The Life of Bon: All in a day's commute

Friday, September 30, 2011

All in a day's commute

I live in the heart of Provo.  I work in the heart of West Jordan.  The difference between the two is a matter of 50 minutes.  I don't exactly love the drive, especially in the morning, when I have to leave my house at 6:10 a.m. to be at school on time.  Hubs is always still warm in bed, snuggled up in my down comforter, and I look at him and sigh, "Oh to be 23 again and not have class until 10".

And then I kiss him goodbye and walk out the door and begin my commute.

People often ask me what I do during my almost-an-hour commute.  The question verbatim actually is "Oh my gosh.  How do you do that every day?" 

Well, if you must know, I shall tell you... this was my commute today... a very typical drive.

6:21  Enter the car.  I am 11 minutes late.  That means I will have to drive extra fast today.
6:22  Switch the radio to 97.1 ZHT.  I am quite entertained by this morning talk show.  Dare I say that I even look forward to it each day? Today they are talking about the rumor that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are getting a divorce.  This makes me sad because I think divorce for anyone is awful, even if they are filthy millionaires.
6:23  I hit my first red light.
6:23  I run my first red light.  (Hey if it's pitch dark and there's not a soul in sight and you're the only one sitting at a light, I say go for it!  No one's getting any younger around here.)
6:24  I hit my second red light.
6:24  I run my second red light.
6:26 I hit my third red light.  This one's at a busy intersection, so no running it.  I pour my instant breakfast into the milk and mix it up while waiting at the light. 
6:27  I look for my cell phone to answer a text from last night.
6:29  I get on the freeway.  It's busy for this early, and a diesel is right where I'm trying to merge on.
6:32  I change the radio station because it's commericals now.  I switch to 1050 am.  They play oldies music, and I like it because it reminds me of the music I used to listen to while driving with my dad.  They are playing the song "Knock Three Times."
6:40  Back to 97.1.  They are announcing a big Halloween party they are throwing.  Hmmm.  Maybe I'll talk Hubs into making an appearance with me.
6:41  My current favorite song comes on, the one that has the line "I might have a little bit too much to drink tonight.  And I might take you home and make you feel alright."  Not that I regularly engage in drinking and picking up random people at clubs, as the song suggests.  Only occasionally.
6:43  I notice the man in the car next to me is talking on his cell phone, and I wonder who in the world he could be talking to at this hour.  I also notice it doesn't look like he showered or got dressed this morning.
6:45  Commercials on every radio station so I listen to my book on CD for a few minutes.  It's a biography on Shakespeare.  So I'm a nerd.  So sue me.  The CD is talking about how The Globe Theatre used to do bear baiting where they would put a bear up against a bunch of dogs and see who died first.  Apparently the ultimate form of entertainment was putting a chimpanzee on a horse and make them go against the dogs- the chimpanzee hanging on for dear life on the bucking horse while the dogs attacked them was all the rage. People in the 1500s- they disgust me.
6:49  I exit the freeway and get onto Bangerter heading westbound.
6:50  I hit the red light right off of Bangerter.  I start putting on my make up.  (Please.  There is no way in H-word that I am going to get up ten minutes earlier every day to put my makeup on at home when the car works just as nice!)  Foundation is on before the light turns green.
6:52  I check to see if the commercials are over.  They are.  97.1 is talking about the X factor with Simon Cowell.  Apparently, they haven't gotten as good of ratings as they had hoped from the show.  I could have told you that.  Simon's mean. 
6:54  The minivan in front of me is going crazy.  He is switching lanes every thirty seconds, but not speeding up to get around anyone.  Just switching, confusing the heck out of anyone behind him.
6:56  Next stop light.  I manage bronzer and blush.
6:59  I finish my instant breakfast.
7:03  An unexpected phone call from my mom.  She has just woken up and wanted to catch me before I started teaching.  She is wondering about getting tickets for Hubs' play, Othello.  I give her needed information and we arrange a time we can go together.  I like talking to my mom in the morning.  Makes me feel like I'm still just a kid headed off to school. 
7:05  Red light.  Eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss.  (It's an extra long red light, you know how it is waiting for an arrow.)
7:06  The sun is starting to come up and it's finally getting a little light.  Driving in the light is uber-million times better than driving in the dark.
7:08  97.1 is playing back some of the audio from the court case that is going on right now against Michael Jackson's doctor.  I don't know how they got audio of Michael when he was all drugged up, but he sounds stoned.  (This radio station should be paying me to advertise for them!) *ahem, ZHT, take note please*
7:09  I roll into CHHS parking lot, nine minutes late.  Not good, but definitely not the latest I've ever shown up for work.  I pull up alongside Mrs. Smith, who is just getting out of her car.  We always arrive at the exact same time.  I suspect she might be stalking me. 

And that, my friends, is exactly how I do it every day!

Go ahead and give me around of applause if you want.

If Hubs had any idea I drove like this he would kill me.  Lucky for me, he never reads this blog.