats, Ashley, you would rock eleventh grade!

Ashley finally speaks, and when she does it is basically pure gibberish.

And then she runs away.  Literally runs away into the Badlands.  She finds Chris, (who is doing who knows what) cries frantically, and demands to know why he told Kelsey what she told him.  Uh, because he's a dude.  They don't understand the girl code, Ashley.  They work on a much simpler, much more direct system than women do, trust me.

Chris sees the crazy in Ashley and decides to end it immediately.  He tries to not hurt her feelings, though, and blames it on the fact that that Iowa just can't support her Kardashian lifestyle.

Ashley cries, runs away before Chris can even finish breaking up with her, then has a sudden change of heart and runs back to Chris and apologizes for letting him see this side of her.  She laughs then cries then laughs the cries- a trick very similar to what my six month old baby can do.  Chris sticks with his decision to send her home, she gets mad because he didn't give her a second chance and then yells something about "You think BRITT wants that lifestyle?"  In other words, she handles it very well.

We think we've seen the end of this date, but Chris throws in a real twist!  He goes back to Kelsey, who is waiting patiently on the bed in the middle of the desert, and tells her that she needs to go, too.  They're just not jiving.  The girls are left out in the desert alone while Chris takes his sweet chopper home by himself.  (Anyone remember when Kasey got left on the iceberg in Ali's season?  Yes I have watched way too much Bachelor in my lifetime.)

Back home, when the girls see someone come from Kelsey's bag, they are a tad bit excited.  I think it's safe to say that Ashley wasn't joking around when she told Chris everyone in the house hated Kelsey.

And that's a wrap!  There's no rose ceremony this week and we are promised that next week will be very exciting when we head on out of South Dakota and embark for the sensuous land of Iowa.  Sweet mercy, those contestants got robbed this season.

OTHER THINGS I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT:
- Becca has the most perfect hair ever.
- Why is Britt hanging out on the balcony in her bra and baggy pants that ride up her butt?
- I am clueless as to how Megan has lasted this long.  Megan who?  Exactly.
- My top four predictions are: Britt, Whitney, Becca, Kaitlyn.
- My predicted winner:  Whitney.
- Predicted next Bachelorette:  Becca?

June's nursery yo.

I did it!  After six and a half months of baby, I finally finished June’s nursery!  I’m certainly never going to win a prize for speed, but perhaps tenacity?

Here is my giant disclaimer.  I am no good at decorating.  It might be one of the things I am worst at in this entire world.  But I really wanted a cute little nursery for June, and any babies that may follow.  So I slowly got some kind of nursery together.  I am proud of this little space in our home because it is so far beyond from what I consider myself capable of.  I know it’s not perfect, and I’m sure a professional would have tons of suggestions for me, but I made this space for June with so much love in my little heart and so it's very special to me.

The hardest part was painting that dumb wall.  Actually I take that back.  It wasn't painting the wall as much as penciling and measuring and taping the wall.  The actual painting took all of 20 minutes.  Anyway.  Here’s the pics.  

Where I got the stuff:
Dresser: KSL $250
Crib: Amazon $150
I Love You Sign:  Bijou Handmade Market $35
Blanket: My mama made it for me
Rocking chair: Target $100
Pink lamp: IKEA, $20
Gray lamp: Hobby Lobby
You are my Sunshine sign: Hobby Lobby
Book rack: IKEA, spice shelf $10
Dresser: IKEA, $40 (It was just wood, I painted it white.)
Pillows: IKEA

15 Cures for the Winter Blues

Today I was in the best mood.  This is significant because I have been in a serious and deep winter funk the past three weeks.  I began to wonder if I would ever crawl out of the abyss known as January.

But I did!  I crawled out.  It wasn't easy, but I like to think my winter blues are gone for good.  If you're not out of your winter blues yet, don't worry, I can help you.  Here's what helped me.

Invite someone to do something with you.  I think our natural instinct is to wait for someone else to plan the party.  Call a friend to go on a walk or out to dinner or to meet you for a movie.  People love to be invited as it makes us feel loved and accepted, but we don't always make the effort to invite someone else.  I always try to have a little upcoming outing to look forward to and I try not to wait around for someone to invite me.

Work on a project.  You know, that thing you keep meaning to do.  For me it was finally buying nightstands for both sides of our bed, putting them together IKEA style, and painting them to match the room.  I also am almost finished with June's nursery. Just waiting for an ottoman to come in the mail and then I'm finally finished!  I will also then show you adorable pictures.

Vacuum.  Lines on the carpet just make you feel like you own the world, you know?

Create something.  Write a blog post.  Paint a picture.  Choreograph a dance.  Refinish a desk.  Film a movie scene.  Creating something is awesome because there is a physical product when you're done.  Having evidence of where your time went always helps you to feel on top of the world.

Do a service for someone. Make cookies for a neighbor.  Take down your mom's Christmas lights.  Buy flowers for a friend.  The giving feels even better than the receiving which I know is just wild, but it's true!

Put fresh flowers in your home.  Last week Greg's students bought him flowers and they have been sitting on the side table in our living room ever since.  It's amazing how the fresh blooms make the house feel alive and energized.

Change the smell in your home.  Don't underestimate the power of smell to your mood!  Today I started burning some of my scentsy spring scents and it made everything feel clean and revitalized in my house.  (Oh, and everything scentsy is 10%  off this month to make way for new spring/summer items. Even warmers!  Now is the time to stock up.  Just make sure to click the "February party" when it asks you what party you are with.)

Go outside.  It's all about that vitamin D!  Try to spend at least 20 minutes outside every day.  I know some of you are dealing with a never ending snowstorm and 3 degree weather right now, so, you know... do what you can.

Exercise.  Exercising boosts your feel good hormones.  Like the point above, I aim for 20 minutes a day.  I usually try to knock out going outside and exercising in one fell swoop by taking the dog for a walk.  It is amazing how much better I feel after a walk with my pup.

Write thank you notes.  Expressing appreciation is a sure fire way to boost your own mood.  Today I sat down and wrote about ten overdue thank you notes and it just felt so good to acknowledge the people who bring happiness into my life.  I do this anytime I am feeling overwhelmed, lonely or frustrated.  It doesn't take long to realize how kick butt your life is.

Get off Netflix.  Netflix is like a dementor.  It will suck your soul when you least expect it.

Plan a trip. Every January I email my college roomies and tell them I must see them asap.  We plan a trip for the spring to all get together.  This year we aren't getting together until June, but just the fact that I have that to look forward to- something exciting in my near future- keeps me pushing through January and into February.  (Interestingly enough I read one study that states that even if you don't take the trip, the planning of the trip itself will help to boost your mood.)

Call a friend.  Or facetime.  Facetiming my sister in Germany always boosts my mood times one hundred.

Limit time on social media.  Social media is a time sucker and an energy sucker.  Thirty minutes later and I'm still scrolling down on my phone with nothing to show for my time and no energy or motivation whatsoever.  I'm not saying to quit social media, just ease up on it.  Do you think you could check facebook, twitter, and instagram just once in a day?  CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Read a book.  I am trying so hard this year to spend my down minutes in the day reading instead of scrolling social media.  My favorite is to get in the bathtub with a diet coke and a book.  That is winter blues chasing magic right there.  (If you're looking for book suggestions, check out Bon's book club for 2015).

There you have it, all the winter blues cures I know.  Of course I would love to hear any secrets that you have to getting through this miserable time of year.

May we all live to see spring!

Bachelor Recap: Chess with Dead Husbands

Well, folks, I don't normally blog about the Bachelor but I could resist no longer.  I love blogging!  I love the Bachelor!  Let's put them together already!! Also Greg is gone and I am all by my lonesome, free to waste ridiculous amounts of time to write a post about inconsequential and unimportant things like Bachelor contestants.  Yippee!

And now, for this week's Bachelor Recap!

Carly gets the first date this week.  Blog, this is Carly.  Carly, blog.

I don't love Carly because 1) she did the cheesiest, most awkward sing-into-a-toy-mic ever to introduce herself to Chris and 2) her eyebrows.  Arch much?

But it doesn't matter what I think about Carly because Chris digs her.  Chris digs all the girls, you know.  They proceed to go on the most awkward date of all time... to an intimacy therapist! On a first date!  Because we all know that our first concern on a first date is our intimacy issues with someone whom we've spent an entire twenty minutes.   The therapist has got weird black bangs, side fang tooth, and enjoys watching the two touch each other.

She tells them to do lots of totally normal things to each other for a first date.

I could hardly watch for pure embarrassment and shame.  I was about at my breaking point when finally poor Carly said "I'm uncomfortable."  We all are, honey, we all are.  Please, ABC, put us out of our misery!  But wait, not yet!  First you must sit on his lap and almost make out for about ten minutes.  Uncomfortable enough yet?  Good.

Carly and Chris's night date is a lot of conversation about how Carly has never felt pretty.  I actually want to like her and sympathize with her but THE EYEBROWS.  She then says something that all women in relationships can assure her is absolutely not true.

They kiss, date ends.

Back at the house, Kelsey is telling "her story" about her husband who passed away a year and a half ago.  Blog, meet Kelsey.

I used to like Kelsey, but by now we are all thoroughly convinced that she is the spawn of Satan, right?  She is super casual about the death of her husband and plays it like some of kind of strategic chess move.  When everyone else expresses sympathy for her tragedy, she acts in a completely appropriate manner for a grieving widow.

Oh, and did I mention that she is a guidance counselor?  If only all guidance counselors spoke such wisdom.  I mean, my husband dropped dead while walking to work.  It's just life, you fools!  No biggie.

But we've got no time to dwell on that nonsense because it's time for a group date!  In all seriousness, this looks like the most fun group date I have ever seen in the history of Bachelor group dates.  White water fafting!  They even through some real (little) rapids.  Gasp!  The girls even got kind of wet!  AND the water was cold!  How wild and crazy are the Bachelor producers getting now?

But seriously.  Someone please go white water rafting with me.

Let's see... on the group date the girls get catty because Jade fell in the water and now has hypothermia.  They use this as an opportunity to talk trash on her as she is now hogging their precious Chris time.  Can you believe Jade to fall in the water like that?  Homegirl has got some nerve!

That night the girls are all getting ready to hang with Chris when surprise! A guest!  It's Jordyn who was sent home two weeks ago.

Remember her?

Remember, guys?

No?  Oh, right.  No one remembers her time on Bachelor at all.  Including, turns out, herself.  She was so drunk she totally blew her time with Chris and now she wants a second chance.  Chris agrees, and the girls take it very well.  They point out that Jordyn consumed a lot of alcohol, remember, Chris? Whitney states that the point of the show is to not keep adding to the numbers, remember Chris?  The other crazy, drunk girl on the show is very vocal about her feelings as well.

 Ashley I. handles it perhaps the best when, in typical junior high fashion, threatens to "be mean" to Jordyn.  Whitney is way too sane for Ashley with a suggestion that "while we might disagree or be upset with the situation, it doesn't mean we should be blatantly rude."  To which Ashley decides she has always hated Whitney.  Naturally.

Here's Ashley and Whitney, respectively.

After blowing all of his one on one time with the girls talking about Jordyn, Chris decides to screw the nice guy act and sends Jordyn back home.  The girls literally cry with relief.

LITERALLY.

Group date crisis averted.  Chris gives the rose to Whitney, stating that she always makes him feel "special".  Ashley I. is fuming that her plan to be mean to Jordyn didn't win her the rose.  There is no one she hates more than Whitney for being so reasonable, and therefore Whitney is the last person who "deserves" a rose.  It is all very logical.

Back home Britt gets the date card.  Shocker! This is Britt, if you forgot.

Chris is gaga over Britt, and she is the self declared "front runner" of the competition.  But wait!  The caption on the date card reads  "The Sky is the Limit."  Britt is so scared of what the date might entail that she literally starts crying.

LITERALLY.

Chris comes at the bright hour of 4:30 am to take Britt on their date.  Carly, still with butterflies in her stomach from their intimacy therapy date, is excited to see him sneak into their room to wake them up.  When he immediately shushes her, however, to surprise Britt, Carly finds fault with the girl where she can.

Carly's got a good point.  Britt's hot pink lipstick is eerily impeccable at 4:30 am.  It looks better than mine looks immediately after applying it.  Naturally, the other girls join in on the Britt hating madness.  Britt said she enjoys being single!  What a horrible thing to say!  She doesn't even shower consistently!  And she gets the date?  Chris is the most confusing man in the world, why does he like a girl that can get ready and look smoking hot in less than five minutes?  We will never understand men!

Meanwhile, Britt and Chris make out in the limo and then go on a sunrise hot air balloon ride while making out.  Next is a visit to Chris's hotel room where they make out and then Chris shuts the doors.  And we are left with only our imaginations.  Ah, ABC, you wily devils, you!

When Britt returns home she tells all the girls of her escapades.  "We took a two hour nap and ordered room service!" she declares triumphantly.  We can't be too sure, but it seems the other girls may be on to her.

Kelsey, meanwhile, is hard at work doing her chess game of strategic dead husband moves.  Britt's date with Chris "presented itself as a threat" and therefore the best time to tell Chris that she is a widow is obviously now.  Two hours before the rose ceremony. Kelsey dolls herself up all fancy and traipses over to Chris's hotel room where he is getting ready for the cocktail party.  Kelsey shares her story, Chris kisses Kelsey, and Kelsey is glowing with certainty that Chris can't send her home now after the dead husband story.  CHECK.  MATE.

It's cocktail party time and Kelsey flaunts in the room with all the confidence in the world.  For someone who had no time with Chris that week, the girls think it weird she be oozing with so much confidence.  When Chris comes into the room he addresses all the women in the room and states that his conversation with Kelsey got him thinking about the importance of life and he needs a little time.  The girls, naturally, are confused as to when Kelsey had said time with Chris.  Kelsey replies with a bunch of wisdom.  Or cliches and nonsense.

"I wanted to protect you guys from that situation!"
"My hands got cold, but my core is warm."
"Every day is a gift."
"Time is so precious."
"Never take life for granted."
"He respects me and my story so much that he's not going to waste our time."

And then, oops, Kelsey lets it slip that she's planning on someone else going home that night, "I'm going to have to say goodbye to one of you tonight."

Chris Harrison delivers a message from Chris Soules that there will be no cocktail party; our bachelor already knows who he is sending home.  Somehow in the confusion Kelsey starts panicking or fake panicking that she might be going home and ends up on the floor yelling.  How we got from point A to point B is very confusing for us all.

In the meantime, Ashley I. has figured out why she may not win the Bachelor after all.

Because no, being a virgin is not nearly as good a "story" as having your husband drop dead on the street.  Sorry, Ash, better luck next time.

ABC must be desperate for ratings because the show ends there- no rose ceremony, no feeling of closure.  We are left to wonder, will Kelsey recover from her panic attack?  Did she make up her "story"? Is it possible for Ashley I. to really be a virgin while simultaneously wearing a dress that shows her butt cheeks?  And will Carly ever find someone to help her with her eyebrows?

So many questions that must be answered!

WHITNEY FOR THE WIN!

More than one thing

Last Sunday night I was feeding June in her rocking chair in her nursery.  My phone pinged; someone had tweeted me.  It was a previous student, and she told me that she missed my class.  I responded that I missed her and her class period, too.  Some classes are just magic.  The chemistry is there between the students, the lessons always seem to go just right, and there is an overall feeling that we all just really like each other.  It's classroom magic, and if I'm lucky I get one period a year that has that magical, sparkly feeling.

She tweeted me again and we started recalling memories- the kid who rapped his prompts, the boy who yelled out the answers during the quizzes, the Italian foreign exchange student who told us that in school in Italy he read books about nuns having sex. (We're all still trying to figure that out.)  A couple of other students from the class joined in via twitter, and I was left that night with so many fond memories of the class and of teaching.

I thought about how much I enjoyed teaching and then I looked down at my little babe, now sleeping in my arms.

And I thought about how much I enjoyed mothering.

I was kind of overwhelmed in that moment with gratitude.  Gratitude for my baby, gratitude for my job.  I never thought I would get to do both.  I used to think that once I became a mom I would have to give up teaching.  It wasn't until a few years ago that I seriously considered continuing to work while I had children.  It is not a decision that is right for everyone, but for me it is absolutely the right decision.  I am grateful to my principal who worked with my schedule and let me work part time.  I'm grateful to my school for having a daycare where June can stay and where I can feed her during my break.  I am grateful that my school makes it easy for women like me to work.  I am grateful to my husband who supports my desires to work.  I am grateful to my June bug who willingly allows other people to hold her, kiss her, cuddle her so that I can teach seventeen year olds how to write killer thesis statements.

Balance is a tricky thing and I don't know that I'll ever have my life all balanced out.  But working every other day might be the closest I'll ever come.  The days I am home I feel so grateful to be there- I genuinely enjoy throwing the laundry in, running the errands, playing with my baby.  And then the next day I go to work and I feel so grateful to be there.  To get out of the house, to associate with adults, to contribute to society.  If I taught every day this year I think I would resent my job- resent it for keeping me from my baby.  If I stayed at home every day this year I think I would resent my baby- for changing my life so drastically, for taking me away from a job that I love.

I know that my situation is not the norm. But I wish it were. I wish all women could work part time if they so chose. I wish all women could have their baby downstairs in day care to feed during lunch.  I wish all bosses were more willing to work with female employees so that they could have children and continue working at a job they enjoy and are good at.  I have had countless women, most of them teachers (and fantastic ones at that), tell me that they would love to still work if they had a situation similar to mine.  Some have told me their bosses were unwilling to work with part time teachers.  Most have told me that they don't have daycare that is onsite.  Right now situations like mine are few and far between, but I hope that we get to the point that that isn't the case.  Is it too much to dream of onsite daycare for all jobs employing a large amount of women?  Of bosses who don't consider you of less value if you only choose to work 20 or 30 works a week?

This isn't to say that this is the system that will always work for me and my family. When more kids come along it may be much trickier.  But for this year it has been perfect.  I don't ever let myself feel guilty for working, and I don't ever let myself feel guilty for staying at home.  On both fronts I consider myself to be doing important work- and work that I truly enjoy. I don't have to choose between the two.