My whole life I have been a step behind all the other girls my age.
You want an example of this, you say? No problem. I was flat as a board and looked like I was eight when my friends were hitting puberty. By the time I reached puberty, my friends were laps ahead of me, now staying out all night kissing boys. When I finally arrived at the kissing-boy stage, all my friends were already in college. I tried to catch them at college, being single and carefree, but by that time they were all getting married. In March I thought I had caught up for good when I finally tied that knot and settled down.
"Look who's the late bloomer now! I'm married! Take that!" I yelled triumphantly to my friends.
But they were all too busy taking care of kids and being pregnant to hear my yell.
Yep. Still one lap ahead of me on this never ending racetrack.
And like always, I'm not ready. Hey, I haven't even been married for a year, there's no rush to have babies yet, right? Oh, but some would disagree. I'm 25, going on 26 and we all know a womb doesn't last forever! Those eggs are getting rusty in there. Time to get going!
And the honest, sincere truth is that I do know that I want babies, and I know that I need to have babies, and I know that not having babies and spending all my time playing volleyball, sleeping in, and going out to eat is a selfish lifestyle, not a celestial lifestyle.
But I just can't do it yet.
So I made a deal with God. I do that sometimes, you know. Like the time when I knew that God wanted me to go on a mission. And I was scared. So scared. And I didn't really want to go yet, but I knew I had to. So I told God, "Okay, I'll do it. I'll go on a mission. But you have to promise me that I don't get called to Russia. Or Idaho."
I got called to Argentina. God kept his part of the bargain and three months later I was on a plane to Argy.
My recent deal with God was similar.
"I'll have those babies. By golly, I'll have em. And I'll take good care of them, and I'll love them and sacrifice the world for them and I'll raise them the best gosh darn way I can. But can you give me just a little more time? Time to be carefree and selfish and have Hubs all to myself? Then I'll have those babies. I promise.
Oh... and one more thing... could you not give me baby girls that will eventually turn into teenage girls that hate me?"
And you know what? I'm pretty sure God is keeping his side of the bargain on this one. Which means for now I'll spend my days being selfish and taking care of myself. And I'll be happy. And in the future I'll spend my days being selfless and taking care of my kids. And I'll be happy then, too.
It sounds like a deal I can handle.
