The Life of Bon: On the day before Father's Day

Saturday, June 15, 2013

On the day before Father's Day

With his girls. (Only my oldest sister is missing from the picture).  My dad has often been accused of favoring the girls in the family... I'd have to say it's a pretty fair accusation.

Father's Day week is typically the hardest week of the year for me.  It doesn't help that my pop's birthday is June 18- the two holidays always fall very close to each other, if not on the exact same day.  There is something about the edge of Father's day that is harder than anything else. Harder than the birthday, harder than the anniversary of his death.  Maybe it's because those other days go by unnoticed by so much of the world.  I can mourn quietly in my heart, and I'll call my mom to make sure she's okay, but the rest of the world just keeps on moving on, and somehow that makes it easier.  I still go to work, nobody knows the significance of the day, and the hours are a quiet remembering of my dad.

I suppose Father's day is hard because it is such a loud day to remember my dad.  It's impossible to go about business as usual.  Everyone is shouting from the rooftops about dads. Dads are so great! I love my dad! Going to barbeque tonight with my dad!  The speakers in church go on and on about how great their dads are, how blessed they are to share this day about them.  Instagram is chalked full of pictures of all of you sharing the day with your dads.  Facebook statuses run longer than usual, as everyone elaborates on the awesomeness of their dads and how much they look forward to the years ahead.  For those reasons, Father's Day is the sharpest of holidays for me, the day where the pain of his absence is most acute.

So I'll hold my breath, put on a brave face, and request extra long hugs from Greg tomorrow.  I am excited for the day when Father's Day isn't something I have to "get through" anymore, but a day that I can again enjoy and look forward to.  How many years does that take?  One?  Five?  Ten?

Or....

Maybe I should make old Greg a father?  That'd surely do the trick...

On my dad:
+ My dad's death taught me with a surety that God doesn't take without giving back.
+ Some of my favorite memories of my dad involve cherry cokes and a stick shift.
+ What my dad taught me about the good old days
+ Doing really crappy chores often reminds me of my dad.  Say what?!?
+ A post in which I talk for a very long time about the process of grieving

15 comments:

  1. Yep, once Greg becomes a Dad your focus on Father's Day will shift. Hang in there! We all miss Dad too.

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  2. I know just what you mean. I miss my daddy, too. Big hugs!

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  3. I've loved reading your blog and now I love it even more because you just put into words why so many people struggle with Father's Day. Stay strong sister, Father's Day is always sucky but we can do it.
    xo Olivia

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  4. Sorry for your loss. May the day get easier with each year.

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  5. hi Bonnie! I have been following you for a while via Shanna's attention to you and reading you here and there. We have several things in common. Both know Copper Hills and both have our Dads in Heaven now days. Mine has been there since 1990. He was raised in West Jordan by a widow Mommy and she was also a little Mommy. See my post of yesterday and see the link within it of my post last year regarding my Dad. Dad's do die. Some have illness for years and year and others sneak away suddenly. Mine did both methods. I don't expect you to feel better. Feel what you want to feel. It is you and your Dad. Feel it with all your heart. Just know that I am here for to say anything you want to on the subject. Not that I am the authority of anything like that. When someone cries out, I usually hear it. (hug)

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  6. Thinking of you and your family this weekend! This makes me even more thankful for my dad and reminds me to tell him on all the other days--not just this one.

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  7. My dad will have been gone 9 years this August. Father's Day is even harder for me than his birthday. It's sad to say, but part of me is jealous that my husband still has his dad to celebrate with. Don't get me wrong, I love his dad tremendously, just like my own father. But dad isn't there to hug and tell him I love him.

    Know you got a friend in this. I'll be thinking about you.

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  8. My dad has been gone 20 years and this is the best explanation I have ever heard on why father's day is so much harder than the other dates. It gets easier, but it is still hard. Maybe when we have a kid the day will have another focus.

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  9. Sorry :( You know, I was just thinking today about how I don't really like Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Both of my parents are still alive and I'm very close to them and love them, but the thing is, I appreciate them every day. I don't need one day a year to remind me. Actually, what it reminds me of is how hard it will be when they are gone. And then it makes me sad for people who've lost one or both parents. It makes me very sad for others. Maybe I will do a blog post on it... Anyway, I hope you have a good day tomorrow filled with happy things and staying busy :)

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  10. yep, I've been thinking all day...just get me through tomorrow....it will be so good to have it behind me....

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  11. I lost my Dad 11 years ago. He taught me how to be a better person, strong, focused, a nature lover, respect. The gift of unconditional love, loyalty, responsible, confident, intuitive. He taught me to work hard and love hard. Noone prepares us for death, untimely or not. I force myself to focus on the 40 some odd years we were physically together. I say many prayers today. Memories flood back in my mind and the truth..Yes,,, Bonnie you will forever miss him and honor him. My advice is to focus on how amazing a Father he was, dedicated and loving. Somehow I manage to channel that love spiritually and connect in a very different way to him.

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  12. You know Bonnie that my dad left me 4 years ago, it wasn't eay to cope with it. 2 years the father's day were worse for me. Then I got my step dad and everything changed. I love him more than anything in my life because he does everything that my real father should do. This father's day, I am having him as the best father of the world!

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  13. i'm sorry, bonnie. and i'm sure, somewhere in the cosmos, your father is smiling right now and holding you close.

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  14. When I read posts like this I am reminded how lucky I am that my parents are still alive and for the most part well..........

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  15. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Though I don't live with mine I can only imagine how hard a day like father's day must be for you.
    Hang in there & one day it wil surely get easier!
    Promise :)

    xx Leah Symonne

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