The Life of Bon: Are thank you notes outdated?

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Are thank you notes outdated?

 Picture source:

Dear World,

What's the deal with hand written thank you cards?  Are we doing them still?  Not doing them?  Did we all just decide that we don't have time anymore and that thank you cards are outdated?  I NEED ANSWERS PEOPLE.

When June was born a year ago, many friends and family gave gifts.  I was so grateful!  I wrote most people thank you cards.  But not everybody.   I lost some lists.  And I lost some cards.  And now there's still a handful of people that I know I need to write (or rewrite) cards for.  Part of me thinks "Give it up Bon!  It's been over a year!" and the other part of me can hear my mom's voice saying, "Did you say thank you, Bonnie?  Did you?  Say thank you!  SAY IT LOUDER SO THEY CAN HEAR YOU!"

I am pretty embarrassed that it's been a year, but dang it I'm going to get those little thank you notes out.  Even if it's tacky to send year old thank yous.  Because the thing is I am grateful.  And those people should know it.  Right?  RIGHT?  Our society still thinks this is important?

I suppose I'm troubled because of a silly little argument I got in with a stranger on facebook.  (Which is, by the way, how most of my problems start- arguments with strangers on facebook.  Note to self: STAY OFF FACEBOOK.  EVERYTHING PEOPLE SAY ON THERE MAKES YOU MAD.)  A friend was saying that it'd been over a year since her wedding and she hadn't sent any thank yous and should she still bother?  I said "Yes!  Absolutely!  Never too late to say thank you!"  I figured the world, in its beauty and wisdom would agree with me.

But the world didn't agree with me.  At least not the facebook world.  Everyone else on the thread was like, "meh.  I wouldn't worry about it."  "People will know you're grateful." "No one will notice if you don't send a thank you card" and one person even said "It's just kind of a waste of time, honestly."

Naturally, I had to defend myself in this facebook thank you note war because MY HONOR and so I said something like, "I don't think it's a waste of time at all- I totally notice if I never get a thank you card."

 To which my stranger facebook fight friend said something like " I received over 1000 gifts for our wedding.  I think people know I'm grateful and understand that I'm busy and just married and stressed and can't write those thank yous.  Isn't the purpose of you giving a gift to give a gift, not to receive a thank you?"

Yes, stranger, it is.  But that doesn't mean you can't take three minutes (Or, in your case, 3,000 minutes) to sit down and write a thank you card. 

Also I hope no one buys you a present ever again.

I kid, I kid. 

Kind of.

In reality, I answered back something kind of lame like, "Yes, I know that's not the point of giving gifts, I'm just saying if I give a generous gift or make a big effort and don't receive a thank you, I do notice, and it does make me feel unappreciated.  I may not be justified in my feelings, but if I make effort and that effort is not returned with a thank you, it hurts my feelings."

To which stranger facebook friend said, "Yah, I see your point, I just don't think people should stress out about it."

To which I left the conversation.

But to which I WANTED to scream, "No.  That's the point.  People SHOULD stress about it.  I've been stressed for a year about getting thank you notes out for onesies and pacifiers and you should be stressed about your silverware and toaster thank yous.  IT IS IMPORTANT TO SAY THANK YOU."

Please, blogging world, will you come to my defense and agree that the facebook world is just the worst and that it is still important to send thank you notes?

(Also, what kind of a world do we live in where someone gets ONE THOUSAND gifts for their wedding?  Sheesh.)

I would love your thoughts because it's been a while since we had a down and dirty discussion on this blog and what better way to get down and what better way to get dirty than when talking about THANK YOU NOTES?   Do ya'll notice if you never receive thank you notes?  What if you received a thank you note a year or two after you gave the gift?  Is the whole thing just outdated and stupid?  Feel free to disagree with me!  But if you do I will never buy you a gift!

(Sidenote:  Has anyone seen the HIMYM  where Marshall is mad that Ted never got him a wedding present and Ted is mad that he never got a thank you note?  I feel you, Ted, I FEEL YOU.)

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