The Life of Bon: Bachelorette Recap: MEN TELL ALL

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Bachelorette Recap: MEN TELL ALL

I told myself I wasn't going to blog about The Bachelorette this week because I like to trick the internet world into thinking I am brilliant and mature and not totally obsessed with reality tv.  But, alas, the Men Tell All episode was just too good!  There is too much in my mind, too many weird things, too many good looking men who must be discussed!

For those of you who spend your time doing better thing than watching reality tv, I applaud you and I wish I were you.  If you still want to read, I will give you a real quick run down of what's going on.  The Men Tell All episode of The Bachelorette is the episode right before the finale where all of the men (except for the two men still chasing Kaitlyn) come to a taping in Los Angeles.  Chris Harrison, our ever beneficent host, asks many awkward questions, the men are forced to watch (in front of a live studio audience) tape back of themselves making out with Kaitlyn, talking trash on the other men, and inevitably crying in the limo when Kaitlyn sends them home.  The men then all have to face each other for all the rude things they said to the cameras about the other men.  (It's like they had no idea that this was being filmed and that one day everything they said would be aired on national television!)  As you can imagine, it is just reality tv gold, and for a The Bachelorette junkie like myself it is pretty much like all my dreams come true for two hours.

Here's what happened last night:

First there was a very opinionated guy who was apparently on the show but of whom I have absolutely no recollection.   His name was Corey and he wouldn't stop commenting from the back row on every single situation during the season.  I tell you, Greg and I who watched every single minute were like "ummm....who are you again?"  Lesson learned:  If you get sent home the first week you don't get to comment on everything that happened after you left.  (Leave that up to bloggers like me!)

Then of course we had to address the weird Clint/ JJ issue.  Are they really gay?  Did ABC just screw them over with the absolute craziest editing ever?  I am erring on the side of ABC edited it that way to drum up ratings.  But then why did Clint say, "I never thought that I’d meet somebody like that; Falling in love with a man never crossed my mind.”  I mean, those ABC editors are good, but they ain't that good.

Next Kupah wanted to speak up loud and clear and address how ridiculous it was that Nick was let back on the show.  Kupah, yes the Nintendo dinosaur who went home the second or third week after acting like a total idiot.  He never even met Nick.  Yet he was very upset that Nick was let back on.  Dearest Kupah, you don't get to be mad because she let someone else on the shoe long after you had already blown your chance.

Of course, then all the other men wanted to talk about if Nick should have been let on.  Absolutely!  No way!  It's Kaitlyn's show!  No one cares what you think! Here's my take on it which is probably worth about five cents.  Nick probably shouldn't have been let on the show, but it was ABC's job, not Kaitlyn's, to tell him no. I feel for the guy (I mean, watching his family all crying was just heart breaking!) and I don't think he had bad intentions, I just don't think it was a good idea to pursue Kaitlyn on the show.  If he had feelings for Kaitlyn pre-show (which he obviously did) then he should have tried to date her pre- show.  He should have made a huge effort to meet her, flown out to see her, etc, etc. instead of waiting to date her on TV where it made it seem like he was just out for fame or money.  I don't blame Kaitlyn for letting him back on because if she really felt something with him and she has the opportunity to explore it, yes of course, you should do that before hypothetically committing forever to someone else.  So OF COURSE she would say yes, but it wasn't fair for ABC or Nick to put her in that situation to begin with.  But ABC loves ratings and Nick didn't make his move when he should have (plus it's gotta be nice having ABC foot the bill for your dating life)  so that's the way it played out and all the other men (Kupah included!) need to get over it.  Or be mad at ABC . Or Nick.  But not Kaitlyn.  Kaitlyn did the right thing for her situation.

Next we have Ian.  He left the show calling Kaitlyn "shallow" and "surface level" and that she was only on tv to make out with a bunch of men.  He also claimed that none of the other men were up to his Princeton caliber because they told fart jokes.  Now that Ian watched the taping it turns out he realized what an arrogant pomp he was being, and so he took advantage of the Men Tell All time to apologize.    He took off his suit jacket, went down in front of the group of guys, and got on one knee proposal style.  From there he gave a sincere, heartfelt apology.  The kneeling was weird, I admit.  One of the weirdest things I've seen on reality tv, in fact.  But I think the apology was sweet.  I mean, at this point he's probably just trying to save face, but still.  I thought the apology was nice.

Next we got a few moments with Ben Z.  I love Ben Z. and I feel for bad for him.  I mean, why in the world did Bachelor producers allow him to go to a fake wake date when he has lost his own mother?  Someone somewhere needs to be a little more sensitive.  COME ON PEOPLE.

Next up: Jared!  (Also, what is with Chris Harrison's questions?  I am starting to think the many years hosting the show are getting to him.  "So what you're saying is you're not over Kaitlyn?"  Umm... awkward.)  (Also, Jared shaved his beard which is just a praise to the heavens.  He looks divine!)   I have to say, I think of all the men, Jared would have been the best fit for Kaitlyn.  He is the most laid back, light hearted, fun, down for anything, likes to joke around and have fun, etc.  Right up Kaitlyn's alley.  I think her top three, Ben H., Nick, and Sean are all too serious for Kaitlyn.  She needs someone goofy and silly and who doesn't take life too seriously.  Jared would have been her perfect if you ask relationship expert Bon! 

But alas, Kaitlyn wanted the bad boy. 

Just look how adorable Jared is watching back the footage of himself.
Kaitlyn's perfect fun-loving partner.

Of course, we have to have our moment with Ben H.  I like Ben H.  Maybe not on the level that Greg does, but Ben H. is great.  He might be just a tad dull for me.  But we all know he is everything the Bach people look for in their next star (conventionally handsome, sweet, doesn't throw toddler tantrums) so unless Ben H. marries Taylor Swift within the next week, he's our upcoming Bach!  You could totally tell by the way Chris Harrison was asking the questions.  Trust me on this one, I've got disgusting amounts of Bachelor watching time backing me up.

Oh hello there, next Bachelor.

FINALLY, Kaitlyn comes out to confront the men which seems almost like an after thought to the show.  The show takes the opportunity to blast extremely mean comments that people have sent to Kaitlyn via twitter, facebook, email. etc.  The tweets are horribly mean.  I don't know who writes those things.  (Probably the same peeps over at gomi!)  I'm not real sure why ABC decided to do this...  I mean, I think they're trying to discourage the bullying, but they're going a weird, roundabout way. Maybe if they started their own hashtag like #lovemybach and encouraged everyone to comment kind things about the show, the contestants, Kaitlyn herself, etc.  ???  But just showing random mean tweets didn't feel like they were taking the strong stand against cyber bullying that they should have.

The men all want to say stuff to Kaitlyn but none of it is too interesting.  Ben H. has the most valid question which is "Why didn't you tell me about sleeping with Nick when you told Sean?  Did you already know I wasn't the one?"  To which Kaitlyn did not answer the question, instead said it was really hard to date 25 men at once.  Listen Kaitlyn, it's like I tell my students when they are writing their essays YOU DON'T GET POINTS IF YOU DON'T ANSWER THE PROMPT QUESTION.

Let's see... Ian comes up and gets on his knees to apologize to Kaitlyn, and it is even more awkward than when he apologized to the men as his leg randomly cramps and he shoots up off the floor.  Joe, who had the worst exit of anyone, shows up with a crazy bird mask, and that about wraps up Kaitlyn's time with the men. 

What'd you all think of the Men Tell All?  I know I'm a fool for enjoying it as much as I do, but we all have our weaknesses.  The winner got spoiled for me so I'm not as excited for next week as I usually am.  But I AM excited for Bachelor in Paradise, now that promises to be an absolute train wreck!

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