The Life of Bon: Lunch plans

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Lunch plans

I'll admit it, sometimes I've got a pretty posh lifestyle working as a high school teacher.

I teach six classes.  In five of those classes I have a little thing called a teacher's aide.

Teacher's aide= teacher's bliss.

All the stuff I don't want to do, I give to my aides.  And they have to do it because their grade depends on it!  HA-ha! Suck-ahs! 

At first it started off with the norm.  My aides did very traditional tasks. 

Recorded quiz scores in the gradebook. 
Made copies. 
Went to the office to retrieve dry erase markers. 
Picked up my mail.

No problem.

It wasn't long before I discovered I could make them to do more than teaching tasks. 
Why, I could have my students do personal errands for me. 
They could...
Mail out my utility bill.
Go look for my makeup case in my car.
Buy me a diet coke in the middle of class. 
Text Hubs and tell him how sexy he is. (Just keeping you on your toes, folks!)

The problem with having a certain amout of power over people, however, is that sometimes it gets taken a step too far.

Yesterday was the day I crossed the line.

Early in our dating career, Hubs introduced me to a little thing called the egg sandwich.  Hardboil an egg, mush it up with mayonaise and salt, throw it in between two pieces of bread and, Voila! You've got yourself a surprisingly delicious sandwich.

Testerday at 6:15 am I was staring hopelessly into my fridge.  I did not have a single scrap of food to take with me to school for lunch. 
Lunch meat- gone
Left overs- gone 
Peanut butter- gone 
What, oh what was I going to eat for lunch?!?

Then my eyes landed on a carton of eggs.  The light bulb went on.
Egg sandwich.

My mind raced. I would be too busy teaching to sit and boil an egg, but I could have my aide do it for me, right?
I reached for the egg, found a pot to boil the egg in, and was out the door.

The problem is these kids at this school are smarter than I give them credit for.

I gave the egg to my aide at the beginning of class.  I showed her the pot.

"I need you to boil this for me" I said very authoritatively.  "I need it for... this... thing..."  I trailed off.  She would certainly think I was boiling it for an activity in class.  One of the endless fun activities I plan for these hooligans.  

My aide looked at the pot.  Then at me.  At the egg.  Pot again.  Egg.  Me.

"Teacher?" she sounded slightly disgusted.
"Hmmm?" I replied nonchalantly.
(Act cool, Bonnie, act cool!)

"Is this your lunch?"


The problem with trying to tell a lie in a situation like this is that sometimes your face gives you away before you even start the lie.  Before I even knew what was going on, my face had betrayed me, and I knew I had no choice but to fess up to this 16 year old interrogator.

"It might be."

My aide stared back. 
We looked each other straight in the eyes.
My aide spoke.
"Fair enough."

She grabbed the egg and trudged her way out the classroom, faculty room-bound to boil my lunch.


  1. so now you're the teacher who does her laundry at school and who makes students boil eggs for her lunch. awesome.

  2. I think this is awesome. Boiling an egg is easy enough and if I were the aid I would have rather done that than a lot of other, perhaps more legitimate, teaching aid tasks. At least it was a new task. :)