The Life of Bon: Why Your Husbands Should Be Watching the Bachelorette: A Guest Post by Greg

Thursday, July 09, 2015

Why Your Husbands Should Be Watching the Bachelorette: A Guest Post by Greg

Once in a blue moon you have the beautiful opportunity to read a guest post from me. Who am I?  Bonnie’s husband.  The tall, dashingly handsome man with skin as pale as snow. I’ve chosen my topic to be on something that has occupied much of my time and feelings lately.  The Bachelorette.  Not Kaitlyn, specifically, but all of the wonderful chaos that has ensued because of Kaitlyn.

I know that Bonnie does her great little recaps from the show, but I think you would benefit from a man’s perspective and maybe you could be more persuading to your own husbands in getting them to join you for your Monday night television.

Why is The Bachelorette so entertaining to me? Firstly the woman has all the power.  Do you remember all of those bros that you went to college with?  The ones who would take their protein blender bottles to class and wear cut off t shirts?  The ones who took intermural sports way too seriously? The ones who broke up with you so they could take their pest control business to the next level?

Imagine guys like that completely bending their will and pride to earn the respect of a single woman.  I’m an actor and I respect the craft.  Sometimes watching these guys pretend to be good guys is a lesson for me.  I know that seems judgmental but that’s why we have reality tv...  So that we can watch the suffering and humiliation of others and pretend our lives are slightly better.

             (Yes. Make my life seem perfect)

Another reason to watch the show is because Chris Harrison is an idiot.  Am I the only confused one when the divorced guy is giving advice on marriage?  Call me crazy but the statistics of people from the show who stay together are awful and even the show’s host can’t stay married.

(My reaction whenever Chris Harrison gives advice)

I think I seemed too harsh with my reasons so far.  The next reason I watch is a confession.  I have a man crush on a certain contestant.  I can’t hide anymore


He just came into my life and stole my heart. And if he didn’t steal your heart in the sex-ed episode then you don’t have one.  The guy has the hair and eyes of a Greek God. The sensitivity of Ghandi and the wits of a lioness. The strength of a two by four and the agility of a werewolf.  He’s just a great guy.

The next reason is the awkward moments.  I believe some of the show is scripted and some things are put on.  But every once in a while you will find a moment so awkward and so perfectly unsettling that it makes you cringe.  Everything with JJ and Clint for instance.  Where can you find better entertainment than that? Okay maybe there are a lot of places to find it, but not on a Monday night.

The next reason is the Bachelorette herself.  As our dearest “cupcake” informed us before taking the flight of shame, “she’s a mess”.  And that is the truth.  But the girl has the most hilarious laugh and fun personality.  Sure she seems a little scandalous, but if you had 25 romantic interests who are willing to do anything for you and completely humiliate themselves and bend to your every demand, what would you do? 

 I would marry all of them.  And form my own giant polygamist clan.  I would make them all get jobs and turn us into billionaires.  Then I would start my own reality show off of it. And then get divorced with all of them and do another spin off reality show.  Then I would go completely underground and erase my identity.  I would come back 20 years later and write a book about the whole experience:  There and Back Again: A Polygamist's Tale.

But seriously, watching Kaitlyn and her journey will tear you apart. You just want her to make the right choice so bad.

(Can’t you see that Ben H. is Half God Half Best Man Alive?)

The next reason is rooting for the underdogs.  The everyday Joe Schmoes who just do all they can.  Guys Like Jared.  Jared was a gentleman and a scholar, but was lost somewhere between man and boy.  Competing with guys like Shawn, who has the look of Ryan Gosling and the voice of Matthew Mcconaughey. Jared, on the other hand, looks like a wolf mated with a rat and then couldn’t grow facial hair.  It’s these guys that deserve a win.  These GUYS!

The final reason is that it makes your wife love you more.  I do a lot of stupid things.  Sometimes I prank-scare my wife into tears.  And sometimes I forget to take the garbage out.  And sometimes I steal from homeless people. 
But when I watch The Bachelorette with my wife?   To her I’m a Ben H.  And that is worth fighting for.


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