The Life of Bon: Being an adult

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Being an adult

May 13, 2014
9:28 p.m.
Pictures from right now.
Right this second.
At my apartment.








I'm home alone tonight.  Greg is performing a show (Peter Pan at Hale Center Theatre in Orem- see it!) and Maverick is out for the count, so I'm home doing the nesting thing.  Our little redheaded furball had his manhood taken away today, and as a result he's as tired and calm as I've ever seen him.  He's incredibly playful by nature- always jumping up and down, greeting whoever walks in the door, begging you to throw a tennis ball for him.  It kind of breaks my heart to see him like this, just lying around, hardly able to move.  I suspect he's also mourning the fact that he will never be papa to any baby Mavericks.  Sorry, bud, it just wasn't meant to be.  We already have one procreating couple in this apartment- there's just not room for another.

I've grown to really enjoy my nights home alone.  When I first got married, I hated it.  I was used to the hustle and bustle of college life, of roommates, of something always going on.  Now I revel in the stillness.  I make myself a simple dinner, watch Jeopardy at 6:30, clean up the house a little bit, read, write on my blog, pet my puppy, take a bath.  Somewhere in the back of my head I know that this will come to a screeching halt soon- that there will be a little girl demanding my attention, forcing me to put the book down.  But still.  I'm optimistic enough to think that her presence will only enhance my nights home alone.  Me, baby girl, and Maverick.  Couldn't ask for anything more.

Maverick was so sweet this afternoon.  I came home from work and Greg had just brought him home from the vet.  He was so drugged up and could hardly move.  But he reacted to me, wagged his little tail, tried to get up.  I admit that it is crazy to me that a puppy like this knows who I am, gets excited when he sees me.  I can't believe I have the power to make an animal happy at my arrival- to try to stand up in the midst of his pain.  He cuddled close to me, resting his little body against my growing belly.  "Look, Bon," Greg said, "It's Maverick's and baby's first time cuddling."  Yes, indeed it was.

I have been a bit worried about this growing bump of mine the past few days.  Everyone tells me I'm small, and I know it is supposed to be a compliment, but it worries me.  The doctor said Monday that I am not growing like I should be.  That both baby and I are measuring small- too small.  He put us in a little bit of a panic when he said that the baby is in the 4th percentile for size.  I'm 29 1/2 weeks, but measuring closer to 27 1/2 weeks.  The main concern, he said, would be that she's not getting the nutrients she needs from the placenta.  He added on that fluid levels are totally normal, heart beat for baby is normal, and heavens knows she moves all day every day.  If she's small it's probably because she exercises so dang much in there- I swear she thinks she's training for the Olympics.

Tomorrow we'll go to the hospital to Labor and Delivery and they'll do some tests and hopefully tell us that everything is fine and that the baby is indeed getting all the nutrients she needs, she's just little.  And she'll be fine.  I understand that doctors have to cover their own backs with stuff like this- have to run tests just to be safe even when the chances are 99% that you'll be just fine.  I hate the added stress though.  Greg started worrying like crazy- that's just his nature.  I kept telling him "Don't borrow trouble.  We're fine."  He said he didn't know that for certain, and I said he's right, but stressing for three days never helped anyone anywhere.

On top of all of this, we are house hunting.  Our lease on our apartment expires on July 31 and now that we're looking at staying here for at least the next five years, it doesn't make sense to rent anymore.  I've been a Nazi with our money (Greg absolutely loathes the word "budget" while I keep trying to force a strict one on him) the past few years and we've managed to save a good amount for a little down payment.  Hopefully we can get into a nice town home and we will once and for all know what it is like to live in a place that is larger than one bedroom.  Can you even imagine such luxury?!

I am feeling more adult than ever lately.  Sometimes it is a wonder to me that I am all grown up.  I've had a full time job for four years now, so I guess I'm used to that.  Still.  There are moments when I have to sit back in awe and just wonder at how I got from where I was to where I am.  When an 18 year old boy asks me if he can go to the bathroom.  When I wake up in the night to the sound of Greg's steady breathing beside me.  When I feel the weight of my round tummy.  When I get a call from an agent saying my car insurance payment is due.  When a parent comes to me in tears telling me of her child's drug addiction and I feebly try to comfort her.  How can it be that I am already an adult?

I guess, when it comes down to it, I feel pretty blessed.  There are ups and down and jolts and turns that you never see coming, but at the end of the day, being an adult ain't half bad.

26 comments:

  1. oh, bon. you're in my prayers. i'm sure baby girl will be just fine!

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  2. Its weird when you actually realize you've grown up and its almost like it just happened one day!

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  3. Oh, Bonnie, I hope things go well today. That is so scary, even though I'm sure you and baby are okay. No one wants to hear, "We need to run more tests." I am praying for you (and I'm horrible about actually doing that when I say I will, so I said the prayer just now).

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  4. I'm sure your lovely baby girl will be fine, after all some babies are just small. You'll probably thank heavens for her being a little smaller when it comes to labor, lol bigger babies just hurt more! Praying that she's healthy.Hope things go well at the hospital!

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  5. I am in the exact same position as you! Our apartment contract ends at the end of July as well and we are hoping to buy (*crossing our fingers*) around the point of the mountain. I'm also worried about my baby's size. My OB hasn't said anything, but everyone always tells me I look so small and I completely understand and agree that it is very, very worrying! We should have lunch/dinner together sometime!

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  6. My roommate is going to that play tonight! I'll tell her to keep an eye out for a handsome red-head named Greg.

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  7. I measured a week or two small this pregnancy for most of the time. My doctor asked me if I felt like I was growing each week, if baby moved a lot etc and if I felt like everything was okay. I did. So she said, "I trust a mother's intuition, and I'm not going to worry about it." Becks was born on time and weighed a whopping 5 lbs 12 oz. totally healthy. Just tiny. And it all made sense :). The doctors will do their thing, but there is something for a mother's intuition :). God has got this.

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  8. I have great faith that you and you bebe will be just fine :) And i definitely hear ya on realizing suddenly that you're an adult as i've been wondering the same thing about myself lately haha

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  9. I know that , as a mom, you will always worry, but I also measured two weeks behind and ended up with a baby over 9 lbs! You may have a long torso like I do, babies can hide more that way and appear smaller.

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  10. The day Howie had his surgery was SOOO sad!!!! He ended up having to get four teeth pulled while he was under so he was miserable. He hates to be by himself too so when we would walk to another room, he'd follow us and sit pitifully on the floor crying because he was uncomfortable. We made him this nice little place to lay and he just wouldn't stay there. It was so sad!

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  11. I measured 3 weeks smaller than I was my whole pregnancy, and gave birth to a healthy 7lb 12oz baby boy. I didn't even really start showing at all till about 23 weeks.

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  12. I've never been pregnant and don't know anything about it but one of my good friends just had a baby and she was so small the whole time, had a perfectly healthy baby and now (three weeks later) you can't even tell she was even just pregnant!!

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  13. I measured 3 cm too big my entire first pregnancy. They kept telling me I'd have a 9 lb baby. When he was born, he was only 5 lbs 13 oz, but totally healthy...no problems. The moral of this story is that sometimes people aren't "textbook" perfect. If everything else is going along as it should, the tests are just a precaution....everything is sure to be just fine! :o)

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  14. I hope all your tests come back normal! Your so far along now, and science is so amazing, that things will work out eventually. The funny thing is, even though everyone says that, it's horribly terrifying when it's your little baby. Hang in there!

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  15. Sending thoughts and prayers your way! At our anatomy scan, Dr told me that baby boy had a marginal cord insertion. That means that the cord attached to the edge of the placenta instead of the center. It could mean low birth weight. I'd have to come back monthly for more scans. I had my first monthly scan yesterday and baby boy was measuring right on time and I'm measuring a week ahead.

    Totally agree with you that doctors just need to cover themselves. Fingers crossed that everything goes great today! I know it's still scary but I love your phrase of "Don't borrow trouble!"

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  16. I was induced at 37 weeks because she was measuring in the 6th percentile. She was always measuring small but apparently doctors only get concerned when it gets below 10th percentile so they are right to check you over. My girl is now almost 3 months old and babbling lol you'll be fine! Your baby will be fine :)

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  17. My thoughts are with you, I understand how scary it is when the doctor says anything looks out of the ordinary. With my most recent pregnancy, they had some pretty significant concerns about some birth defects. I was referred to a specialist and had some additional testing. I am a worrier and spent a rough few weeks. Everything turned out normal. I was glad I had done the testing, in my case it put my mind at ease. However, even if they would have found some problems, it would have given me time to emotionally and physically prepare for a different than expected outcome. I will be sending my positive thoughts your way and hoping you are able to resolve any concerns with the testing.

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  18. I'm sure you'll be ok! I measured a week ahead my entire pregnancy, and I was certain they had my due date wrong. I ended up going into labor and delivery a week before my due date, but I'm positive it's because they were wrong on my due date. Also, my baby was healthy at 7 lb 3 oz at birth but had a hard time gaining and was in the 5% for a long time. Now, she's a healthy and beautiful toddler and nobody would be the wiser that for the first few months of her life everyone was asking if she was a premie.

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  19. Good luck tomorrow! Hope everything is okay. :)

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  20. Nice fish. You need to hang that thing… front and center above your mantle or what ever you have.

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  21. Is that as big as Maverick will get? He is so stinking cute!!!

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  22. Hope everything is ok with the baby :) Maverick is super cute and when I did that to our family dog it was so sad seeing him semi sedated after!

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  23. I hope that everything is okay with the baby! and you look adorable and I hope that your doggie feels better soon! <3

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