The Life of Bon: Keeping away from the Kardashians

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Keeping away from the Kardashians

Lately I have been quite into reality TV.

Oh wait, did I just say lately? I meant always.

It's my guilty pleasure. I just can't get enough of it. Watching people's crazy lives spill out all over television for the whole world to see is like a little piece of chocolate chip heaven for me.

I've had an obsession with the Kardashians for a long time now.  But because of severals weeks without cable, I resorted to watching whatever reality TV that netflix had to offer.  The answer was Teen Mom.  The show's about four girls who got knocked up when they were sixteen and are now trying to figure out life with a baby. The relationships with the men in their lives involve lots of namecalling, screaming profanities, and lying.  All the girls fight constantly with their parents. Many of them have nowhere secure to live, no jobs, no high school education. 

I sit there and watch it and then when I turn it off I just feel so darn good about myself and my beautiful life. I've got my own place to live, a school that allows me to brainwash their students every day, a car that runs great, money in the bank, and Hubs who dances in the kitchen for me. Life is pretty good.  Pretty dang good I tell you!

Then we got our cable back.  Halla-Kardashian-llujah! No more resorting to Teen Mom! Back to the days of classy reality TV! 

Anxious to catch up with what I missed, I dived right into an episode of the Kardashians on vacation.  I watched the clan prance around Tahiti, I watched Kim cry because she lost a $75,000 earring, I watched them eat every meal out, I watched the group rent jet skis and go deep sea diving. After I turned off the TV, I didn't feel too good about my life. 

"Hubs?  Can we go to Tahiti?" I called from the living room.
"With what money?" 
"I don't know.  Can't we have more money somehow?"
"You need more money?"
"Because the Kardashians have lots of money.  You know they've never cut a coupon in their life."
"I don't think you should watch that show anymore."

I stopped complaining.  The last thing I wanted was Hubs to ban me from watching the Kardashians.  But I dreamt of Tahiti and went unhappily to work the next morning.  Some people don't even have to wake up early to go to work. (*Ahem* every member of the Kardashian family, I'm talking to you.) 

Yesterday I turned on the TV to see if there was any more drama the Kardashians needed me to to keep up with.  And, oh, was there ever!  The wedding special!  (Hubs said I would be greatly limiting my audience if I ever started posting about The Kardashians. But I heard on the radio that 10.5 million people watched Kim's wedding, so I'll show you limiting my audience. HA! Take that, Hubs!)  Gleefully I popped a bowl of popcorn and saddled up on the couch, not planning to move until I had tearfully witnessed Kim's beautiful "I do's".  I watched Kris Jenner plan endless details for the most extravagant wedding mankind has ever seen. I watched as Kim carefully placed diamond earrings, necklace, bracelet, and tiara on her perfectly cut and colored hair. I watched Kim walk down the aisle and was only a little jealous that she got three dresses and I only got one.  (And that one was hard enough to find on it's own, I'll tell you that much!)  

I turned off the TV.
"Hubs? Will you buy me a diamond bracelet?" I called from the living room.
"With what money?"
"I don't know. Can't we have more money somehow?"  This conversation was starting to feel very dej-a-vu.
"You need more money?"
"Have you been watching the Kardashians in there?"
"No."  I lied.

I looked around our cozy little apartment that I love.  Suddenly it seemed very shabby.  And dirty.
"Someone needs to clean up these dishes!  I've done enough dishes for the rest of my life!  I'm through cleaning up around here!"  I yelled to Hubs. 
Some might say I was acting a bit... Kardahsian-like?
Hubs ignored my sudden rant. "Come to bed, it's late.  You should have been asleep half an hour ago."  Sometimes Hubs can act quite parental with me.

I trudged into the bedroom and crawled under the sheets, pouting all the way.  Even Hubs cuddling up to me couldn't cheer me up. 
Suddenly, I remembered I still needed to take a shower.
It was as if my world were falling apart.
"Oh my gosh!  I forgot I still have to take a shower!!!"  (Imagine very whiny voice here.)
"Ok, go hop in, and I'll time you.  See if you can beat your last time."  Hubs knows me well.  Make it a game and I'm all about it. 
Well it didn't work this time.
"I'm too tired!  I hate taking showers!"
I started kicking my legs and pounding my fists in the sheets. 
"I don't want to take a shower!  I don't want to wake up early tomorrow!  I don't want to go to work in the morning!  I just want to lay around and have someone else do everything for me!"
Hubs waited until I quieted down.
And he said the three words I'd been dreading,
"No more Kardashians."

As much as I hate to admit it, Hubs is right.  The show is having a bad effect on me.  Sudden outbursts, spoiled demands, and pounding fists isn't the norm for this girl.  I need a show that will make me feel good about my life.

Join me this afternoon for Teen Mom?

1 comment:

  1. DON'T WATCH TEEN MOM. Just watch Kardashians. Come to my house and you can enjoy all of the latest episodes in style. Don't tell Greg about this comment that will be listed under the blog.