The Life of Bon: THINGS I THINK

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

THINGS I THINK

Sometimes I think.

Sometimes I don't.

You know how it goes.

You ready for a look at Bon Bon's internal dialogue?  It ain't pretty.  I am warning you.

THINGS I THINK AT THE GYM:



Why did I ever buy this stupid gym pass?
Please don't see anyone I know.  Please don't see anyone I know.  Please don't see anyone I know.
That dude looks just like my ex boyfriend.  If it is, I am running right out of here.
Do these guys all think I'm a sissy when they see me lifting the 5 pound weights?
That chick has been running on the treadmill for half an hour.  I woudl rather die.
My legs are so white and pasty.
Score!  Jeopardy is on!
What's that smell?

THINGS I THINK WHEN WAITING IN LINE AT THE BANK:

Does it really take that long to count up money?
Why do they make me write me entire address every time I make a deposit?  Do they really need that?
I hope I get a strawberry sucker.
Wow.  My bank account does not have as much money in it as I thought it did.
What's with the little skype session I have to do now to make a deposit
(Okay, this one I need to talk about!  Have you noticed banks started doing this? Where they have a little video and you talk with the person inside the bank and they can see you and you can see them via the camera?  It's awful!  And so weird!)

THINGS I THINK WHEN MY STUDENTS ARE TAKING A TEST:

That's what you get for not studying, suckers.
What's that smell?

THINGS I THINK WHEN I AM DRIVING
AKA
AGGRESSIVE THOUGHTS DIRECTED TOWARDS OTHER DRIVERS



If you do not get out of the fast lane so help me I am going to murder you.
Dude!  Will you pay attention?  You almost hit me!
Put your turn signal on for crying out loud.
Do not stop at that yellow light!  Do not stop!
Wow.  Bravo sir.  Bravo.  You managed to jack up two lanes because you don't know where you are going.
Oh I love this song!
The empty light is on again?  Come on!  I just filled up!
If I text at a stop light am I still texting and driving or am I off the hook?

THINGS I THINK WHEN I AM COOKING

Mince?  What the freak does that mean?
This is supposed to cook for an hour?  Who in their right mind can wait that long for dinner?
Hmmm... this doesn't look like it is supposed to.
Water chestnuts?  Right.  Like I have a can of those on hand.
2 sticks of butter?  That's disgusting.  I am going to die when I eat this.
What's that smell?  Oh, gosh.  It's burning.

THINGS I THINK WHEN I AM WATCHING KARDASHIANS.

Are you kidding me?  You're going to complain about that? So spoiled.
I would love to know how much that dinner cost that they are eating right now.
I'd give my left arm to take a tour of Kim's closet.
Kendall, why are you so pretty.  Not fair.
Kris, you are too old to be doing everything you are doing.
What the heck?  They choose their family vay cay by drawing any destination in the world out of a hat?  That's the exact same way Hubs and I choose our family vacations!  (NOT!)

THINGS I THINK WHEN I AM BABYSITTING



I don't understand a word you are trying to say to me, buddy.
You can't really think that this cartoon is interesting.  The plot sucks!
You want more candy?  Me too, kid, me too.
I am never going to be ready to have my own kid.
What's that smell?

AND LASTLY...

THINGS I THINK WHEN I READ BLOGS

I wish I would have thought of that idea.
Why do her pictures always look so legit and mine look so white trash?
I wonder how long all those pictures took to edit.
That kid is adorable.
That kid is not adorable.
Why do all bloggers have so much money to spend on clothes/ jewelry/ whatever their hearts desire?
I don't like crafting.  Will they still accept me?
Wow how did she get so many followers so quick?
Another giveaway?  I can't keep up with them all!
There's no way you are really that cute and your house is really that clean.

There you have it, folks.  A look at my mind when doing some of the most mindless of tasks.  YOUR TURN!  When I did this How To post I had commenters post their own how to.  I was amazed at how funny/clever/witty the readers of this blog are.  I could not get enough of the How-tos! 

Now you are going to do your own "Things I think when... "  Leave a comment and the top three will be featured on the blog.  Get to work you baby geniuses, you!

P.S.  If you are liking what I'm thinking then you should definitely follow me via twitter or facebook.  All the Bonnie thoughts you could ever imagine!

P.P.S  Entries are relatively low on this giveaway from yesterday, so if you haven't yet, get your buns in gear!

46 comments:

  1. Things I think when I see pregnant women.
    ~Are you fat or pregnant?
    ~Would it be rude to ask that?
    ~Boy or girl?
    ~She looks like she's about to pop!
    ~Are you supposed to look like that when you're pregnant?
    ~I am NEVER having kids.
    ~They might not be that bad, if they come out cute.
    ~Is that the glow they talk about? Cause she just looks like she's gonna hurl!
    ~Dang, we all know what was going on in their house. Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
    ~Wow...just wow, you're life is over.
    ~Well, it ain't me! Hallelujah!
    ~I hope it comes out cute.
    ~If it doesn't come out cute...I need to think of something nice to say. It's got such cute feet is always a good one!
    ~Holy Smacks! If I ever get preggo, I hope I don't look like that!
    ~Aw, they're adding to the population!
    ~They're other kids are cute. That says something.
    ~Please let that be a girl, it'll have a chance then!



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  2. I pretty much agree with all of your Things I think while driving. And I totally text at red lights. I do not equate this with texting while driving. Love you girl, and adored your post on LIY today. Genuis!
    xo-Katie

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  3. Things I think when taking a final exam:

    Your really asking us that?
    We didn't even talk about that?
    Where did you even find that question?
    Oh look it's raining.
    If you wrote these questions yourself then we have a problem.
    Crap I know I know that answer.
    I cant wait to be done.
    Score I got one right...I hope!
    My brain is starting to hurt.
    They are done already?! Im only on question 3!

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  4. I am right there with you on the gym thoughts. I don't think I will ever be able to run an entire half hour on the treadmill! :)

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  5. So cute! I feel the same way about other bloggers' pictures!

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  6. Things I think while crafting:
    -Whew where to start
    -Where is my darn glue gun
    -OUCH stupid glue gun
    -That looks nothing like the tutorial
    -Post to Insagram anyway so my non crafty friends Ooo & Ahh where my blog friends would snicker.
    -I ran out of excitement to do this 64 seconds into starting it.
    -Is Grey's Anatomy on tonight.

    I heart you. Thats all :)

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  7. I love this! Such a great post!

    Things I think while shopping at Target:
    I'll just run in for body wash and fruit.
    You don't need Starbucks, you don't need Starbucks.
    You know, I haven't browsed the clothes section in a while. I'll just take a look.
    what? these shirts are only $8 a piece. I can always use more solid v-necks!
    I should really take a look at the curtains. I really need curtains in my house.
    What am I doing here? I don't even know how to hang curtains. Just walk away.
    what did I come in here for again?
    Well, I didn't plan on spending $160 in 30 minutes
    Fine, I'll just get a tall white mocha.

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  8. i totally relate to the gym one. has to be the most awkward place in the world.

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  9. I think the same exact things when I'm giving my students a test! Especially the "what's that smell?" Ugh, why do teenagers have to smell so bad?!

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  10. i loved this post. :)

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  11. ohh my gosh, i'm a newer reader and i absolutely love your blog.
    you crack me up!
    i especially loved your
    "Things I Think When I Read Blogs"
    classic.
    i have so many of those same thoughts...
    hilarious!

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  12. THIS IS GREAT. :) My fav: "Why do her pictures always look so legit and mine look so white trash?"

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  13. ^ @Eve, in ASL culture it's actually rude NOT to ask if you think someone is pregnant! Totally weird.

    I definitely text all the time at stop lights. In my book, if the car isn't moving, I'm not texting and driving. ;)

    I say to myself all the time that "I wish I could have thought of that" when reading blogs too, hahhah. I always feel so lacking in creativity!

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  14. haha this is so cute. My fiance and I have season tickets to a hockey team in our town and so...

    My thoughts while at a hockey game:
    -I should've put another layer on.
    -Is she really wearing that? To a hockey game?
    -That cowbell is loud
    -mmm pizza...don't do it
    -my toes are cold
    -I wish I could hear what the players are saying
    -please fight please fight please fight
    -another one? please girl put some clothes on
    -mmm popcorn
    -I wonder if people are watching me people watch...
    -I have to pee
    -my kids wont kick the back of seats like these little brats behind me are
    -I wonder if his mom is going to notice he's kicking my seat
    -mmm...beer...don't do it
    -ref, you're a freaking idiot
    -enough with the cowbell

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  15. Hello! I just came across your blog, and I love it! Your posts are hilarious- and right now i'm teaching english to 7th graders at a middle school, so I can relate to you and your teaching life! I’ve decided to follow you! If you get a minute, I’d love to know what you think of my latest outfit post! While you’re visiting, follow along so we can keep in touch! :)
    xo, elle from Living in Color.

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  16. Things I Think on Facebook

    -Aw, yay, one of my sorority sisters is engaged!
    -How cute! My best friend just posted engagement photos!
    -I miss my family in France.
    -OMIGOD WHAT?! My good friend is pregnant already?!
    -Didn't she just get married? I swear she emailed me about birth control and Planned Parenthood and not wanting a baby right away.
    -But she's just so darn cute.
    -But seriously, was this planned?
    -I want a baby.
    -I want a husband.
    -I want a fiancé.
    -Facebook is so depressing.
    -Look at my old adviser's sweet daughters. I hope they all get Ph.D.'s and fight patriarchy like their awesome mother.
    -I miss my friends in France.
    -Wow, Mom, you're just now commenting on my photo album from two weeks ago?
    -Wait, what? She's engaged? But she's such a bitch!
    -Dear Lord, why is my mother on facebook? I can't believe she wrote that as her status update!
    -Hahahahaha, those two reproduced?
    -I'm so mean.
    -Thank God no one hears my inner dialogue.
    -I miss France.

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  17. Haha, this made me laugh. :) Thanks!

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  18. BAHAHAHA I loved the "my pictures look like white trash" I think we are on the same page with the blogger think and Kardashian think! You are a hoot!

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  19. things i think while showering:
    -when was the last time i was in here?
    -why does my body wash always smell so much better in the store than it does in the shower?
    -also, why does my shower always look like a graveyard for old shampoo/conditioner bottles?
    -my shampoo isn't lathering. my hair was super greasy.
    -seriously, when was the last time i was in here?
    -i have to pee.
    -why do i always forget to pee before my shower?
    -someone just came into the bathroom. they're going to kill me.
    -if i open my eyes to see, i will be blinded by shampoo suds.
    -seriously, someone is in the bathroom.
    -maybe i can defend myself with my razor.
    -i need new razor heads. this one is squeaky.
    -what if the person in the bathroom tries to drown me like Harrison Ford does in What Lies Beneath?
    -why did that movie have to ruin showers/baths/Harrison Ford for me?
    -i'm done with my shower, but i'm afraid to turn off the water because Harrison Ford is for real in my bathroom.
    -the water is cold now. and if i'm being honest, i'll take death over a cold shower...

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  20. This post...awesome. And I totally feel you on the whole video-drive-thru thing. My husband's credit union has that and I hate it. I'm paranoid they'll see me do something embarrassing. So usually I refuse to use it. ;)

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  21. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks that it seems as though bloggers have an endless supply of money! I have no idea how they afford all these shopping trips, craft projects, vacations, etc. What am I missing here??

    Things I think while perusing Instagram:
    - why does this chick always look good?
    - I tried that same outfit on and I look ridiculous.
    - why does it seem like her husband is the perfect human being?
    - oh yay, she just got engaged! When the heck am I gonna get to post my "I'm engaged" pic?!
    - how come I never get flowers from my bf?
    - oh really, another vacation? Do you even work??
    - why isn't my boyfriend as creative as hers?
    - you're a skinny bitch.
    - man, she's doing something ridiculously cool again!
    - I need more friends.

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  22. Things I think when looking at blogs:
    - Don't you get hot wearing so many layers?

    Things I think when looking at facebook:
    - Why does no one know what's going on in the world?

    Things I think when at the gym:
    - Do I look funny when I run?

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  23. This is fabulous! And I always think the EXACT Same things when I'm reading blogs! That was totes my fav!

    Things I think at Walmart:
    -Why do you have your 1 year old out at 10pm grocery shopping?
    -Did you forget to put on clothes
    when you were leaving the house?
    -Why the hell do you have 26 registers if you only open 2?
    -Why must you always change things around in this place?
    -Why do all of these greeters look like they are about to die?!

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    Replies
    1. Our local Walmart greeter DID just die. He was so sweet too. It was very heartbreaking.

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  24. this is HI-LAR-IOUS!

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  25. Things I Think at 1am...
    What time is it?
    Why is the baby awake?
    If I pretend I'm dead, maybe she will fall asleep.

    Things I Think at 2am...
    Playing dead didn't work.
    Why is my husband still asleep?
    Why doesn't this baby sleep?
    Does she hate me? Is this some sort of punishment?

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  26. I'm laughing out loud over here! I am totally on the same page with EVERYTHING! Especially this "If you do not get out of the fast lane so help me I am going to murder you."

    HAHA! You're the best!!
    Jen
    http://oksoitsjenn.blogspot.com/

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  27. Things I think every time I walk by our Christmas tree:
    --Presents!!!
    --Angel sure used a lot of tape when he was wrapping my presents.
    --Maybe I should wrap the presents I bought for him one of these days.
    --Nah, I'll just wait till Christmas and give him the presents wrapping in the plastic bags that they came in from the store.
    --I wonder if he listened to my wish list this year.
    --Did he get me a rubber band ball again?
    --I could open them and rewrap them while he's gone.
    --but that would be too much work.
    --Maybe I can sweet talk him into celebrating Christmas when he gets home from work tonight.
    --Probably not.
    --It's worth a try!
    --having presents waiting under the tree is way too stressful for me.

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  28. You are hilarious!

    Things I think about when my husband is watching tv:
    - another episode of River Monsters, seriously?
    - did you take out the trash yet?
    - when are you going to fix the light in the garage?
    - why are there rolled up socks all over this room?
    - seriously, they are always catching the same fish on this show!
    - no, you can't have a boat to go searching for monster fish.
    - clearly you have free time help me vacuum.
    - and by help, I mean, you do it all.
    - why can't you read my mind?
    - ugh, MEN!

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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  29. Hilarious!

    Things I think during my attempt at a "diet":
    -This is easy, I love fruit!
    -Bread is HOW many calories?
    -Alright, I guess I'll just skip that Coke then, didn't know sugar and caffeine weren't good for you.
    -OMG This fiber cereal tastes like rabbit food
    -NEED CAFFEINEEEEEE!!
    -Scooby Doo fruit snacks count as "fruit" right?

    Shannon :)

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  30. Things I Think When I Look at Instagram:

    How do you remember to take a picture of your food looking pretty without starting to eat first?

    Things I Think When I'm Babysitting:

    God, I hope my birth control keeps working.

    Things I Think When I See A Cop Behind Me With His Lights On:

    Damn, I need to get a radar detector.


    xo-L

    simplylowcountry.blogspot.com

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  31. Thats totally what I'm thinking when I read blogs lol

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  32. Things I think when I wake up:

    can't be morning already! why oh why???
    ugh, whatever got to wake up.
    *as i walk into the bathroom*
    okay i got this. i'm a happy camper. think positive thoughts, think positive thoughts.
    .....
    i want to go back to bed! why can't i be a millionaire.
    i mean it's not a bad thing, i wouldn't be frivolous, i'd spend it wisely. pretty please God.
    ah whatever, gotta go in to work.
    happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

    *going into kids' rooms to wake them up*

    oh my god, what a mess! this is crazy, i'm the one to always pick up around here.
    i need coffee. NOW.
    when is the last time i called in to work? hmmmm.

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  33. ....and just now at work:

    okay God, let's revisit the millionaire thought....
    is it 2:30 yet.
    i really should've called off.

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  34. Things I think when Baby-sitting
    *why are you laughing at me? Do I have something on my face? In my nose?
    *[when being good] I can't wait to have some of you of my own one day
    *[when not being good/sleeping] I dont' think I'll ever be able to do this all the time.
    *Gosh, you are so dramatic. I just need to wipe your nose.
    *Pooping gets easier with age, I promise.
    *How on earth can something so smelly come from something so small?!

    When Running:
    *How do I look?
    *Can other people really tell I am going as slow as I am?
    *Water!
    *Bathroom!
    *I can't wait to finish so I get to have that 1/2 pint of ice cream in the freezer.
    *I said hi, bitch. You could've at least smiled or something.
    *[while listening to ipod] oh hey, Justin Bieber. Just when I needed you the most.

    When re-watching Alias
    *How many hours did Jennifer Garner have to train to get in that kind of shape?
    *Does she do her own stunts?
    *Was she allowed to drink or eat chips while training?
    *Is Jennifer Garner really as nice as she appears on tv/in the movies?
    *Michael Vartan you are not a good actor. Good thing you are so damn cute!
    *Hmmm, I wonder if Michael is a good kisser?
    *I should really get to the gym.

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  35. Love this post!!

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  36. I think the exact same things when I am at the gym. That's why I never go and then my husband pressures me to cancel my gym pass because we are wasting money every month but I refuse. What if by chance I feel the urge to go one day for a whole 30 minutes? It just might happen one of these days. You just never know.

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  37. things i think when i'm reading your things i think when i'm driving, at the gym, and cooking posts...

    MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY.

    srsly.

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  38. Things I think when looking in the mirror :
    -You are 26 years old and you still don't know how to do your hair.
    -You're going to put makeup on today, right?
    -Oh look, another T-Shirt.
    -Nice acne, are you 13?

    Things I think while at work:
    -I hate this place. What kind of torturous workplace makes you come in before 6am.
    - Oh look that person is looking directly at the sign that tells them where to go and they're still confused. People are illiterate.
    -I wonder if someone will bring me coffee.
    -Why must the same co workers ask the same questions everysingleday, WRITE IT DOWN.
    -We should have required naptime.
    -I need more coffee.

    Things I think while driving:
    - Does this person know this is a 50 zone not a 30 zone?
    -SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT
    - You do not need to slow to a stop and then proceed to get into the turn lane.
    -Is that guy REALLY listening to THAT SONG?
    -Hope there is not a cop hiding somewhere to catch me speeding....

    Anyway Bonnie I can not even come close to your clever hilariousness :)

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  39. Things I think when my alarm goes off:
    -that did NOT really just happen!
    -I guess it did
    -I can ignore it and get fired, I don't need a paycheck right?
    -I do need a paycheck...and insurance
    -I guess I have to get up now
    -why can't I be a morning person?

    Things I think when I get up:
    -have to pee
    -wtf did I just step on?
    -I picked up when I got home!
    -why does it seem like I'm the only one who picks anything up?!
    -brush hair. They just have to deal with this ponytail. Again.
    -brush teeth. Why do I have morning breath when I brushed my teeth Last night?
    -I wonder if I match I got dressed in the dark. Yep it's ok.
    -ok then. To the car.

    Things I think on the way to work:
    -I love this song
    -I love this song
    -I'm so tired
    -stupid song
    -I hope there aren't any police on this road
    -I stayed in bed too long again

    Things I think at work:
    (Bonnie, I work at a bank)
    -why do customers sit out there and wait for us to open? Don't they know they can sleep till 730!
    -why do people pull up as soon as we turn on the lights?
    -are you really going to fill out that entire deposit slip? Again? Don't you know we only want your name, account number, and amount of deposit? (hehehe)
    -no. I can not put someone else's check into your account, especially since they aren't even with you.
    -how many times am I going to have to say "have a nice day" today?
    -why am I so irritable?
    -don't be a butt to me! You're the one who doesn't keep a register them wonders why you're overdrawn all the time
    -no. We will not reimburse you $20 so you can get a debit card from somewhere else because you lost it. That's not our problem...it's not even our bank!

    Things I think when I get home:
    -I hope my husbands feeling frisky
    -why are there always dirty clothes all over the floor
    -does anyone know what a hamper is?
    -seriously???can you not pick up the toys
    -garbage on the coffee table?
    -stupid tv
    -I hope my husband wants to go to bed (just kidding)

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  40. I tried posting yesterday but it's not showing up. Darn it! I'm here from Living in Yellow! Things I think when reading this blog:
    This chick is awesome and she has awesome cheek bones! I have to follow this blog!

    Things I think when waiting in line:
    -OH MY GOSH! Here, let me count out your change or fill out that check (circa 1990!)
    -Why is it always me?
    -I'm going to hell. I can't even be patient while waiting in line to buy food to stuff my face or clothes that are wanted more than they are needed.
    -Does Cosmo have anything new to offer the sex world? Really?
    -It's been a long time since I've enjoyed a Snickers...this wait just might break me.
    -The lady in front of me has a nice butt

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  41. I made my own version of this post! Thanks for this, it gave me a good laugh!

    http://goneyonkers.blogspot.com/2012/12/thinking-look-inside-my-crazy-brain.html

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  42. My "Things I Think" post! Thanks this was really fun!

    http://hotmesscoolday.wordpress.com/2012/12/14/just-a-thought/

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  43. LOL! I LOVE your blog, you are super cute & so funny! I love your inner dialogue, I am def gonna have to do this because I think some pretty random stuff all the time. And writing it down would be so funny :) And totally had those thoughts at the gym, lol! Excited to be a new follow friend!!

    xoxo,
    Shio

    www.sweetnessaboos.blogspot.com

    come check out my blog & follow if you like :)

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  44. Totally made my own version of this, thank you!

    mynameismadeline.com

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  45. I'm a new blogger & don't want to piss off too many people too soon so I think I'll hang back a while & post my own when it's not so hip to do so. In the meantime, I'm totally digging everyone else's posts so keep em coming. Thanks for the look inside your head - hilarious and so, so true. Oh and I promise NEVER to look like I have too much money, too much time or have taken too many showers in my blog photos. :) ~Dee @deeconstructed.com

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