Germany and France Part 1

Welp we've made it to Germany and we're alive and well, although totally tired.  Jet lag!  The worst!  It's our third day and so why are we still feeling it?!  I wake up at 5 am raring to go and at 1 pm I'm exhausted as can be.

But we're pushing though it and hoping by tomorrow our bodies should be officially adjusted.  It makes me feel for babies, you know.  Poor thing comes screeching into the world and they're supposed to sleep at certain times and be awake at certain times, but their bodies want to do something totally different.  No wonder they don't sleep through the night.  Who can blame them?

The flight over was not nearly as bad as I anticipated.  We watched movies and slept, and I got up to walk around the plane every two hours and both me and baby inside me were just fiiiiine. Yea!

The weather is gorgeous, (Albeit a bit hot.  High 80s! Low 90s!  In the beginning of June!) and my sister and her husband are as hospitable as ever.  It's much more comfortable to visit a new country when you've got someone to show you the ropes, you know.

And now, pictures!

Day 1:  Stuttgart, Germany.  Home of my sis.

^^ My niece, Caroline.  She was still kind of warming up to me.  It had been a year and a half since I had seen her.  She is so grown up!

Day 2:  Strasbourg, France.

^^ Sunblocking it up.

^^Little French girl with dirty underwear swimming in the public fountain.  I thought about taking my feet out of the fountain at that point, but it was just too hot.

^^ Lunch at a French cafe.  

^^ Pistachio ice cream.  There is nothing better.  (And obviously painting my fingernails has been a huge priority lately.)

^^ Greg got a sweet picture of my backside.  Husbands do these things, you know.

^^ My niece, Caroline.

^^ Don't mind the man in the bright orange shirt going to town on his nose back there.

^^Playing in the fountains with my nephew, James.  This trip is the first time I've ever met the dude.  I approve.

Tomorrow it's neuschwanstein castle.  Boo yah.

If you're reading this...

If you are reading this post then I am successfully on an airplane to Germany to see my long lost sister.

If you are reading this post then I survived my last day of school, completed all my grades, successfully checked out, and left my room clean and organized.

If you are reading this post then I got all the documents to the loan guy he needed, including Greg's mysterious transcripts that are nowhere to be found.

If you are reading this post then I ran all my errands, found everything from Target I needed, bought the camera chip from Best Buy, and the books from Barnes and Noble.

If you are reading this post then they let me on the airplane 33 weeks pregnant.  Gasp!

If you are reading this post I successfully picked out granite and tile options the afternoon before the plane left and I liked my choices, dang it!

If you are reading this post I am alive and happy and well.

I hope you are reading this post.

See you in Germany!

(I'll be visiting my sister until June 24.  I have some blog posts planned during that time, but posting will be sporadic.  In addition to a few scheduled posts, I'll post when I can while I'm on my vacation, but frankly, it won't be a huge priority.  You'll get what you'll get and you won't throw a fit.  I'll be back to the normal blogging grind for shizzle on June 25.) 

Yo Yo someone help me decorate!

As we get closer and closer to closing on our house, naturally my thoughts have turned to decorating the place.

Here's the truth.  I'm a terrible decorator/ interior designer/ make-a-room-look-nice person.  Just the worst.  I've got no vision.  In my head lime green walls with burnt orange accents looks good and then when I roll forth with the whole plan it looks awful.  Just awful.

People like me need help.  Enter: pottery barn decorator help.  This site will literally do all the work for you.  Here you can find beautiful bedding, make the place your own with lamps, beanbags, etc, and create a room that fits you perfectly at an affordable price.  (Oh, and you can see it all before you actually go through with it so that you can make sure you're not about to embark on a lime green wall fiasco!)

This site is specifically for a dorm room, but at the top of the page there is a tab where you can find any kind of room decorator help there- for baby, teen, family etc!  (Click black tabs at the top left of the page.)

Let's see here... if I were to redo my dorm room, exactly what would that look like?

THIS maybe?

I'm definitely into more of a simple and clean look than I was when I was 18.  The great thing, though, is that Pottery Barn has got it all- you want hot pink polka dots?  Covered.  You want a classic white duvet cover?  They got that too.  You can decorate any room in the world to exactly fit your own style here.

Go here to design your own dorm room- or whatever room in your house you're fixing to redecorate!

Thanks PBdorm for sponsoring today's post and thanks all of you for reading sponsored posts and supporting the companies that support this blog.

No title because that would require thinking.

These are six of my nine AP students.  I adore them.

It is 9:12 and at not a minute later than 9:30 I am hitting publish on this bad boy and then I am turning off the light and going to BED even though it's not even all the way dark yet.  I'm going to write and write as fast as I can and vomit up all the stress that's floating around in my head and make you internet-ians read it and hopefully I can just give all my stress away to you.

It turns out that there is a limit to how many things you can do at one time.  I didn't think there was.  I thought it was possible to:
1) End the school year and give grades to 200 students including 150 seniors who need to graduate and who need the fourth quarter credit in my class specifically to graduate.
2) Close on a house and therefore qualify for a loan and therefore somehow conjure up from out of the dust every inane semi official document I have ever had in your life. (Like Greg's transcripts... why in the world do they need a copy of Greg's college transcripts?  To qualify for a loan?  I'll tell you this much- he didn't make money while sitting in those classes!)
3) Prepare to leave the day after school gets out for a trip to Germany to see my sister.  Greg and I decided last week to ditch the idea of sneaking away to Amsterdam for a few days and instead we're going to go to Prague.  Yea!  How fun!  But now someone has to plan it!  And book a place to stay!
4) Keep a blog and business up and running.  If I never returned an email to you, this is my official apology.  I am trying!  And to everyone who ever reads my blog, this is my apology for crazy posts that I am typing as fast as I can and not even reading through.  Sometimes mediocrity is good enough.
5) Be eight months pregnant and go in for extra doctor's visits and ultrasounds to make sure baby is growing like she's supposed to.
6) Have Greg's brother and sister-in-law come in from out of town to visit for four days and try to sneak in some quality time with them.
7) Make necessary arrangements for long term sub in the fall and fill out all the paper work for sick leave and fmla all that exciting jazz.

I thought it was possible!  I thought all of that was possible!  All seven things!  At the same time!  Let's do this!  It's going to be fun!

It's not.  It's not fun at all.  It's insane and exhausting.  I am running myself into the damn ground this week.  I hate the glorification of busy.  I hate everything about this insane, out of control busy.  I need it to stoppppppppppppppp.

This afternoon I realized I had officially taken on more than any sane person can reasonable handle when I was trying to get a copy of my 2012 W2 form from my old school district.  I called them and asked if I could have a copy.  They said yes, come pick it up.  That's half an hour away.  I have exactly this afternoon and tomorrow, which is also my last day of work, to get all documents to the loan people and to get ready for Germany.  There is no hour to spare to run over to the district office to pick up a stupid W2 form from 2012.

"Can you email it to me?"  I asked.
"Well, yes, but it costs $5."
"That's totally fine.  How do I pay it?"
"You need to come in and pay it."
"I can't pay online?"
"No.  We don't have that option..."
"So that makes emailing it totally useless so I have to show up in person anyway."
"Yes.  I suppose so..."
"So there's no way I can get a copy of that without showing up in person with a five dollar bill to get it from you?"
"I'm afraid not..."

I almost started to cry.  Almost almost almost.  But I held it together because I've cried over some totally stupid things in my day, but crying over having to drive to pick up a W2 form might just take the cake and I couldn't stoop that low today.  I just couldn't.

I almost cried again when the loan guy emailed and said the copy of Greg's transcripts weren't clear enough and he needs a better copy.  (TRANSCRIPTS?!  Why, loan people, WHY?!?)

I almost cried when my fax didn't go through to the home owner's insurance people.

I almost cried when I went to pay rent and the lady said we were being slapped with a $35 fee for not switching the electric bill over to our name.  To which I said "You never told us" to which she said, "I have a copy of the paper we gave you that said you are required to switch the name on the account." To which I said, "Yes, but you never once said we would be charged $35 if we didn't and so you can't give us that fee if it does not ever appear in writing."  To which she said "Fine.  We'll take off the fee."  Sometimes it pays to be assertive and just a tad bit grumpy.

I almost cried when I had to be back at the school tonight at six for graduation.  They made all the teachers wear black robes and march on to the football stadium and sit for two hours in the hot sun while students gave speeches about how the best years of their lives were ending.  They're not the best years of your lives, I can promise you that.  It was miserable, but it went two hours instead of the three I was expecting and so I guess that's the silver lining?

Those are all the times I almost cried.

Then when I got home and collapsed into bed and started to write this post, just minutes ago, I got a text from our realtor.  "Can you meet tomorrow to finalize the decisions on the tile blacksplash and the granite?"

And that's when I did cry.  Real crying.  I am officially so busy I am crying.  That is pathetic.  I blame the child inside of me and the 200 seniors who made me grade all their writing and who asked me three weeks after the deadline if they could still make up a test/ write a paper/ read a book so that they can graduate.  I blame them all.

Now it's 9:32 and I'm going to sleep.

Oh, and if one more person has the audacity to ask me if I checked with my doctor and/or the airline if I can fly at this point in my pregnancy I am going to strangle them with their own hair.  Yes!  Yes I did! Of course I did!  What kind of an idiot do you think I am?  Who in the world books international flights at 33 weeks pregnant and never thinks to ok it with a doctor!?!?  I am smarter than this, people, and I am insulted by your question!

Rant over.  Sorry I'm grumpy.  Good night.

All pictures of students are used with written consent from both parent and student.

End of the Road

Today the students got their yearbooks.  Tomorrow they graduate.  Wednesday the faculty checks out.  Thursday I fly to Germany.  It is a whirlwind of a week.

Last Friday, on our last official day of class, I had the students fill out some surveys for my class.  Every year I tweak my class a little bit, and so I always ask the students for end of the year input.  I ask them to rank the books they did in order of their favorite to least favorite (Least favorites for the seniors: Hamlet and Frankenstein.  Least favorites for the juniors: The Crucible).  I ask them to tell me what assignments they liked best, which ones they thought were a waste of time or busy work, etc.  Then I ask for them to answer three additional questions:  1) What they liked best about the class 2) What they liked least about the class and 3) What they would say was the number one thing they learned in the class.

Of course, I got a lot of great responses- things that helped me to evaluate my teaching priorities and also helped to validate a lot of the things that I choose to teach. There are already things I know for sure I want to change next year as a result of their answers.

But of course, there's always the fair share of ridiculous answers.  I tell ya- these gems are too great to keep to myself.

What do you like about this teacher?
+ She let us eat in class. (One of the most important qualities in a teacher, you know.)
+ She got a little crazy as she got more pregnant.  It was hilarious.  (Referring to how I called everyone in that class the wrong name the last month.  Too many Emmas and Austins, people!)
+ She can be very understanding.  Other times, not so much.  (Ha!)
+ She never took my phone.
+ She's very wise and intelligent.  I thought she always had something wise to say. (Yes, I paid that kid to say that.)
+ Mrs. Larsen is a pregnant freaking stud.  (Can you a woman be a stud?  How about a pregnant stud?!)
+ She made a boring subject a tad bit more interesting.  (Well.  What can I say...)
+ She is really outgoing and I like her energy.  Especially for someone who is going to be having a baby- she is not angry all the time which is REALLY good.  (Makes you wonder what kind of pregnant people this student has encountered...)
+ She really fit in with the students.  But not by height though... (Is this a short joke?)
+ Usually when teachers get pregnant they turn into mean people.  But you didn't.  (Again, you gotta wonder...)

What things could have gone better?
+ Her understanding my feelings. (?!?... I'm not empathetic enough?)
+ The people that would play cards in class instead of listening and waste our time when the teacher had to stop teaching to tell them to put it away.  (I understand your pain, student.  This annoyed me too!)
+ I hated Death of a Salesman.  Didn't learn anything from that book except for that Willy was suicidal.

What is the most important thing you learned in this class?
+ Mrs. Larsen is funny when she says b****.  (I apologized to the class that day for being a b**** the day before.  Hey, you gotta apologize when apologies are due!)
+ Honestly, I've learned nothing in English for years.  (At least it's not just my class that he thinks is useless?)
+ That a seat change really changes your outlook.  (Really?  That's the most important thing you learned all year?!)
+Spelling and Puntuation.  (Oh, the irony.)
+ Mrs. Larsen taught us to really try to use protection.  (I honestly have no idea what this is referring to.  I racked my brain, and nothing is coming... I've concluded that all it means is that students want to hear what they want to hear.)
+ That my handwriting sucks (?!?)
+ Don't bite the hand that feeds you.  Mrs. Larsen is very generous and helpful until you burn her.
+ English.  (They certainly don't win awards for their details.)
+ I used my phone every period and only got caught once.  (Glad I could teach him something useful.)

The perks of pregnancy

Pictures taken by Aubrey Zaruba

My very favorite piece of maternity clothing is this striped red maxi skirt that I got from PinkBlush Maternity last week.  It is so comfortable, perfect for work or casual wear, and doesn't make me feel frumpy or gross like so many maternity clothes.  If you are expecting a baby or know someone who is, I will recommend Pink Blush Maternity in a second for the best trendy maternity clothing.  It is far and away the cutest place to go for maternity clothes.

Dress:  PinkBlushMaternity 

Belt: Gap 

Shoes: Target 

Sunglasses: H&M

My hair is thick, my boobs are big, I haven't had to worry about a period for months and everywhere I go people open the door for me and offer to help me with my bags.

This pregnancy thing ain't half bad.

No one ever told me ahead of time about all the good stuff.  Oh, I knew all about every pregnancy inconvience, let me assure you.  I heard plenty about first trimester nausea (it sucks!), how fat you feel (it's true!), how you always have to go pee (seriously. Twice a class period now), but why didn't anyone tell me about the perks?  Because seriously, there's some pretty rocking perks!

The period thing to start with.  It is beyond awesome that I no longer have to track days and carry around tampons just in case and deal with the whole mess.  Periods are inconvenient and gross.  Not having a period is AWESOME.

My hair!  My thick, gorgeous hair!  Seriously.  My hair is more rocking than it ever has been in my life.  I know it's all going to fall out the second I have my baby, but sheesh, am I enjoying it now.  I can go four days without washing it or curling it, and it still looks stellar.  STELLAR!

And there are other perks.  Like the fact that I no longer make people feel bad about doing things for me.  Mostly Greg.  He gets me glasses of water at night or runs to the car for the gift I left there or goes to the garage to try to find a board game.  He does it willingly as can be and I don't feel a bit guilty for making him run my errands for me.

Oh- and not only is my own husband  more willing to help me out, but so are perfect strangers!  I was in Smiths the other day for a couple of quick items.  Well, I'll be, they were having a sale on powerade so somehow I ended up with eight big bottles of powerade in my little basket and with my other hand I was unsuccessfully trying to balance a dozen donuts. (Powerade and donuts- winning!)  A man came out of nowhere and said, "Ma'am!  How can I help you!  Let me carry your basket for you, please.  Or better yet, take my cart.  Here!  You want my cart?"  And he practically shoved his cart at me.  I took it, naturally.  It was the darndest thing.

Also, everyone is always asking me how I feel.  Which I think is just a really nice thing to ask anyone, pregnant or not.  I feel a lot of things right now!  How nice that people want to know!

And last not not least, Greg said he thinks I have never looked more feminine than I do right now.  Well, sheesh, now I'm blushing.

I figure if you want to know about all the inconveniences of pregnancy, there are plenty and plenty of websites you can go to find them.  But these here, my friends, are the perks!

Oh, and while we're talking about awesome things about pregnancy, PinkBlushMaternity is giving away a $25 gift certificate to their store.  Enter to win on the rafflecopter below.  If you have won a giveaway from PinkBlush within the past six months you are not eligible to win this giveaway.  Boo. :(

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If you see a high school senior, please don't tell him you saw me

Today I literally ran out of my classroom when the last bell rung.  I'm supposed to stay in my room until 3:00, but I had a doctor's appointment to get to.  That and I didn't want those seniors to corner me.

Oh, the seniors!  The unbearable seniors!  They are three days out from graduation and they don't let you have a moment's rest.  They want to know if they hand in x assignment and y assignment and do z extra credit exactly how much will their grade raise and "Do you think I'm going to graduate?!?"  I have no idea, kid.  You might have wanted to plan a little more than three days out from graduation.

Now they're at the point where they're coming in whenever they please to ask me about their grades.  In the middle of fifth period, they stick their heads in the door, "Hey Mrs. Larsen, I was wondering if you've put that notebook in on my grade yet?"  Or they corner me on my way to lunch, "Hey the library says I didn't return my Othello book?"  I can't escape them!  That's why when it hit 2:25, I grabbed my bag with the rest of my eighth period students, turned off the light, locked my door, and bolted with the rest of them.  I blended right into the crowd and was down the stairs and out the doors before a single kid could make it to my classroom. I knew if even one student caught me then I'd be stuck and I'd be solving the problems of fourteen high school seniors before I could make it to my appointment.

I'll deal with them tomorrow.

And that's how a school teacher survives in May.  Straight up bolts out of the school.

May Book Club: The Light Between Oceans

I'm late! I'm late! I'm late for book club! (All book club details can be found here.)  I was supposed to have this post up last night.  Obviously I didn't.  Deciding to do an online book club the Thursday before graduation was probably the worst idea I ever had.  It's an absolute zoo at the high school, and it's all I can do to keep my head about me, let alone finish and reflect on a book.  But I did it!  I finished the book this morning and here I am, ready to review it!

 (If you link up I'd love you to slap this image on your post somewhere.  Please and thank you!)

2014 Book Club Schedule:

January: The Husband's Secret by Liane Mortiary (January 30)  Discussion here.

February:  I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai (February 27) Discussion here.

March: Divergent by Veronica Roth (March 27) Discussion here.

April:  Night Circus by Eric Morgenstern (April 24) Discussion here.

May:  The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman (May 29)

June:  Matilda by Roald Dahl (June 26)

July:  In Cold Blood  by Truman Capote (July 24)

August:  Brain on Fire:  My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan (August 28)

September:  Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell (September 25)

October:  Z by Therese Ann Fowler (October 23)

November:  Wonder by R.J. Palacio (November 20)

December: My Story by Elizabeth Smart (December 30)

BOOK CLUB QUESTIONS

You are welcome to answer any or all of these questions.  (Or none of them.  Do whatever you want, people.  I'm not your English teacher!)  I've decided to limit questions for the book to five questions each month- that way it can get our brains moving without being too overwhelming or burdensome.  I answer some of the questions below, not all of them, and I jump around and do whatever I please.  Feel free to follow suit.

+ Who would you consider the protagonist of the story- Isabel or Tom?  Why?  Who was your favorite character?
+ How did you feel about the end of the book?
+ Did you like the writing style?  Why or why not?
+ What are the strengths and weaknesses of Isabel's and Tom's relationship?
+ What would you have done if you were Tom in that situation?  Do you agree with the way he handled the situation?  How did you feel about him trying to take all the blame to save Isabel?

BON'S REVIEW...
Finally!  A book club book that I actually really liked!  When I set the book down this morning, I felt the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment that you get after finishing a truly great book.  You know, like I had been improved somehow for the reading of the book.  I was pretty worried after I didn't particularly like our choices for January- April, but you know what they say, fifth time's the charm!

MAIN CHARACTERS
I loved everything about Tom's character.  I think in some ways he reminds me of Greg, which was why I attached so much to him.  I like that he was a bit more reserved, that he was morally straight to a tee, but that he loved everything about Isabel that was so different from him.  I loved that he loved her fearlessness and sense of adventure even if he didn't have it himself.

When Isabel begged him to keep the baby, I didn't agree with Tom's decision, but I could understand why he was doing that.  I loved how Stedman showed that conflict that he underwent... that he wanted to do the "right thing", but that the "right thing" got so blurry when he had a grieving wife who had so much love to give and when all he wanted to do was make her happy.  I loved the way Stedman showed that conflict.  I also really liked that there were certain elements in Tom's past that were kept a secret to us.  Stedman alluded to the war often and to his family and how those two things had affected him, but I never felt like I had a really good grasp of everything Tom had been through.  Even by the end of the book, I didn't full understand him as a character, and I liked that.

Isabel was a bit harder for me to love because she was so flawed.  To be honest, she probably reminded me a little too much of myself to be entirely comfortable with her.  I felt that she was incredibly selfish in asking Tom to keep the baby- mostly because she knew that Tom wouldn't be able to say no and so in that way I felt like she was purposefully manipulative.  After the baby was discovered, Isabel drove me CRAZY the way it took her so long to come clean that it had been her idea to keep the baby and not Tom's.  I couldn't believe how selfish she was being in allowing Tom to take the punishment and even feeling rationalized a little bit for being angry with Tom.  Tom did the right thing and it was frustrating to me that she was blaming him for that.  I liked, though, that I felt all these things toward Isabel.  To me, that was Stedman's purpose- to be outraged and bothered by Isabel but for part of us to still understand at least a sliver of the reason why she did what she did.

THE ROMANCE  My favorite part of the book was the relationship between Isabel and Tom.  I especially liked that their relationship eventually trumped Isabel's relationship to Lucy.  I know how much Isabel wanted a child, but I've always felt like the most most important relationship in your life should always be to your spouse, and not to your children.  When Isabel was about to let Tom rot in jail for life in exchange for Lucy back, it broke my heart and I was going to throw the book at the wall if that was how the book ended.  The letter that Tom sent Isabel while he was jail was beautiful and so romantic.  My favorite lines-

"We each get a little turn at life, and if this ends up being how my turn went, it will still have been worth it.  My time should have been up years ago.  To have met you, when I thought life was over, and been loved by you- if I lived another hundred years I couldn't ask for better than that.  I've loved you the best I know how, which isn't saying much..."

"Perhaps when it comes to it, no one is just the worst thing they ever did.  All I can do is to ask God, and to ask you, to forgive me for the harm I've cause.  And to thank you for every day we spent together."

Yep.  Definitely cried when I read that part.

I think what I liked about this book so much is that it's somewhat in disguise.  You think the whole book is about a baby.  But it's really not.  The baby is such a small part of the story.  It's a love story.  It's about a man and a woman and how they get through the biggest challenge life can through at them.  I thought the book was going to be about the love of a mom and a baby, but instead it's the subtle story of the love between a husband and wife and I love it for that.

WRITING STYLE 
The writing style grew on me.  At first, I didn't love it and the descriptions of the lighthouse, the nature, etc, bored me.  The first 40 pages or so were very slow and I had a hard time powering through them.  (I always think it's a bad sign when I have to "power through" something that is supposed to be enjoyable to me.)  As soon as Tom and Isabel met, though, the book picked up significantly for me and the writing style actually grew on me.  Toward the end there were sentences I read and reread because of their beauty, the way they rolled off the page:

They sat silently, listening to the wind which came roaring up from the ocean, occasionally banishing a cloud long enough to let a shaft of sunlight slice through the glass and on to the carpet.

The best part of twenty tears flowed past like a quiet country river, deepening its path with time.

Years bleach away the sense of things until all that's left is a bone- white past, stripped of feeling and significance.

THE ENDING 
To me, the ending was very satisfactory.  I feel like I have been reading a lot of books and watching a lot of movies and TVs with very very flawed protagonists and unhappy endings.  I couldn't have handled this book if it ended with Isabel and Tom apart or Hannah without her baby that should have been hers.  I needed things to be "right" with this book, and they were.  I also appreciated that Stedman didn't have Isabel miraculously be able to have a child after they gave up Lucy.  I always feel like that's kind of a cop out when authors do that so I appreciate that Tom and Isabel had to live with the pain of being childless, but that they still had each other.

The scene where Tom is saying goodbye to Isabel when she is dying was probably the sweetest and saddest to me.  I don't know why exactly, but the idea of having that kind of love and relationship for years and years and to watch it slip away is sadder than anything else for me.  His "other half of the sky."

And lastly, I LOVED the ending paragraphs of the book.  Such a beautiful way to end it:

There are still more days to travel in this life.  And he knows that the man who makes the journey has been shaped by every day and every person along the way.  Scars are just another kind of memory.  Isabel is part of him, wherever she is, just like the war and the light and the ocean.  Soon enough the days will close over their lives, the grass will grow over their graves, until their story is just an unvisited headstone.

He watches the ocean surrender to night, knowing that the light will reappear.

Now you add your two cents!  Comment below or link up your post!  I can't wait to hear your thoughts and I will be replying to all comments on this post.  Next month we are reading Matilda by Roald Dahl.  Join in!!!

28 things no 20 something year old wants to hear

Every once in a while my brain goes totally dead with this blog.  I can't think of a single clever or funny thing to say.  That's usually when I email Taylor and beg her to send some inspiration or motivation or some kind of -ation my way.  She never disappoints.

When things get really rough I beg Taylor to write a post with me.  As if I can live parasitically off of her wit and humor.  She always says yes because she's nice like that, and that's when we get a little bit of blog magic.  And so, Daily Tay and Life of Bon present to you...

1.  Did you see that your ex boyfriend got married?  His wife is smoking hot.

2.  Do you ever get tired of throwing so much money away on rent?

3.  Oh you are majoring in (insert semi-impractical-but-you-totally-love-it major here)?  What kind of a job are you going to get with that major?

4.  I always used to think of you as a little girl, you suddenly look so old to me... (Thanks, Grandma!)

5.  Are you the last of your friends who is still single?

6.  When are you going to get married?

7.  When are you going to start having kids?

8.  No one is going to buy the cow if you give the milk away for free.

9.  Oh, you’re single?  I know someone of the opposite gender who is also single.  I can set you up.

10. Don't you think it's time you find a "real job?"

11. You know, if you fixed yourself up a little more it’d be a lot easier to meet a guy.

12. Aren't you at the age when you should stop eating crap like that?

13. How much money do you make?

14. Did you go to school for the job you have?

15. Have you thought about putting any money into retirement?

16. Do you have a 401k?

17. You’re being kicked off your parents’ insurance.

18. What kind of benefits do you get?

19. Your credit card statement is late.

20. Are you where you thought you'd be in life right now?

21. You don’t even know what it means to love until you have a baby.

22. So… what do you do all day?

23. Is that still your same car from college?

24. Did you hear Laurie is buying a house?

25. Oh don't worry about it, no one stays skinny after high school!

26. Well, heavens knows that if Janet got married you can too!

27. How long do you plan on living in this apartment?

28. What are your investment plans for the future?

What did we leave off?  What is the one thing you absolutely hate to hear?

Did you barbecue and camp on Memorial Day?

Was your Memorial Day filled with barbecues and family and corn on the cob?

I hope so.

It's okay if it wasn't though.  I spent a lot of my Memorials Days working at Sizzler and feeling left out because I wasn't barbecuing and camping like the rest of the world.  Now I barbecue and camp and I kind of miss Sizzler.  Weird how that works.

We spent a little bit of time at the cemetery this afternoon.  Greg and I met up with my mom and my siblings and we left flowers for my dad.  I still can't visit my dad's grave without crying, but every time it's a little bit easier.

^^ I kind of love this picture.  There's technically only one person in it, but really there's three people.  Sometimes I wonder if my dad and my baby girl are hanging out right now.  Just spending a little bit of time together before she comes down to live with me for awhile.  It's one of my favorite things to think about.

And now it's back to school for me tomorrow for just this week and then two days next week.  It is going to be absolutely insane this week and I'm hitting the hay early to be ready for tomorrow's madness.  Stephanie is here to entertain you... she's smart, hilarious, and giving away alot of free loot!  You're up Stephanie!

Hello out there to Bon's lovely readers!  My name is Stephanie Shar and I blog over at The Loudmouth Lifestyle.  My goal is to provide women with the inspiration and motivation to love themselves and live life to the fullest.  It's a pretty fun gig.  I currently live in sunny Los Angeles with the man of my dreams, and we're expecting a baby boy in September!

But enough about me.  Today, Bon is graciously allowing me to host a giveaway so that one of you can win a free item from my shop, Dress Loudly!  I sell pre-loved, secondhand goodies from my own closet.  Seeing as nothing fits anymore anyway, I decided to pass on my favorite items to other blogger babes!  I sell a variety of sizes, but they're mostly 6/8/10 and S/M/L.  If that doesn't tickle your fancy, you can choose to win my brand-new ebook instead!  It's called 7 Steps to Living Loudly.  Sound good?



For your chance to win, all you need to do is hit up that Rafflecopter widget below.  I'll contact the random winner by email a week from today.  And if you'd like to read more about living a fabulously loud life, here are some of my favorite posts: how to feel more confident about your body, how to have a successful personal blog, how to keep blogging even when you're really busy, and how to find a budgeting system that works.  Hope to hear from you soon, and enjoy the giveaway! :)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

In Memorial: For Dad

Today is Memorial Day.  In the past four years, the day has taken on a bit of a different meaning for me.  We barbeque, yes, I get a day off of work, yes, but most of all, I think about my dad.

It is all at once dumbfounding and alarming how that much time has passed.  In November, it will be five years.  Wasn't it just yesterday he was video recording my sister and I laughing at the burger joint, just yesterday I was handing him nail clippers in his podiatry office, just yesterday I received long, detailed letters from him while I was serving a mission?

But it wasn't just yesterday.  In fact, by this point, it was thousands of yesterdays.

I always find it tricky to know what to say about my dad on this blog.  To know how to share that bit of my life with readers without it turning into a pity party or a sob fest.  To be vulnerable without making others uncomfortable.  I suppose I may say things that are too personal, but more than any other event, my dad's death has affected, shifted, alternated my life.  And so I suppose every year I will write this post that marks the numbers of years that have passed since he left us.  Because I love him and miss him and because so much about the way that I am is because of my dad.

In days that are especially difficult, when the pangs of missing are extra sharp, I think about what it would be like to see my dad again in this earth.  I'm not greedy- I wouldn't ask to have him back permanently.  But how about once a year?  How about a two hour lunch with my dad- a time to catch up, to feel how much he loves me, and to be daddy's little girl again?  What would I say to my dad if I could talk to him again, if I were to catch him up on everything about my life?

Dad- did you know I got married?  Of course you do.  I felt you there that day.  Did you know I'm a teacher?  Of course you do- I know how proud you are of how hard I work.  Did you know that I am writing regularly- and that hundreds of people read what I write?  I think you would be really proud of this.  Did you know that we all miss you so much even though sometimes we just don't talk about it because it's easier not to?  Did you know that last night mom and all your kids that could got together and Phil made your pizza recipe and we talked about the good old days and mom told us about when you two were dating?  Did you know that mom is so strong?  That she carries on and serves other and never feels sorry for herself.  I feel sorry for myself sometimes, but then I look to mom's example and remember that we have been so blessed.  Did you know that Mary is a missionary in Argentina and that all of your kids went on missions?  You left that legacy to us.  You always had that passion for sharing your beliefs, and did you know you passed it on to all of us?  Did you know that you have so many grandkids, and even two more on the way?  Did you know that a Mormon ran for president?  Did you know that we all carry a part of you, that all of your kids do things that they learned from you?  Did you know that we love you and miss you?

And yet, I suppose I could never really feel justified in asking for this.  I don't need a lunch date with my dad, because I already see him regularly.  My dad lives in the shadows of my life.  I see him, I feel him, I hear him oftentimes when I least expect it.  The times when I feel him closest to me are the times when I am doing the things he loved to do.  One morning in the summer I was staying at our cabin and woke up early to make french toast.  I was the only one awake and the sun was just beginning to shine its brilliant rays on us.  I stood there, in that kitchen my dad loved so much, where he laid the tile with his bear hands, feeling the early morning sunshine that he couldn't get enough of, and I felt him there with me, lurking in the shadows.

The other night I was watching a television program and the dog was sitting on my lap.  I needed to get a glass of water so I patted the couch next to me and said, "Hop off pop..."  telling the dog to hop off of me.  I was immediately taken aback.  Where had this phrase come from?  I hadn't heard it in years.  Memories surfaced of me as a little girl, sitting on my dad's lap to read the comics with him.  And when we were all done, and it was time for me to get off my dad's lap, he would always command me to "Hop off pop."  And here I was, years later with that phrase resurfacing to the forefront of my memory.  I couldn't help but smile and feel my dad close to me.

A couple of months ago, the heavens unleashed on us, and 8 inches of snow mercilessly dumped down.  I came home from school that Friday and noticed the driveway, covered in inches and inches of seemingly harmless snowflakes.  I thought, "Heck!  I can shovel this up for my mom, no problemo!"  I put some gloves on, whipped out the old, trusty shovel, and set to work. 

About three minutes in I was completely exhausted.  "Wow!  Shoveling inches and inches of snow is hard work!" I thought.  "How have I lived to be 26 years old and never know how bad this sucks?"  Instantly, I thought of my dad and the countless times I had seen him shoveling driveways, porches, patios, and walkways.  I remembered a huge snowstorm where my siblings and I rushed out to the back yard to make snow forts, snow angels, and snowball after snowball after snowball.  My dad shoveled while we played.  We made a snowman and he shoveled.  He engaged in a furious snowball fight.  He shoveled.  Long after we were exhausted and frozen and inside warming up ourselves with hot chocolate, my dad shoveled on.

How many thankless hours had he spent shoveling snow?  Or doing some other work to give me such comforts in life?  Weeding gardens or planting potatoes or clipping toenails or chopping firewood?  How many things had he sacrificed in his life to give his kids and wife the lives we now know?  How much money did he spend on us, how many tuition checks did he write, how many cars did he endlessly repair on account of his eight kids?  It was almost a revelation to me, that Friday afternoon, as I shoveled that driveway- my dad must have done so much to make my life comfortable that I will never be aware of.  That I will never be able to thank him for.  He gave everything for us.  It is difficult to explain how something as everyday as shoveling snow can become so sublime and even spiritual, but I felt my dad's presence there with my so strongly that afternoon, felt him in the shadows, shoveling with me, thanking me for helping my mom, and telling me he loved me.

And so, even though I yearn for that lunch date with my dad, long to have him here again making pizza for us, daydream about a conversation we might have, I will continue to thank God for putting my dad right where he is.  In the memories, in the family get togethers, and even in the snow.

In the shadows of my life.

For more posts on my dad and dealing with death go here, here, and here.

***Originally published on November 19, 2012.

How to choose a house and not sacrifice your marriage: A survival tale

My favorite swimsuit this summer is definitely THIS ONE from Leonisa.  I love the bold royal blue color and the bust is amazing for adjusting to any sized... well... bust.  It's not meant to be a maternity swimsuit, but I have been amazed how it has easily accommodated my growing belly.  The other thing I love about the suit is the options for straps.  You can use the tie like I am wearing in these pictures, or you can hook straps on the sides and have it come up around your neck.  Make sure to check out Leonisa for other suits (For a smoking hot and affordable one piece suit I love this one), bras, and even menswear. 

On Wednesday, Greg and I picked out features for our townhome.  The place we are buying is being built right now, and we got in at exactly the right time to have some say in the features.  We get to choose our counter tops and wall colors!

How exciting!
How fun!
How absolutely terrifying!

Some things I care about.  Some things I don't.  Paint color?  Don't care.  Just not lime green.  Tile color in the bathroom?  Whatever floats your boat dude.  Carpet?  I'll take the regular.  (Also, there is no "regular" carpet.  There are 100s and 100s of options.  FOR CARPET.)   While I don't care about most things, the things I do care about, I care deeply about.  I was unwilling to give on the kitchen colors.  I dug my heels in and stamped my fist and refused to budge.  It was a lovely time for all of us.

I tried to not get too grumpy when the seller was showing us all our options and pushing upgrades on us.  Usually I get really mean when people are trying to convince me to spend money.  But I tried my darndest to not get stressed out.  (Because spending $200k has never stressed anyone out, right?)

I knew we might run into a few kinks and a few disagreements here and there, but guess what?  We agreed on absolutely nothing!  Nothing!  After an hour of trying to come to a decision on every important house option in the book, we pretty much probably kind of hated each other a little bit.  Agreeing on 100 decisions about appliances, counter tops, and colors will do that to the healthiest of couples. (Right?  RIGHT? The healthiest?!?)

I wanted white kitchen cabinets.  He wanted dark.
I wanted the cheap flooring.  He wanted the expensive stuff.
I wanted one toned paint.  He wanted two.

The single decision we could agree on was the size of our bathtub.  Big!  (Hot baths are the only thing that gets me through November- February in Utah.  It's a survival skill, people.)

But a big bathtub is a $3,000 upgrade.  Ouch.

Spending money stresses me out.  Really stresses me out.  I was born to be a miser.  If I could have my perfect world, it would be me in a cave, counting and hoarding money.  Never spending it.  Just counting, re counting and then maybe hiding it in a safe place so I could take it out tomorrow to count it again.  I'm like a freaking dog who always hides his favorite bones- never uses them, but gets a terrific amount of joy out of just knowing they're there.

Greg doesn't have the same problem as I do.  If anything, he has the opposite problem.  That money burns a hot hole in his pocket until it is good and spent.  Two days is two days too long to have an extra $20 bill lying around.  And buyer's remorse?  You can forget about it for Greg.  It does not exist in his world.  (I'm so incredibly jealous, can you imagine the feeling of no regret after spending money?!?)  I swear, he could lose $50 in his jean pocket and never think about it again.  Never miss it.  (I know this for a fact because I often raid his pockets when doing the laundry and take all the cash I find.  He never asks about it.  I figure it's my payment for doing the laundry.)

Naturally, this has made for an interesting marriage.  He begs to spend our money, live a little, enjoy life.  I beg to save more, put money in retirement,  do activities that don't cost a cent.  In three years we have come a long ways toward meeting in the middle.  I can splurge on popcorn and a full priced movie once in a while, and he's getting better at just making a pb and j sandwich for lunch instead of stopping for fast food.  But it's a long process.  (Also, interesting fact about Greg:  He spends yes, but he doesn't make any big purchases ever.  His entire credit card bill is a series of  daily or twice daily $2 to $10 transactions at Maverick, Wendy's, Popeye's, etc.  Greg could go nowhere for a year but a gas station and a fast food joint and be the happiest man on the planet. It's kind of the cutest thing ever.)

Given our spending habits and backgrounds, you can imagine the trouble that Wednesday presented us.  Greg wanted to go with the nicer, more expensive options.  I wanted everything standard.  As low as we could go.  Greg said we'll be able to get more out of resale if we upgrade.  I said we'll have a lot more we have to recover if the price of the home keeps going up.

My must haves/ really wants:  (Because really, nothing is a "must have."  I kind of hate that phrase.)
- White cabinets
- Light countertops
- White tile backsplash in kitchen
- Big bathtub

Greg's must haves/ really wants:
- Hardwood floors
- Ceiling fan in bedroom
- Two toned paint
- Big bathtub

Notice- only one thing in common for our must haves. (Big bathtub ftw!)  We are two totally opposite people.  Sometimes I have no idea how we are in love.

Greg said he was fine with letting me choose the kitchen colors and going with the oh so important "backsplash" upgrade.  Tile on the wall is pretty pointless, yes, but he knew I really wanted it. (It's so purty!)  So I let him have the two toned paint.  (Which, I mean talk about a useless upgrade.  An extra $1500 for two colors in our house instead of one?  According to the pros though, it's UBER important in resale. I don't believe them, though.  Do you ever notice if a house is two toned paint?  I told Greg I'd just get one color and then go in myself and paint all the trim white before we moved in.  He laughed in my face and said there was no way I would be doing that at 8 1/2 months pregnant.  He might have a point, but you didn't hear it from me.)

The good thing is Greg said he could go without the $3000 fireplace upgrade.  I said I'd live without the $1,000 sink in the laundry room.

My kitchen inspiration.  Tell me it's not beautiful.

It was two hours of decision decision decision, upgrades I'd never even heard of that were suddenly of the utmost importance, and an extra $10,000 later we were signing a lot of papers and trying not to be sick.

But guess what?  Somehow we survived the two hour choosing process.  It wasn't easy.  I feared for our marriage.  But we did it!  

At the end of the meeting we walked out holding hands, and with all of our decisions in place.  I promise you, there is no way in h-e-double-hockey-sticks we would have been able to do that three years ago.  Look at us, growing up, getting mature, learning how to compromise!

I'd call it a victory for everyone! Me, Greg, and most definitely for the man who is getting all of our money.

And now who wants to come over for a big bowl of Top Ramen for dinner?  It's on me!