The Life of Bon: Sleep: A tale of muggles, magic, and more

Monday, March 16, 2015

Sleep: A tale of muggles, magic, and more

Sit down.  Tonight I shall share a tale of magic with you.

It all started a few weeks ago when I wrote this post in which I told you all that June's amazing sleeping habits had gone and died themselves a terrible death.  JuneBug, once thought to be the best sleeper in the wild west, was waking up in the night, rolling around in bed, wiggling out of her swaddle, and then screaming out in what can only be described as pure terror to be reswaddled.  She would not be comforted without a good, tight swaddle.  And don't even think about that self soothe crap!  That was never going to happen, insisted June.

It was miserable!  For a month there I thought I had seen the end of having children. She was a mess.  I was a mess. The whole house was a "no one is sleeping!" mess!

I took to this blog to tell you all that I was stumped.  I thought I had a great sleeper!  I thought I knew how to put a baby down!  Turns out I knew nothing!  What to do, what to do?

"Duh, Bon.  Buy a magic sleep suit!" Several of you told me in the comments. Baby Merlin's Magic Sleep Suit, to be exact.

A magic sleep suit?  What the devil do you speak of, blog commenters?   I did my internet research.  The suit looked alright in theory, but I doubted it would work for us.  To start with, it seemed likely that June was too old for it already.  She's eight months!  It was also expensive- $40 + $6 for shipping.  And it said it wasn't for babies who roll.  Meh.  I wasn't going to waste my time with it, nice try, commenters!

A week passed.  June's sleep continued to get worse.  She would go down at her normal bedtime of 7:00.  She would then wake up at 11:00 for a reswaddle, and hey, why not nurse while we're at it?  This is fun, right, mom?  Then again we'd do it at 2:00!  Maybe 3:00?  And how about 5:00! It was a party every hour!  June was in heaven.  I was tearing my hair out.  One night I was up a total of four times with her- and with a department meeting at 7 am the next morning.  I was at my wits' end!  First thing in the morning I ordered the magic sleep suit, I didn't care what my muggle friends would think of me!  I mean, who am I to question magic when I'm up four times in the night?

The suit arrived.  We put June in it.  She looked like this.

We couldn't decide if she looked more like the abominable snowman or the Pilsbury Doughboy. She didn't seem to like it.  But she also didn't seem to not like it.  We put her down for the night.  We went to bed.

Ten hours later, at 6 am, we heard June cry.


She had slept the whole freaking night through- just like she had done when she was four and five months old! Our baby was back to her old ways!  But surely it was a fluke?

The next night we put June down at 7.  She woke up the next morning at 7.  TWELVE HOURS.  At some point in the night I heard her stirring, but she quieted back down within minutes.  That magic sleep suit had put my baby right back to sleep.  No nursing no bouncing no swaddling from mama required!

It has been two weeks since we have had the magic sleep suit in our life.  I declare it the best two weeks of my life.  I can't tell you why the suit works.  I don't know why June is so happy in it.  IT'S MAGIC- DON'T ASK ME TO EXPLAIN, PEOPLE.  All I know is that this magic suit answered all my questions in the universe and now I understand the theory of everything.

And that, my friends, is the glorious tale of a magic suit.

Don't believe me, ask the dishes.  (You know... the ones that can sing.  And dance... Please tell me someone in the blogosphere is catching these references.)

Dear future June,  Please don't hate me for putting Pilsbury Doughboy pictures of you up all over the internet.  I promise I'm awesome.  Love, your mama

This post was not sponsored in any way, shape, or form.  I paid full price for the abominable snowman get up, (it was worth every penny!) the magic suit people did not ask me to write this post, endorse their product, or shout magical praises to their magical suit.  I did it 100% of my own free will and choice and I REGRET NOTHING.)

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