The inevitable Christmas breakdown. It is, well... inevitable

It's the time of year where the shiz hits the fan.

In other words- it's break down time.  Break down is a semiannual tradition in this family that inevitably occurs to the female member of the family the week before Christmas and typically the last few weeks of May.

You see, I have a very rare and serious disease called "I-freak-out-if-other-people-are-having-fun-without-me-and-I-have-to-do-something-totally-unfun-like-go-to-work."  They way I see it, if I'm at work the rest of the world should be too!  There's no sleeping in if I can't sleep in!  There's no matinee movie if I can't go!  And don't even think about a party sans Bon Bon!

Hence the semi annual breakdowns.  All my college friends (including Hubs!) finish their finals a good week before I see freedom, my non working friends and family members are making sugar cookies and listening to Christmas music, and there are Christmas parties galore all while I am trying to finish grading research papers!  I don't remember much about last year's Christmas breakdown except for that involved me freaking out at Hubs for something, being on the verge of a fight and then realizing I was just stressed and tired, apologizing, crying, saying I was exhausted, Hubs begging me to look for a job closer to home so I didn't have to commute next year (Er... yah... about that...), and then watching half of a Christmas movie on the couch with Hubs before I passed out comatose style at 8 pm.

I am doing my darndest to avoid breakdown this year.  MY DARNDEST.  But it hasn't been easy.  My sister, with husband and kids in tote, is visiting this week before she moves to Germany for three years.  (I know!  She's so rude!) and I feel like I've hardly gotten to even see her.  I am staying up way too late at night because people might have fun after I go to sleep!  I've spent about 12 minutes with Hubs the past three days thanks to schedules that are exactly opposite. I then wake up dead tired and drive in 12 degree weather in the pitch black all while thinking how everyone I know in the world is buried under warm covers at that exact moment....

You get my drift.

 I was certain that one more blog post would push me over the brink of insanity and lead to my inevitable Christmas break down.  I just couldn't do it.  So I've asked Gia to post on my blog today instead.  This girl's funny (almost as funny as me) and I'm almost certain that the incredibly well written essay handed in by my failing student last week was actually written by her (What?!?  Read on!)  Also, I love reading her blog for the mere fact that she calls her readers peasants.  Might have to steal that one from you Gia, you little genius, you.

Hi, I'm Gia from Lovely Serendipity. I'm a freelancer who does other people's essays for a living (Yes Bonnie, there's a great chance that your students paid someone else to do their English essays!) I am a freelancer whore on different sites, you name it! Fiverr, Freelancer, Elance, Odesk, PPH, etc. I dealt with different clients and some of them were really difficult; hence, why I started my own business.
(Bonnie here... the question is could I pay you to grade my essays?  Consider the possibilities!  You could potentially write and grade the same essay and get paid for the whole crazy process!)

I'm here to share some of my most unforgettable experience in my job. You see; I'm a Jack of all trades. I offer different services: art, design, writing, and online marketing. I had a lot of good clients, but some of them really need a hard slap on the face (and be demoted to kindergarten too) Scenario 1: Client - Can we just meet up before discussing the topic? Me - But I live in New Zealand, you're from Canada. Client - I don't want Google to find out that I'm paying someone to do my essay.  Me - Well, I think it's too late for that.
Scenario 2:
Client - Can you write my essay? The topic is about 9/11 and its impact on fellow Americans. Me - Okay, can you provide me with more details? Like the number of words, deadline, and any other things that you think I should know. Client - 2000 words, deadline is 2 weeks from now... and maybe don't talk about the Arabs because I think my lecturer is half Arab and might fail me. Maybe just say Chinese so it won't offend her? Me - Sorry, I cannot work with you. Scenario 3:
Client - Can you just teach me how to use Adobe Illustrator? Can't really afford to buy a hundred illustrations lmao. Me - But I thought you're an artist? Client - I'm just starting my portfolio, I can really use any resources that I can get. Me - Ummm... use your own work then? Client - Look, can you just teach me how to use Photoshop or Illustrator? Me - I would have to charge you my hourly rate of $25. Client - Can't you just do it for free?!  Me - No.  Scenario 4: Client - Well, I just want the design to be cool and funky since the our business' target market is teenagers. Perhaps do something unique, like animated or anything like that. Just a design that will catch their attention since teens don't tend to read at all. Me - But it's a logo. Scenario 5:
Client - Why are you charging so much for a simple text logo? I'm just after Katy Perry's signature font, can't you just download it and change the colour to indigo? Me - No. So there you go, guys! I cannot stand dumb people anymore; that's why I started my business. Thankfully, I have a few fairy godmothers who are willing to deal with illiterate people. If you want to know more about my daily experience as a freelancer slash business owner, visit my blog.  If you want a custom illustration or any other types of design, visit my business site (but please, don't ask me to make an animated logo. I won't hesitate to make fun of you on my blog, I'm warning you)

On being engaged.

Because yesterday was Hubs' and mine two year engagiversary (How's that for an awesome word?!?) and because I have two good friends who got engaged over the weekend (Tis the season!), I thought I would share my thoughts (Because I always have so much to share!) and let you know about how horrific my engagement was (Mostly my own fault, not because of any person involved) and let others learn from my mistakes of being engaged (have you noticed how long this sentence is?) or let those who have already been engaged laugh in agreement  (And are you digging these paranthesis or what) or think I'm a freak for putting myself through utter hell during my engagement.

PHEW.

Sometimes I get carried away.

Here's a couple of excerpts from my journals as PROOF that I was not making this up.  Engagement is rough!

A journal entry from January 9, 2011: "I am a stressed out mess every time the wedding gets brought up. I seriously can not handle it."

Journal entry from February 9, 2011: "4 weeks and 2 days. Not that anyone's counting down. I swear I'm never getting married. The wait for something has never been so long in my life. I'm dying. Absolutely miserable. I can't handle the stress. The planning. The never ending details. Not seeing Greg every day. The sexual frustration. I would say that being engaged is on my top five list of worst experiences. Dating Greg was amazing. Being married to him is going to rock my word. The engagement, however, is like cruel and unusual punishment."

And now I present to you....

The most depressing post ever.

AKA

REASONS WHY BEING ENGAGED SUCKS.

1.  Details, details, details!  I hate details!  I don't care how the flowers are arranged.  I couldn't care less what the table arrangements are.  Do we put the registration info on the invitation?  Or a separate insert?  Or not at all?  WHAT DO WE DO?!?!  Suddenly stuff I have never cared about before seemed so incredibly important and there were so many CRUCIAL decisions to be made. I wish I would have relaxed more.  I was so concerned about the stupidest details- the flowers, the invitations, and we can not have our reception in an LDS church cultural hall or I will die!  I mean, really.  How's that for stupid?  So much grief over decisions that two years later nobody cares about and nobody remembers.

2.  Not living with the person you are engaged to.  This one is different depending on your situation, but Hubs and I didn't live together until we were married.  Meaning constant phone calls over wedding decisions, trying desperately to find time together with two hectic schedules, and not even being able to crawl into the same bed at night.  This one also leads to...

3.  Sexual frustration!  Us Mormons don't do the deed until we're married.  While I will be forever grateful for that decision  and may even right a whole post about why I made that choice and the positive effect it has had on my life... it makes for one hell of an engagement. (Sorry Mom for the curse word) (And sorry you are reading this paragraph.  That can't be fun for you.) Once you are committed to someone and you know they are the one it's pretty hard to keep your hands off of each other.  I don't think I would revisit those months of tension for anything in the world.

I always laugh at this picture because HELLO, can you not see the sexual tension written all over our faces?!?

4.  Limited time.  Hubs and I were engaged for a mere 11 weeks.  (Because of  the torturous nature of the experience, I have often concluded that the engagement was 11 weeks too long.)  Due to #3, we wanted the engagement to be as fast as possible- every day dragging the engagement out was misery.  HOWEVER, the time crunch did present a problem.  Visiting a friend in Seattle over New Years, we stopped at a wedding dress store and when I asked about having the dress altered in time for my wedding in March, the sales clerk laughed in my face.  The earliest earliest EARLIEST they could have a dress fitted would be May.  Everything was more stressful because of the time crunch- decisions had to be made quickly, reception centers were booking up, the flowers needed to be ordered, etc., etc., ETC.!

5.  I was engaged for January, Feburary and March.  The deadest, ugliest months of the year.  The cold, the snow, the dark drive to work every morning... It all somehow made the engagement seem so much longer.  I am convinced that if I was engaged in the summer it would have floated on by like a dream.

6.  The dress.  For some reason I had an EXTREMELY specific type of dress I wanted.  I knew exactly how it was supposed to look.  And it was nowhere to be found.  I went to wedding dress store after wedding dress store after wedding dress store.  Not even trying on the first dress was fun for me- it was just pure stress.  Every gown brought out my incredibly middle of winter paleness or drowned me in lace or made me look flat or was too "Mormony".  After each dress I was more depressed than the one before.  Not to mention the prices.  Holy shizzle!  My mom was footing the bill (thanks again, mom!) but we're a conservative folk.  I refused to spend over $1000 on my dress and finding one exactly how I wanted for that cheap... not an easy task.  Even when I DID find the dress, I went in weeks later to try it on after adjustments and suddenly hated it.  All of those miserable details can be found here.  Looking back on pictures I wonder what the heck my problem was- the dress was gorgeous.  I've concluded that being engaged just made me crazy is all.

7.  School.  It was my first year of teaching and  I was doing a 45 minute commute.  On top of that, my principal asked me mid year to pick up an extra class- creative writing.  I had never taught or studied creative writing and I knew nothing about it.  Like a fool, I said yes.  Suddenly I had no prep time to grade the endless papers, and three different classes I was teaching for the first time.  I put in long hours at the school and spent even more time home frantically trying to grade essays and stay on top of lesson plans.  I even made my sister drive up to the school with me six days before my wedding to grade essays (read it here!).  I don't think I have ever been so stressed and miserable in my whole life. Fo rizzle.

8.  Larry.  This man arranged Hubs' and my honeymoon.  In nice terms, he royally screwed us over.  Five days before the wedding, he called Hubs and told him our honeymoon cruise had been "cancelled".  Within time, we realized it was all a big lie, but we believed the crook at that moment.  He got us on another cruise,  with less preferable destinations, length of cruise, and type of room... and then tried to steal $600 in the process.  Six months and one lawyer brother later, we got the money back (Read all about it here!)

9.  Offending people.  I like to make people happy.  And I don't like to hurt people's feeling.  And yet somehow, I believe I managed to offend every single person close to me in the process of getting married.  I offended Hubs when I said he couldn't have a say on the dinner details because that was my terrain, I offended my mom when I said I didn't care where was easiest for her and her family, I wanted the ceremony in Salt Lake.  Hubs family was offended when we didn't want their opinion on anything, my family was offended when I didn't keep them more in the loop, my besty was offended when I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid, my cousins' cousins were offended they weren't invited to the ceremony, and probably every one of the 300 guests at that dinner were offended by Hubs' dad's speech about how difficult it was to conceive Hubs (use your imagination!).  To every person who was offended by my getting married, I sincerely apologize.

I am almost to the point where I can just laugh about it now.  Almost.

That's a lot of people to keep happy!  And this is just my siblings and their kids!

10.  My dad. The hardest part about the whole engagement was the fact that my dad wasn't there.  I met Hubs a few months after my dad had passed away and by the time we got married it had been a little over a year.  It felt so fresh, so raw, and I was still barely getting a handle on my grief and how I worked through it.  I know my mom missed him terribly- he wasn't there to keep her sane and to help her fight the battles that were so important to her (all extended family MUST be invited to the dinner!).  In some ways I began to kind of dread the wedding day and the hordes of people that would be there when one of the most important people in my whole life would be so noticeably absent.  He wouldn't be there to smile proudly at me, to tell me I looked beautiful as a bride, to dance the daddy daughter waltz with me.  All those things raced through my mind before the wedding and I worried so much that without my dad there the day would be seeped in sorrow.  I'll always be grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who answered my prayers and let me know that my dad was there with me that day.

And that is the story of how my engagement sucked.  But, the good news is it was all worth it!  Here's what I wrote in my journal the night before my wedding:

March 11, 2012  "The real reason I'm writing tonight is so that I can look back on the night before my wedding and have my kids read it and know how supremely happy and one hundred percent confident their mother was before she married their father.  I've never been so sure of something in my life; I have absolutely no doubts.  When I think of the future I feel joy, peace, and overwhelming calm and assurance.  I know that marrying Greg is the right decision and I am so excited.  So so so so excited.  And happy.  Sooooooooooooooooo HAPPY."

Ah, shucks.  You thought this post was gonna be a real downer, and then it ended being all sweet and gushy on you.  How's that for a twist?!?

P.S.  I tweeted this earlier today, I just couldn't keep something so good to myself, 

"Student giving report on sex ed: 

"The thrill of sex lasts seconds, minutes, hours, or days but the effects are forever." 

#days?#DAYS?!? "  

If you're not already following me on twitter, you should be!

The Question

Two years ago today Hubs got down on that not-too-shabby knee of his and popped the question.

To celebrate the day, I played hooky.

Oops.

Even a teacher's gotta sluff sometimes.

We slept in, grabbed some lunch, and then went to a two hour and forty five minute long movie (Hobbit, why must ye be so long?!?).  There was also some smiling and some flirting and even a conversation about how great it is that the popcorn is only $1.50 and the movie theater is empty on a Tuesday afternoon!

I was going to write a whole post about everything anyone should know about the horrors of engagement.  It was going to be witty and sarcastic and funny.  But then I read what I wrote last year about the proposal and it was so sweet.  Sweet beats sarcastic any day.  So I will share again the story of our engagement (also, I'm pretty sure six people were reading this blog last year at this time) and leave the horrors of the engagement period for another day.  Like tomorrow.

Hubs proposed at temple square- where the big Mormon temple is in Salt Lake.  At Christmas every tree is covered in lights and there's music and nativity scenes and hordes and hordes of people.  Tis beautiful.

Hubs had been acting weird all day.  I'm no detective, but I could tell something was up.  It was a Saturday and we were spending the day up at Hubs' parents house.  There were a few irregularities that day... like Hubs sneaking into a room with his dad to discuss something... or that Hubs' dad had gone to Provo and when I asked why, I got different reasons from Hubs and from his mom. 

Still, Hubs had covered his evidence nicely.

We had already picked out the ring together and Hubs had apologized to me the day before, saying the ring was taking longer than he thought and he wouldn't have it until after Christmas.

Like a fool, I believed him.

Hubs said he wanted to go on a date to see the lights at temple square since we hadn't gone yet.  I said okay.  An hour before we were going to head out, Hubs was pouring himself a cherry coke.  Me and Hubs' mom had ourselves a good laugh when he absent-mindedly kept pouring, even after the glass was filled.  The cherry coke spilled all over the counter top, trickling down to the floor where the dogs licked it up.

"I think he's distracted, don't you?"  said Hubs' mom with a twinkle in her eye.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I wondered.

We set out that night for our date to Temple Square.  To my dismay, I discovered I was having a lady emergency of sorts.  I made Hubs stop at Smith's to get the necessary lady items.  For the rest of my life, I'll remember that an hour before Hubs proposed I made him run in and get feminine products for me.  What a score!

After stressful traffic and some curse words under Hubs' breath, we arrived at Temple Square and walked around.  And walked.  And walked.  I had suspected that Hubs would propose, but here we were just walking around, twiddling our thumbs, and he certainly didn't seem about to pop any important question.  I even looked closely at his pants pockets.  No lump there. With a sigh of disappointment, I finally decided that tonight would not be the night.

Then Hubs took me over to a little removed spot- away from all the hustle and bustle.   There was a beautiful big tree behind us, and no one around anywhere.  Hubs turned me around and put his arms around my waist and we both stood there, staring at the Salt Lake Temple.  My ears were perked, listening oh so carefully to any unusual sounds.  Was this to be the moment? 

I heard a rustle.
Hubs moved his hand up to his jacket.
Something was going on.
Then. 
A click.
Hubs cursed under his breath.
That stubborn ring box had gotten caught on Hubs' jacket!

I knew what it was immediately, of course.  But suddenly I was nervous.  Oh so very nervous.  Sweaty-hands-and-I'm-going-to-wet-my-pants-and-then-puke-all-over-my-almost-fiance nervous. 

I couldn't turn around for fear. 

I heard Hubs behind me, "Bon...." 

"Hm?"  I played dumb.  I was panicking.  What do I do?  What do I say?  Do I cry?  Do I smile?  Nobody ever tells the girl what to do in this situation.

"Bonnie?" He turned me around.

And then he dropped.

Dropped down on that not-so-shabby knee of his in record time.

"Will you marry me?" 

Suddenly I wasn't worried about what to do anymore.  The nerves had vanished into thin air.  I didn't care if I laughed or cried or screamed or whispered.  It all felt so natural...like I had been practicing for this all my life.

"YES!"  I exclaimed.  He put the ring on my finger and picked me up and kissed me and hugged me and we laughed and smiled and kissed and then laughed some more.  No crying on the proposal day, just a lot of laughing. 

Hubs had his phone, so we managed to take a few poor quality pictures with it, committed ourselves to never forgetting this day, and then sprinted to the car to get out of the cold.

Not even an incredibly romantic proposal can stop the cold, afterall.

We laughed all the way to the car.  We ran, laughed, looked at each other, laughed, kissed, ran, laughed, "Can you believe it?  We're engaged!!!" And laughed some more.

There is a lot of stuff that I am thankful for to Hubs.  He does so many things for me every day, and I am constantly trying to remember to thank him for it all. 

Thank you for taking out the trash.
Thank you for going to two huge family Christmas parties in one day.
Thank you for making dinner.
Thank you for the back massage.
Thank you for making me laugh.

But the biggest thank you I have is this:

Thank you for asking me to marry you.



The night after our engagement- Lots of smiling and kissing.

P.S.  If your name is Jessica Loveland you have struck gold!  Email me at lifeofbon@gmail.com and we will get you hooked up with all the prizes from the December giveaway.  HOLLER!

P.P.S.  There are still medium spots available for sponsorship for January.  Shoot me an email if you are interested!  Check out the details here.

Peace

I think we can all agree that it is difficult to make sense of the shooting on Friday.  I have struggled to find answers.  Human tendency is to seek for something or someone to blame.  Immediately.  There must be fault.  The school security wasn't good enough.  The killer didn't get mental help when he needed it.  There's too much violence in video games.  Gun laws need to be stricter.  We need a solution NOW.

I guess I feel like this is probably part of the grieving process- a desperate attempt to find fault and then to try to immediately work out solutions.  I don't know what the solutions are, but I know they will take time.  Healing is a slow process and the only real healer of tragedy is time.  Lots and lots of time.

And so, I am trying my best to not think of the countless things that must have gone wrong in order to lead up to such a horrific event.  Trying hard to not blame here and not blame there, but instead to just find some sort of peace in the wake of the tragedy.  I am praying for the families of the victims.  Praying that they will feel the love of the entire nation, that they will feel our tears and our hugs and our support, that they will feel peace and eventually acceptance and someday, maybe someday, even forgiveness.

I have heard several remarks that the tragedy is worsened by the fact that it happened around Christmas.  I agree with this and I disagree with this.  Certainly the pang of loss will be felt more sharply on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  Of course.  But hopefully those missing their loved ones so desperately will be comforted during this special time, even moreso than they would be able to during another time of the year.  I pray that they will be able to feel that special spirit of Christmas, and that it can be used as an extra dosage of comfort.  I pray that they can feel God's love an extra amount and understand more fully the miracle that Christ's birth was and is.  I pray that they will feel extra love, extra peace, extra closeness to a loving Heavenly Father.

I went to church yesterday not thinking about pants at all, like I had originally thought I would, but instead hoping to make some sense of the tragedy.  The answer to my prayers came in the form of my sister, who is visiting from California for the week.  She shared with the class that she had found comfort in the third and fourth verse of "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day."  They are so beautiful and so fitting.

And in despair I bowed my head:

"There is no peace on earth," I said,

"For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,

With peace on earth, good will to men."

To end the meeting, we sang one of my favorite hymns, "Be Still My Soul."  Again, I found the lyrics to be so fitting.

(Third and Fourth Verse)

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,

And all is darkened in the vale of tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past

All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

I don't know what the answers are, but I do know that the Lord is over all.  I know they He will "repay" that which He has "taken away."  I believe in justice and I believe in mercy.  I believe in hope and love and charity and kindness- even in the midst of such tragedy.  I believe in a day when tears are past.

Somehow in the midst of this terrible event, I have felt incredible peace.  My wish is that all you may feel the same.

P.S.  I will be participating in this tomorrow- a blogger day of silence.

Suicide by Research Papers

Hello there darlings.  December is march marching right along and guess who has all of her Christmas shopping done?  THIS GIRL!  I kind of started in October.  Picked something up there.  Something up here.  And voila!  Christmas shopping done!  Now I can spend all the days leading up to Christmas grading research papers.  Somehow, in my complete stupidity, I told 80 juniors that their five page research paper is due tomorrow... Monday, December 17.  I clearly was not thinking.  I know a lot of you college students out there like to complain about writing research papers but just remember there is someone on the other side of that- some poor soul who must grade all those papers.  I don't want to grade them any more than my students want to write them- and yet the Utah Board of Education says I must teach research.

BOO!

While I enjoy my last night research paper free I've got some lovelies who are going to share with you.  I asked all the girls this month to share their favorite joke along with an intro to their blog.  If there's one thing I know for sure- you can tell a lot about a woman by what she thinks is funny.  So read their jokes, visit their blogs, and meet some new friends.  Also, the giveaway ends Monday night so if you haven't entered yet get to it.

(Disclaimer:  I am not ignoring the tragedy in Connecticut.  I am still gathering my thoughts on it and plan to post about it... I just haven't quite figured out what to say/ how to say it/ what is happening in the world.  So forgive me if you think I am being insensitive... I am not.  Just need a little bit of time before I am ready to post about it.)

LAURALI

Hello! My name is Laurali Larson--Good to meet ya! I am the person behind Mommy Monologue.  I blog about motherhood mishaps and triumphs, my job as a school counselor, faith, and lots of other random goodies.  I've been married for almost 6 years and we have two sons---one of them just has a lot more hair and barks.  I'm an old soul in a young body (though it feels old at times!) and I love having a creative outlet in blogging, photography and crafts!  I hope my awkwardness comes across as endearing :)  

JOKE:  Hey, did you ever hear the joke about the two men hanging from the window?  Yeah...their names were Curt and Rod.  

Blog

KASEY

Hello there, . I’m Kasey from Barely Fabricated; the blog that gives away tons of free money daily! FREE MONEY I TELL YOU! As if that’s not enough, I also offer foolproof advice on dating that can get even the homeliest of you ladies a date with a Matthew McConaughey look-a-like (Pre-anorexia, of course) in no time! I also write about your typical, run-of-the-mill stuff like the time I got rejected by a homeless man, and the time Obama kicked Michelle to the curb to be with me.  If none of this appeals to you, I recommend you check out my blog anyway to make sure your kids are safe; sometimes I like to pick up stray kids from recess and force them to do my chores.  See you soon!

JOKE: What is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty

Blog


KIM

I'm Kim, and you can find me over at The K.O. Jewelry. I make jewelry that I sell on Etsy, and I'm a wedding planner wanting to start up my own business soon.  Some more exciting facts: I'm married to a beer distributor and brewer, I'm a huge Arkansas Razorback fan (Go Hogs!), and I grew up in Alaska! Just hop on over and check me out if you want to find new music, some crafts, and a whole lot of nonsense. 
JOKE:  A ninja walks up to a man working on his car in an alley and shouts, "HA! Karate!" The man stands up and yells back, "HA! Tire tool!"
blog / shop / instagram

MEGAN

Hi there!  I'm Megan, the writer behind A String of Purls!  I call it a 'life and knitting' blog, but it's really so much more than that.  I write about the adventures I go on (a carnivorous plant store, for example, or how I went on a date with a guy who is 6'9"), the pictures I take (hello outfit posts!), and sometimes post tutorials (how to build a lightbox, or how to make a decorative yarn vase).  And, of course, I talk about all of the knitting I do!  I've been at it for ten years, so I'm a bit of a veteran, and completely obsessed!  Come see what I'm up to and say hi!  

JOKE:  A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer.  After the bartender slides one across the bar to him, he asks, "How much will that be?"  The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"

  Blog/ Etsy/ Twitter

ALEXA

I'm Alexa and I'm the Southern not-so-Belle behind the blog Southern Living, Our Way! I blog about my newlywed life with a man-candy husband, our adorable fur-baby who is hilariously terrified of refrigerators and lamps, and awkward situations like that time I got called out in Target for "fraudulent credit card activity." Sometimes we call our dog really weird nicknames; friends did The Worm at our wedding; and we get drunk in family-friendly vacation destinations. Enticing enough to come follow along? Of course it is!!
JOKE:  What did the buffalo say when he sent his son off to college?  Bison  
Blog

NICOLE

Hi Y'all! I'm Nicole, lifestyle blogger and designer over at The Style Hatch. I recently followed my dreams & opened up an online shop where I sell lots of fun things to accessorize your wall with, I'm a mama to the sweetest little boy ever and wife to a hunky soon to be med student (fingers crossed) and StitchFix obsessed. We are on this crazy little adventure I'm going to call "we had a newborn, did some praying, gave up our jobs, sold our house (in 2 DAYS!!) and have no clue what the future holds for us!" I'm a lover off all things life, design, and style- I blog about it all!

Joke: What fruit is twice as good as the others? A pear

Blog/ Shop/ Twitter

Be ye a Feminist?!?

I love to be feminine.  I love everything girly and soft and pretty.

But lately I've been wondering if I am a feminist.

These thoughts have been triggered by a group of Mormon feminists who want equality and respect and even want to be able to wear pants to church, dang it!  I have also been reading a lot of C Jane, who is one of my favorite Mormon bloggers, and she pushes feminism so strongly that it makes my uterus start to hurt.

If I were being totally honest with you I would have to admit that I don't much know what it means to be a feminist except for that you don't think men are any  better than woman.  I'll agree with that! Men are great.  But there isn't much in this world that I would trust a man to do over a woman.

Growing up, there were some clear gender roles in my family.  I remember being frustrated when my mom would call downstairs for me to come up and help with dinner while my brother was sitting on the couch watching TV right next to her.  Couldn't she see I was busy?  Why couldn't Reed help her if he wasn't doing anything?  But it had to be me because I was the girl.

Once I explained these frustrations to Reed.  He said to me, "Bonnie.  Does dad ever make you chop wood?"
"Uh.... no."
"When it's cold downstairs does he make you build a fire or does he come find me to do it?"
"Uh... I guess you..."
"And how many times did you mow the lawn last summer?"
"Uh..."
"Point proven."

Yes.  The point was proven.  Although clearly not the point that Reed meant to prove.  He was trying to prove to me that he did just as much work to help out around the house, if not more, than I did.  What he didn't mean to prove was that there were clearly defined gender roles in my family.  I would have liked to have built a fire.  I really would have.  And Reed probably wouldn't have minded stirring the soup.  But my mom didn't look to him to do that and my dad certainly didn't trust me to build a fire.

So then it's true.  I am a feminist.

Now.  People could argue that there are just some things that men are better at and there are just some things that women are better at.  I don't know if I totally agree.  I get a lot of satisfaction from my job.  I enjoy working outside the home.  I feel fulfilled by my work.  Part of my fears of having a baby are that I will miss working outside of the home.  I don't feel like I am a natural nurturer.  Truthfully, Hubs is the much better nurturer in our relationship.  He loves animals and babies and gives his love freely to any who will take it.  I, on the other hand, turn up my nose and am bothered by anybody who is too needy or craves abundant affection and care.

I'm not really sure what any of that means.  What I do know is that sometimes I feel like people feel bad for me because I work full time- like a woman shouldn't have to do that.  I don't think that's right that they do that. They don't realize that I enjoy it and get so much satisfaction from it.  Sometimes people look down on a man for being sensitive or tender and I don't think that's right either.  Why must we have men roles and women roles?

In the same breath... I have no desire to join in on this little crusade and wear pants to church on Sunday.  I don't need to wear pants to demand respect or to say I want to be treated as equal. A dress does not take away my power or respect.

So then it's settled.  I want to wear a dress to church on Sunday.  I am not a feminist.

But wait.  What about this?  I am currently harassing the administration for more women in leadership roles at my school. Our student government has two advisers-  traditionally it has been a man and a woman.  The woman currently in the position is leaving next year and they have just this week replaced her with a man.  I am upset.  I do not feel two men should do that job.  Thus, I sent the following letter to my male principal, the male student government advisors, the three male vice principals... and the one female vice principal.

To whom it may concern,

I have heard through the grapevine that Mr. Aber has been chosen as the new student government adviser to replace Miss Vee.  I am troubled that there wasn't an effort made to get a woman in that role.  Our administration is made up of almost entirely men, and I feel that as far as leadership in our school goes, women are under represented.  I would have loved to see a woman fill the hole that Miss Vee will be leaving.  I have no doubt that Mr. Aber is capable of functioning in his new position, but the ideas and influence that a woman can have on such a group is entirely different than that of a man.  As Mr. Rancy is currently representing the men by functioning as a student government adviser,  it seems fair to me to at least try to fill the other role with a woman.

Thank you. 

So yah.  There was that.  I am a feminist now?

I realize this post makes little to no sense.  I think it is stupid to wear pants to church but I also think it is stupid to assume the woman is the best nurturer in the family.  I think a woman should enjoy feeling pretty and dolled up, but I also believe an effort should be made to get more women in strong leadership positions.  I believe men and women are totally the same and totally different.  I believe a woman should be able to work full time and support her family if she wants and the man should be able to cook dinner and change diapers if he wants.  I love celebrating my femininity-  trying on new clothes and dressing up in high heels and donning bright lipsticks.  But I also like to engage in intelligent conversations and be involved in politics and in making important decisions.

I want to be treated like a woman and in the same breath, I wanted to be treated like a man.

Figure that one out for me, will ya?

THINGS I THINK

Sometimes I think.

Sometimes I don't.

You know how it goes.

You ready for a look at Bon Bon's internal dialogue?  It ain't pretty.  I am warning you.

THINGS I THINK AT THE GYM:

Why did I ever buy this stupid gym pass?
Please don't see anyone I know.  Please don't see anyone I know.  Please don't see anyone I know.
That dude looks just like my ex boyfriend.  If it is, I am running right out of here.
Do these guys all think I'm a sissy when they see me lifting the 5 pound weights?
That chick has been running on the treadmill for half an hour.  I woudl rather die.
My legs are so white and pasty.
Score!  Jeopardy is on!
What's that smell?

THINGS I THINK WHEN WAITING IN LINE AT THE BANK:

Does it really take that long to count up money?
Why do they make me write me entire address every time I make a deposit?  Do they really need that?
I hope I get a strawberry sucker.
Wow.  My bank account does not have as much money in it as I thought it did.
What's with the little skype session I have to do now to make a deposit
(Okay, this one I need to talk about!  Have you noticed banks started doing this? Where they have a little video and you talk with the person inside the bank and they can see you and you can see them via the camera?  It's awful!  And so weird!)

THINGS I THINK WHEN MY STUDENTS ARE TAKING A TEST:

That's what you get for not studying, suckers.
What's that smell?

THINGS I THINK WHEN I AM DRIVING
AKA
AGGRESSIVE THOUGHTS DIRECTED TOWARDS OTHER DRIVERS

If you do not get out of the fast lane so help me I am going to murder you.
Dude!  Will you pay attention?  You almost hit me!
Put your turn signal on for crying out loud.
Do not stop at that yellow light!  Do not stop!
Wow.  Bravo sir.  Bravo.  You managed to jack up two lanes because you don't know where you are going.
Oh I love this song!
The empty light is on again?  Come on!  I just filled up!
If I text at a stop light am I still texting and driving or am I off the hook?

THINGS I THINK WHEN I AM COOKING

Mince?  What the freak does that mean?
This is supposed to cook for an hour?  Who in their right mind can wait that long for dinner?
Hmmm... this doesn't look like it is supposed to.
Water chestnuts?  Right.  Like I have a can of those on hand.
2 sticks of butter?  That's disgusting.  I am going to die when I eat this.
What's that smell?  Oh, gosh.  It's burning.

THINGS I THINK WHEN I AM WATCHING KARDASHIANS.

Are you kidding me?  You're going to complain about that? So spoiled.
I would love to know how much that dinner cost that they are eating right now.
I'd give my left arm to take a tour of Kim's closet.
Kendall, why are you so pretty.  Not fair.
Kris, you are too old to be doing everything you are doing.
What the heck?  They choose their family vay cay by drawing any destination in the world out of a hat?  That's the exact same way Hubs and I choose our family vacations!  (NOT!)

THINGS I THINK WHEN I AM BABYSITTING

I don't understand a word you are trying to say to me, buddy.
You can't really think that this cartoon is interesting.  The plot sucks!
You want more candy?  Me too, kid, me too.
I am never going to be ready to have my own kid.
What's that smell?

AND LASTLY...

THINGS I THINK WHEN I READ BLOGS

I wish I would have thought of that idea.
Why do her pictures always look so legit and mine look so white trash?
I wonder how long all those pictures took to edit.
That kid is adorable.
That kid is not adorable.
Why do all bloggers have so much money to spend on clothes/ jewelry/ whatever their hearts desire?
I don't like crafting.  Will they still accept me?
Wow how did she get so many followers so quick?
Another giveaway?  I can't keep up with them all!
There's no way you are really that cute and your house is really that clean.

There you have it, folks.  A look at my mind when doing some of the most mindless of tasks.  YOUR TURN!  When I did this How To post I had commenters post their own how to.  I was amazed at how funny/clever/witty the readers of this blog are.  I could not get enough of the How-tos! 

Now you are going to do your own "Things I think when... "  Leave a comment and the top three will be featured on the blog.  Get to work you baby geniuses, you!

P.S.  If you are liking what I'm thinking then you should definitely follow me via twitter or facebook.  All the Bonnie thoughts you could ever imagine!

P.P.S  Entries are relatively low on this giveaway from yesterday, so if you haven't yet, get your buns in gear!

What's in a Monday? A day by any other name would be as awful?

Sometimes I feel bad for Mondays.  Like they get stereotyped unfairly to be the worst day of the week and they're just trying their darn tooting best and how would YOU like to have to follow the weekend thank you very much!?  It's not an easy job!  We should give Mondays a break already!!!

But then I realize Mondays deserve every stereotype in the book- they deliver nothing but long hours, whiny kids, and a seemingly endless week before Friday dares shows his face again.

You know what is truly weird about Monday, though?  It's like every weekend we all forget how much Mondays are going to suck.  And then Monday rolls around and we are in complete shock that this day is truly not one little bit of fun.  You tell me a Monday where you don't see many a twitter and facebook post:  "I hate Mondays!"  "Why are Mondays always so awful?"  "Can't it just be Friday again?"  Heck, I'm even falling guilty of the Monday moans with this post.  Can't we just all accept Mondays for what they are and move on?

NO!

The answer is no!

WE MUST COMPLAIN ABOUT MONDAYS!

The day started off innocently enough.  I was supposed to wake up at 5:50 but instead woke up at 5:56.  So I hurried through my morning routine because I didn't want to make my carpool buddy late.  Like I do every morning.  Before leaving, I went to give sleeping Hubs a kiss and he about dang near had a heart attack, jumping a mile out of the bed.  Lesson learned:  don't kiss a sleeping man.

It has turned frigidly cold and snowy in Utah so my car was a big, black icicle waiting for me in the driveway. I did my best to scrape the ice off the window but it was plastered real good and thick on there.  I scraped and scraped and even cut my stupid finger with my early morning scrapings, hurrying to not be late for carpool.  If you live in an area of the world where you never have to scrape ice off your windshield I want you to stop reading right now and thank your Heavenly Father for that blessing.  Because ice is no fun.

Twas all made worse when my carpool buddy said she had gone ahead because she had to be there early so we'd just drive separately.  I could have slept ten extra minutes.  BOO!  (I still love you, Charlotte.  Deeply.)

The whole tragedy was somewhat assuaged when I saw that Hubs had sent this text (apparently my kiss had woken him up), "I can hear you scraping your car and its breaking my heart.  Love you Bon.  Thanks for all you do."

So you know.  That helped.

Once I was at school the early morning preparations included me making the quiz for the reading on Les Mis and sending a quick email to my little sister who is preaching the good word in Argy.  First period kids wandered in slowly- as if not fully remembering if it was the correct classroom or the correct day or the correct school.  Teaching first period today was like talking to a brick wall.  It was painful for us all.  Anyone got any ideas to wake kids up at 7:40 am on a dark, cold Monday morning?

Next it was second period and poetry presentations.  "Percy Shelley was really sad when his wife died so he wrote this poem."  Uh, not quite there, young bucks.  Percy Shelley left his wife for another woman and then the wife committed suicide.  If anything, he was probably pleased as punch that she bit the dust.  But you know.  You're getting there.  Then it was third period and whining about how long and boring Les Mis is and then it was fourth period and lots of goofing off and jokes and kids practically begging me, "Can we PLEASE sing the songs from Les Mis?!?"  You can probably guess which class I am loving up on more right now.

But seriously third period.  Stop whining.

And then all of a sudden it was 2:25 and the day was over and it was entering in roll and grades and a quick run to the office to hand in receipts.  I was feeling overwhelmed and tired and a tad bit ornery.  GASP!  The secretary said to me in just the kindest voice you can imagine, "Bonnie!  How are you?  It's good to see you- you hardly ever make it down here to the office!"  I rambled off some nonsense about taking on way more than I could chew this year (extra class period, curse you!) and she interrupted me with, "Yah, but you know, some teachers are in here for everything wanting us to solve all their problems and some teachers just get the job done on their own."

So you know.  That helped too.

Finally I was out the door at 3:30, home to Hubs by 4:30 who was tempting me to go to another Jazz game on Wednesday.  I wanted to cuddle and watch an episode of How I Met your Mother before Hubs had to jet off to rehearsal but he insisted he had to work out.  So instead I sat on the bed and ate a bowl of honeycomb while he lifted weights and grunt grunted away.  Not too shabby as far as dinner entertainment goes.

And Hubs was off with a kiss and I even ventured a trip to the gym and then I talked to my mom about when my sister will be calling on Christmas and then all of a sudden I wound up here, in front of the fireplace, typing and waiting for my (second) dinner enchiladas to heat up.

Somewhere in all of that was buried four ran stoplights (they don't really count if they're before 7 am), a rude email from a fellow blogger, a lunch discussion about if we would ever teach at a charter school, a lost game of Words with Friends, some mint green tights, and two diet cokes.

I wanted to stay grumpy all day.  I really did.  Mondays are just made for being grumpy.  But then I realized I get the night to myself to bury myself in my books, take a bath and drink hot chocolate. I have a warm bed to snuggle deep down into, beautifully painted red fingernails, and Christmas break is within sight.

So you know.
That helped.

What we did in class this week + Some ugly fish

Warning:  Picture and blog post have no correlation.  Unless you consider the fact that sometimes I feel like I am getting eaten alive by my students.  There you go.  There's your link.

Welcome to another round of class!  Here's what we've been up to the past couple of weeks.  If you think this post is boring then count your lucky stars that you don't have to sit in my class for ninety minutes every day!

Seniors:  We finished Catcher in the Rye last week and I digged reading their essays about whether or not the book is "moral."  Of course some students see the profanity and Holden's awful attitude about life and his constant smoking and drinking as immoral as it gets.  Others were able to see past that, though, and see Holden as a confused teenager who wants to protect the innocence of children, who cares about other's feelings, and who deeply loves his family.  I love this book more each time I read it.  Embarrassingly, I've read this book more times than any other secular book.  If there was one thing my first boyfriend was good for, it was introducing me to Catcher in the Rye.  Thanks, Josh!

We've now moved on to Les Miserables.  I decided last minute to teach this book, mostly because the movie is coming out over Christmas and I thought it would be awesome to take 100 seniors to the movie as a reward for having finished the book.  This is the first time I have ever taught a book to the students that I haven't read in its entirety before starting the unit.  It makes me a bit nervous, but I like that I am discovering so much about the book alongside with them.  I showed them the movie trailer to get them excited and we're even going to study and sing some of the music from the musical!  Think I can get 18 year old boys to sing for English class?  

We are reading an abridgment  400 pages- but it is still long for the young pups.  They've got 40 pages of reading for every class period (we're on a block schedule so they have my class every other day) but I'm worried we're going to lose a lot of readers on our journey.  I am encouraging them to learn to skim.  It's interesting though, 17 year olds are absolutely shocked when I tell them they don't have to read every single word of the book.  "Skip the long boring descriptions, you're just trying to pull out the plot points, find the most important information and skip the rest if you're short on time."  They can't handle it.  I'm trying to prepare them for college and I firmly believe that everybody's college experience will be greatly enhanced by a few skimming lessons.

Problem:  A fellow teacher who I admire and respect asked me if I would give an alternate assignment to a student we both have.  She is a senior who is on track to graduate early in January, but because of my class and having to read Les Mis, she said she won't be able to.  She thinks the book is boring and it has no relevance to her life.  Therefore, she says she won't read the book and because of that, I am going to "fail her".  She will be the first in her family to graduate.  The teacher asked me if the student could have an alternate reading assignment and the teacher even said he would be willing to grade the paper at the end and provide the book for the alternate assignment.  I don't feel like I can set a precedent for allowing students an alternate assignment just because they don't want to read a book or they think it's boring.  But I certainly want to encourage her and help her to graduate.  What would you do?

Juniors:  We have immersed ourselves fully in a research paper.  Students are to take a controversial issue in our society, take a stand on that issue, and present a solution.  What are we going to do about the failing economy, legalizing marijuana, illegal immigrants, gay marriage, bullying in high schools, teenage pregnancy, etc?!?  I have students write their paper in google drive and add me as a collaborator on their paper.  That way I can monitor the progress they are making and help them every step of the way.

The topic they choose to write on is wide open as long as it clearly has two sides and is relevant in our society.  I always have a few who don't quite understand the assignment and don't pass the "topic check".  This year's topics that didn't make the cut: "Why pit bulls are not bad dogs," "Which Spiderman is the best movie" and "Why robots would make our world a better place."  Bless their hearts, they try.  Teaching MLA format and Works Cited pages and how to do proper citing is a pain in the butt, especially because for most of these kids it is the first time they have ever done a real research paper.  But the real pain comes in a week when the papers are due.  Then it is grading time.  Any volunteers to help me grade those bad boys?

Question:  Would you allow wikipedia to be considered a reliable source?
Question 2:  What would you guess the majority of my students are writing on?  Legalizing pot.  Naturally.

Sophomores:  Poetry time!  I always love poetry- especially explaining different poetry terms.  (Self check:  How many of the following terms do you know?  Hyperbole, Alliteration, Onomatopoeia, Metaphor, Simile, Connotation,  Denotation, Imagery, Slant Rhyme, and Rhythm.  When we talk about the difference in literal and figurative language I love to show them this short clip from 500 Days of Summer to help them understand the common misuse of the word literal.  They love it.  They write all sorts of fun poetry, like limericks, haikus, and even a confession poem!  I get a kick out of watching their group presentations on a poet of their choice mostly because they are so uncomfortable with public speaking and it gives them a chance to understand the hell I go through every day!  Also, poets are just awesome.  I try to give them super interesting poets like Sylvia Plath who killed herself by putting her head in the oven, Edgar Allan Poe who married his 13 year old cousin, and Percy Shelley who drowned in the depths of the sea.  My goal with the poetry unit is to get rid of the "Oh, poetry sucks!" idea that so many of the kids have.  Pointing out psycho poets has got to help, right?

Banned Book Clubs:  We finished Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  I wasn't a big fan.  Admittedly, I don't think I gave it enough focus as I needed to.  I just couldn't feel any kind of love/respect/ admiration/relation to the main character.  And that always makes me dislike a book (Twilight, anyone?)  For this month's read we are doing Perks of Being a Wallflower.  I first read this in an Adolescent literature class in college, but I'm excited to re read it over Christmas break.  I am also looking forward to reading the short story, For Esme with Love and Squalor by J.D. Salinger (Same dude who wrote Catcher in the Rye) over the break.  My brother in law, who is a Salinger fanatic like I am, suggested it to me on our family cruise and I have been dying to read it, just haven't had time.  Oh, Christmas break, where are you?!?

P.S.  I saw Life of Pi with my mama this weekend and was shocked by how much I enjoyed it.  I am now making it a priority to read that book A.S.A.P.  Such a beautiful story.

Does all of this make you as exhausted as me?  Teaching is hard work!  Can't wait to read your comments on this one- have you read any of the books that we studied?  Did you hate poetry in high school?  And tell me please, what are you currently reading that the rest of us can't miss?

P.P.S  I sometimes do want to post pictures of what I wear to school but I find the actual taking the picture of the outfit so incredibly awkward.  You fashion bloggers out there, who takes the pictures of your outfits?  Do you do it yourself?  Or stand there like a moron while your husband snaps it for you?  HELP!