The Life of Bon: Toilet talk

Friday, September 16, 2011

Toilet talk

No, this picture is not from the actual incident described below.  I could lose my job for that people!

Copper Hills has not yet been kind enough to provide the teachers with a faculty bathroom on the bottom floor.  Which means when I gotta go in the middle of class, I've got two options: A) Trek across the school and up the stairs to enjoy the privacy of the only faculty bathroom while all hell breaks loose in my unattended classroom or B) slip out when my students don't notice, use the public/student bathroom around the corner, and make it quick. 

In my one year and one month here at CHHS, I have yet to choose option A. 

Today I was once again faced with that choice.  I once again chose option B.  I got the class started on some work, snuck out of the room, and rushed to the bathroom.  Upon entering, I noticed three girls just a-gabbing away, doing their makeup (At this point you may have two questions.  1. Why weren't these girls in class?  2. Why were these girls doing their makeup at noon?  Unfortunately, I do not have the answer to either question.)  I brushed past them, into the stall. 

Oh, but wait. Wait.  These girls weren't just talking, I quickly discovered.  They were talking dirty.  Crazy gross naughty inappropriate talk. 

I was shocked. 

Okay...I was a little shocked. 

Okay... fine... I wasn't shocked at all. 
(I work full time at a high school,  for crying out loud, I expect this kind of behavior out of the students.  Will my mom be disappointed in me if I said I wasn't even phased? )

I was finishing up when suddenly the dirty talk came to a screeching halt, to be replaced with frantic whispers.  I didn't know why.  Nor did I care. I exited the stall, washed my hands, and noticed that the girls were in what appeared to be a chicken frenzy- chucking opened mascara bottles and cheap red lipstick into their backpacks and flapping out of the bathroom. (And if you don't believe that high school girls can flap, believe-you-me, they can!)

At this point, I was done with my bathroom business, so I followed them out.  Apparently, in their complete panic mode, they failed to notice I was right behind them.  This is what I overheard: 

"...... oh my gosh that was a teacher???......... but she's like four feet tall......... thought she was a student..........oh my gosh is she going to report us to the vice principal?............I thought she would never leave, she was in there for like seven minutes!!!...........  so embarrassing........ do you think she even knew what we were talking about though?.............. are you sure it was a teacher?...........If they call my mom I'm screwed......what a perv! she just stayed in there to listen us.........."

(To whom it may concern: my acutal height is 5'4 1/2, I had a whole can of diet coke which is why I was in there for longer than normal, but it wasn't a whole seven minutes, yes, I did know what they were talking about, and no, I am not a perv.)

At this point, I was bored with their worryings about me overhearing the conversation.  Plus, they were walking too slow, and I needed to get back to my classroom, so I passed them. 

Conversation: Abrupt halt
Atmosphere: Extremely awkward
Tension: You could cut it with a knife 

Upon returning to my classroom and finding my class surprisngly well behaved, I sat down to ponder the incident for a moment.  After considerable reflection, I decided that when faced with my bathroom-during-class-choice it might be time to start going with option A- the private faculty bathroom.


I think I'll stick with option B.

I like to keep those high schoolers on their toes, after all.


  1. Plus you're a total perv.

  2. You should've wrote what they were talking about, now i'm really curious what HS girls talk about. I grew up very naive and just recently found out what "cock" meant while watching the bridesmaids with my husband. he had to explain it to me. (and the rest of the dirty jokes i didn't get at all and didn't want to bother my husband haha)