Puppies and babies. They're the only guys that have got it all figured out.
Tonight I am overwhelmed.
It is 10:13 and I am just starting this blog post. I haven't got any of my sponsor stuff ready for November and November is in approximately 107 minutes. Sometimes I just feel like I can't keep up with it all. And I don't even have any kids yet. How do moms fit it all in?
I am in a bit of a weird place with blogging- a very difficult middle ground. The blog sits at an in between stage- I put way more time and effort into it than certainly any hobby would require, but not enough time and energy to really push the blog to the point it would need to be to be a "job." So basically if I want it to be a hobby I need to devote less time to it, and if I want it to be a job I need to devote more time to it. But this stagnant, right in the middle thing that I've been doing the past few months isn't working. And yet there really isn't a solution in sight.
The truth is I want to be a full time writer. I want this blog to turn into a living for me. But then I don't want to quit teaching. I absolutely love teaching English and the day I leave the classroom will be a day of endless tears. Add to those two things that I want to be a mom and give my kids all the time and love that they need to grow into loving, independent children. It's not that I feel pressured or like I have to do all of that, it's that I genuinely want to do it all. But then I also want long, lazy week nights of watching tv and baking cookies. I want to read a book a week and I want to keep up with all of my close friends and family. I want to have time to relax and enjoy life- to have time for things like taking the dog for a walk, puzzles, and Saturday morning cuddles.
I WANT IT ALL DANG IT!
(TANGENT: Also, womanly duties. How does any one keep up with that crap? You know... the laundry, the grocery shopping, the cleaning, it seems like it never ends. Sometimes when I am doing a very mundane task like emptying the dishwasher I think to myself "I will do this probably 10,000 more times before I die." And then I get horribly, wildly depressed. Of course, Greg helps out with all the house stuff, but it still feels like in almost any relationship, it falls primarily on the woman. Why is that? That is something that really bothers me about this world. Maybe men just don't care as much or don't notice? Who's to say? I know that if I never did house stuff it would still get done... ish. It wouldn't get done all the way and it wouldn't get done as often as it should, and now I just sound like a crazy control freak. All I mean to say is that I feel like a lot of men would be happy living in squalor, and maybe the solution to all my difficulties is to be more like a man?
I wouldn't mind doing the house stuff if I actually enjoyed at least some of it, but I don't. Not at all. I am no good at decorating- it took me two months to just get pictures up at our new apartment. I have nothing close to an eye for interior design which is why my house is primarily decorated with two $10 couches and big black couch covers. I cook only because if I didn't Greg and I would either starve to death or gain 100 pounds from a diet of only fast food. Cleaning is a bore (and so fleeting! You clean and it's messy the next day and I DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS!) and don't even get me started on the dreaded task of grocery shopping. There is no chore I hate more than grocery shopping, yet it is the one chore that you absolutely cannot ignore. Sigh.)
Today during lunch some of the other English teachers were talking about hobbies they have outside of school. One teacher was telling us about the play she is in that is wrapping up tonight and the dance lessons she teaches on the side. Another teacher sews like a fiend. Another teacher has seven (count em, seven!) kids and still manages to be a fantastic teacher. I can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed by all of this. How do women do it all?
I follow the Instagram of Susan Peterson- the girl who started the Freshly Picked business- and she made a comment once that "balance is bullshit." She stated that "balance for me is a mystical creature that lives where unicorns live." She even came outright to say that we need to throw away the idea of balance and just embrace having an unbalanced life. I have thought a lot about that comment and whether or not I agree with her. I still don't have answers, but I have to admit that it gives me an odd sense of peace to tell myself that I can be unbalanced. That I don't have to have it all. That one month I can neglect my blog a bit and spend way more time cuddling and watching Netflix with Greg. And one month I can focus hard on teaching and come up with brilliant ideas while my house goes to pot. And one month I can do nothing but lay around and read books. (It's called July!)
Tell me this. Have any of you at any point in your life ever felt like you had balance? If you tell me you have maybe I will continue to seek for it. But if you all say no then I'm throwing balance to the curb and fully embracing this zany, crazy wild life that I am currently living.
Here's to unbalance?
Oh, and while we're being unbalanced today, why not do a giveaway? Who can say no to over 500 bones to Nordstrom? NO ONE!
Lipgloss & Crayons/Because Shanna Said So/Here & Now/Sandy a la Mode/Walking in Memphis in High Heels/