The Life of Bon: Quoth he, quoth I

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Quoth he, quoth I

Things I legitimately have to say to him:
+ Go back in the bathroom right now and flush the toilet.
+ Did you eat any vegetables?  I know you didn't.  You need to have some.  Please.
+ This is a serious conversation, Greg.  We need to talk without you doing that accent. Seriously, stop it.
+ Do you have any idea how much you've spent on the credit card this month?  You're spending way too much!
+ You can't just have soda and chocolate for dinner.
+ Will you play "Risk" with me?  Please?  I'll pay you.
+ Have you seen my keys?

Things he legitimately has to say to me:
+ Are you wearing your seat belt?
+ Please don't bring that coke in to the movie theaters in your purse.  You know that's against the rules.  I'll act like I don't know you if you do.
+What did I tell you about grabbing my butt in public?
+ I don't want you rolling down the window to scream at those people.  Seriously, Bonnie, don't.  Don't don- That's it, I'm putting the child lock on.
+ How fast are you driving?  Are you going the speed limit?  I don't believe you.  Slow down.
+ You're talking way too loud right now.  Everyone can hear you.
+ Have you seen my keys?

When it comes down to it we're just a couple of little kids trying to figure out how to be grown ups.  It ain't easy.

P.S.  Share the most insane thing your significant other has legitimately had to say to you or vice versa.  The best ones will be highlighted on the blog on Wednesday.


  1. oh my i love this post! i need to write one like it!

  2. Hahaha, funny what we all need to remind each other. this is hysterical.

  3. lol This was way to cute and so could relate to a few of these lol

  4. HAHA This was hilarious. I loved it. I have to remind my husband to flush, and he tells me TO sneak Coke into the movie theater ;)

  5. Hahah! I did a post earlier today about the dumb stuff my man says. But I don't say anything dumb, ever. ;)

  6. It's so weird you posted this right now. Not even 5 minutes ago, I had to legitimately tell my husband AGAIN that he cannot pants me in front of an open window.

  7. haha sold!! I love this idea!

  8. Me: Put your seatbelt on please. Put your seatbelt on. (Car starts dinging) PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON. I'm gonna stop the car if you don't. (Stop car). Finally he puts his seatbelt on.

    Him: Shattap.

  9. Haha this is hysterical!

  10. Him: Did you drink any water today? You didn't did you? Drink. Drink now.
    Me: You wore that shirt yesterday. You can't wear a shirt two days in a row.
    Him: How old am I? How old are you? What's your phone number again?
    *please bear in mind this is my HUSBAND and we have been together for over 5 years. And yet, he doesn't know my phone number.

    Ah. Marriage. ;)

  11. + Please don't bring that coke in to the movie theaters in your purse. You know that's against the rules. I'll act like I don't know you if you do.
    +What did I tell you about grabbing my butt in public?
    + I don't want you rolling down the window to scream at those people. Seriously, Bonnie, don't. Don't don- That's it, I'm putting the child lock on.

    HAHAHAHA, those were the greatest ones out of the bunch!

    David lets me grope his butt in public and I don't mind him groping mine either.

    1. Same with my boyfriend and me. Early in our relationship, we discussed our physical limits, including how we feel about PDA. Butt grabbing is okay with only a few exceptions.

  12. Me to my husband: Are you seriously going to eat that? It's been in the refrigerator for two weeks!

  13. These are so great! The most ridiculous thing my husband ever said: "Charlotte, what you're feeling isn't rational," he says to the pregnant woman. You know what's not rational, babe?? Growing a human. Game, set, match.

  14. Anonymous9:05 PM

    Haha I love this!

    Me: "I got some new lipstick and it's really cool but don't worry, I won't wear it around you!"
    Him: "Why not??"
    Me: "Then we can't kiss! Unless you want to wear lipstick, too."
    Him: "Oh. *mysteriously* yeah, that was an earlier phase of my life..."

  15. Hahaha interesting!

    Me: We are going to the town for the grocery shopping.
    Him: "Can I go in these? ( Showing his PJs)."
    Me: "If you are planning to come in those, I'll pretend that I don't know you..."
    Him: "OK OK, I'm changing, wait.........."
    Me: Hehaha....evil laugh....

  16. I have a tendency to not put things away, especially in the kitchen. A common question asked by my boyfriend to me, "How hard is it to put the butter away?!"

  17. upon seeing a lone mini reeses candy in the aisle at Safeway...
    Me: Russ, don't eat that
    Russ: You know I'm going to eat that.
    Me: Seriously don't. *turns around for a second*...where's that..SPIT THAT OUT NOW!

  18. Me (when I was preggo): Does this shirt make me look fat?
    Him: Well, how shall I say looks like you've caught a serious case of The Pregnancy.

  19. Me: Oh no! I lost my phone!
    Him: You lost it?
    Me: Seriously, I can't find it anywhere. It's gone!
    Him: *Points to a spot directly next to me*
    Me: Nevermind- I found it!
    (Repeat 3+ times per week)

    1. Hahaha this is totally me too! I'm always losing my phone and Hubby always finds it for me :) I knew there was a reason I keep him around!

  20. Laughed so hard at this post! I need to start keeping track of the crazy things said around my house!

  21. Anonymous2:22 AM

    Hahaha this is blogging gold! I love this type of posts! :D

    {when we were asleep}..does this count?
    Him: babe, where did you hide my cheese? - mumble, mumble -
    Me: jkshfkjd, look in your shoe.

    {eating dinner}
    Me: are you gonna eat that? - points to last piece of pie -
    Him: nah babe, you can have it - turns away -
    Me: thanks, you're the best - inhales half of it within ten seconds -
    Him - turns back around - whaa-?

  22. Him to me re: the dog:
    "Did he poo on his walk? Was it mushy?"

  23. As we're watching "Alaska the Last Frontier" via the Discovery Channel (love that channel, btw), this guy is justifying why he killed a brown bear. ...

    husband: "I hunt because I like to kill things"
    Me: "You can't say that in public. People will worry about you."

  24. Me to my boyfriend:
    -Please don't eat that after you dropped it on the ground there are so many germs on the ground!
    -Don't kiss me after eating a pickle! It stinks!
    -Did you do your homework today? Turn off the TV and do your homework
    -Please don't open the door when I'm peeing
    -Don't grab my butt when people can see!

    Him to me:
    -I pooped so much this morning
    -I really feel like I need to poop again
    -Don't walk behind me I'm going to fart

    (sigh) MEN!

  25. Hahaha, too funny! You guys need to have one of those old people phone necklace things, but with your keys attached instead... oh wait, is that a lanyard? :P

    I don't have a boy in my life right now, but my roommate who is basically my significant other on platonic terms, always have so much to say to each other that we've had a lot of "OK wait, you poop and I shower" moments so we can finish the storytelling!

  26. This is awesome!!! My husband has for sure asked me: "are you pooping" and "have you pooped today" We talk about poop WAY too much in our house!

  27. "Please don't bring that coke in to the movie theaters in your purse. You know that's against the rules. I'll act like I don't know you if you do."

    Really?? Even my angelic Christian family does this.

    My man doesn't like me grabbing his butt either. Oh well.

  28. "My hair is stuck in your beard..." - me to my husband, AKA The Beard.

    "Please stop doing the robot." - my husband to me, pretty much every time an 80s song comes on in the car.

  29. This is hilarious!! My husband says the most ridiculous things - but I have the worst memory so I of course can't think of one right now.

  30. Joe needs to be told ALL the time that it is possible for him to make food other than Spaghettios and that it's not the end of the world. Just the thought of making a sandwich is too much effort for him. :P

  31. Hahaha I love this!!! This isn't quite what you were saying but my favorite exchanges with my boyfriend go a little like this:
    Him: "I really need to do my laundry."
    Me: "So do your laundry!"
    Him: "Don't tell me what to do."


  32. Anonymous2:33 PM

    hahaha, I thought I was the only one who had to tell their boyfriend/husband to stop using accents! He always does an Irish accent *just because*. And I've definitely gotten the 'no butt grabbing in public' one too.

    I love this post though! I feel like there are so many moments like this in my own relationship, but just can't think of them right now!

    Meredith @

  33. haha I love these! Literally laughing out loud!
    Me: Shower now. You can't keep wearing the same outfit. Take the trash out x100,000,000. Call your parents. No, we are NOT doing that.
    Him: Did you get gas in the car. Do you have your keys. Where is your phone. Is your phone on? You need to slow down.

    Lauren @

  34. Oh man! ALWAYS the food stuff:

    Me: "Really, PB&J again? I just made real dinner...why are you eating PB&J AGAIN?"
    Him: "This is an APPETIZER! I have to get my tummy ready for real dinner"

    Me: "Where did you put the TV remote?"
    Him: "That is a secret for only me to know..."

    Him: "Can you please stop fake tap-dancing to 'New York, New York'? It's distracting me."

    Love being married.

  35. Things he has to say to me: I knew that wouldn't work. You don't need another reese's. You stole my ____ didn't you? (When I accidentally leave something of his in my purse or my car).

    Things I have to say to him: Please don't do that insanely dangerous thing that someone just dared you to do. Pick your plate up off the floor. Don't lick me, gross!

  36. Haha I love these ! Definitely made me chuckle! Your relationship sounds so fun!

    Anna xo

  37. This is too funny. And he is crazy doesn't he know the best way to do it is to bring your own food and drink to the movies? If not then he's doing it wrong.

    Something I always say to him: Don't spray that cologne in my direction! I don't want to smell like a man.
    And he to me: This is the last time I am pausing it! There is only fifteen minutes left.

  38. He said this to me on Friday night as we were trying to dance: "Cris, could you please stop leading?"

  39. Him: You smell great. Is that your deodorant?
    Me: No, I actually don't sweat so I don't wear it.
    Him: Perfume?
    Me: No, I hate perfume.
    Him: Then how do you smell good? You never smell bad.
    Me: I shower daily?

  40. Love this comment idea! Too funny! :)

    Him to me:
    "We are out of toilet paper/laundry detergent/toothpaste." (Note: I don't live with him.)
    "Did you tell my mom that we would go to the Christmas Light Show Spectacular???"
    "Are you ready yet?" (5 minutes after I get out of the shower.)
    Text, Friday 3:30pm: I'm having drinks with ___! It might get ugly. Just wanted to warn you."

    Me to him:
    "I am not using your Old Spice body wash because then I will smell like an old man."
    "Why is my toothbrush wet?? Did you... No! Did you? Did you use my toothbrush again?!?!? Mine is the pink one!!! What is wrong with you???"
    "So which one of these should I wear?" (And then I decide that I really wanted to wear the other one and change again.)
    Text, Monday night, 10:30 pm: "I updated the blog!!!! Did you read it?"
    Text, Monday night, 10:32 pm: "What do you think? Did you read it yet? Well???"


  41. "Please Ashlee, take 10 minutes and go to the bathroom, I promise you won't miss out on anything"
    "Ashlee! Don't eat in the bath [bathroom], That is not hygienic, they have done studies!"
    "What do I have to do to get you to eat at the table?"
    "What-the, why are there crumbs in the bed....Ashlee really?!"
    "Have you had a single drop of water today?" "Slow down and drink something! Your Kidneys are going to shut down!"

  42. Him to me: "You're three blocks from our house. How can you be lost. Go north. North! Holy crap, turn left! Dang it! Hang up and ask Siri!"

  43. When we found out we were having twins.
    Him to me: Were you taking fertility treatments and didn't tell me??
    Me to him: Do you really think I secretly gave myself shots in the a** when you left for work? Really?
    Him: Oh.Yeah.Guess not.

  44. The other day while I was crafting my husband gave me this sad plea ... 'Please don't glitter anything else ... just, please'

  45. Anonymous6:32 AM

    you could have added one to both of your lists. " have you seen dennis' keys?"

  46. Anonymous6:35 AM

    you could have added one to both of your lists. " have you seen dennis' keys?"

  47. Anonymous6:36 AM

    you could have added one to both of your lists. " have you seen dennis' keys?"

  48. One time, we were going to an early show and we hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch. We didn't want to have a lunch of just popcorn and cokes, so I convinced him to run by taco bell and of course we hid it inside my ginormous purse. He was SO scared we would get caught, but I'm a pro at that sort of thing!

  49. Anonymous11:09 AM

    This is seriously so cute. I'm single without anything to contribute other than how much i love this post.

  50. This is absolutely hilarious. I love it. Great one, Bon.

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  52. Him to me at 3 am after me getting to bed after midnight. Wake up the security company is calling!
    Me: huh? What?
    Him: you better hurry and answer it...
    Him: two minutes later after fielding the call who were you on the phone with late last night
    Me: geico (past 11 pm)
    Him : really what was he wearing?
    Me: HA YOU'RE NOT FUNNY at 3 am and that's State Farm now leave me alone!