The Life of Bon: Excuses Excuses

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Excuses Excuses

From the corner of my eye I could see James fiddling suspiciously under his desk.  I'd seen this a million times before and don't you think for a second I was tricked by what was going on.  This wasn't some innocent thumb twiddling, oh, no, no.

It was texting!  In class!

My poor, deprived students aren't allowed to use their electronics at all in my class.  Can you imagine having a teacher so strict?!  It must be so hard on the poor little darlings!  Really, I don't know how they cope!

"James give me your phone and you can have it back after school." I said before he could even realize what was going on.
"What?"  James jerked up, faking dumb.  Oh please, I have seen that fake dumb look countless times in my life.
"I know you're using your phone under there."
"Yah, but I wasn't texti--"
"James, either give me the phone now or you can go down and talk to the vice principal about it, I don't really care either way."

That shut him up quick.  All you've got to do with teenagers these days is raise your voice a bit and mention a vice principal and those kids would lick garbage if you asked them to.

No, I'm not power hungry, why do you ask?

James handed over the phone reluctantly, whining as he did so, "What am I supposed to do in seminary now?"

I'm sorry to tell you, my friend, but that is not my problem.

The instant the bell rang at the end of the day, James was in my classroom begging for the phone back.  I'm such a Hard A though, I make my students write me an apology letter before I'll ever return their beloved electronic.  You know, something along the lines of "I am so so sorry I showed grave disrespect to you and your rules by using my cell phone.  You are such a fantastic teacher and I'm an idiot for not being totally immersed in your lesson anyway, and I hereby and hereforth vow to never pull out my phone in your class again. Amen and Amen!" 

You know, something along those lines.

Somehow, James apology note topped all the previous ones:

Dear Teacher,
I can't believe you took away my phone, I thought I was your favorite student.  After all, you're my favorite teacher.  Anyway, me and Brad were comparing abs (mine are better) and that's when you saw us and took away my phone (and didn't take away Brad's!) It's okay though, I know I'm probably still your favorite.  It won't happen again.
Yep.  Best excuse note ever.  My favorite part is when he says "It's okay"  as though I was nervous that I wasn't going to be his favorite because I took his phone away.  Please, James, I'm not nervous about nothing!

Now, if you've got 15 minutes to burn, I invite you to partake in my acting debut.  Below is Hubs and his comedy club and their digital short series, "Stages."  It is the story of how they formed their club.  Supposedly I'm the evil one who is duping Hubs into believing that I am in love with him, but really I just want to destroy the club.  Sounds like me, doesn't it?

Highlights include me stuffing a Saltine cracker in Hubs' mouth and a Harry Potter wand fight.  You can't ask for much more than that, people.

What do you think? Do I give Hubs a run for his money in acting?!?!


  1. Second wand! I didn't have 19 minutes to watch this, so I skipped through it. Totally worth it.

  2. So very hilarious. I laughed out loud (several times).

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