THANK YOU FOR THE BREAST PUMP

Tonight I went to a bridal shower for my lil sis.  I forgot to take my brand new fancy pants camera so I didn't take any pictures.  I kind of half forgot to take the camera because I still feel self conscious carrying a big old thing around.  I also half forgot because Greg has been lecturing about using my Christmas present before Christmas.  Honestly, the boy wouldn't have cared less if I hadn't have told him last week he couldn't wear his Christmas jeans yet.  He's been holding onto that one with an iron grip and therefore now gets mad everytime he sees the camera out.  It's a weird married world.

Anyway, what I meant to say is that I have this hilarious aunt who always unknowingly says the weirdest things about my blog.

Tonight she looked me right in the eye and said, "You still writing on that blog thing every day?!?"

"Yes..." I replied.

"Well I see it pop up on my facebook feed every once in awhile, but I don't read them very often.  I only read the interesting ones.

Thank you, aunt.

My sis got a lot of great new married stuff.  Oven mitts and measuring cups and bath towels, eee gatz!  My mom is always paranoid that family isn't being thanked enough so she always makes the "shower receiver" yell out "AUNT GAYLE GAVE ME A SET OF TUPPERWARE!  THANK YOU AUNT GAYLE!" and show off the item for everyone to see.  I will never forget the baby shower for my sister.  My sister was deathly ill and went home, so 19 year old me was designated the person to open the gifts.  BABY GIFTS.  I opened the gifts quickly and sheepishly set them down, trying to avoid the awkward thank yous.  My mom caught on- "Say thank you for the pacifiers, Bonnie!  You're not being grateful!  Say thank you for the bottles!"  she scolded.  I will never forget holding up a big box for all to see and yelling out to the crowd, "THANK YOU FOR THE BREAST PUMP WENDY!"

And that's everything you ever need to know about Mormon showers.  That and my mom is awesome.

Today I've got Erin taking over for the rest of my blog shift.  She gives five reasons why she isn't a typical blogger.  I don't know about you, but I 110% agree with #4.  Blog embarrassment all the way!

Hello Life of Bon readers!  I'm Erin and I blog over at Love, the Campbells!  I have always been inspired by bloggers and how they always seem to have their act together.  Life always look so glamorous when you have a filter on it, doesn't it?  When I first started blogging, I noticed that I wasn't as into typical blogger things that were popular.  Here's five reasons I shouldn't be a blogger even though it's not stopping me.

1)  I look terrible in pictures.  There are so many fashion blogs out there that are everyday people but somehow make their photos look gorgeous.  I am NOT one of them.  But I sure as heck try still.  I don't like to ask my husband to take my picture so I'll set up my tripod and after a minimum of thirty attempts, the best one that comes out looks something like what you see above.  It's really a disaster when it comes down to it.

2)  I never jumped on the chevron bandwagon.  I also hate how top knots look.  Thick headbands makes it look like I have no hair and thin headbands look like I'm back in kindergarten.  I've tried StitchFix almost 30 times now and have kept one item.  That one item I have worn one time.  Great use of $45 that was.

3)  When I first started blogging, I thought bloggers had to have a good solid theme and we shouldn't veer off that theme.  My first blog had to do with interior design.  That passion ended faster than it began.  My second blog was called Read, Eat, Create except I would always feel too pressured to read books under a deadline that I always failed, I'd forget to take pictures of dinners and desserts before I ate them, and I didn't have a crafty bone in my body back then.  Love, the Campbells is now my third attempt at blogging and I finally have no theme or set topic.  I write about everything and anything so if this blog fails too, I should probably throw in the towel.

4)  I hate talking about my blog in person.  Does anyone else feel this way?  The minute people mention it in person, on the phone, or even via a text message, I instantly move to another topic.  I should be proud but...let's just say I'm still working on that one.

5)  I am having my first baby in February and am beyond ecstatic!  Except...I don't want my blog to turn into a mommy blog.  And I know it's going to happen.  But here's to hoping it doesn't just end up being a compilation of cute pictures of my dog and the baby.  Make sure you swing on over come February to see the cutest baby in the whole wide world.  Am I being a little biased already?

Thanks so much for letting me take over Bonnie!  Hope to see you all around my parts!

Why I Blog

Admittedly, there are times I want to quit this blog.

I started blogging five times a week in September of 2011.  It has been two years and two months.  Every weekday for this 26 month span I have written a post.  At first it was mostly nonsense post and not many people were reading. At first it was pretty easy.  It got harder.

There are lots of things that make blogging difficult.  For me the most difficult things are:

1)  Responding to criticism.  I like to think I am getting better at it, but I am still not great.  Some critics are complete strangers and they say hurtful things on anonymous internet sites and it stings, but only for a minute because I know they really don't know me and have no idea who I am.  Some criticism is from friends and family... people I love and trust very much, and naturally that is the criticism that hurts the most.  Learning what to listen to and what to ignore, what is hurtful and what is helpful takes good judgment and lots of prayer.

2)  Writing about events and people accurately and honestly.  A blog is in real time in real life so if I get my details wrong on how something happened there are lots of people to let me know immediately.  Furthermore, it is extremely difficult to write about people knowing that those people will most likely read what I write about them.  I can not possibly explain everything that is a person in a blog post.  I have often worried especially when posting about my parents or my in laws or even my students.  I am only showing one very small slice of who this person is.  Are they going to be offended by what I chose to share?  Will they feel misrepresented?  Will my readers get a good idea of who the person is and what they are about or will they judge and criticize not only me but loved ones whom I have chosen to write about?

3) Knowing what is appropriate to share while still trying to be an honest and open writer.  I often don't know what is too personal.  To me everything is fair game on the internet.  When I write a personal post about Greg or marriage I have to have him preview it before I publish it.  He is usually fine about it but there have been times where he has told me point blank that he doesn't want me to post any of what I have written.  Some things are too personal or sacred, and for me the line is often very hard to discern.

These thoughts have been swirling around in my head a lot as my blog has gotten me in a bit of hot water recently.  This isn't the first time my blog has gotten me in trouble so it's nothing too new, but it does have a tendency to jolt me a bit and cause me to reexamine my reasons for blogging. This past week I have even felt a little resentful toward my blog and have wanted to distance myself completely from it, almost as if I felt my blog was a traitor to me and responsible for all my troubles in my life.

Even as I felt these things, the anniversary of my dad's death was fast approaching and if nothing else the blog is my own selfish way of coping with my own feelings.  For the past two years I have grieved, celebrated and lived with the help of this blog.  I don't know how I would wade through the grief or pain of the day without writing about it.  I process my emotions through this blog and as much of a mess as I am, I think I'd be ten times worse without this blog and my readers to help me sort it all out.

And so I wrote about the anniversary of my dad's death even though I was kind of mad at my blog and wanted space from it.  I had let my blog know personal thoughts of mine before, and it had turned on me so I guess I was kind of scared.  But I wrote on and shared the tough stuff and wondered in my head if this blogging thing is worth it.

The outpouring of love I received on that day and the days following have been absolutely humbling and inspiring.  So many people left comments- on the blog, on facebook, on instragram.  Some emailed me directly.  Others called or sent text messages, and overall the day was a day of amazing peace and happiness.  The blog certainly played its part in that.

I think overall I realized that the reason I blog is exactly what C.S. Lewis figured out years ago when he said "we read to know we're not alone."   I write, I read, I blog, I comment to know that there are others out there who understand me.  I thank everyone who has left a comment on this blog, who has let me know in some way that I am "not alone"-  who has shared the load with me.  Thank you for being with me as we share our suffering, our grief, our happiness, our excitements, our worries.

Blog on.

5:00 on Tuesday

Kelsey, Sierra, Amanda, me

Tonight I grabbed dinner with a few friends I have met through blogging.  Trust me, it is as weird to me as anyone else out there in this universe that I have met girls online and now hang out with those girls in a real setting.  It feels like I am online dating these people only even more strange because we are the same gender and there are so many of us. Every time I go to a blogger hang out I feel like the world is going to explode at any minute because it's just! too! weird.!  But then I stop thinking so hard and just enjoy the night.

It all started when Sierra texted me last night and asked if I wanted to get dinner with a couple of friends.  I said yes as long as she is paying.  She said fine.  We were supposed to meet at 5:00 but I showed up at 5:30 because that's kind of my M.O.  30 minutes late at all times and in all places and in all things.  I hate this about myself but am trying to fix it.  Today I was late on purpose, though because I had to take my dog for a walk, and freak these dogs are hard work.  Everyone always says how hard it is to be married or how hard it is to have kids but not once has anyone ever ever told me it would be hard work to have a dog.  Sheesh.  I got duped.

(I feel like now would be a good time to clarify that I still really like my dog. When he's not pooing on the carpet.)

It was a perfect "blogger" get together- not the kinds that are incredibly intimidating because there are 30 gorgeous women in stillettos and skinny jeans.  Those get togethers scare the living crap out of me.  This was more like "Hey. I'm going to get dinner.  Come or don't come.  Whatever."  I showed up with my disheveled hair and my "I've been teaching for nine straight hours" makeup and a big puffy coat and didn't feel a bit bad about it.  We all just sunk into a booth and jabbed away who cares what you look like anyway?

Naturally if you are eating with a bunch of bloggers the talk will turn to, well, blogging.  We talked about a lot of the blog friends we share and bloggers we know but have never met and how weird it is that we read people's daily accounts whom we have never met.  Blogging really is just the weirdest.

We made a few conclusions (although none too firmly) about blogging and why we read some blogs and mostly why we stop reading some blogs. Our main conclusion was that we stop reading certain blogs because we have lost "touch" with that person.  That we no longer connect to them.  All four of us agreed that our favorite blogs were the real blogs.

I think real blogging is incredibly tough.  To start with, no one wants to look vulnerable or weak, and being real means showing vulnerability and showing weakness.  No one wants to say that they are intimidated or that their feelings are hurt or that they are having a tough time in their marriage or that they have any faults at all.  The catch 22 to it all is that the more we try to get people to like us by pretending that everything is perfect the less people like us.  Ironic, isn't it?  The perfect outfits. The flawless marriage. The well behaved kids. The adorable parties. The spotless home. It is beautiful yes, but is it real?  And is this really the message we want other women to receive, that happiness comes from having it all under control?  That happiness is about perfection?

Hmmmm.  I suppose I'll get off my soap box now.  All I wanted to say is that I appreciate the blog posts that are open and honest and real and vulnerable.  Those are the blogs I will always read.  And also that I appreciate girls who will grab soup at 5:00 on a Tuesday and sit and chat for hours and just be real with me.

Thank the heavens for girlfriends.

How to stay on top of your blog. Not literally. That's weird.

With school starting back up again, all Hell is going to break loose for me.  It's easy to blog in the summer.  My days are long and lazy.  In the school year, my days are quick and chaotic- like frenzied outbursts of energy.  Today I did something completely stupid and told my principal that I would teach an extra class.  The money seemed tempting at the time, but now I realize that in one fell swoop I just managed to give away my prep time AND give myself more papers to grade.  Takes some kind of ninja to manage that, I tell you!

All of these things were swarming around in my little head when I read am email from Kathrin wondering how I teach full time, grade papers, commute, and stay on top of blogging.

Good question I thought.

The short answer, if you want to know, is that I don't.  I rarely feel in control and I never feel like I have everything done.  So just know that as you read this post that everything needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

The long answer, if you want to know, is long.  I've detailed it into 12 steps.  You know, like a 12 step program.  For recovering from blogging.  No?  Too weird?  Okay.  Here goes.

1.  Set time limits.  I only let myself be on the computer for a certain amount of time.  For example, right now it is 6:40 pm.  I am going to finish writing this post and write my post for tomorrow.  I need to do a status on facebook and twitter and respond to a couple of emails.  My goal is to be off by 8:00.  I absolutely will force myself off at 8:30.  No wasting time on facebook or twitter- when I get on those sites it's only to post, not to surf.  Perusing facebook and twitter is for when I have free time, not work time.

2.  Treat your blog like a business.  Now, I know a lot of bloggers out there that will totally disagree with me on this one.  I probably read once a day, "I blog for me.  I only do this because it's fun and I enjoy it.  I never blog because I have to."  I kind of believe that, but I kind of don't.  Anybody who even so much as has a button is in some way promoting their blog, and this means they have some kind of ulterior motive- some reason why they're blogging besides just for kicks and giggles.  And I think this is totally okay.  I will be the first to admit that I have an ulterior motive behind my blog.  I love teaching, but one day I would like to get paid to write full time.  Writing is my passion.  I see blogging as my door into the writing world.  If I look at blogging that way- as something that is taking me to where I want to be in the future, then it's easy to post every day.  If I only blogged because I felt like it, I would find a million excuses not to blog when my life gets stressful and busy.  By treating blogging like a business, I ensure that I do it every day.

3.  Keep organized.  Calendars, to do lists, planners, etc.  I don't know how people keep on top of blogging without them.  Especially when you get to the point where you are accepting guest posts, sending guest posts, looking for sponsors, hosting giveaways, etc.  You need to know when you're starting a giveaway, when you're ending a giveaway.  You need to know which day each of your sponsors are going to be on the blog and you need to let them know as well.

See those names in boxes?  Those are the when and who of my sponsored posts.  Keeps me sane.


4.  Plan sponsor stuff ahead of time.  Whether you are accepting sponsors or sponsoring another blog, you got to have this ready before the day comes.  I try to send out instructions for my sponsors three days before the sponsorship starts.  This usually means I am sending out a mass email on the 27th or 28th of each month.  When I am sponsoring a blog, I try to send my guest post as soon as I have paid for the spot.  That way I don't have to think about it anymore- it's just taken care of.  Staying ahead of the curve on sponsor stuff  makes me feel like I'm ahead of the game on everything.

5.  Memorize this:  "Your problem is not my emergency."  This is a motto I always use in my classroom, but have found that it translates into the blogging world, too.  In my classroom I give my students expectations, deadlines, etc.  My world can't stop when they can't meet those because they are having a problem.  The assignment is still due and I am not required to fix all their little issues.  I'll help when and if it's convenient for me, but I can't let myself get stressed out because of their problems.  The same goes for blogging.  As long as I do my part of the deal, I don't  need to worry about the other bloggers.  This applies especially in sponsoring.  Last month I had a girl who didn't get her blurb to me in time for the guest post.  I had told her two weeks before when I needed it and she didn't get it to me.  So the guest post went up without it.  When she sent me the blurb four hours later and begged me to include it with the rest, I had to say no.  I was watching a movie with Hubs, relaxing and enjoying my evening.  I wasn't going to rush to the computer to fix the post.  It might sound harsh, but I've gotta keep my sanity around here.  Her problem wasn't my emergency.

6.  Do things when you're thinking about them.  If you can't, then write it down.  If at all possible, I try to do something as soon as it pops into my head.  "Oh, I need to send that button."  "Oh, I need to pay that invoice."  "Oh, I need to respond to her email."  If I can't do it at that moment, I write it down in my planner so that I am at least sure that I get to it later.

This is my brainstorming for the post you are reading right this second.  Can you tell I wrote these ideas the second they popped in my head?  They're written on a math worksheet, for crying out loud!

7.  Get people to help you.  This involves other bloggers as well as people in your personal life.  I have no problem asking someone to do a giveaway for me, asking to swap a post with a popular blogger, or asking advice from a blogger I admire.  The way I see it, we're all in this together.  I also make Hubs help.  Hubs understands the greater picture of what I want from my blog, so he's patient when I have to be a recluse for a couple of hours and work on blog stuff.  Sometimes he has to make dinner and sometimes he has to fold the laundry, but shouldn't men do that stuff anyway?

8.  Pick and choose/ Learn to let some things go.  You can't do everything with blogging.  I tried to do a link up once and I didn't love it.  So I quit.  I do giveaways very non consistently- mostly just when an awesome opportunity presents itself.  I rarely link up to others' link up parties just because I don't have the time and honestly the topics usually don't interest me.  I don't think this makes me a bad blogger or a selfish blogger, it just  means that thinking about all that stuff stresses me out.  Just the thought of entering those huge group giveaways with 42 prizes and 119 entries makes me overwhelmed. (seriously.  WHO came up with that idea?!?)  And thinking about hosting one of those and setting the whole giveaway up- well you can just shoot me now.  I just don't have the patience or desire to set one of those up.  I imagine they take hours of organization and focus to set up.  I admire those bloggers who do it, and I recognize that it does leaps and bounds to grow their blog, I've just accepted that it will likely never be me.  The side of blogging that I love the most is the writing, and so I try to focus as much of my time on that as I can.  If I have to cut giveaways and link parties, I can still survive.

9.  Plan ahead/Brainstorm.  I have never once in my life sat down at my computer to type a post and not known what I was going to write.  The very thought of that gives me an ulcer.  I like to feel prepared and ready.  In a way, I suppose I am always blogging, and that is because my mind is constantly brainstorming things to write.  Yesterday as I was leaving my house I thought how beautiful the early mornings are.  BAM!  Blog post.  Today my school pressured  me in to teaching an extra class.  BAM!  Blog post.  Hubs drew an ugly picture of me.  BAM!  Blog post.  Almost always there is something that happens during the day that inspires a post, and if not, I have a list of posts that I could write at any time.  Ideas that are floating up around my little brain that can be morphed into a post whenever wherever.  If I know a post is going to be a list type post (this one, for example, or 21 rules for using the internet) I often brainstorm for several days, writing down different ideas as they come.  Then, when it is time to sit down and write the actual post, the hard part is already done.

10.  Accept imperfections.  I'll be the first to admit I'm a stickler for grammar.  But I've had to learn to let some grammar stuff go on the blog.  An occasional typo isn't going to kill anyone.   In the early days I read every post three times before it was published.  Now I write it and edit it only once.  I know all the big blogging cowgirls say to edit your pictures, but I straight up don't have time to do that.  So I don't.  And the pictures look good enough.  Not amazing, but good enough, and I don't think my readers mind that much.  My blog doesn't focus on photos so why would I focus on making them look perfect?   And let's face it, if I thought people were visiting my blog for the pictures then I'd have an entirely different problem on my hands.

11.  Have goals and rewards.  Anybody who is serious about blogging would like it to turn into something "big".  The problem is a lot of us don't have a clear path or what that "big" thing is or how to get to the big path.  And so we lose focus or motivation when it comes to blogging.  My big picture goal is what keeps me blogging on days when I am dead dired.  Within five years I would like to be able to quit my full time teaching so that I can have kids.  I would like to supplement Hubs' income with earnings from my blog as well as articles that I write for magazines or other internet sites.  I would very much like to be similar to what Nat the Fat Rat is.  In order to do this I have smaller goals constituting how much traffic I am aiming for (1000 hits/day) how many blogs I am going to sponsor (2-3/month), how often I am going to post (5 xs/week), and how many new followers I would like each month (100-150).  My closest "big goal" is the 1000 followers mark- I'm aiming to hit that in September.  You better believe when I hit the one grand I'm making Hubs take me out to dinner.  I've done this goal and reward system throughout my whole blogging journey.  When I hit 100 followers I treated myself to a pedicure.  When I got my first official sponsor I bought myself a necklace because it was a goal I had worked toward for months.  Heck, I even celebrated the first day I got "hate mail".  Even rude comments have a deeper meaning in blog world.

12.  Relax  Sometimes you gotta call it quits for the night.  On these nights, throw up a half put together post with an unedited picture and some nonsensical ramblings and then get yourself into the bathtub.  No one can go full steam forever.  Weekends are sacred to me, and I do little to no blogging or school work on the weekends.  During the weeks the hour of 4-5 pm is my selfish hour- I flirt with Hubs or take a nap or just watch a little Teen Mom with a gallon of chocolate peanut butter ice cream.  I'm afraid of burn out- both with teaching and my blog.  Both things are very important to me, so I have to make sure that in addition to taking care of them, I am taking care of me.  A happy Bon makes for a happy Blog.

Hey, you successful bloggers out there!  Any secrets that I missed?  How do you stay on top of everything?  Do you disagree with anything that I said?  Share your stuff!

P.S.  It's 8:12.  Done 18 minutes early.  Who's awesome?  This girl!

Real

My mamas (both my mom and Hubs' mom chipped in- ain't I lucky?) gave me a sweet new camera for my birthday.  It's none of those thousand dollar DSLRs or whatever they're called, but still, this bad boy can point and shoot with the best of them.
Point.
Shoot.
Point.
Shoot.
Good job, new camera.

The classic ugly face in car shot.  Also, my hair is now peach.

The classic "Bonnie, if you don't get that camera out of my face while I'm driving, I'm going to crash this car" shot.

The classic, "Oh, this is actually going to go somewhere where a lot of people will see it?  Okay, fine, I'll smile," shot.

The classic road construction overlooking the sunset shot.

Not too bad for a point and shoot, eh?

I had an interesting Sunday today.  You know those days where you stop in your tracks and look at your life and suddenly you're very scared and feel completely inadequate and one hundred percent insecure?  I guess it was one of those.  Sometimes I feel like I take little steps forward in my life only to take a giant leap backward.

It was a reflective day, full of heightened emotions and contemplative minutes.  After an afternoon inside, I needed out of our 525 square apartment.  I needed to clear my head.  To reset.  I took 1984 by George Orwell with me, because really, nothing resets me like a good distopian novel, you know how it goes.

I went to a park that I thought would be completely secluded.  Where I could read and reflect and ponder.  The park was jammed full of people.  And I mean jammed.  I sat in my car for a minute deciding if I was going to join in on the mayhem, or if I should seek a different park.  And then I spied, sitting under a tree, my sister.  Her kids were nearby- riding on bikes, crawling over rocks, and splashing in the little brooke.

So I got out of the car, and went over to say hello to my sister.  We both have got a bit of an attention problem, so the conversation jumped quickly from a cruise to the best doctors in the city to her daughter's broken arm until we finally landed on blogging.  My sister dabbled in blogging a little bit, but decided to stop. 
"It's just... I feel like it's not real.  Like you only hear the good things about people's lives.  And you see these beautiful outfits, and their perfect kids... and you leave the blog not feeling uplifted at all. 
You leave feeling like you're not adequate."

I had to agree with my sister.  Of all the the things I struggle with most in blogging, this one tops the list.  The ability to tell the truth.  To be completely honest and real.  And to not feel inadequate when I read blogs of people who are neither honest nor real.  Blogging is a funny thing.  Just the mere fact that you are writing about your life on such a public venue schews the truthfulness of it all  Is anybody 100% honest about their lives?  How come no one writes about their marital spats?  Or their insecurities and doubts?  Or their jealousies?  I understand that blogging is supposed to be uplifting, but is only writing about the "perfection" in our life really uplifting others?

I left my encounter with my sister feeling everything I want to feel when I leave a blog- like I had been uplifted, like I had just caught up with an old friend, like everything was going to be okay.
The day overall left me with a lot of goals and hopes for the future.  Things I want to do better in the future.  I want to:

-Be more real.
-Be less selfish
-Be more grateful
-Bite my tongue and think before I say something
-Be more patient
-Be friendlier
-Be closer to family
-Have more faith
-Doubt less
-Trust more
-Stress less
-Laugh more
-Serve more
-Feel the spirit more
-Be more sincere in my prayers
-Reflect more

I suppose I'll start here on this blog with my goal to be more grateful.  Thank you for reading this blog of mine.  Thanks for making me feel important and thank you for leaving sweet comments. I guess it means alot to old Bon Bon.
(Don't forget to enter the Shabby Apple giveaway here!)

Tuesday is a Special Day...

Well, well, well, look who got a new look around here!

ME!  It was me!  I got a new look!

Linsey from Life with Linz is an absolute doll and did my whole design for me!  Let's be honest with ourselves here, I never could figure out the gadgets, the fonts, and the colors by myself.  But aren't I happy that there are people in the world who host blog design giveaways, and that I am one of the winners of said giveaway?  YES!  Yes I am happy.  So, please, weigh in on the new look (and when I saw weigh in I mean  say something nice! We don't do well with negative criticism around here, do we Linsey?!?!)

A word of caution: we are still working out the kinks.  For example, messed up right side bar.  No biggy, like anyone cares about that anyway, RIGHT?  Also,  I am having trouble figuring out what to say on each of the pages at the top.  For a good example of this, please see my About Me page.  It's about as awkward as an About Me page as the blogging world gets!  Go ahead, read it, get a kick out of my awkwardness, and thank me for the laugh later.

Now... for a special celebration.  You all know that this Tuesday is a special day, don't you?

DON'T YOU?!? 

Nope... it's not what you think.

Tuesday is not special because it is Valentine's Day.  Nope, Tuesday is special because it is...

My Blog's birthday!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG!

Six years ago I posted my first blog entry.  Longing to become a famous writer, I was inspired to start blogging by a boyfriend when I was 19 years old. Actually, by this point, he was an ex-boyfriend, but I was desperately trying to win him back via daily email correspondence.  (Let's just say 19 year olds don't always have the best tactics for getting old boyfriends to fall back in love with them.)  Out of my failed attempts at rekindled love, something even better was born:  a blog.

Now, as a special blog birthday/ Valentine treat, I am going to allow you to indulge in actual excerpts from the email correspondence that induced the birth of my blog. Aren't I nice, allowing perfect strangers to read my personal emails?


February 9, 2006
Dear Fred (of course that wasn't his name, but I feel weird posting his real name) I want to be a writer. I guess I have always known this, deep down in my body somewhere. Today I consciously came to the decision that I want to write. It came after I talked with my women's studies teacher. She said I write clear, concise, and with voice. I have never been so flattered by a compliment. Now that I have come to this definite decision, I don't know what step to take next. It would be cool to write for some kind of paper, but unless you are a communications or journalism major you can't write for the Daily Universe. I guess I could continue writing lame letters to the editor. Maybe I'll write a short story and try to send it to a magazine or something? It's how a lot of authors got their start. I thought you would have some good ideas of how to jump start this new focus of mine. You seem pretty smart with stuff like that.

Dear Bonnie: (I kept my name the same!) As always, I have life advice for you and everyone else who asks my opinion. Get a blog. Blogs are liberating. No one edits them and most of the time no one reads them, but it is exciting to think that potentially millions of people will read what you put on the internet. If you want a blog go to www.blogger.com and for free you can participate in discussion on the world wide web. You should have no trouble finding a topic for your blog. It could be about you, or a weekly short story, or musings on BYU. It'll be great and I hope I get to see it. Make your friends read the blog and respond to what you write.

And thus, my first baby was born.  My blog baby. Eight days later, on February 14, a lonely and miserable Valentine's Day, I posted my first entry about my desire to stick it to the man.  (Let's just say I haven't grown up as much in the past six years as one would hope.) I hoped and prayed no one would read it. 

No one did.

The blog was inactive and inconsistent for the next five years, with occasional posts only when I felt wildly inspired.  My life was crazy with other important goals that pushed my writing goal right out the window: travel, mission, study abroad, teaching, moving, marriage, etc.  Now, with many of my "young" goals accomplished, I am turning back to my "older" goal, what has always been a passion and a desire of mine: to become a writer.
So wish a happy birthday to the blog, if you please!  Considering the complete secrecy of this guy's actual birth, he'd probably appreciate a little birthday attention for once in his life.  

Lessons Learned from Blogging

It has been a few months now that I’ve been serious with blogging.  Before I just dated him occasionally, saw him when there was absolutely nothing more exciting going on my life, and always ALWAYS put him at the bottom of my priority list.  In fact, for years I didn’t even tell a soul about my affair with blogging.   I kept the relationship secret and our rendezvouses inconsistent and infrequent.

I had an epiphany several months ago that led me to embrace my relationship with blogging.  One day I will share said epiphany.  That day is not today.  In any case, I decided it was high time to not hide my blogging love anymore.  I made a goal to not be ashamed of my pointless ramblings, nor embarrassed at who might read the blog and discover that I am, in fact, a retard.  As I have tried to pursue blogging more seriously, I have discovered some interesting things along the way.  Because I am the kind of girl who doesn’t horde knowledge and keep it all to herself (hey, I’m a teacher afterall!) I have decided to share with you some of my most important blogging lessons learned in the first few months.  May it guide you in your quest to…to … um… I don’t know where I was going with that.

LESSON NUMERO UNO:  If you don’t have a picture with your blog, people aren’t going to give a jack crap what you have to say.  Posting an entry without a post is like the cardinal sin of blogging.  Aren’t you glad you didn’t learn that the hard way?  PICTURES!  PICTURES!  PICTURES!

LESSON NUMERO DOS:  If you can dress cute, it’ll help.  If you don’t know anything about dressing cute or don’t have any cute clothes, post cute pictures you find on pinterest and trick the audience into thinking those are your clothes!  Works like a charm.  (I have a love/hate (but mostly hate) relationship with Pinterest)

LESSON NUMERO TRES:  You get what you put in.  Seriously.  The more time and dedication you put into the blog, the more it’ll grow.  Pretty simple concept.  I have been shocked to see the weeks that I put in a lot of time on the blog how the results are visible immediately.  More traffic, more followers, more comments.  The week I ignore the blog, well, he ignores me.

LESSON NUMERO CUATRO:  (If nothing else from this post you will learn your numbers in Spanish.) Some people are going to be really nice and try to help you out a lot.  When you tell them you’re a newb and you need all the help you can get, people like Mamarazzi, Erin, Janine, and Linsey are going to lend you that hand and make you feel like a million big ones.

LESSON NUMERO CINCO:  Some people are not going to be really nice and not try to help you out.  Some people are going to not return emails, ignore comments or questions, or think that you are too small to pay any attention to.  These people need not be named.

LESSON NUMERO SEIS: If you miss posting a day, you are going to be okay and it's not really the end of the world. Here's something crazy... most people won't even notice (gasp!)

LESSON NUMERO SIETE:  If you start getting depressed after looking at a million other people’s blogs, time to move away from the computer, scoop up a bowl of chocolate ice cream, and get your snuggles on on the couch. Blogging is supposed to make you happy, not sad, so the minute you feel insecure, depressed or not good enough… walk away.  Everyone needs little breaks from their relationships, and yes, that includes your relationship with blogging.

2 a.m.

WARNING:  Post and pic have no relation.
But  wouldn't you just LOVE to know what this picture is all about?

Sometimes I wonder.

Blogger's got this nifty little thingamidget that allows you to check how many people are reading your blog.  It tracks which web site they are coming from (most of mine come via good ole facebook) and which posts are the most popular:  (Gyno post:  Popular.  Bon Bon Sexy Pants the Musical: Not Popular).  You can even see hour by hour how many people are on the blog.  Bet you never even imagined how advanced our technology has gotten these days, did you?

Here's something interesting.

Last night from the hour of 2-3 am I had seven people look at my blog.  Seven.  Right smack in the middle of the night.  Whoddathunk?  Naturally, I started to wonder.  Who are these seven people reading my daily musings while I am far away in dreamland running away from Zombie Hubs and teaching school in igloos (Come on, like your dreams are any more normal)  Why, out of all the things these people could be doing at 2 am, are they checking my blog?

Are they awake at 2 am on a Wednesday morning because they are newlyweds and got in a fight with their spouse and have been so stressed/anxious/upset that they are unable to sleep?  Or are these people single and carefree, not worrying about bedtimes and early mornings... just staying out all night with friends and going to sleep whenever the urge strikes them.  Or is it a mother up with her nursing/crying/colicky baby in the night, begging that fussy baby to shut it so she can get some shut eye?

Maybe it's someone from a country far far away where the hours are opposite...someone in India, and it's not 2 am at all, but rather 2 pm, a perfectly normal time to be browsing the web.  Maybe it is someone who suffers from insomnia.  Or someone who is cramming their brains out for a huge test in the morning and needs a minute of mindless reading?  Maybe a member of the mafia, right before he goes to do a big hit?  Maybe someone who works the swing shift at 7-11?  Maybe someone doing a dare to stay up 48 straight hours?  Maybe an old grandmother who stays up all night and sleeps all day.  Maybe someone clinically insane?!??!!?!?

Yes.  Sometimes I wonder about you, my devoted 2 am readers.

P.S.  DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW THE BLOG (left sidebar- blue button:  Join this site.  Click it.)  BY 5:00 ON THURSDAY FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN BEAUTIFUL JEWELRY FROM MIA.  THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, PEOPLE!  OR, IF YOU HAVE ALREADY FOLLOWED THE BLOG, POST YOUR FAVORITE ENTRY TO YOUR FACEBOOK WALL.  HOLLER!

New Look

I vamped up the blog a bit.  Did you notice?  The change was sparked by my best friend, CrazyA. 
"Do you know what you could do to get more people to your blog, Bonnie?" She said as we casually flipped through the channels.
"What?  Wait- stop there- I think that was The Kardashians".  Sometimes I don't pay attention.
"You could make it look less ghetto." Amy told me authoritatively.  "I've seen a lot of blogs that look really cute and yours doesn't look that way."

And that was the end of that conversation.

Sometimes the truth hurts, people.

So, in attempt to make my blog look "less ghetto" I decided to do a little remodeling.

I discovered something very interesting while remodeling a blog:  It is considerably less mess than remodeling a living room.  And considerably less money.

Four months ago in a fit of madness I painted my living room walls lime green.  Now our house looks like a casa en Mexico and I get a pounding headache anytime I sit on the couch for more than an hour, but I just don't have the energy or motivation to repaint it.  I get depressed everytime I think about it, in fact, because I have no hope that it'll look any better when I do paint it again.  I'm no good at decorating, you see.

That's why decorating a blog is fun.  If it doesn't look good, there's not that much at stake.  You just re-do it the next day.  No tired arms, no paint brush to rinse out, no furniture to move back in to place.

It took a bit more time than I was hoping, however.  I found a nifty little site explaining how to create your own cute and creative header.  I thought it'd be a piece of cake.  Unfortunately for me, I'm not an internet genius.  Consequentially, I spent two hours trying to create that stupid fruit header.  Next time I'm just paying $3 for a header. 

When Hubs came home from his rehearsel last night I announced proudly, "I redid the blog!  What do you think!" and opened my arm in a grand gesture to show him the blinking computer screen.

Hubs stared for a moment and then said something.  The wrong something. 
"What's with the fruit?"
"I like it.  I think it looks fun and welcoming." I tried to explain.
"Yah but is your blog about fruit?"
"No... it's about... well... I don't really know what it's about..."
"I just don't understand why you chose fruit."
That's when I snapped.  I don't have a lot of patience for people bashing on fruit, afterall. "Listen!  I've been working on that for two hours, it was extremely complicated and I am so tired so be nice about it!"
"Oh..."  Hubs wisened up "I love it..."

Sometimes guys just don't understand the importance of fruit at the top of a blog, do they?

On the road to famous

I guess I should have realized that sooner or later this was going to happen.

You see, having a "public" blog can be difficult when you lead what you feel like is a fairly "private" life. I guess when I started posting on this blog every day and linking to facebook and twitter, it never occurred to me that anybody and everybody was going to be able to know the details of my life.

It has taken me by surprise. Maybe the road to famous isn't as easy as I always thought it would be?

EXAMPLE NUMERO UNO:
A few weeks ago I was walking in the hall, quickly returning to my classroom after a bathroom break. I saw a fellow English teacher. Imagine a brunette Sue Sylvester. That is this lady.

"Blackburn!" Brunette Sue yelled to me.
I need to tell you the truth, and the truth is that sometimes I am intimidated of this teaching cohort of mine.

"Oh, hi, what's up," I tried to act casual. Nothing fishy going on here. No teacher sneaking out of her classroom, leaving 40 highly emotional and sexually charged teenagers by themselves. Nope. None of that around these parts.

"You know there's a bathroom in the counselling office if you ever want to use that one?"
"What?" (okay... most random comment ever...)
"You know... because it's too far you to go to the faculty bathroom, and then you accidentally overhear dirty conversations in the students' bathroom...

This was outrageous! How did Brunette Sue know so much about my life?!?

"How do you know about these things? I demand to know!" (Sometimes I act quite authoritative at school. People have to know I mean business. Even when those people greatly intimidate me.)
"Oh... I do some reading..." and she sauntered off down the hallway.
The light bulb went on.
This was the fault of the blog.

EXAMPLE NUMERO DOS:
I was planning on going over to my mom's house to hang out one day after school. But I had a huge headache and could barely make it through the day teaching, let alone go hang out, be lively, be entertaining, etc. The only thing dancing around in my little head was a bed. As in... I wanted more than anything to go home, get into bed, hide under my big down comforter and sleep until the headache went away.

Yes, I have always considered myself very pain tolerant, why do you ask?

I called my mom to tell of her plans, "Mom, I'm not going to come over after school today. I'm not feeling very well."

"It's that headache, isn't it?"

I was taken aback. I hadn't told my mom a thing about my headache.

"You know you really should back off of the diet coke. I'm sure that's what is causing your headaches."

How in the world did my mom know so much about my headac.... I stopped mid thought in a sudden realization. I had posted that day about my headache and about my addiction to diet coke...

Curse you, Blog!

EXAMPLE NUMERO TRES:
I was chilling with my friend, watching Kardashians and Teen Mom and all of those classy shows that make me the quality person that I am today. Out of nowhere my friend said to me, "I was looking at a picture of Greg with his shirt off the other day. You two are going to produce some white white children."

First off. RUDE! In many cultures skin of such utter paleness is highly valued, thank you very much. Second off. Since when has my friend been staring at pictures of MY shirtless Hubs? That kind of stuff is for Bon's eyes only. Sheesh. People these days they take so many liberties.

"Why in the world were you looking at a picture of Greg with his shirt off?!?!" My friend was going to have to explain herself here if she wanted to still be my friend. Explain herself AND stop perving on my husband. (I have very strict standards for friendship, you see.)

"It was on your blog, Bon!"

"Oh."

I remembered now. I felt sheepish.

And if there is one way I hate feeling, it is feeling sheepish.

BAAAAAA. (So sorry. I couldn't resist)

I very (very very very) briefly considered stopping writing on my blog. After all, who wants the whole world to know every detail of their personal life?

But then I remembered how much I love to write and that I am growing somewhat attached to my own daily musings.  And in that moment I knew.  I knew that I must own up to the situation. If becoming rich and famous includes people knowing stuff about your life, then so be it! Bring it on! It's a hard life becoming famous, but somebody has got to do it (I mean, hello! I've got 20 followers on this blog!), and so I, out of the goodness of my heart, will volunteer for the job of famous and bravely accept whatever consequences follow.

And you know what else?  I really do sympathize with old Kim Kardashian. Living under the scrutiny of the public eye ain't easy. 

Me and her really have a lot in common these days.

Someday, my friends, someday.