The Life of Bon: An inconvenience fee

Monday, December 08, 2014

An inconvenience fee

I figured out what the one main problem in life is.

Everybody's always inconveniencing each other, you know?

I also figured out what the solution is to that one main problem in life.

Start charging an inconvenience fee.

Let me explain.  Most of the things that drive me absolutely bonkers about my job are nothing more than an inconvenience.

Students who hand their work in late.
Students who make you repeat instructions because they weren't listening.
Students who make you repeat the instructions because they were in the bathroom comforting their best friend who just broke up with her boyfriend.
Students who make you repeat the instructions in Spanish because they don't speak English.
Students who cheat on tests and copy papers off the internet.
Counselors who tell you last minute that they need ten minutes of your class to explain college day.
Administrators who change the bell schedule last minute and expect you to be flexible with your lesson.

These are all things that us teacher folk (and yes, grammar nazis out there, I am aware "us teacher folk" is not proper grammar, you don't need to waste your time leaving a comment or telling our gomi friends all about it) just LOVE to complain about.  We gather around and just yap and yap about how annoying all of these things are.  They are such inconveniences!

BUT.  What if we got paid for all of these inconveniences?

$.25 for every minute of class time I lose due to last minute announcements, assemblies, etc.?
$3 for every time I have to explain instructions again.
$1 for every day late an assignment is.
$.25 for every minute past 3:00 I have to stay so a kid can make up a test that he didn't take on test day because he sluffed class.

If we did this I wouldn't ever complain at all.  In fact, I'd kind of start looking forward to the inconveniences of my job.  If I'm getting paid, I mean, sure, I'll let you hand that paper in as late as you damn well please. 62 days late?  NO PROBLEM.

And how about out of the work place?  $5 for every time I get into Greg's car and have to fill it up.  $2 for every article of clothing I pick up off the floor. $20 every time I go grocery shopping. $7 for emptying the dishwasher.

Oh, and then there's my baby!  June would owe me a bunch of money by now!  $500 for getting my body sliced open so she could enter this world.  That was definitely inconvenient.  $4 for every diaper changed.  $2 for every time I clean up spit up.  $.25 for every minute of sleep I lose and $10 per nursing session.

And don't get me started on people who are late!  They should certainly  be charged for inconveniencing the people who are on time.  $1 for every minute I have to wait for you.  You can bet people would start showing up on time.  Myself included!

Ah, now I'm really getting the feel for this! $5 for cutting me off in traffic, $10 for not listening when I'm saying something important, $5 for farting or burping in my presence ($10 if it's in the car, $20 if it's in the bed), $25 for every load of laundry. $3 if you finish off the milk and don't tell anyone, $6 if you eat my treat I bought just for myself, $20 for every mean comment you leave on a stranger's blog.

See?  Inconveniences in life SOLVED.  I'm a freaking genius.

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