The Life of Bon: Less committed

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Less committed

I was thinking about our marriage the other day and I said to Greg, "We sure have come a long way, haven't we?"  I don't want to brag or anything, but sheesh, Greg and I have put a lot of work in our marriage.  I don't know that we are the two easiest people to get along with.  We both fight hard.  We are both opinionated.  We are both passionate.  Our first year of marriage was bumpy.  Nothing serious, just bump, bump, bump.  We were figuring each other out and learning the impossible truth that we might not be perfect. When we argued, we stayed mad at each other all night, and sometimes even into the next day. We refused to bend on the smallest issues.  We were never flexible with each other's plans or schedules.  Neither of us wanted to be the first one to say sorry.  Sorry meant weakness.

It took a lot of months and a few arguments to figure out how to disagree, how to treat each other when we're grumpy, how to compromise.  Each month of marriage gets easier and happier.  The longer we're married, the more secure I feel in the marriage.  I would never want to go back to those first months of marriage- no matter how exciting and new everything was.  We have worked too hard to go back.

"Remember how brutal our fights were?"  I asked Greg, "We wouldn't talk to each other for several hours?  Sometimes into the next day?"

"Yes..." he said slowly.  "We were much more committed to our fights back then."

Committed.  What a funny word to use, I thought.  I always think of commitments as positive- committed to your work, your family, your responsibilities.

I couldn't help but think of other commitments I have that are dragging me down.  Hurting me.  Heavens knows that my marriage got a lot easier when I started to be less committed to our fights.
I sat down and wrote out a list of some commitments I am going to drop, if you don't mind.  After all, I can only be so committed...


Less committed to complaining.
Less committed to Instagram.
Less committed to my pride.
Less committed to getting my feelings hurt.
Less committed to Bachelorette.
Less committed to nagging for little things.
Less committed to driving fast.
Less committed to leaving five minutes late for everything.
Less committed to trying to control everything.
Less committed to making sure everyone knows how hard I work.
Less committed to trying to make other people's decisions for them.
Less committed to worrying about the future.

What are you going to be less committed to?  Come on, let's all throw away our commitments together!


  1. Does the Bachelorette committment count with the season being over? Lol

  2. i want to be less committed to nagging and my control freak ways. oh, and less committed to coffee (though it pains me to say that!) ;)

    totally agree about learning to fight more fairly and marriage getting easier as time goes on!

    1. amen, this totally applies to me as well. becoming a better wife in a variety of ways!

  3. I absolutely love this train of thought and I'm glad my boyfriend and I aren't the only couple trying to make it work despite both of us being crazy stubborn. I think I should come up with a list of things I should be less committed too, the first on the list being Starbucks, then Instagram, and of course always being "right".

  4. I adore this "less committed" list! I'm such an ALL or NONE personality, it would seriously do me some good to ease up on a few things. Thanks for the reminder!
    I'm really falling for this little space of yours lately!

  5. I think I would like to be less committed to Coca-Cola. I drink far too much of it. Also, checking instagram lol.

  6. This is a wonderful thought. You're list is perfect--I know TV and "social media" is something I need to be less committed to, for the sake of my marriage!

  7. Love this! I want to be less committed to social engagements.....I spread myself thin, and would rather spend the time with my hubby!


  8. This is fabulous. I need to be less committed to comparing my life to others.

  9. Ohhh have you any idea how much I love your wedding dress! You look so stunning in this photo! As for your hair....gorgeous. I style many brides for weddings and this is more than lovely!

    Keeps me positive about my own wedding which is who-knows-when. Did you see my post about my wedding being cancelled? bit sad really but still all to play for!

    I love the idea that you are realistic about your marriage. Many folks just hear one word out of place before filing for divorce. I reckon sometimes you need to approach your marriage like a job interview and give it your best. Others say it's not natural to have to work at it. Not easy living with others tho is it! I'd never dream of divorcing my children even though they drive me nuts sometimes! Not often :O)

    Congratulations on your new commitments. You've inspired me to write a blog post on affirmations and positive language.

    Lots of love x

  10. I need to be less committed to overanalyzing and to feeling valnurable to small, not that important things.

  11. Great post!

    I want to be less committed to facebook, to worrying, to getting things 'just right' and to to-do lists.

    Here's to trying!

    So glad you ixsnayed the Bachelorette commitment freeze though - that's a necessary part o' life!

  12. Nice way of putting it! I definitely need to be less committed to worrying about the future, that stresses me out even when I know I can't control it! Thanks for the reminder!

  13. This is amazing! It's something I really need to be thinking about too... I need to be less committed to worry, less committed to getting stressed about the little things, less committed to wanting to be in the spotlight...

  14. Good idea! Less committed to hitting snooze.

  15. This is a GREAT post Bonnie! I think I will take on all of these!

  16. I love this. I need to sit and give this idea some real thought, but off the top of my head, I need to be less committed to wanting to be funny, even if it's a dig at someone else's expense. My goal is to be funny and not cross a line, but more times than I care to admit I've crossed the line. Also, I want to be less committed to holding others to a higher standard than I do myself. I cut myself so much slack that I'm not willing to cut others.

  17. There are a lot of things that I need to be less committed to. I need to be less committed to procrastination at work. I also love your wedding dress!

  18. I absolutely love this post. I think it's so important to reflect on progress within in marriage. My husband and I are going into our third year of marriage and being 23, I tend to compare myself to either my single friends or sorority sisters. It's especially difficult being a military officer because there's always the "what better place could I be at in my life" and then I find myself spending an hour on Instagram stalking through pictures. I really appreciated this because I do actively work on doing less of the comparison and focusing more on the blessings and progress.

  19. Great post, I have found the longer I am married the less committed I am to bitching about the little things, I think............

  20. I really really like this idea of being "less committed" to things in my life. I just might make my own list on this one!!

    Thanks :)

  21. I LOVE this! Such a good idea. There are a ton of things I should be less committed to!