The Life of Bon: It's a renting movie Crisis! And a crazy blogging outcast!

Monday, July 16, 2012

It's a renting movie Crisis! And a crazy blogging outcast!

This is what I want to know.  How does anybody watch movies nowadays?  Please, don't humor me, I know all about RedBox and Netflix, but I'm talking REAL movies, not just the popular and recent ones.   There's a bunch of movies I want to see but cannot locate for example: 

1.  The Exorcism of Emily Rose  (Hubs has never seen it!)
2.  Maverick (I have never seen it!)
3.  Oh brother, where art thou?  (Hubs has never seen it!)
4. Galactica (Hubs insists I see it to be worthy to be his wife!)
5.  Teen Mom season 3 (Ummm... I'm a lost cause. Don't make fun!)

All the Hollywood Videos and Blockbusters have closed down in my town.  Is it the same for you?  What is the deal, people?  Open Blockbuster back up!  I don't care if you are losing money, I need to watch my movies!

But seriously.  Is anyone else concerned about this?

Because of my lack of movies, I've been spending more and more time trying to find people on the internet to entertain me.  I found one.  Her name is Jennie.  Let's just say this girl has got some swag.  I actually don't know what swag means.  Sass?  Style?  What I'm trying to say is I like the way this girls writes, now back off!!!

I first enountered Jennie's blog when I read an incredibly funny post about spotting the popular blogger, Nienie, in Target.  I was hooked after that.  Naturally I wrote Jennie an email and demanded, "You!  You're funny!  Write on my blog so people think I'm funny too!"  And she said, "Okay fine, but I don't like your tone!" 

Yah, the woman doesn't take a lot of crap, and quite frankly, that's why I like her so much.  And now, here's Jennnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..................................

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I am a blogging outcast. 

Stephenie Meyer could probably write a four book/five movie series on why I will never be totally accepted into the same blogosphere as Rockstar Diaries or Daybook, but I'll keep it down to twenty reasons just so your brain doesn't turn into a vegetable.


Ready, go:

1. I don't own anything from Anthropologie or J. Crew.

2. What's worse is that I've never stepped foot in a J. Crew store in all of my days.

3. Most of my clothes are from Target. In fact I will have you know that my entire outfit today down to mahh undies is from there. Basically I recycle all money they give me ever back into their store. Also I think they should pay me for all of the advertising I give them. Seriously...it's like once a week.

4. I have a Coach bag. Apparently this is fashion suicide or so I've heard because Coach is the "poor person's designer". Well spotted, guys. I'm poor and you're just gonna have to convince Target to pay me for my two solid years of weekly advertising or just get used to the idea that I can't afford ten kajillion dollar bags.

5. My top knots suck.

6. Wearing thrifted things kind of just grosses me out. Like I can't use toilets because people's bare butts have been on them, so yeah...... In my world I am the only person that ever uses my toilets and also no one has ever has tried on my clothes before I bought them. This rules out thrift stores based on principle alone.

7. If I had it my way, all of my clothes would be turquoise and red. What are these things called "neutrals" that you can supposedly wear with everything because I do not understand.

8. I have a personal vendetta against heels. {the shoes, not the body part}

9. I'm a Mormon and I don't have a "Believe" page linking to lds.org.

10. I sold out and wrote a sponsored post for a company this week. Apparently my dignity is worth less than $10, because that's how much they paid me to write it.

11. I don't have a husband.

12. If I did have a husband, he would not be called Husband or Hubs....probably just his real name or something. {This in and of itself proves Bonnie has been officially accepted as a legitimate blogger! Cool points to her!}  Bonnie here:  The sad thing is I thought I was being so creative when I started calling my husband Hubs.  I'm convinced everyone else copied me.  You ungrateful thieves!

13. I don't like Regina Spektor or Ingrid Michaelson. Please don't hate me.

14. I have better things to do than drink out of a mason jar, yo.

15. Instagram is all but a distant dream.

16. I reject hipsters as being real people.

17. My blog has a Facebook fan page with like 14 fans. And the only updates that ever go on there are things like "Why do I even have a Facebook fan page? No one even knows." It's like an empty cave in there where all your missing socks vacation to after they disappear from your washing machine.

18. I don't take pictures of my food. I just eat it.

19. I don't have a photography business on the side.

20. And if I did have a photography business, it wouldn't be called "Jennifer Ann Photography". I just Googled that and like twelve hundred websites came up. Way to be creative, photographic visionaries.

And that, New Adventurer's, is why the blogging universe rejects me and will continue to reject me until someone takes pity and buys me an iPhone. I have no more words.

Actually, just so we're clear about the Stephenie Meyer thing, here are the four books:

1. Edward wants to drink Bella's blood and so he watches her in her room while she sleeps because he equates that with love.

2. His lips are as cold and smooth as marble. {this alone equates to like 1/3 of the book. seriously, it's like every other sentence.}

3. They don't have sex because he wants to get married at 17 years old. But really he's like 107, so it's okay.

4. They get married and have sex finally and then she gets knocked up like that with his clearly superior vampire sperm.

5. She has a vampire baby with the stupidest name ever and then her ex-boyfriend falls in love with her infant daughter.

6. The king vampire guys decide they don't like the Cullens anymore, so they come to Washington for a huge fight and then everyone just stands around a field for like 200 pages and looks at each other angrily and talks about their feelings.

BAM. Now where's my $750,000 advance, HarperCollins?? I need a new non-Coach bag.

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Yes, Jennie you are an outcast.  I think it's clear to everyone here that you ain't gonna make it in this bid-ness without J.Crew and top knots and a photography business.  Except for that you're funny.
And clever.
And incredibly witty. 
I guess that might get you somewhere.  MAYBE.

Now go check out her blog already!

22 comments:

  1. You just made me really appreciate my locally owned movie rental store. Thank goodness for local businesses. Also... Thanks for introducing me to Jennie. She is hilarious.

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  2. I miss blockbuster :( Such a tragedy.

    And Jennie is seriously funny...heading over to visit her blog :)

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  3. I've also been wondering about where to rent movies these days - if they are not on Netflix what do you do? I like your 'blogger outcast' reasons!!

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  4. I find some pretty great movies at my library. It takes forever to browse, because they just stick movies that start with the same letter in the same section. I have to fight the urge to actually alphabetize them!

    Oh and Jennie's hilarious! Thanks for introducing her!

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  5. Thank you to Jennie for afirming everything I am... and am still blogging... with all of my 18 followers. I can relate to just about everything on that list. I think I'm funny, but my 3 year old doesn't.

    xo
    crystal
    www.ourlifeandlovestory.blogspot.com

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  6. Sometimes there are cool shops that sell old DVDs for cheap, like a half price book store for DVD's... I usually find movies for 1.99

    :)

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  7. Yay Jennie! Luh her! In the blogging world and in real life too cause she's my bestie pal! <3

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  8. I might never stop laughing. This post was FANTASTIC, and I'm heading over and following her IMMEDIATELY.

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  9. Bonnie go to amazon for your movies! Their used movies are so cheap AND they pretty much have everything! I know they have Maverick :)
    Oh and Jennie is hilarious... just like you! Thanks for the intro!

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  10. Sadly I don't really have a creative solution to your movie crisis, I just use Netflix for all my movie watching needs. And I loved Jennie's post, so funny and spot-on.. I always felt like the only person/blogger in the world who can't bring herself to wear thrifted clothing! xo

    http://dreamingenfrancais.blogspot.com/

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  11. Whoever wrote that post is awesome.

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  12. go to you local library. They have a TON of movies. I always "rent" mine from there. Even the new release ones. Best part. its FREE!

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  13. I love that your blog is different! It is so funny and real. Keep at it! Who cares if you "fit in" STAND OUT! :)

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  14. Our video stores are closed too :( Honestly, I have no idea where you'd find older movies. I used to love going to Blockbuster with my sister and finding our old favorites to watch!

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  15. dont even get me started on teen mom- LOVE! i really dont love farrahs mouth though!

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  16. Bonnie, do you want to come over and watch Teen Mom with me??? :) But seriously, when I think my life is bad, watching that show always helps.

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  17. I cannot tell you how much it bugs me to not be able to find movies anymore!! I've even had to resort to buying a few $5 blockbusters (ahem...) at Target just to watch once. Forget global warming! This must be fixed! I'd like to see it on the agendas of the presidential candidates next year.
    Discovered Jennie a couple of weeks ago and agree - she's hilarious (and since I refer to my husband as "Husband" I hope she's not talking about me).

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  18. I've never used it, but I know Amazon has a "rental" program where you can buy instant digital versions of movies! It seems like all the ones on your list are there. Good luck! :)

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  19. **standing in slo-mo, in awe, as I initiate the solo slow clap**

    Freakin' AMAZEballs!!....

    I love her.

    Out here in LA, Cali we have this thing called the RED BOX...its a one day movie rental vending machine for a buck...normally hanging outside in mini malls and inside of Wallmart...

    Anyone heard them??

    Be Blessed <3

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  20. this jennie girl is hilarious! thanks for featuring her on your blog

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  21. Yes, Netflix is the main way I find movies nowadays. Not sure why you're knocking it, since they have most all of the movies you could ever imagine wanting to watch. When that fails though, I try renting on iTunes or Amazon. If that fails, I find a $5 DVD on eBay, watch it, and sell it on to someone else who is having trouble find it.

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  22. Holy moly! This had me rolling! I kept giggling and my "hubs" kept having to ask what was funny! Awesome writing. :o)

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