On Being a Mom: A Mother's Day Post

This is my first year celebrating Mother's Day as a mom.

I have said it before on this blog and I'll say it again.  Becoming a mom is the coolest, most fun, and happiest thing I have ever done with my life.  This surprises me.  I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would like being a mom on the level that I do.  I give June baths and I dress her and I feed her and I hold her in my arms and over and over the thought comes to my mind, Being your mom is such a privilege.

It's a privilege to be the one who she lights up to see.  It's a privilege to know exactly when she needs to eat and what she should eat.  It's a privilege to be able to pick her up when she's crying and frantic and to feel her immediately relax in my arms.  It's a privilege to know that she trusts me, that she needs me, that she is comforted when she sees me.  It's a privilege to protect her, to make her feel safe, to teach her.

I can think back to a hundred times in my life when all I have wanted was my mom.  When I was little and my stomach hurt I remember how my mom would sit on the couch and rub my bare tummy to make it feel better.  Only she could do it in the exact right way; only she knew how.  When I moved to college, I sobbed uncontrollably after my mom dropped me off at my dorm.  On my mission, my mom was my comfort, the ultimate symbol of home and love. Even as an adult, I constantly want my mom. When things don't go right, when I'm scared, when I'm overwhelmed the first person I call is mom.  She can fix any situation.

My mom and my June bug, my two favorite ladies on this earth.

It's crazy now, to be on the other side of it.  To be June's mom.  To be that person whom she wants when she's scared, when she's fussy, when she's sad.  It is overwhelming and kind of awe inspiring actually, that I have within me the power to be the protector and comforter to June that my mom has always been to me.  It blows my mind that she trusts me to make it all better, that just seeing me can make her stop crying, that she feels safe from the storm when she is in my arms listening to me sing off tune lullabies.

I've thought a lot about why I like being a mom so much and why it surprised me.  How did something that I was not looking forward to in the least become my favorite thing in the whole world?  What was I not expecting?

And I think I figured it out.  I think it's the reason why all moms like their kids so darn much, and why being a mother is so awesome in the first place.  Simply put, I like who I am when I'm with June.  And I don't always like who I am.  I don't like when I'm short tempered, when I'm stressed, when I'm sassy, when I'm unkind, when I'm frantic, when I'm lazy, when I'm unmotivated. I don't like it when I'm impatient with students, I don't like it when I snap at Greg, I don't like it when I say something unkind behind someone's back.  I hate those versions of myself.

But mom Bonnie is the best Bonnie there is.  With her, I'm my best self.  I'm patient.  I'm unhurried.  I can't stop smiling at her.  I don't care about trivial little things- I'm no longer bothered by the person who cut me off on traffic or stressed about the money we're spending on our credit card .  I am so much more calm and happy when I'm with June.  All of my good traits come out and the things about myself that drive me crazy go and hide for awhile.

I am the best version of myself when I am being June's mom.

Lucky me, I get to be June's mom forever.