The Life of Bon: A heart that hurts

Friday, August 23, 2013

A heart that hurts

There's a lot of little things.

We're moving this weekend.

A girl backed right into my car despite the fact that I was honking like crazy, and now I have to replace my fender.

School is stressing me out big time as I try to align my lessons to a brand new core.  Always something brand new we gotta do in education.

People keep trying to scam me on the phone that I'm trying to sell online.  Crooks and liars, all of them.

I have no idea hot to teach AP; every day I finish the class it's a small miracle.

Students at my new school haven't gotten used to me yet.  I'm not best buds with the faculty.

Those are the little things.  But somehow I give them a big place in my life.  They are inconveniences is all, certainly nothing to distract from the joy and beauty of life.

I was reminded of all of this yesterday when my brother sent me a message notifying me of the tragic death of a favorite student of mine.  She died when she fell 120 feet in a rappelling accident.  I had heard the story on the radio a few days ago, but hadn't heard the name.  Knowing it was someone I had taught and loved was shocking and heartbreaking.  She was smart and funny- full of energy and life.  I have hanging on my bulletin a note she wrote me when I got engaged, congratulating me and telling me that if I weren't her teacher, "we would totally be BFFs."  (Here's the news story if you want to see the details.)

My heart hurts.  That's the only way I can think of to accurately describe it.  Just a terrible ache in my heart for her family and her future and those poor poor people who watched the accident happen.  I feel like when you've lost someone close to you, you are more sensitive to the heartache of those around you.  I can't hear news like this and shake it off.  The day comes to a screeching halt.  The noise fades out, the stresses are unimportant, everything I had to do that day suddenly moot.  I can't help but sit down at my desk and cry silent tears for a beautiful life that was suddenly cut short.

In a strange way I feel like when stuff like this happens I mourn my dad's death anew.  I mourn for my dad and the wedding he didn't see and my children he won't meet. And then when I'm done mourning him again, I mourn the mother who died in childbirth and left behind a husband and six kids.  I mourn the two brothers that drown at the same time.  It's almost a universal mourning-  a mourning for everyone who has ever lost and ever wanted so desperately to turn back time.

Last night I kept staring at Greg.  We were on a wild goose chase of sorts, trying to do a million and one errands before we move this weekend.  As we drove around and around I kept just looking at him and thanking God for the love and the time that we have together.  What an absolute gift this life is.

Keeping Shelbey and her family in my prayers today.


Diabetes and chocolate: Separating the Facts from the Myths

With over 350 million people worldwide suffering from diabetes, one of the most frequently asked questions among sufferers of the condition is whether they must give up chocolate outright.

As health scaremongering is prominent in the media, the idea that there is an underlying connection between obesity and diabetes has frightened many into believing that diabetics cannot eat any sugary products at all. The notion that diabetics cannot eat sweets or chocolate is perhaps one of the most unhelpful myths for those diagnosed with the condition. Whilst lifestyle factors certainly play a part in the development of Type 2 diabetes, there are many other facts that must be taken into account before underscoring this causation.

A common concern for those recently diagnosed with diabetes is that they will have to give up desserts, sugars and sweets altogether. Another in a long line of myths connected to the condition, whilst it is true that chocolate causes blood sugar levels to rise, with portion control and careful management of your food intake, there is no reason to cut it out of your diet altogether. With diabetes no food is completely off-limits as the key is moderation. Since diabetic dieting is based around tracking the amount of carbohydrate you eat daily, it is important to plan a diet that allows for the enjoyment of sugary treats. Dependent on your activity levels there should be room for simple sugars like chocolate in your meal plan.

Chocolate has gained a negative reputation in the media because its highly calorific content has been linked to weight gain and cardiovascular problems.
Whilst it is far from ideal for diabetics or non-diabetics to be consuming huge amounts of chocolate, some kinds of chocolate do contain a number of beneficial nutrients – particularly flavoids – which if consumed in small quantities can actually help to protect your heart.

One of the most ridiculous myths about diabetics and chocolate is that diabetic chocolate is preferable in a diabetic meal plan. In fact, not only are ‘special’ diabetic foods more expensive, they rarely make much difference compared to the effect of regular chocolate on your blood glucose levels. As a result, it is much better for diabetics to treat themselves to a little of the real thing now and again.

In fact, if you choose the kind of chocolate you include in your diet carefully, it can actually improve your health. Whilst milk chocolate includes harmful refined white sugars (the kind found in white bread, pasta and potatoes), and white chocolate is significantly higher in saturated fat, dark chocolate is far better from a health perspective.

Dark chocolate with a higher cocoa content is high in polyphenols (antioxidants) and scientific tests have shown that just 45g of dark chocolate a day actually increases the presence of the HDLs (high density lipoprotein) in the body - the proteins which help to prevent heart disease. Similarly, dark chocolate restricts the uptake of glucose into cells – the process that causes blood sugar to rise. Therefore, raw dark chocolate helps to stabilise blood sugars. Look for dark chocolate with at least 70% cocoa.

Jessica Rawlings from JDRF supporting research into a type 1 diabetes cure.


  1. A beautifully written post. I'm so sorry for this sweet life that was cut short. Sorry for your pain too. Hugs.

  2. I'm so sorry about all of the struggles you have been dealing with lately. Sending some prayers your way. Hope you have a smooth move! <3

  3. I'm really sorry to hear about your friend/student. How hard. :(

  4. Bonnie, I am so so sorry. If anything ever happened to any of my kids... I don't know what I'd do. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me. ::hugs::

  5. Sorry for the loss of your student. My heart goes out to you, her friends and her family.

  6. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your student. I have some good teacher friends and I know how important the relationships you form with the kids are to you guys. Big hugs to you and thank you for teaching our children:)

  7. That is sooooo sad. There are just no words for it. My heart aches reading it. Life is so very precious.

  8. This makes my heart hurt too. There's no way to ever get used to pain like that...and I don't think we ought to. But it can certainly put things into perspective. Thanks for the reminder. Saying a prayer for you, and the other people affected by this loss!

  9. This is so so sad. I am sorry to hear about Shelby. It seems like she was such a kind and wonderful person, it is so heartbreaking to see someone loose their life so young. I'm sorry you are having such a tough week, you will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. Ugh this brought up a lot of emotions in me. Death is such a hard thing. I hurt so much for her loved ones right now. You are so great Bon. You should know that.

  11. Anonymous9:58 AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope things start to look up for you soon.

  12. Thank you for taking the time to express your feelings. I am amazed and deeply moved every day since Monday to see how many people that have been touched by her life. I am also in awe with the ways these messages find me and my wife. Your blog was found by an old roommate of my sister who contact her, who forwarded to me. Thank you, not from the bottom of our hearts but from our whole hearts!

  13. Bonnie, You are an amazing person. Thank you for the this post today and touches close to home. Love you lots girlie. Things will get better at school. It is wonderful that you did get to spend time with Shelbey and got to know her so well. It's even more wonderful to know that you made such an impact on her life! Prayers are with you and her family! Love you!

  14. Anonymous5:17 PM

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  15. Anonymous5:18 PM

    I'm so sorry for the loss of such a young girl. I think this post is really touching. Your year will get better; you'll have teacher friends, and students that love you. Keep your head up :)

  16. I'm so sorry for your hard week at your new school. Change is terribly difficult for me, and I feel like I could put myself in your shoes. I know it'll get better for you, it can only go up from here, right? Keep your chin up :)

    My husband grew up across the street from Shelbey's mom. In fact, Shelbey's middle name is Collette, named after my husband's family (our last name is Collette) because they were so close. It is a devastating tragedy. Maybe I'll see you at the viewing? If I do, I'll definitely come and say hello.

  17. I'm so sorry for your loss. Just as parents should bn ever have to bury children, teachers should never have to bury students. We had that happen just as summer started here. Three students died in a car wreck, one survived, and then then were three other students involved in the circumstances surrounding the accident. Teens being teens unfortunately. It set the tone for the summer, and made my heart ache for so still does when I see our survivor finally able to move around on his own now. Nothing prepares you for the hurt or the anger or the anguish you feel.

    At the same time, I identify with your small curriculum and no textbooks yet, coworkers who have become aliens from another planet...the list goes on. I pray the year gets better and the hurts get smaller.

  18. Moving can be stressful, as stressful as idiots who back into our cars really these idiots take the cake why do they think someone is leaning on the horn for............sorry to hear about the death of a favourite student

  19. I don't even know her and the whole story just brought tears to my eyes. Just know that she is in a better place!

    ...makes me want to tell you something to tell those bratty kids at your new high school about cherishing their time with those around them, considering that the girl thought you were amazing as a teacher. I just can not put my finger on what though!