The Life of Bon: The inevitable Christmas breakdown. It is, well... inevitable

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The inevitable Christmas breakdown. It is, well... inevitable

It's the time of year where the shiz hits the fan.

In other words- it's break down time.  Break down is a semiannual tradition in this family that inevitably occurs to the female member of the family the week before Christmas and typically the last few weeks of May.

You see, I have a very rare and serious disease called "I-freak-out-if-other-people-are-having-fun-without-me-and-I-have-to-do-something-totally-unfun-like-go-to-work."  They way I see it, if I'm at work the rest of the world should be too!  There's no sleeping in if I can't sleep in!  There's no matinee movie if I can't go!  And don't even think about a party sans Bon Bon!

Hence the semi annual breakdowns.  All my college friends (including Hubs!) finish their finals a good week before I see freedom, my non working friends and family members are making sugar cookies and listening to Christmas music, and there are Christmas parties galore all while I am trying to finish grading research papers!  I don't remember much about last year's Christmas breakdown except for that involved me freaking out at Hubs for something, being on the verge of a fight and then realizing I was just stressed and tired, apologizing, crying, saying I was exhausted, Hubs begging me to look for a job closer to home so I didn't have to commute next year (Er... yah... about that...), and then watching half of a Christmas movie on the couch with Hubs before I passed out comatose style at 8 pm.

I am doing my darndest to avoid breakdown this year.  MY DARNDEST.  But it hasn't been easy.  My sister, with husband and kids in tote, is visiting this week before she moves to Germany for three years.  (I know!  She's so rude!) and I feel like I've hardly gotten to even see her.  I am staying up way too late at night because people might have fun after I go to sleep!  I've spent about 12 minutes with Hubs the past three days thanks to schedules that are exactly opposite. I then wake up dead tired and drive in 12 degree weather in the pitch black all while thinking how everyone I know in the world is buried under warm covers at that exact moment....

You get my drift.

 I was certain that one more blog post would push me over the brink of insanity and lead to my inevitable Christmas break down.  I just couldn't do it.  So I've asked Gia to post on my blog today instead.  This girl's funny (almost as funny as me) and I'm almost certain that the incredibly well written essay handed in by my failing student last week was actually written by her (What?!?  Read on!)  Also, I love reading her blog for the mere fact that she calls her readers peasants.  Might have to steal that one from you Gia, you little genius, you.

Hi, I'm Gia from Lovely Serendipity. I'm a freelancer who does other people's essays for a living (Yes Bonnie, there's a great chance that your students paid someone else to do their English essays!) I am a freelancer whore on different sites, you name it! Fiverr, Freelancer, Elance, Odesk, PPH, etc. I dealt with different clients and some of them were really difficult; hence, why I started my own business.
(Bonnie here... the question is could I pay you to grade my essays?  Consider the possibilities!  You could potentially write and grade the same essay and get paid for the whole crazy process!)

I'm here to share some of my most unforgettable experience in my job.
You see; I'm a Jack of all trades. I offer different services: art, design, writing, and online marketing.
I had a lot of good clients, but some of them really need a hard slap on the face (and be demoted to kindergarten too)
Scenario 1:
Client - Can we just meet up before discussing the topic?
Me - But I live in New Zealand, you're from Canada.
Client - I don't want Google to find out that I'm paying someone to do my essay. 
Me - Well, I think it's too late for that.

Scenario 2:

Client - Can you write my essay? The topic is about 9/11 and its impact on fellow Americans.
Me - Okay, can you provide me with more details? Like the number of words, deadline, and any other things that you think I should know.
Client - 2000 words, deadline is 2 weeks from now... and maybe don't talk about the Arabs because I think my lecturer is half Arab and might fail me. Maybe just say Chinese so it won't offend her?
Me - Sorry, I cannot work with you.
Scenario 3:

Client - Can you just teach me how to use Adobe Illustrator? Can't really afford to buy a hundred illustrations lmao.
Me - But I thought you're an artist?
Client - I'm just starting my portfolio, I can really use any resources that I can get.
Me - Ummm... use your own work then?
Client - Look, can you just teach me how to use Photoshop or Illustrator?
Me - I would have to charge you my hourly rate of $25.
Client - Can't you just do it for free?! 
Me - No. 
Scenario 4:
Client - Well, I just want the design to be cool and funky since the our business' target market is teenagers. Perhaps do something unique, like animated or anything like that. Just a design that will catch their attention since teens don't tend to read at all.
Me - But it's a logo.
Scenario 5:

Client - Why are you charging so much for a simple text logo? I'm just after Katy Perry's signature font, can't you just download it and change the colour to indigo?
Me - No.
So there you go, guys! I cannot stand dumb people anymore; that's why I started my business. Thankfully, I have a few fairy godmothers who are willing to deal with illiterate people.
If you want to know more about my daily experience as a freelancer slash business owner, visit my blog. 
If you want a custom illustration or any other types of design, visit my business site (but please, don't ask me to make an animated logo. I won't hesitate to make fun of you on my blog, I'm warning you)


  1. I think the Holidays make everyone a little crazy. I really don't want to leave me house until after Christmas. Crazy drivers all over the place- totally not in the holiday spirit. And I think I'm PMSing- not a good combo.

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  3. Yea Christmas!! Sweet corn and/or green chili tamale traditions for everyone!

  4. I'm sad I didn't get to see a "melt-down." haha- jk!

    Love this post though - I definitely laughed many a time!

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  6. Great post! I love those photos.

  7. Ahahaha! "Can't you just do it for free?" How many times do any of us artsy types hear that? Oy. So right!

  8. yep. this sounds about right.
    MERRY CHRISTMAS, GIRL. miss your face. let's bond soon.
    Oh, Just Living the Dream