The Life of Bon: Would you like some burnt orange with that lime green?

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Would you like some burnt orange with that lime green?

Here's a confession for you.

I have no idea how to be a wife.

No idea.

I blame it on society.  Society tells you to have a big wedding, to throw a big party, to buy a lot of flowers.  Which I did.  All of those things.

Then you get married and then you are a wife and then all of a sudden society is nowhere to be found to tell you what to do anymore.  Complete abandonment.

Some girls are naturally gifted in wifely duties.  The wedding is over and all of a sudden they just slide right into that wife role, no questions asked.  They enjoy sewing, cooking, decorating, etc.  It is an innate part of them. 

I see these wives and I try to copy them.  But it never turns out for me like it turns out for them.  I am not naturally gifted in wifely duties.  I am naturally gifted at.... talking?  telling kids to shut their mouths?  being bossy?  (All good motherly traits, might I add, just not wifely traits.)

I first knew I might be in over my head with the whole wifely duties thing when I was at my bridal shower.  I opened up a gift and explained, "Tupperware!  Thank you!"  All the married women laughed and turned to each other, "Isn't she funny?  Haha.  Haha!"  I sat there, completely unaware.  "Silly Bonnie, that's not Tupperware, it's Pyrex!"  They told me.  I looked at them.  "What's Pyrex?"  They laughed.  They chuckled.  "Ain't she the darndest?  Haha!  Doesn't know the difference!"

A few weeks after we got married, I noticed that a lot of wives were cooking for their husbands.  So I tried the same.  I cracked open that recipe book and went to work on a chicken cordon bleu recipe.  Whip whip whip, stir stir stir, mix mix mix, bake bake bake.  "Why, this is easy!" I thought.  "Anybody can be a wife!"

"Hubs!  Dinner is ready!" I called lovingly with my pink apron on and my cute little wifely smile.  We sat down to eat.  Hubs took  the first bite.  He didn't take a second bite.  I tried the chicken.  It tasted like... how do I say this... burnt cardboard?  I had followed the recipe exactly right!  Why did it work for other girls, but it didn't work for me? Hubs hugged me, told me it would be okay, and ordered a pizza.

Wifely failure number three came when we moved into our new apartment.  They told us we could paint the walls and decorate however we wanted, so I looked at some pictures online and figured, "Please.  This will be a piece of cake."

Carlos at Wal-mart advised me against it, but I insisted bright green would be the best color for the walls of our living room.  So naive.  So naive.  The color is nauseating, and after two weeks of looking at the lime green walls, I was certain I would die of a headache.  I was also certain that I was not cut out for this wifely business.

Yesterday I decided it was time to paint the bedroom.  My color choice?  Burnt orange. 

Don't mind if I do!

I did learn from my living room experience... instead of paint all four walls, I just painted one.  That way the color wouldn't be too overpowering.

HA!  Who's learning how to be a good wife now?

Our room before.  (I made it messy on purpose, please, our bedroom NEVER looks like this!)

A touch of orange.  Looks better, right?  RIGHT?!

The bedroom view from the living room.  Don't burnt orange and lime green go GREAT together?


  1. I like the burnt orange! It looks good in your room! I don't think the lime green looks so bad either, but then again I haven't actually seen it in person. Don't worry about the whole wifely duties thing. They all go out the window once you have kids. "What's for lunch?" "Uh, are you joking? The fridge is right there." I do cook dinner though, and that definitely took some time to get the hang of.

  2. I have the same bedroom set, and my hubby and I are actually painting our room orange and green to match the set!!! I love your orange bedroom wall, this helps me visualize what mine will look like when we get around to painting it!

  3. If you ever need help decorating/painting hit me up!! I can't cook worth a darn, but I can decorate like no one's business ;)