TODAY I am feeling grateful and a little nostalgic about my marriage. (I think the news of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's divorce sent me in to a tizzy. I'm all broken up about it.) This year has tried Greg and it has tried me and it has tried the totally separate unit that is Greg is me together. It has been the hardest year of our marriage thus far, but it has been the year that we have grown and learned the most. Funny how that works.
I came across this post today, something I wrote 15 months ago, and got tears in my eyes. I had to repost it. Why marriage is worth it, folks.
Three years ago today Greg and I tied ourselves one big freaking knot. We wrapped it good, tightened it all the way, and then we held on for dear life.
It is very hard to write about my marriage. To express the joys and be honest about the work it requires while also being fair, accurate, and kind to all parties involved (Ahem, Greg.)
I suspect that anyone who is in a long term relationship understands. There are so many nuances to a marriage, it can be impossible to describe. I never want to give off the idea that our marriage is perfect. It is happy, yes, but it certainly has its flaws. I never want to act like it's easy, but at the same time I don't want to give the impression that it's the hardest damn thing I've ever done and that I'm miserable. I'm not. I'm happy. Very very very happy. But it's a happiness that has come because of work, sacrifice, and thoughtfulness on both parts. It is not happiness that has come without tears or without doubts or without struggle.
In January I wrote this post on the truth about our first year of marriage. I shared with you many of the conflicts and struggles that we have in our marriage and told you how we have overcome them and worked (and continue to work around) our many differences. I told you that it isn't always easy, but it is worth it.
I had one unmarried friend from high school who commented on my facebook post and said something along the lines of it, "Thanks for sharing this Bonnie, but I would love to know why it's worth it. What about marriage makes it worth fighting through all of that?"
I have thought about that a lot since. It seems our society is increasingly devaluing marriage. Television sitcoms of married people are often about naggy couples and annoying children while the single life is portrayed as glamorous and exciting. Our culture pushes the message that marriage isn't valuable, that it's a lot of work, and that in the end, it really isn't "worth it." With more than 50% of marriages today ending in divorces, and many of the "working" marriages seemingly unhappy, it makes sense why many people are less enthused about committing to marriage.
So today, in celebration of our anniversary and the three best years of my life, I want to answer my friend's question. Because if anyone asked me if marriage is worth it I would answer in a heartbeat, "Yes!"
1. Somebody warms up the bed for you.
2. You don't have to stress about money alone anymore.
3. You are always somebody's first priority- the knowledge that you come before everything and everyone.
4. The thought of moving or changing jobs or any big life changes aren't nearly as scary when you're doing it with someone instead of alone.
5. You can binge on your favorite shows on Netflix together.
6. There will never be anyone with whom you share so many inside jokes.
7. Sex.
8. Summer nights where you play volleyball together for three hours and then come home and take a hot shower and put on your sweats and eat shaved ice while cuddling on the couch and watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother.
9. Because you need a boy to vent all of your Bachelor rantings to even though he couldn't care less about the show.
10. No one thinks your dog is as cute or as funny as he does.
11. Hearing a song on the radio and thinking of him.
12. Being told every day that you are loved.
13. Sunday morning wrestling.
14. Giggling so hard late at night in bed that your neighbors above you slam on the floor so you will shut up and go to sleep.
15. Having someone to go on all your vacations with you.
16. Sitting on the same side of the booth in restaurants.
17. Waiting until you can hear your spouse coming home so you can hide behind the door and scare the living crap out of him. At least once a week.
18. Somebody helps you with laundry now.
19. Extra presents on Christmas and Birthdays.
20. You can 100% be yourself around your spouse and you don't have to worry that he won't like you or judge you or think you're annoying.
21. When you're sick you have someone to make you soup and cuddle you on the couch.
22. Back massages.
23. Having someone to say your prayers with at night.
24. Always having somebody there to talk to when you are frustrated/disappointed/depressed/stressed.
25. Coming home and being surprised by a clean house.
26. Getting dolled up for dates and hearing him say how pretty you look.
27. Flowers for Valentine's Day and anniversaries.
28. Climbing on the roof every fourth of July to watch the fireworks.
29. Knowing that someone is making sacrifices for you and putting you first.
30. Holding hands on walks with the dog.
31. The security of planning a trip in November and knowing that your travel buddy will still be around in July when you go on the trip.
32. Planning a family together.
33. Making fun of corny tv together.
34. You get to wear a purty ring all the time.
35. Having someone to talk about all of your plans and goals for the future.
36. Knowing there is someone out there who will drop everything right that second to be there for you if need it.
37. Seeing a tiny human squirm around in your belly and knowing that you made that together.
38. Knowing there is someone there who will hold you until you're done crying.
39. Having something to look forward to every weekend.
40. Spooning in the mornings.
41. Having someone say to you "Drive Safe" and knowing that they mean it.
42. Taxes are easier and you get more money back when you're married.
43. Life's disappointments don't seem so grave with a partner by your side.
44. He is strong when you are weak and you are strong when he is weak. You have someone to strengthen you and buoy you up when you need it.
45. Couples Halloween costumes.
46. Having someone around who is just as protective of you as your dad was.
47. Having one person who knows exactly how bat s@$% crazy you are and loving you anyway.
48. Buying a candy bar at the gas station because you know he likes it.
49. You always have someone to share a tube with at water parks.
50. When you wake up from a bad dream you feel safe seeing your spouse lying in bed next to you.
51. Always having a tennis partner.
52. Deciding spur of the moment to go to a Saturday matinee.
53. Having someone to support you in your big, crazy dreams.
54. Loving someone with every single thing in you and knowing that he feels the exact same way about you.
Yes... those are just a few of the reasons why marriage is "worth it..." (I meant to just do 50 and then got a little carried away. Oops!)
Happy three years, Bubs! Can't wait for many, many more. XOXOXO.
I came across this post today, something I wrote 15 months ago, and got tears in my eyes. I had to repost it. Why marriage is worth it, folks.
It is very hard to write about my marriage. To express the joys and be honest about the work it requires while also being fair, accurate, and kind to all parties involved (Ahem, Greg.)
I suspect that anyone who is in a long term relationship understands. There are so many nuances to a marriage, it can be impossible to describe. I never want to give off the idea that our marriage is perfect. It is happy, yes, but it certainly has its flaws. I never want to act like it's easy, but at the same time I don't want to give the impression that it's the hardest damn thing I've ever done and that I'm miserable. I'm not. I'm happy. Very very very happy. But it's a happiness that has come because of work, sacrifice, and thoughtfulness on both parts. It is not happiness that has come without tears or without doubts or without struggle.
In January I wrote this post on the truth about our first year of marriage. I shared with you many of the conflicts and struggles that we have in our marriage and told you how we have overcome them and worked (and continue to work around) our many differences. I told you that it isn't always easy, but it is worth it.
I had one unmarried friend from high school who commented on my facebook post and said something along the lines of it, "Thanks for sharing this Bonnie, but I would love to know why it's worth it. What about marriage makes it worth fighting through all of that?"
I have thought about that a lot since. It seems our society is increasingly devaluing marriage. Television sitcoms of married people are often about naggy couples and annoying children while the single life is portrayed as glamorous and exciting. Our culture pushes the message that marriage isn't valuable, that it's a lot of work, and that in the end, it really isn't "worth it." With more than 50% of marriages today ending in divorces, and many of the "working" marriages seemingly unhappy, it makes sense why many people are less enthused about committing to marriage.
So today, in celebration of our anniversary and the three best years of my life, I want to answer my friend's question. Because if anyone asked me if marriage is worth it I would answer in a heartbeat, "Yes!"
WHY MARRIAGE IS "WORTH IT"
1. Somebody warms up the bed for you.
2. You don't have to stress about money alone anymore.
3. You are always somebody's first priority- the knowledge that you come before everything and everyone.
4. The thought of moving or changing jobs or any big life changes aren't nearly as scary when you're doing it with someone instead of alone.
5. You can binge on your favorite shows on Netflix together.
6. There will never be anyone with whom you share so many inside jokes.
7. Sex.
8. Summer nights where you play volleyball together for three hours and then come home and take a hot shower and put on your sweats and eat shaved ice while cuddling on the couch and watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother.
9. Because you need a boy to vent all of your Bachelor rantings to even though he couldn't care less about the show.
10. No one thinks your dog is as cute or as funny as he does.
11. Hearing a song on the radio and thinking of him.
12. Being told every day that you are loved.
13. Sunday morning wrestling.
14. Giggling so hard late at night in bed that your neighbors above you slam on the floor so you will shut up and go to sleep.
15. Having someone to go on all your vacations with you.
16. Sitting on the same side of the booth in restaurants.
17. Waiting until you can hear your spouse coming home so you can hide behind the door and scare the living crap out of him. At least once a week.
18. Somebody helps you with laundry now.
19. Extra presents on Christmas and Birthdays.
20. You can 100% be yourself around your spouse and you don't have to worry that he won't like you or judge you or think you're annoying.
21. When you're sick you have someone to make you soup and cuddle you on the couch.
22. Back massages.
23. Having someone to say your prayers with at night.
24. Always having somebody there to talk to when you are frustrated/disappointed/depressed/stressed.
25. Coming home and being surprised by a clean house.
26. Getting dolled up for dates and hearing him say how pretty you look.
27. Flowers for Valentine's Day and anniversaries.
28. Climbing on the roof every fourth of July to watch the fireworks.
29. Knowing that someone is making sacrifices for you and putting you first.
30. Holding hands on walks with the dog.
31. The security of planning a trip in November and knowing that your travel buddy will still be around in July when you go on the trip.
32. Planning a family together.
33. Making fun of corny tv together.
34. You get to wear a purty ring all the time.
35. Having someone to talk about all of your plans and goals for the future.
36. Knowing there is someone out there who will drop everything right that second to be there for you if need it.
37. Seeing a tiny human squirm around in your belly and knowing that you made that together.
38. Knowing there is someone there who will hold you until you're done crying.
39. Having something to look forward to every weekend.
40. Spooning in the mornings.
41. Having someone say to you "Drive Safe" and knowing that they mean it.
42. Taxes are easier and you get more money back when you're married.
43. Life's disappointments don't seem so grave with a partner by your side.
44. He is strong when you are weak and you are strong when he is weak. You have someone to strengthen you and buoy you up when you need it.
45. Couples Halloween costumes.
46. Having someone around who is just as protective of you as your dad was.
47. Having one person who knows exactly how bat s@$% crazy you are and loving you anyway.
48. Buying a candy bar at the gas station because you know he likes it.
49. You always have someone to share a tube with at water parks.
50. When you wake up from a bad dream you feel safe seeing your spouse lying in bed next to you.
51. Always having a tennis partner.
52. Deciding spur of the moment to go to a Saturday matinee.
53. Having someone to support you in your big, crazy dreams.
54. Loving someone with every single thing in you and knowing that he feels the exact same way about you.
Yes... those are just a few of the reasons why marriage is "worth it..." (I meant to just do 50 and then got a little carried away. Oops!)
Happy three years, Bubs! Can't wait for many, many more. XOXOXO.
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