Boarded the train there's no getting off

(This isn't a very lovey dovey Valentine's Day post, 

but I wrote mine yesterday on why our relationship works.  

Link up if you haven't already and make sure to visit others' blogs who linked up.  

There are so many great posts.  I am overwhelmed!)

I used to totally hate poetry.  I didn't always get it, and I felt like because I couldn't see all the hidden meanings and the nuances that I was stupid.  Most people don't like things that make them feel stupid.  So I declared that I didn't like poetry and I officially quit on it forever.

Then I was asked to teach AP Literature.  The AP Lit curriculum has a huge focus on poetry so I had to kind of dive in head first with it this year, whether or not I liked it.

And guess what?
I liked it!

There's probably a lot of poems that still go over my head or that I don't pull all the intended meaning from.  But I've learned to be okay with that and I've learned that I can just take from the poem what I want to take from it and not worry about the rest.  John Green says "The book belongs to the reader," and I believe that with poems, too.  The poem belongs to the reader.

It doesn't hurt that poets are generally a straight up crazy group of people.  They're fun to study.  It's easy to get sucked into their lives and their poems because most of the time it's all totally whack.

Take Sylvia Plath, for example.  Her dad died when she was young, and she missed having a male influence in her life.  She met Ted Hughes in college and was absolutely infatuated with him.  They married and had two kids and when she found out he was cheating on her, she couldn't handle the grief and practically went mad. (Very interesting poem analyzing the similarities in her love for her dad and her husband is Daddy.)  She already had a history of mental illness, (once tried to kill herself by crawling under the house for several days) and Hughes' infidelity drove her over the edge.  She stayed up all night long writing poems while her two children slept, and at the age of 30 she killed herself by sealing all the doors in the kitchen, turning the gas on and sticking her head in the oven. She died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Now.  Tell me that's not an interesting story.  Even the seventeen year olds listen up with open ears on that one.

I enjoy a lot of Plath's poetry, and I also really liked her book The Bell Jar.  It's about her descent into madness, but she writes the story as if it were happening to someone else.  It's pretty short if you are looking for a short, crazy book to read for the weekend.

All that background just to introduce you to this poem by Plath.  I always give this poem to my students when I am introducing figurative language and metaphors, and see if they can figure out what event she is describing.  I usually have one in a class of forty who can crack the riddle.

METAPHORS
I'm a riddle in nine syllables,
Al elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils,
O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!
This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.
Money's new minted in this fat purse.
I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I've eaten a bag of green apples,
Boarded the train there's no getting off.

I'll give you a hint if you are struggling.  It has nine lines and each line has nine syllables...

Figured it out yet?

She's pregnant!

I really like this poem, and I strangely identify with Plath.  My students always think it's weird and not very nice of her that she's not more stoked about having a baby- that she seems so hesitant.  I always defend her- it's a fear of the unknown, and I relate to it.

Last night when I was walking the dog, the last line of the poem kept repeating itself through my head,
"Boarded the train there's no getting off.  Boarded the train there's no getting off."

For me, there is no getting off.  The thing that is growing inside of me will continue to grow until it is forced to leave my body via a very painful and scary process, a process that will also likely leave my body in shreds.  I will then be responsible for the care and health of this living thing until it is 18 years old.  I will then remain emotionally tied, connected and involved with this thing for the rest of my life.

So yes.  I've boarded a train.  There's no getting off.

It's not that I'm not completely stoked to be on the train.  I like the train! It's fun! I think!  It's a train that I always wanted to someday board.  But the thing is I've never been to the place this train is going.  The place is very unknown to me.  There's a lot of stuff I can't have in this new place that I used to enjoy in my old place- like weekends sleeping in until noon and spur of the moment trips to Las Vegas.  Once I get to where the train is going, I can never go back to the old place.  People who have been to the place before say that I will LOVE where this train is going.  But they also say this place is a lot of work and you don't sleep much for the first little while you are there, and that sometimes this place makes you want to tear your hair out.  But the place is so totally worth it, they say.

Most of the time I am incredibly excited to get to this place, and I wish the train would go faster.  I want to arrive at the destination now and discover the new place right away.  But then sometimes I am so scared of the train, and it seems to already be moving so terribly fast and gosh the train is too fast, why can't we just slow it down!?!  What if I made the wrong decision and I will hate it?  What if I will like the new place but the timing is all wrong and I really shouldn't be at this new place for another couple of years?  What if the new place is so terribly expensive and I can't afford it and I have to stop teaching and and and and and and...

Not to mention that who in the world am I to even get on this train? How do I have the nerve to think I deserve to go there or that I will be good at living in this new place?  (Just last night I received a comment on this post implying I shouldn't be a mother.  Most of the time I can brush mean blog comments off, but as I'm struggling a bit with my new role, I have to admit that this one stung.)

These are the thoughts that swirl around in my head when I'm walking my dog and watching my tummy grow.  I don't hear a lot of pregnant women say they are scared of the train, and sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one on board who feels doubt or fear.  I guess that's why I like Sylvia Plath.  I have no intention of sticking my head in an oven door, but that woman just gets me.

At the end of the day, I have to remember all the other times I felt fear or doubt and how it turned out.  I have to remember how scared I was to marry, how scared I was to teach high school for the first time, how scared I was to go to Argentina for 18 months, how scared I was to go to college and move away from home.  All of these things were scary at the moment, but have made my life whole and happy and beautiful.

I am who I am because of all those trains I boarded with no way of getting off. 

Why we work

We work because he tells me I'm pretty and because I can never get enough of his sexy jawline.

We work because he's willing to go to big get togethers with me on a weekend night as long as I promise to watch the next Transformers with him.

We work because he does the grocery shopping on a Saturday night when I have to chaperon a school dance and he buys the wrong kinds of lettuce and gets frazzled trying to find minced garlic and pineapple juice but he doesn't complain.

We work because when he says dirty, inappropriate things to me I reply, "Oh, that's so romantic!"  and I mean it.

We work because we are both passionate, stubborn people who hate to be wrong.  And because I won't let him leave the room when I'm trying to prove a point until he finally says, "Bonnie!  I am going to explode if you don't give me a minute!" and that's my cue that he means it and I need to stop arguing and give the boy some peace and quiet.

We work because he sends me texts that say "Great post today, Bon," and because he lets me write about him all over the internet and only gets mildly embarrassed when my great aunts know every last detail of his life.

We work because we pray together and we teach ten year olds about Jesus together and because we are so grateful to God for putting us in each others' paths.

We work because he puts an effort in with my big, loud family and because I have no complaints about small, intimate dinners out with his.

We work because he does accents and voices and then I do them back and he tells me my voices are an embarrassment to his craft, and that I have no training and I respond, "I SO SAWRY!" and he just laughs.

We work because he shows up at school unexpectedly to surprise me with lunch on his day off and he watches me teach and when the tikes file out he says "I don't know how you do this job."

We work because we support each other's dreams even though they're totally crazy and wild and because we both crave adventure and because when I say on Wednesday, "Do you want to go to Vegas this weekend?" he says yes and on Friday we're on our way.

We work because we both like the room cold when we sleep and the door shut.  Because we let the sheets go too long without changing them but neither one of us mind.  Because he lets me eat tortilla chips in bed and only gets mildly annoyed when the bed's filled with crumbs the next day.

We work because he watches The Kardashians with me.

We work because I buy his favorite energy drink at the gas station.

We work because he's a dreamer and I'm a realist.  Because I'm loud and he's quiet.  Because I save and he spends, because he follows rules and I break them all.

We work because we work.  Because we fight like crazy for our marriage and because we try to be better and kinder and more sensitive even though it can be so hard sometimes.  We work because we are crazy about each other even in the worst of times.  We work because I know he would do anything in the world for me at the drop of a hat and because he lets me know I am always his number one priority no matter what.

Both Taylor and I wrote our own Why We Work posts in honor of Vday and now it's your turn!  Take this chance to brag about your relationship. Of course you can write about your honey buns, but you don't have to limit it to significant others.  You can write about your mom, your pet, your best friend, whoever!  Tell us why it works, slap that image somewhere on the post and link up on the bottom!

Ugly babies. Parte dos.

People have said a lot of really nice things since Greg and I announced our happy news.

Things like:

You guys will be such great parents.
You guys will love it.
You two deserve it.
Your child will grow up learning love and respect for others.
You will have fun and crazy kids.

Those are some things people have told us.

No one has ever told us this:  You will have beautiful children.

I have seen many pregnancy announcements lately (it's in the water!), and I always read through the comments.  I have started to notice something.  When the parents are good looking people say, "Your child is going to be beautiful!"  When the parents are not good looking people say, "You will be great parents."

Greg and I have been told many times we will be great parents.

I suppose we do have a few things working against us.  We are both deathly pale.  There is no lack of freckles on our pasty skin.  Greg is a proud redhead.  My mouth is huge and when I smile it takes up my whole face.

So yah.  We've got some ugly possibilities for children.

These could be our future children.

I rest my case.

(Disclaimer:  All pictures were taken from self proclaimed "ugly babies".  I did not stalk anybody's personal photo albums and grab pictures of their children.  In some cases these babies are being paid a lot of money for their unique look.  The boy in the green bunny shirt, for example.)

Before I forget, I have to tell you something.  Tomorrow Taylor and I are doing a "Why we work" linkup in celebration of Valentine's Day.  We will be writing about why our relationships with our significant others "work."  Of course, we'd love to have you join us.  You don't have to write on significant others, either; you can write on any relationship that works in your life. (Mom, best friend, child, dog, WHOEVER!)  Look no further for a cute Valentine's day post, my friends!  Stop by tomorrow or Friday and link on up!

And now, I am turning the rest of the time over to Kate.  Something is in the air, but I feel like the guest posters here at Life of Bon have seriously stepped it up a notch.  Kate absolutely nails it in this hilarious post on how to manage through a snowstorm.  Given that most of us have seen our fair share of snow this year, (California and Arizona, you keep quiet!) I think we can all relate!

Good Morrow, Life of Bon readers! Now, I know what you are already thinking--you're thinking, "quit trying to make 'good morrow' happen Kate, it's not going to happen!" Never fear, readers, if Gretchen Weiners can make fetch happen, then Kate Thomas can make Good Morrow happen!

Now that we've got our Mean Girls references out of the way, let me formally introduce myself--I'm Kate, from Thoroughly Modern, and I write a "lifestyle" blog. "Lifestyle" is a nice little catch-all phrase for us bloggers who aren't hardcore fashion, recipe, or DIY divas. Don't worry! I post the occasional #ootd, and I'm beginning to post more recipes as I work on Project Gryffindor. I also like to talk about my love of music, guilty pleasure television, and our puppy child, Millicent (Millie).

The tagline of Thoroughly Modern is "life as a power couple." We don't actually believe we are a Brangelina-type power couple, but it sure makes life more interesting to ask yourself "What Would a Power Couple Do?"

What would a Power Couple do in a snowfall? Have a photo shoot, of course.

Here in Virginia, we're gearing up for another snowstorm, which I'm sure all of you in Utah and other colder parts of the states will consider a "light dusting." This has been a tough winter, and I commend all of you who put up with worse during the winter, because I am about to go crazy. In the meantime, I would love to share with all of you how a Power Couple faces a snowstorm.

1. Stock up on essential beverages--milk, water, coke, orange juice, champagne, and don't you DARE forget the Godiva hot chocolate mix.

2. Stock up on other essentials: bacon, cheese, carbs, and chocolate.

3. Make sure your yoga pants and other sweats are cleaned and ready to be put to use, because you're not leaving the house for days.

Lookin' good, right?! Nobody cares on a snow day!

4. Find that list you made of all the things you want to get done around your house. Do one thing, cross it off the list, then spend the rest of the day watching Netflix. Go ahead--you earned it!

5. Forbid everyone else in the house from showering, washing dishes, etc. You are going to need all the hot water you can get for your bubble baths.

6. Browse Netflix for a really good, guilty pleasure tv show you can waste away your day watching. I recommend Pretty Little Liars or Gossip Girl, but maybe not Walking Dead. Save that for a time when you aren't in the middle of a potential snowpocalypse.

7. Have your go-to list of pizza delivery on hand, so you're prepared in case of an emergency.

8. Cross your ears, fingers, and toes and hope that the power doesn't go out, but if it does, head down to the state-of-the-art bunker you had installed in case of an emergency like this (duh, every power couple has at least one!).

Friends, if you follow my advice, we all might make it to see the greenery of spring bloom another day.

Meanwhile, I'll be dreaming of being in Costa Rica.

Thanks for letting me share today, and I hope to see you all around my blog soon!

All Love,

Kate

Should bloggers blog "for fun"?

These are my friends.  I like them.  

I always cock my head like an idiot for pictures.

Because I mentioned it yesterday, I feel like it would be fair to tell you that Greg and I did see our little baby hopping around on an ultrasound today, and we did get a good idea of the gender.  We are not 100% sure yet, though, so for now we are going to keep mum.  I decided the timing and the way in which we announced the pregnancy so Greg is in charge of revealing the gender.  All I know is that it may involve a cauldron and a prophecy, and it will for sure come in the moment you are least expecting it.  Ladies and gentlemen, my husband.

Now.  Onward!

Today I want to write a little about good old blogging.  I know blogging about blogging has gotten a bit old and I get kind of tired of it, too.  But sometimes I have these new thoughts in my head that need to rest somewhere and sometimes these thoughts are about blogging and so they must rest on a blog.  Still with me?

A few weeks ago Whitney wrote this post entitled "Writing for Fun."  The general idea of the post was this- Whitney started blogging years ago "for fun", and while she now receives some monetary compensation, she would still blog five days a week without any money.  She is frustrated with the idea that many bloggers seem to only blog to generate revenue and that "So many bloggers are, practically, selling their souls to get views instead of focusing on what the actual purpose of blogging is. To write."  (Did I summarize your main arguments correctly, Whit?  Let me know if I messed anything up!)

I wrote a huge long comment on her blog.
And then I kept thinking about it.  
And thinking about it.
And finally decided it merited a blog post of its very own.  A rebuttal, if you will.  Because I'm an English teacher, and I like to rebut things and I like to use words like rebut.  Boo-yah!

1.  I, too, can get annoyed with blogs that turn themselves purely to sponsored content.  Tis true.  Who doesn't?  HOWEVER, I try to be patient with these bloggers as I realize they are going through some growing pains, and one of two things will inevitably happen.  1- the blogger will figure out the balance and continue with enough regular, non sponsored, genuine content to maintain an audience or 2- the blogger will self destruct through sponsorship.  She will drive off her audience with too many sponsored posts, and she will either stop blogging or blog on a much smaller platform, unable to keep a large audience satisfied.  Usually the former happens- bloggers figure it out.  And if they don't, they lose a lot of their audience.  It's pretty simple.

2.  I don't believe a blogger has to be willing to blog five days a week for free in order to be a pure or a passionate or a good blogger.  The fact of the matter is there are a lot of things that we may enjoy doing, but still probably wouldn't do without receiving some kind of compensation.  I don't think it's fair that as a blogging culture we expect bloggers to be willing to produce content five times a week with no pay.  Most bloggers with a fairly large platform do receive some kind of compensation, but just the idea that all bloggers should love it so freaking much to come here every day regardless of pay is expecting too much of bloggers.  No one has ever asked me to show up to school and teach without pay.  No one has ever told me that unless I'm willing to do it for free that I don't really have a passion and love for it.  I do have a passion for it, and I do love it.  I hope to teach throughout my entire life.  I get great satisfaction and fulfillment from teaching- I teach a subject I love, I grow and learn as a person, I form meaningful and lasting relationships with students and co-workers.  

But. 
I wouldn't do it without pay.

So how about blogging?  Would I be writing this post right now if I didn't receive compensation from my blog and want to continue to do so?  Nope.  It's 10:42, I have been up since 6:10, the day has been a nonstop Monday, I still need to read 30 pages before I teach my AP class tomorrow, my stomach is being fussy.  

So, no.  I wouldn't show up to blog tonight if I weren't receiving some kind of pay.  That doesn't mean I lack for passion.  It means I lack for "It's 10:30 and I'm exhausted, but I love blogging so freaking much that I will blog right now for no other reason other than pure, unadulterated love!"  Fair enough?

3.  If you start a blog with the sole purpose of making money, and then you do, in fact, make hordes of money with purely sponsored content- more power to you!  Blogging is a very tough business, so anyone who can manage to make any money at all from it has mastered something about the art.  I know there are people who start blogs with the pure intent to make money.  I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with that.  It may be ridiculously hard, and it may take them months or even years, but if they start rolling in the dough and generate a sick income and sponsor the crap out of their blog- then freak.  Good for them.  If that's where they want to take their blog and they can maintain an audience doing it, who am I to tell them not to?  They're baby geniuses!  I know that I sure as heck haven't figured out how to do that. I'm not going to look down on anything for figuring out how to make a buck or two off of an internet site.

4.  Blogging is a versatile platform and can serve a myriad of purposes.  In her post Whitney said that "So many bloggers are, practically, selling their souls to get views instead of focusing on what the actual purpose of blogging is. To write."  I agree with Whitney in the sense that my purpose in blogging is definitely to write.  I love to write and I love that blogging allows me to publish when I want what I want, and it allows me to receive immediate feedback from readers.  I love the dialogue that it creates and the community of support.  There is no doubt about it- writing is my main goal with blogging.

But a lot of blogs have nothing to do with writing and are still very successful.  Some blogs are for pictures, some are for making your homes look purty, some are for food, some are for oogling over pictures of babies or dogs.  Some are for couponers, some are for fashion divas, some are for travel.  

A lot of these blogs write. A lot don't.  I don't believe the "actual purpose" of blogging has to be to write- I believe that writing is only one of its many, many purposes.  And that is what's so great about blogging- you can use it for anything you want, baby!

Alright, now it's time for you to chime in.  Do you think a blog should stay true to its roots and stick to the basics of writing and blogging?  Are you okay when your favorite blogs start showing a lot of sponsored content?  And would you ever tell your favorite blogger that you were disappointed in the direction her blog was going?  Can't wait to hear your thoughts, and I will be responding to all comments on this post!

My husband's got a lot of nerve

16 weeks.

Special thanks to Brooke for the pictures.

Jacket:  Choies
Blouse: c/o Chicnova
Pants: Papaya (old- similar here)
Boots: Old Navy

What Greg said to me this weekend:

"I'm not looking forward to you giving birth."

Oh really?  You're not looking forward to it?

That boy has got some nerve.

What else Greg said to me this weekend- on our way to the movie:

"I don't like how you've changed me, Bonnie.  I can't believe I'm going to the movie ten minutes late.  This never would have happened before I married you."

What can I say?  I try to use my influence for good in this world!

Also, just so you know, we were on our way to the Lego movie at 12:45 on a Saturday afternoon and it was sold out.  You know you live in Utah when...

The best part about it all is that Greg stopped at the gas station on our way to the movies to buy a Bahama Mama, also known as a hot dog from hell.  Lots of spices.  He dropped me off to get tickets while he parked the car and then crammed the entire hot dog down his throat just in time for me to tell him that the movie was sold out.  That's how you guarantee yourself an afternoon full of trips to the bathroom.

Saturday night I had to chaperon a school formal dance.  All I know is I have now seen enough cleavage to die a thousand deaths.  Or something.

Last night I was awoken in the middle of the night by an infuriated couple screaming outside our window.  All I can say for sure is that there were A LOT of f words.  I was mildly annoyed, but mostly I was just grateful that it wasn't me on the street screaming f words at my husband in the middle of the night.  It's the little things in life, you know?

We've enjoyed watching the olympics, but it's a bit hard to enjoy it with Greg sitting next to me.  Greg spent two years on an LDS mission in Russian so mostly he keeps getting mad at the announcers for mispronouncing everything.  Well, we can't all speak as perfectly as Greg, now can we?  One day.  One day.

This afternoon Greg and I have a doctor's appointment for the unknown object that is growing inside of me... the doc said that he would "peek" for us and see if we couldn't figure out the gender. It's still early so it might be hard to tell, but our hopes are high!  I'm feeling boy.  So let it be written, so let it be done.

I'm gonna steal some souls and give away some money!

So I have this bad habit.  Sometimes I read gomi.  Gomi stands for get off my internets which is basically a site where anonymous people write all the reasons why they can't stand certain bloggers.  Sounds real warm and cozy, right?

Now, I know full well that I shouldn't look at that site to see what mean stuff is being written about me. But I can't help it.  It is impossible.  You show me a person who can look away from crap being written about her and I will show you a person who has incredible self control and discipline.  That person is not me.  (Although I will admit that some of the criticism has been helpful.  Maybe one day I'll write about that.  Not today.)

Last night I noticed a bit of traffic trickling in from gomi, and so naturally I checked to see what things were being said.  

A few days ago I posted this picture of me eating Cafe Rio:

The anonymous commenter, TitWitch, posted this about the picture: "I see a woman who is going to eat a baby with a taco salad side and then steal some souls."

We gotta give it up right now for TitWitch.  That comment is pure gold.  I didn't mean to, but I burst into laughter the minute I read that description. It's brilliant. Eating babies and stealing souls while downing a taco salad side... Genius.  I wonder what it was that gave me a way?  The lazy eye?  The huge grin?  Or was it maybe THE CLENCHED FIST?!?

And that is why you visit gomi. 

NOW it is time for the February giveaway.  The ladies below have all pooled in their hard earned cash to give away to one of you lucky readers.  $170 big ones any way you want it.  I hope you take some time to visit their blogs and send some love- there are some seriously fantastic bloggers in the group.

This was the message from last month's giveaway winner after I told her she won:  "Holler!Omgosh Omgosh no way!!!!!! This is such good timing as i have a car repair to pay for and those of course never come at a good time. Super stoked. PayPal is fine! This email I'm emailing you from is my  PayPal email. This email totally made my day. Thank you so so much!"  You could be next, ya'll!  Enter on the rafflecopter below.

+ $30 Etsy Shop Credit to onebrokegirlinaus

+ Stamped Necklace as seen here

Modern Tulip// Thoroughly Modern// Travel Babbles/ 1 Broke Girl

The Fairy Princess Diaries// Love Woke Me up this Morning// Not Before my Tea// Meet with a Smile

Jan M Loves// The Style Optimist

The winner will be chosen February 14, 2014.  All entries will be verified. Giveaway is open to international readers with a paypal account.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Teens are a little bundle of emotional death and other things parents should know.

All excerpts of student writing are used with the student's written consent.  All pictures of students are used with written consent from the student and guardian.

Recently I had my students write a "warm up" on what they think every parent needs to know about raising teenagers.  Here are just some of the freaking gold mine answers I go.  Teens for the win!

“ I think they need to know that they are a little bundle of emotional death! Most teens freaking suck! But then some are ahead of their generations and very wise, while others get high and flip their hair every two seconds! Ah! Teens…shipping them to boarding school is your best option."

“I feel like you are going to get a lot of interesting responses with this.  People are going to say stuff like 'Well, since my parents don’t get me everything I want I hate them and hope they die.  Also I have no job and don’t pay for my car or cell phone.' Then there will be one girl, there always is, who will blame her colossally b****y attitude on a combination of hormones and the way her parents supposedly treat her.  Then she will offer up the classic Marilyn Monroe quote, “If you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best,” which isn’t anything except a license to be a huge b****." (Very observant kid- also hates his peers)

“Teens are just a handful!”

“Parents should know that all teens are hungry and they need something to eat when they come home from school and parents should ask the teens what do you like to eat and what do you want from me and I will do it for you.”  (Well, geez, wouldn't we all love that?)

"Parents usually say, "When I was your age..."  Well mom, dad that was 30 years ago so much has changed that you don't even know about.  My mom asks me to help her know how to turn on her computer.  Teenagers need more management than babies often do, but also require less attention than babies."  (WHAT?!?)

Yep.  I'm teaching Baby Einsteins over here and I love every second of it.

Well.  Maybe not every second.  But you get the gist.

P.S. If you're in the market for a new blog, may I recommend Zia's?  She's from Indonesia, used to call the U.S. home and is now living in Germany.  I love her international stories and experiences.  Also, this post entitled "I don't care if you blog for money" and the comments that followed were particularly interesting to me.  A great read if you've got a couple of minutes to spare.

I'm not scared to be a mom. I'm scared of other moms.

I've been a bit scared lately.

Let's see, what in the world could I be scared of?  I'm having my first child so to name a few...
+ Gaining anywhere from 25-50 pounds.
+ Pushing a child out of my body.  Pain.  Lots and lots of pain.
+ The possibility of needing a C Section
+ Never getting sleep again.
+ Paying for a child.
+ Baby poop.
+ Dealing with a sick baby.
+ BREASTFEEDING.  (This is terrifying to me.  I had a nightmare last night about 1. trying to breastfeed and 2. about dogs.  I'll let your imagination take over from there.  Too many parenting magazines and too much Grapes of Wrath, I suppose) (And if you get the Grapes of Wrath reference you get five extra credit points.)

The truth is, though, that what I'm most scared of is other moms.  I don't know if I'm cut out for their world.  Especially the young, cute, "hipster" moms that are running around with their kids with creative names and adorable clothes and it's like they just got the whole freaking world figured out.  And if you don't got the world figured out like them, they will judge the crap out of you for it.  I don't have the world figured out at all nd I'm not counting on it anytime soon so I don't know that I'll really be wowing a lot of mommies.  I might name my kid something super regular like John and I probably won't buy him very cool clothes and I might just give him ice cream whenever his chubby little cheeks ask for it.

I guess what I don't like about the "mom community" is that I don't feel that it is very supportive.  Mostly it feels competitve and judgy.  I've been out of the pregnant closet for two weeks and so far I have already felt extremely judged on decisions I'm making.  Little decisions too.  Stupid decisions. This is always from other moms, people who don't have kids yet don't give this vibe at all.  I didn't go to a doctor until 12 weeks and I had a bunch of moms in a forum asking me why I wouldn't "want to go to a doctor as soon as possible"- like I was doing my baby some harm by sitting on my couch instead.  It just felt so weird to me- like all of a sudden I had to justify my actions to a bunch of ladies I have never met.  If you must know, moms, I didn't go earlier because I don't like doctors and because I felt fine and because I was confused about my insurance benefits.  Satisfied?

And then there's the judgy feeling because I ate a sandwich with deli meat (gasp!), I took a hot bath (Oh my!), or I drank a nice big coke.  (Say it ain't so!)  Who are these people that have time to get onto forums and send mean messages to someone they've never met because they ate a sandwich?  And why do they care?

Not to mention, that I haven't even had the baby yet!  I have read so much stuff online from moms about why you absolutely should or should not vaccinate your child.  Should or should not have a natural childbirth.  Should or should not breastfeed.  Should or should not co sleep.  It's enough to make me go insane with all of these women judging each other and deciding how everyone else should parent.  Who the heck cares?

 I've heard women say some pretty mean things about other women who are just trying their hardest to raise their children.  Things like "she didn't try hard enough to breastfeed," and "she's always on her phone in front of her kids," and "her kids eat too much fast food."  And I just have to wonder if by having a kid I am merely setting myself up for a lifetime of being judged?  I already know that I'm going to mess up a lot, and I don't need no hoitey toitey moms watching my every move and taking notes of all the ways in which I'm not perfect.  I'm already very aware, thanks.

Is this just me?  Obviously I'm not part of the "mom community" yet so I am an onlooker noting on what I think I observe from the outside.  I'm just hoping and praying that by the time July rolls around I can admit to being lost and confused without worrying about receiving the condemnation of hundreds of women in the exact same boat as me.  Is it too much to ask?  Can we just all be on the same side here?

P.S.  A film that Greg is in is needing some extra funding.  It's super easy to donate and the best thing is you get 100% of the money back that you donate through gift cards.  For example, if you shop at Starbucks anyway, just buy $25 worth of Starbucks gift cards and it goes straight to funding this project.  It's a great way to encourage independent filmmakers.  Click here to check it out and to watch the two minute promo video.  Greg is adorable in it, if you are into adorable gingers.

And then there was Cafe Rio

I appear to be in quite the conundrum.

Greg has up and booked it on me.  He's in Chicago worrying about big important stuff and I'm at home worrying about little, not important stuff.  Like dinner.

You see, more than anything I want Cafe Rio.  I need it in a "Give this pregnant woman a burritio NOW" kind of way. But Cafe Rio is 15 minutes away.  And it's freezing cold.  And I have plenty of food at home. AND I'm home alone.  If it weren't for the home alone part I'd be there straight away.  Something about going out to eat all by yourself just depresses the bejeebies out of me.  Like I have so little control over my sweet pork cravings that I will show up 100% alone and eat dinner by myself on a cold winter's night for a little taste of a burrito?  Yes.  Definitely too depressing.

So now I'm eating nasty frozen vegetables that I heated up in the microwave and looking at pictures of Cafe Rio.  Worst dinner idea ever.

These pictures are really sweet because they were taken after our first baby doc appointment.  When I look at these pictures I just see happiness.  Also, if any of you out-of-staters are ever in town for a visit, you call me up and I will treat you to some Cafe Rio asap.  It's the best part about Utah! (Well, our national parks are pretty tight, too.)

For the rest of the day I've got Maegen taking over.  Ever since I announced my pregnancy news my guest posters have been writing killer pregnancy posts!  I swear, all I had to do was get pregnant to cure writer's block for all bloggers everywhere!  Kidding.  Kind of.  I have just been so impressed with the guest posts that have been submitted to me lately, and this one is no exception.  Maegen's six reasons to be jealous of a pregnant women are HILARIOUS.  Make sure to stop by her blog (or brand new boutique!) and show her some love.

Hello fellow Life of Bon lovers! I'm Maegen from The Modern Tulip blog and The Modern Tulip boutique and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't both thrilled and intimidated by being on Bonnie's blog today talking to all of you! I know guest posts are not our favorites, but I thought, "Hey! If I talk about Bonnie, maybe they'll all stick around"! So that's what I'm going to do. Actually, I'm going to tell you why I'm jealous of Bonnie and her greatest news yet! 

I present to you...

one. Pregnant women get to eat whatever the heck they want, whenever they want, no questions asked. This might be my biggest jealousy yet. When I crave Fritos with mustard Jon looks at me like I've gone half mad! If I'm dreaming of 20 hot wings with ranch and a side of fries at 2am Jon tells me to go back to sleep. It's not fair. If I was pregnant I could blame it on the baby and we'd be on our way to Buffalo Wild Wings before the crack of dawn. 

two. They are the center of attention. Everyone wants to talk to the pregnant woman. "How are you feeling"? "What's the gender"? "What are your symptoms"? It's like something draws us to pregnant woman. We want to know everything. They are the highlight of the show.

three. You get to have a belly without judgement. Now I know some pregnant women are hormonal about people talking about this. My sister-in-law was never happy when people mentioned her stomach. But I don't think I'd mind people talking about how large my stomach has gotten during my pregnancy or even touching it for that matter. It's not because you are fat, for goodness sake. There is a growing life inside of you! It's the one time in life your expected to have a belly without ridicule. Now ask me this question if I'm ever pregnant and see if I still feel the same way!

four. The mood swings. Have mercy, I'd love to be able to blame my angry rants or emotional breakdowns on the life growing inside of me! Instead I only have a 5 day window every 28 days as an excuse. #notfair

five. The maternity clothes. It's not everyday you have a legitimate excuse to go buy new clothes. Even though it's probably annoying that you can't wear some of your favorites pieces in your closet, I find the thought of going and buying a full set of new clothes just for this phase of your life exciting. Not to mention maternity clothes are cuter than non-maternity clothes nine times out of ten.

six. They are hitting a milestone that most of us women dream about. If you are like me, you have dreamt of being a mother for a long time. There is a natural jealousy when it comes to seeing other women hit that milestone in their lives. The major beauty in it is The Lord has the perfect time for all of us!

Come visit me however you prefer via my Blog, Twitter, Instagram, Bloglovin or Facebook. There will be no chronicles of a pregnant woman just yet, but I can ensure there will be sarcasm and many cocktails. One of the few reasons I'm not jealous of pregnant women! Cheers!

January + February goals

15 weeks.

Feeling great.

Coat: Nordstrom

Dress:  Target (old, similar here)

Skirt: Forever 21 (I am wearing a black skirt under the striped dress because the skirt wasn't quite long enough for me.  I'm quite the trickster, right?)

Tights: Target

Shoes: H & M (old, similar here.)

Headwrap: American Eagle

Bracelet: c/o Frontrow Shop

Sunglasses:  The dollar store.  (Every spring I buy about ten $1 pair of sunglasses from the dollar store and by October I'm lucky if I can find one.  I can't trust myself with nice things.)

I've been trying for a long time to figure out how in the world to wear these red tights.  I bought them in October and by Saturday I still hadn't worn them once.  I love them but they screamed too loud with everything I tried to wear them with and sp with every outfit.  Finally I figured out that mixing black with the red was my ticket.  A perfect Valentines Day look, if you will.

Also, do you notice how freaking legit these photos look?  Aubrey and I both had a bit of free time late Saturday afternoon so we got together to try to figure out our cameras a little bit and snap some pictures.  I am trying to look less like a hobo on my blog so there's that.

At the beginning of the year you may remember that I set some resolutions.  There was a lot I wanted to get done and thinking about all of it for 2014 completely overwhelmed me, so I decided to tackle one resolution at a time.  Twelve resolutions, twelve months.  So far this is the best thing I have ever done in terms of getting goals accomplished.  All this month I have had one main goal to focus on and it has allowed me to be successful.  Here's how I did:

THE GOAL FOR JANUARY:  REFOCUS ON BLOGGING

Written on January 2: "I have felt a bit "off" my blogging game the past few months, so I want to refocus and get back on track.  My blog has been an extremely satisfying and rewarding experience for me, and I would like for it to continue to be so."  (Original writing in bold, end of the month check in written in italics.)

Sub goals:

- Respond to 100% of blog comments left in January:  I did well on this, but I didn't quite reach the 100%.  This announcement made it extremely tough to reply to all comments, but I would say that I responded to 80-90% of comments.  I actually loved this, and a few posts in it became habit.  I feel like this really helped me to connect with readers and I loved having that sustained interaction with you all.

- Host a link up: My resolution post was a link up, my book club post was a link up, and on February 12 Taylor and I are planning an awesome pre Valentines Day link up, so keep your eyes peeled for that.

- Find an effective way to  advertise and increase audience (any suggestions here?)  I am still struggling with this, although I do have a couple of ideas swimming around in my head.  I am sponsoring a couple of big kahuna blogs in the next couple of months so hopefully that will help drive some traffic over here.

- Start blogger round tables again.  Check!  Wednesday night we had our first roundtable in six months.  Elisabeth gave us the basic scoop on photography and it was so fun to sit with a small group of girls and talk blog.  Definitely a success!

- Develop deeper connections within the blogging community:  Check!  I credit this to being more interactive with the comments- responding to comments helped me notice more who was often leaving comments and allowed me to make many more connections.  I also went to a blogger get together and met some new friends and connected with bloggers through the round tables as well.

EXTRA:  I held my first "fashion" shoot and learned to use my camera just a little bit better.  I applied for a couple of media companies that link blogs with brands and heard back positively.  I had the most pageviews I've ever had in a single month and wrote some of my favorite posts I've ever written (this one, this one, this one, and this one.)  I felt very grateful for blogging this month and the blessings it has brought into my life.  January goal- SUCCESS!

Well, that was fun!  I am hoping to continue with most of those habits into the next month.  I won't make as big of an effort to respond to the comments on every post, but I will for sure respond to all the comments on at least one or two posts a week.  

And now, it's on to February!  Bigger and better goals, people!  February's goal...

Written on January 2:

"FEBRUARY:  WRITE A BOOK

Even just writing that out makes me sick to my stomach.  I have always wanted to write a book, but have been plagued by fear.  Fear of failure, yes, but also fear of the extreme amount of time and energy and dedication it will take.  Who knows if the book will ever get published, but I'm tired of not trying.

Subgoals:
-Write five days a week for 1-3 hours."

Tomorrow is day one. 

Yah, baby.

Also, I'm doing a bit of unofficial research for my blog- I'd be very grateful if you would answer the question below...  I first posted the question on facebook and everyone answered facebook.  Then I posted it on twitter and everyone answered twitter.  Hmmm... I figured I better ask it on a "non biased" platform, so here you are.

What social media site do you use the most?