As an early Christmas present to all readers, I have decided
to give you another guest post. Yes,
this is I, the man behind the curtains.
The shadow behind the giant. The afterbirth
behind the… yeah that one doesn’t work.
Yes it is Greg (the husband). You may have read my last guest post, and I’m
sure it might have left you confused, maybe disgusted, probably a little
seduced. Well prepare yourself for this
next one!
As always (always being one time) I shall be writing a Bachelor related post. Recently the
female contestants for the upcoming season of The Bachelor have been announced.
To be honest no one is good enough for Ben H. The man is like Hercules. No mortal can be with Hercules! Disney tried, but Meg was never good enough
for him and she’s only going to hold him back from achieving his rightful deity
and plus she tricked him into fighting the hydra. Sorry, little bit of a tangent. But the world isn’t Disney! The world is reality
T.V!
This has really left me wondering if anyone has a chance to
be with Ben H. I went through all the
great possibilities in my head. Jennifer
Lawrence, Lady Gaga, The Pope, Kate Middleton if she got a divorce… Nothing
seemed to fit. But then it came to me!
The answer was inside of me! Literally from inside of me, my own flesh and
blood… Yes! My daughter, June!
June has been cursed with my red hair, but maybe she was
gifted with my supreme understanding and respect for Ben H. I talked with June about this whole
situation, and she has agreed to send a petition to Ben H in order to be
considered. I had to do some translating
to make it work. It’s mostly the pros
and cons of being together with her. I
hope you all agree that she would be a perfect fit.
Dear Ben,
Firstly, I would like to apologize if my dad has come off a little too strong. Strong being the emails, invitations to dinner, animal sacrifices to you etc. I want you to know that there are no weird intentions from him, and that he is loyal to my mom on a near serial killer/psychotic level.
My name is June. I am 17 months old. I have fiery red hair and an attitude to match it. I want to tell you some pros to choosing me as a contestant on your show.
I am very easy to entertain. I still think peekaboo is absolutely hilarious (where did you go!?) it gets me every time.
-
I’ve become very independent and won’t be one of
those needy girlfriends. If you litter
the room with toys, I am totally fine for up to ten minutes playing all by myself.
-
I am a very good listener, especially if you
read me stories. (Something with
pictures please).
-
I am an animal person. Except sometimes I accidentally hurt them so
they need to be durable.
-
I’m not picky with food. But you do have to cut it up and don’t ever
try to feed me!
-
I love movies.
My favorite is Curious George; that monkey is freaking hysterical.
-
I am a morning person. Sometimes even a middle of the night
person. Sheesh, sometimes I never sleep at
all!
Now, I know you might be in love with me already. But I have to
admit that I do have some flaws. Please
be patient and understanding.
-
I have a little bit of a temper. And I will throw things. I won’t throw them far, but dang it, I will
throw them!
- There is a 50% chance that I will poo my pants
during our date, and a 100% chance that you will have to clean it up.
-
I will get very cranky around 7 and I should go
to bed. But If we keep me up, I will
bounce back around 9. But then there’s
little hope of me going to bed ever, so, well, just be prepared to hang with me all night.
-
I don’t know how to clean up after myself. I just don’t understand the purpose.
-
If I see a dog during mid-conversation I will
scream out “DOG!” even if you are in the
middle of a beautiful story. This has
offended people in the past.
-
You might have to hold my hand during
walks. Not because it is romantic, but
because I will fall down otherwise.
-
I don’t know how to give hugs. I choose head butts instead.
-
I will use your toilet a lot. Not to go to the bathroom in, but to fill it
with toilet paper, jewelry, hair bows etc.
I am sorry to say that I haven't quite mastered how to kiss yet. I will come in really strong but finish weak with a sloppy, spitty, and sometimes even boogery kiss. I try to hit the mouth but a lot of times I miss entirely and just nail the lower chin instead.
I am sorry to say that I haven't quite mastered how to kiss yet. I will come in really strong but finish weak with a sloppy, spitty, and sometimes even boogery kiss. I try to hit the mouth but a lot of times I miss entirely and just nail the lower chin instead.
Well now you know my best and my worst. I hope to see you soon. I really do think we could make a great match.
Head butts and farts,
June Bug.
What do you think? Is she the perfect match for Ben. H or what?
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Pssst... Bonnie here. We caught an episode of this show last night and LOVED it. Has anyone watched the whole series? Is it worth investing in?
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