It's been one of those days. You know. Those days.
I started with a snowy drive this morning and a commute that turned from 20 minutes to 60 minutes with terrible traffic conditions.
Then I hit a roadblock with my senior classes. I think I'm getting in my groove at my new school and then all of a sudden I have days like today where I'm convinced that the kids will never really respect and love me like they did at my old school. My fourth period class was beyond chatty and disrespectful today. I finally just gave them the Teacher glare while I waited for them to quiet down. Eventually they all got the message and shut up, but it took a good few minutes. As soon as they were quiet I started to speak and the second I did a kid started talking at that exact same moment just to piss me off.
Those are the moments when I have to try my best to be disciplined. To not just lose control at those little freakers who think it's funny to be rude. So I just glared at him and said, "Child, don't you mess with me. You pull crap like that again and you will do your learning in the hall for the rest of the week."
And he shut up. But still. Kids don't do that kind of stuff when they like you. When they're on your side. They do that kind of stuff when they don't respect you.
Then this afternoon I went in to Big O Tires to see if they could fix my windshield washer sprayer. The guy looked at the car, said it would be $250, and I said wow, no thank you, not today. Then the guy said, "ok that'll be $20."
"For what?" I replied. "You didn't fix anything."
"It's $20 for the estimate."
"Your charging $20 just for looking at my car?"
"Yes. That's right ma'am."
Cooks and swindlers, every last one of them.
That's when it's time for me to come home, get in my pjs and do a puzzle to de-stress myself for the next three hours.
Today I've got Emily on the blog talking about what made her start blogging. She addresses one of the most fascinating subjects to me- why we can bear our souls to perfect strangers but cringe when someone we know brings up our blog. She brings up some great points on this- she's one smart cookie. I do hope you'll visit her blog and tell her I've sent you, she really is fantastic.
And this is an essay about why I blog: I clearly remember when I started blogging, why I thought I should. It was because I had discovered this world - a whole other one where people were capturing their lives. Not just posting à la facebook: “I’m gonna make my kid’s picture, my profile picture” but they were really putting it all out there on the internet. Themselves. How they felt about motherhood, why they were feeling restless with their life. Why they felt compelled to do X Y Z. I found myself drawn to blogs written by women who had kids or lived organic and healthy lifestyles. Probably because I admired what they were doing – but the ones I really admired the most, were honest. Transparent. (But not too transparent – not everything needs to be recorded for all eternity – amiright?). There was this “something” there, you don’t find in everyday life. It was a little glimpse into the real world, of how life can be messy but beautiful at the same time. After I got into writing my own blog and I became more deeply embedded in the blogging world, I remember thinking everyone, (everyone!) must also be doing the same thing. But you know what’s strange? There’s this whole population out there, who has no idea what a “dashboard” is. They don’t arrange their freshly baked cupcakes nicely, or chart their work outs, or enter into DIY projects just to challenge themselves. Gasp. And I became embarrassed about my own foray into the internet world when I was speaking it out loud. Because I wasn’t sure how the two “me’s” compared to one another. Have any of you ever felt that way? Like you want to share your life with the internet, but then you don’t want your dad bringing up the elements of it when you’re home for the weekend?
(that ^^ should have said, "Cooler of Booze" - I made this sign... not one of my shiniest moments)
What is that? I’m fine with telling the virtual world that I don’t know what I’m doing with my life or why I’m feeling uncertain about a job decision, or am lacking faith, but I recoil when my aunt says to me, “We read on your blog the other day…” In “real” life it’s harder to say what you feel. Out loud. But there are so many times in life when it would help us. Can I get an amen? And then blogging did a crazy thing for me. This actual composition of my life gave me clarity. I’d been concentrating on saying what was on my heart while I was writing, and then magically, it started to transfer to everyday interactions. I started feeling more comfortable with my own voice. My voice became stronger. It became me. The reason you keep going back to some blogs time after time again, is because it makes you feel confident. Not confident because you compare yourself. But confident because you realize, you’ve got a voice too. And it’s got just as many stories to tell. Thanks so much to Life of Bon for having me! I’ll be here all month, hanging out on the side-bar if you wanna here some more stories about The Life of Emily over at Sparrow in the Tree Top.
Find me on Twitter: @FullofMirth
I take pictures too: @FullofMirth
Emily's point is so true! Just yesterday, I saw my sister reading something on her phone, and when she was done she looked up and said "Your blog makes me laugh" so I said "why?" and she said "because you sound like such a blogger!" and I just laughed because I didn't know what it meant! Is that good or bad? Do I sound like everyone else? I guess in a way you can pick out a blogger from a non-blogger because if you're a good blogger, you're able to have that "voice" and ability to come through the screen and allow your readers to hear you speak.
ReplyDeleteI feel the exact same way! Like I can blog about anything but then my boyfriends parents are like "why did you say this?" and all of the sudden I wish the only people reading my blog were complete strangers! I've gotten to be more open about it as I've been doing it more, it doesn't seem as awkward ha, but still is strange! blonderblogger.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I can definitely identify with this. I was extremely hesitant to share my blog with friends/family in real life, but I think as well as strengthening my voice, and also keeping me accountable for and careful with my words, it had allowed some of my relationships to grow when people had the chance to take a glimpse inside my head.
ReplyDeleteBLESS you for being a teacher. I could never have done it. I think I would have had some severe rage issues after a while. But my brother-in-law is a teacher, and he said it took time at his new school, but they learned that he's FUN and engaging if and only if the students respect him. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteI think yesterday was just a bad day with people. My kiddos were horrible and they aren't usually like that.
ReplyDeleteI have an awesome mechanic if you want his info. He's way rad, super honest and cheap. And he comes to your house to work on your car.
ReplyDeleteYes! I want his info. I am in desperate need of a good mechanic.
DeleteI think this is a hard year for a lot of teachers. I know I am having a tough year and many of my friends are too. Perhaps there is comfort in knowing you are not alone and it can only last a year.
ReplyDeleteMan, it's that time of year for teaching! Kids are totally testing the limits in their classes!
ReplyDeleteHope today was better!
Carly
www.lipglossandcrayons.com
$20 just to look at the car, that would piss me off, ok I get that they are still working when looking at the car but I am always thought those things they do for free, and what the hell $250 to fix the problem seems a little steep to me............
ReplyDeleteAs for kids who do not respect teachers well I was in a class of kids were most didn't respect any teacher, it is a wonder we learnt anything considering how often they acted up. Not me of course I was always a goody two shoes.............lol
I have lots of days like this. I am a first-year English teacher aka a hot mess! I really look up to you as a teacher.
ReplyDeleteso sorry you had a bad day girl. I would have kicked back with a good book :) hope the rest of your week was/is better!
ReplyDelete