Tonight I went to the temple.
Mormon temples are different than Mormon churches. Anyone in the world can attend a church- we have church services every Sunday. Throughout the week we have a myriad of other activities at the church- crafts, basketball, dinners, you name it. But the temples are only for people who are ready to make serious commitments to God. There we make promises to God and in returned are promised awesome blessings. Church is only on Sunday, but you can go to the temple any day of the week. (Actually, they're closed on Sunday. For church. Go figure.)
Everything in the temple is repetition. It's the same words and promises every time. There is something very beautiful about this repetition, though. A promise that God is patient and kind, and that if I don't quite understand everything that's just fine. I can come back again and again and again until I do understand.
Tonight I really needed to feel that my Heavenly Father loves me. I know He does, but I guess sometimes I forget. More than anything I just wanted to feel that He is aware of my struggles, my desires, my crooked little heart. I needed to feel that I'm not alone.
It reminds me of when Greg or I come home after we've been out a few hours and Maverick jumps all over us like a crazed pup. He leaps and paws and frantically begs for attention until we bend down and show him love. We pet him and cuddle him and say, "I see you Maverick. I see you. I see you" and within a few minutes he calms right down. Greg has often asked out loud, "Do you think when we leave that he thinks we've just abandoned him forever? And every time we come home again it's just the hugest relief to him?"
Sometimes I feel like this with God. I guess sometimes I do a Maverick- I start frantically worrying that God's abandoned me. Does He see me? Does He know me? Does He love me? And all I really need is for Him to bend down and show me love and say, "I see you Bonnie. I see you. I see you."
That was what I got tonight from the temple. An "I see you from God" accompanied with an overwhelming sense of love. It is such a blessing to know that God is aware of me and my struggles and difficulties. That I am his daughter and he loves me and worries about me and wants me to be happy.
I guess sometimes little girls just need to know that their father is looking out for them.
(For more on Mormon temples go here. You are also always welcome to ask questions in the comment section, and I will be sure to respond. Or write an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) if you want it more personal. I answer a lot of common questions about Mormons in this post and this post.)