The Life of Bon: A Day in the Life of June: 14 Month Update

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

A Day in the Life of June: 14 Month Update

Hi guys!  It's me, June.  My mom talks a lot about me but I figured it's time to let you know what the real deal is in my world.   It's not cool to always let adults talk for babies, you know.

I'm 14 months old now which means I'm pretty much the smartest baby alive at this point. I do things my way and not the way that others (ahem, mom) want me to.  I know a lot of other kids my age are walking, but my philosophy is why walk when you can crawl?  Last weekend my mom and dad took me camping and it was a blast crawling all over rocks, dirt, and even in the shallow lake water while dad tried to fish.  I got all my clothes filthy dirty within twenty minutes.  #winning!  Walking seems like it's pretty overrated because then your parents expect you to walk places and stop carrying you as much.  With crawling you get the best of both worlds- you can move whenever or wherever you want but as soon as you get sick of it you can let out a sad little cry and someone will rush to pick you up because you can't walk yet.  Trust me, I've got this whole thing figured out.

Here's the thing with mom.  She's kind of an idiot.  She tries to buy me these cutesy little toys to keep me entertained and I just look at her like, "Mom?  Really?  You think this is fun for me?"  I don't want blocks and I don't want dolls.  You know what I like to play with?  Tampons.  And Qtips.  Anything in the cupboards basically.  A box of cascade is one of my favorites too.   I can spill that little white detergent all over the floor in four seconds flat.  And then there's pots and pans.  Those things make a ton of noise and I love to leave them all over the kitchen.

 Pads.  These bad boys are one of my favorite toys ever.
No idea why mom buys them, but I'm glad she does!

OH!  I almost forgot- Maverick's food and water dish!  That is my favorite toy in the whole darn tooting house.  I like to take his pieces of dog food and one by one drop them in the water dish.  It's very interesting to me to watch that dog food get bigger and bigger.  Then when I feel like I've dropped enough in the bowl I like to pick the bowl of soggy dog food + water and just empty it all over the kitchen floor and all over myself.  This is truly a blast and I love the way my clothes smell like dog food after this.  The best water activity you could ever imagine- way better than the splash pad or the swimming pool.

One of my other favorite things to do is follow mom around the house while she is attempting to clean up.  What a fool, thinking she can clean this house while I live here.  I follow slowly in her wake- she straightens up the bookshelf and I promptly go to throw all the books from the shelf.  She loads the dishwasher while I sit on the floor and sneakily unload it.  She straightens up the bathroom, hops in the shower, and then I empty all the contents of the bathroom cupboards.  Mom gets out of a shower to an even bigger mess than when she got in.  Hahahaha!  She's doomed!

Ah crap, caught in the act unloading the dishwasher while mom tries to load it.

Lately I've decided that it's really lame to let your mom or dad feed you.  I know that when they feed me a lot more of the food actually gets in my mouth, but I would be totally embarrassed if the other babies knew that my parents still had to spoon feed me.  So I insist on doing it myself.  If mom or dad tries to feed me I shake my head and yell and refuse to eat.  If they just put the food in front of me, though, I'm really pleasant about it and just eat my food.  This is awesome because it also helps contribute to my plan to leave a mess wherever I go.

I have another favorite trick, and that is that I love to release my stinkers while in the bathtub.  It just feels right, you know?  I know I could do it in a diaper when it's a little easier on mom, but the thing is, it just feels better in the tub.  Then mom has to clean out my stinkers, disinfect the tub, disinfect my toys and then give me another bath!  It's awesome!  TWO BATHS!  I do feel bad when mom has to do it, though- I try to use this trick mostly when dad is giving me a bath because dad used to pull this trick on his mom, too.  I figure it's payback for dad.

My busy schedule of uncleaning the house and bathtub shenanigans often leaves me totally exhausted.  Very few people understand how hard it is to be this busy.  That's why I take my sleep very seriously.  The other day mom put me down at 5:00 for a short nap because I was acting real grumpy.  Well,  I didn't feel much like getting up so I slept right through dinner and didn't wake up until 8:00 the next morning.  Fifteen straight hours of sleep!  If that's not talent, I don't know what is.  Again, my dad used to pull this crap when he was a teenager and in college, so I guess I've learned from the best.  (Mom can also sleep in until noon on weekends.  Really, we're just a talented bunch of sleepers.)

Also, did I tell you my mom stopped nursing me?  That was rude.  I'm still kind of mad at her for that.  She can be real inconsiderate sometimes.

Welp, that's it from Baby June.  Maybe next time I'll tell you all about what I do when I go to Kinderbeets (daycare) with the other kids.  That place is a blast.  And I'll let you know if I ever decide to start walking but for right now, who needs it?  Also I've heard there's this thing called Christmas coming up where my mom puts decorations very low to the ground while hanging on branches... can't tell you how excited I am to destroy those suckers!  Peace out!

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